I Am Seeking Mom's Who Are Dealing with There Husbands That Have Cancer

Updated on February 25, 2008
J.C. asks from Weymouth, MA
6 answers

We were just told in Dec that mt husband has stage 4 neck cancer.He has been doing radiation and chemo.It is very hard on the kids and myself.We dont know how to deal with it so all we do is fight from stress.Any Advice???

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K.T.

answers from Boston on

I have a friend who just went through this. It is just heartbreaking. She has four children. She had alot of support from family and friends. I will talk to her and see if she is ready to talk about it. I have often read a poem called "The Dash" it really puts things in perspective. You can look it up at www.thedashmovie.com. I hope it brings some comfort.

K.

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J.S.

answers from Burlington on

First of all, I'm very sorry. I can not say my husband has cancer, but my Dad recently (12/20) died of neck/throat cancer. He was 59. It started on his tongue just over 2 years ago. And one of my best friends at work, husband, who is 29, was diagnosed 5 months ago with tonsil/tongue cancer. He finished his chemo and radiation about 4 weeks ago. i know how hard it has been for them too. My Mom has been so very strong through all this, and I admire her for it. I can't give you any advice other than take care of yourself too. It's hard to worry about everyone else and juggle everyday life too. Try and make the most of the good days, radiation can be brutal towards at the end of the cycle.
Again, my thoughts are with you. I wish there was more I could say
Take Care
J.

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K.T.

answers from Boston on

I have had experience in my family with those who have cancer. It is all a process from diagnosis to treatments. It is such a hard time for everyone, just try and hang in there.

My thoughts and prayers with your husband, you and your family.

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R.N.

answers from Hartford on

J.,

My friend Pam has been through this. Her husband was cured. They live in South Windsor. If you would like to reach her give me a call and I'll put you in touch with them. They are the most wonderful, gentle, loving people you will ever meet. My e-mail address is [email protected]____.com

R.

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K.V.

answers from Boston on

I would ask the hospital in your area for a support group dealing with this, not just for you, but for the children to learn to cope as well. Any type of "bombshell" dropped on a family is rough and an illness/disease is the toughest.
Take each day and allow yourself to cry.

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K.R.

answers from Hartford on

My stepfather passed away from tongue cancer when my brother and sister were 8 and 10 yrs old. He too went through the radiation and the chemo, but it seemed my brother and sister really didn't understand the serious nature of it until the very end....they were just too young. However, my stepfather did everything for them and my mom that he could to spend time with them, and to get them to understand how much he loved them. His cancer was always staring us in the face, so it was an open discussion whenever it needed to be, especially when he was having his hard days. I encouraged my mom to have my brother and sister talk to guidance counselors at school or social workers that might be in the cancer center where he is being treated. For my mom, the hardest thing was that he was the head of the household who paid bills, etc. After he passed away, she had no idea how much was owed on things like the house, car, credit cards, and didn't even know where all of his life insurance paperwork was. So, I encourage you to have important discussions with your husband (probably not in front of your children)about some of the possible situations that may arise so you are prepared. It is still upsetting to me to see my brother and sister raised without a father and there are many days where my mom is just going through the motions because she has to for them. But stay strong, there are many support groups out there, and don't give up hope. I work in a hospital, and I've had the pleasure of seeing patients live with stage 4 head/neck cancers. Best Wishes.

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