I Am Sitting on the Toilet Right Now...... (Please Humor Me)

Updated on September 22, 2011
S.!. asks from Boulder, CO
13 answers

I have a colonscopy tomorrow morning. Ya for me, right? Well if you do not know you have to take this stuff that cleanse out your colon so they can get a goot look at it. So, I will be sitting on the toilet most of the evening and then again wake up at 4 am to do another round of this. Once again - lucky me!

So, anyone want to share a joke? Or anything else funny to help keep me occupied with my time?


(and yes.... I have my computer in the bathroom with me. Yuck probably but will be sitting here a good while)

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So What Happened?

Oh ladies - definitely read the article Patricia attached. It was HILARIOUS!

Thanks again ladies for all the stories/jokes

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answers from Orlando on

Here's my sons fave knock knock joke
Knock knock
Whose there?
Queso who?
Queso I farted!

Edit My Answer
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answers from Boston on

Here's a funny story....

I told my youngest that when she turned 5 I was SO done wiping her tush. So one day she calls me in there to wipe because the wet wipies were all gone. I went to the closet and refilled her container and told her to proceed....however I stayed in the bathroom as we were just chitchatting. Well, when she's all done wiping she stands up and pulls her underwear all the way up to her chest (not an easy task to do!) and then pulls them
down to her knees. Then she says " this is how I check to see if I need to wipe more."!! Seriously?!?! It was all I could do to leave the room without
bursting into laughter. She's totally looking for skid marks to know if she wiped ok. Man, that girl cracks me up!

Same daughter, at the age of 5, was taking a shower with me while I was
shaving my legs and asked me "why don't you shave THERE?" and I
replied because when the hair grows back it's itchy, so I don't. To that she asked "well,'doesn't it get all tangly?" and I said "I don't comb it.". Once again...that girl cracks me up!

Good luck with your procedure tmrw. Tell your hubby to make sure you don't do anything too stupid!

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

OK - I don't know if you want to read this, but the other ladies will probably laugh their head off at it. My husband had a colonoscopy about 10 months ago, so I remember what he went through. He found Dave Barry's (humor writer) essay on HIS colonoscopy - oh, my goodness. I hurt myself laughing and felt guilty about it at the same time.

I hope your procedure goes well! Take care!


7 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

Here is one of my favourite jokes, which is an oldie but a goodie, very juvenile, and quite appropriate for your current situation.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

LOL. God I'm a child sometimes. Good luck. If I can think of any other stupid jokes I'll let you know.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Sioux City on

My poor son hated to poop on the potty when we were potty training. He would hold it for ever! Finally he and I would go sit in the bathroom to discuss getting his business done. All this is fine when you are in the comforts of your own home. Try going on a ten hour drive. The poor kid had to poop so I took him into the bathroom of a department store after walking him around a bit. I figured the kid would never be able to squeeze his checks hard enough to keep it in after the walk. So we are in the bathroom and of course he begins to tell me how he hates to poop! I tell him everyone poops and it simply must happen. He tells me he is not going to let it out. I explain that it can't stay there forever. He begins to tell me how boring pooping is. I tell him we are staying in this bathroom until the business is done. I am desperately trying to keep the entire conversation quiet. He on the other hand doesn't care who hears him. I had ladies giggling throughout the whole are. Imagine walking out to wash our hands once all this took place.

My daughter on the other hand was totally different. Once again I found myself in a public restroom but this time I was doing the business. My dear freshly trained girl decided to cheer me on. She went on and on about what a good Momma I was because I was making a stinky. She described the way it smelled and explained that I had to wipe really good. She told me how proud of me she was for being such a big girl. She ten described my big ole stinky and told me I should be proud of myself for such a good job. As I pulled up my pants she told me to make sure and flush. You can imagine how red I was as I stepped out to a line of giggling restroom users.

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answers from Fargo on

Since you are stuck on the potty........

Did you hear about the constipated mathmetician?
He worked it out with a pencil.

I hope your evening and your procedure both go well.

Edited to add* YES, read Patricia's link! I laughed so hard!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Atlanta on

OK....here goes....

I was diagnosed with UC at age 11 so I had one of those nasty things every year for a very looooong time and I have quite a few stories. The one that still makes me laugh happened when I was 23.

I was at a new clinic because I had just moved. I was laying on the table in that twilight stage when my doctor excuses himself and goes into the hall and yells, at the top of his lungs, "HORNY." Of course, when you're under those twilight drugs you really don't know what is real and what isn't. I tried so hard not to say anything during the procedure because I didn't want to say anything inappropriate because I already thought I was thinking inappropriately, lol. (My doctor was young and quite handsome....)

After the procedure and when I was coming out of the anesthesia the doctor that performed the procedure walked in to tell me everything looked good. I knew my doctor but didn't know the doctor that performed the procedure. Doc introduced himself....His name was Dr.John Horney........I wonder if he's still practicing in Atlanta.....................

Thanks for making me smile! Good luck to you tomorrow......


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answers from Charlotte on

I'd sit ON the toilet lid if I were you, Sam. If you sit on the toilet seat all this time, you might actually end up with a hemorroid.

I had a colonoscopy last November. My husband brought me home, gave me some soup, stood there while I ate it to make sure that I didn't end up face-first in it, and then left for work.

I remember waking up and writing an email letter to a friend. But I DON'T remember telling my husband when he came home, not to come sleep with me. I thought around 11:00 when I looked around and saw he wasn't in the room, "Where did he go?" The next morning I asked him why he didn't sleep with me and he told me that I told him not to.

They really mean it when they say to you before the procedure, NOT to do anything that has legal ramifications!

Good luck tomorrow, sweetie~

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

Have you ever had one? I took my parents to get one and when they got out they were all doped up ripping them for like hours. A very fond memory. Still makes me laugh when I think about it.

My mom keeps saying she never did it. Riiiiiight. It was horrible!

And I find it kind of adorable that everyone is talking you off the pot. :)

3 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Knock knock.
Who's there?
To Who?

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Squish Mop
Squish Mop Who?

(Get it? Squish my poo.) There's your toilet joke.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

I can't think of a joke, now I'm distracted. I've been sitting here laughing for 5 minutes at Suzie's joke. That seriously tickled my funny bone. It's been a long day.

Hope it goes well for you. As well as a colonoscopy can go.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Houston on

Oh my, that article is hilarious! I sent it to my mom who really needs to get another colonoscopy! BOTH her parents died from colon cancer, and her younger brother (who passed away 5 years ago from heart/diabetes related problems) had polyps at a very young age. While my mom has had clear colonoscopies in the past, her last one was probably 8 years ago! Tomorrow is her 57th birthday and I'd like to have reassurance she has a healthy colon! Pray she makes the decision to do it! Good for you for keeping up with medical screenings! I hope & pray all goes well for you! And thanks for finding the humor in it! :)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Lincoln on

Here's some bathroom humor... my son loves to make "poop logs" take a tube that toilet paper used to be on. Get it wet and squish it down into a poop like shape. There you go! It's the shape and color! Poop log! He does this all the time and while I'm aware it's wet cardboard, it's the mind over matter thing! ICK!

A random fact (since Dawn B mentioned hemorrhoids). In Medieval times surgery was not done much since there was lack of knowledge and lack of anesthesia. There were 3 common surgeries done though. Surgeries were only done on the outer of the body where the surgeon/barber could see. They did procedures to push down a cataract, remove nose polyps, and.... hemorrhoid removal! Painful, but not as painful as the actual hemorrhoid. And having hemorrhoids made it hard to ride horses!

Hope the poop log gave you a laugh... try it out if you get too bored!!! :-)

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