I Am in Dyer Need of Help

What a scary position for you to be in. One suggestion I do have is that you ask the judge for a guardian ad litem for your daughter before he makes any custody decision. The guardian is like an attorney for your daughter. He/she won't represent either side. The guardian researches everything in the child's life and makes a recommendation to the judge. Another thing you can request is formal mediation. Both options show the judge you are not just trying to get your way, but that you are trying to be fair and open and want what is best for your child. If your daughter's father is not a danger to her, coming up with something between the two of you is way better than letting a judge, who doesn't know your daughter, decide her fate. Some options for an attorney are prarie state legal services or Catholic Charities. It is a real pain to get through to either of them, after long wait times on hold you may be disconnected, but they may truly be able to help you quickly. Call and call and call until you get through.

So sorry to read you are going through this. In order to have pro bono attorney will need to show cannot afford and I believe have to show make certain amount. Have you checked with your local bar association? Years ago when I did pro bono work it was through the bar association. Also if have a church that you regularly attend they might know of someone too.

They didn't give you a court appointed attorney?! If not, try Legal Aid... or keep making those calls, SOMEONE will help you out. It's my understanding (from OUR family lawyer) that every lawyer has to do x amount of pro bono cases every year... keep searching and don't give up hope. Also, request a guardium ad litum... it's a child advocacy lawyer who doesn't care about the he-said, she-said... they will come check out how the child lives at your place vs his, and voice in court what they think is in the best interest of the child. In VA, it is EXTREMELY hard to take a child away from their mother!! Don't go to court slinging mud at him and his family (unless there are drugs, violence, or other criminal behavior concerns)... go in there and tell them WHY it's best for your child to be with YOU. Explain your plans for the child's future education, such as preschool (which they can start as early as 2 1/2), your concerns about scheduling (bedtime, naps, anything involving the health of the child), potty training, pediatrician appointments, etc... and tell them why it's in your baby's best interest to be with you. Don't go in there thinking about yourself, think about your daughter... they will recognize that and that in itself speaks volumes for your character as a parent. If his parents are paying for everything, they will (slightly) consider that too, since HE isn't the one being responsible. If his parents have to pay for everything, then he obviously can't do it himself. If I won custody of my 2 girls when I was 21 with very little income, then you can do this too. Keep your chin up! Remember, it's all about the child. Best wishes! Fingers crossed for a positive outcome! ALSO, YOU might even want to be the one to request full physical custody, but offer every other weekend visitation with dad... this makes you look like the good guy who cares about your daughters relationship with her father... but you'll still get full custody ;)

Call an attorney who specializes in divorce - don't worry about the cost. Find the best attorney money can buy - it will be worth it. You need a sheister - sad but true. Find a woman attorney - they are more apt to defend you better because she will understand. Men just don't get it.
The first meeting is always free. Get in there and get some help. Most attorneys will work with you on the payment plan thing.
Just find a really good attorney and don't sweat the money until you have custody of your daughter.
Fight for what's important.
Money doesn't matter.
You can live without for a while if you need to.
YMMV
LBC

First of all --calm down. Courts don't just remove a child from their mother b/c a father says so and has a lawyer. Maybe he is asking for full custody because he really wants shared custody?
You need a lawyer. Get a public defender asap. Start by calling family court. Get a free consultation with ANY good divorce lawyer.
Best of luck!

There is surely a law school somewhere near you. My daughter is a lawyer and her law school had a "law clinic" that was run by the students ( overseen by the professors...who were lawyers) and took cases based upon what you could afford to pay.
I also agree with the idea of a guardian ad/litum for your daughter...."her own " lawyer who is looking out for HER best interests....will be totally neutral as far as you or your ex are concerned and will help the court make the best possible decision for her.
I can also tell you that this is not an unusual situation...any lawyer would pounce on the fact that the opponent was without representation and would be pushing for everything for the side that they are representing!!
Good luck to you...

M. I am sorry you are going throught this. First you have to be strong and know that you are a good mother, remember lawyers are there to intimidate and that is what they are doing to you. When you are in court you speak up but not out of turn, you ask the judge if you can speak, and you allow the judge to understand that you do not agree with the terms because of X,YZ.

I do not know of any lawyers in your area but i would like to tell you that if you are forced in a position where you have to represent yourself (and I know that it is a terifying thing at the time)then make your voice heard with respect to the court, if the lawyer is saying something about you that is not true speak up and say I object your honor.

I went through the same thing with the stregnth of my huband by myside but it was..I can't even explain it but i had to fight for the truth, I had to fight against all the lies that was being said about my husband and myself and in some case i had to fight (mentally and spiritually not physically) my own family who were scared to take a stand but I did it with the help of GOD and my husband, I represented us in that court and won custody of our daughters when the ex had a lawyer. I am not sure of your details but outside looking in I want to say i not sure about the finding a lawyer aspect of the situation but I know if you HAVE to go in and represent yourself take GOD with you and be heard by any means necessary be heard, do not let them intimidate you that is their goal. You do not even have to speak to them face to face, as a matter of fact you should not speak to them! I remember when the ex's lawyer called me on the phone(to intimidate me), i cut her up so quickly and told her if she ever called me again i would file charges and what ever she had to say to me/us she needed to file a motion and say it in court in front of the judge and that's exactly what happened. DO NOT LET THEM INTIMIDATE YOU!

First start praying - sounds flaky - but God really does care about the details of your life. Since he created your child he loves your child more than you can imagine. Ask for God's vision and discrenment.

I agree with one post here below who said to ask for a court assigned advocate for your child. My aunt who's a retired pediatric nurse works as a child advocate to the courts and visits children at their homes, both parents and make recommendations to the judges. The judges almost always agreee with her decisions. These advocates don't care about how much money one parent has versus the other - they truly make recommendations based on how much love, safety, proper boundaries, etc. are in place for the child.

A few tips - if you have a boyfriend that ever sleeps over that is not counted favorably. Your home, no matter how modest, if it's clean and in reasonable order (no one expects immaculate) that's a good thing. You can be shopping at second hand stores and buying generic food - none of that is counted against you as long as baby is clean and cared for.

Your ex's lawyer may know people in the family court system, or is familiar with that particular judge - if he is then he's going to have an advantage - and it's just not right. But God's ability to intervene is greater than the lawyers connections so ask & pray. What have you got to lose?

i've been there hun it SUX my ex husband's mom paid for his, while i had one that was a "friend of the family" would not accept payment from me but also worked like he got paid. i lost my case, got 50/50 visitation and joint custody zero child support ordered and i had to pay most of the out of pocket expenses on her medical, dental and vision costs, while i covered her for 3 years on ins because he had no ins plan available and his house is under his mom's name AND she pays what he cannot cover on the mtg payment. it's been 8 years and things are FINALLY set up so that he has no case with me, and taking him to court for child support and almost 3000 in insurance costs, etc ready for my justice!

I see that you are in California. Have you called Legal Aid? www.lafla.org

Also research the State Bar of California and find an attorney in your area. Go onto your Courts website in Tujunga (?) and there will be links about child custody and your rights. http://ChildJointCustody.com

Most attorneys will give a free one hour consultation. You need to take advantage of that now.

Also check out www.hbcfl.org.

Laws regarding child custody are not that black and white here in California. Meaning just because your husband has an attorney does not mean he gets full custody. A 730 evaluation would be conducted if there was any doubt about either of you being an unfit parent.

Here a 50/50 custody is favored, however, that is typically only once the child is 5 and older. Your daughter is only 20 months old. The likelihood of him getting full custody is slim to none.

Have you gone to mediation?

There are two types of custody: Joint Legal Custody and Joint Physical Custody. One of these options will likely be ordered for your baby.

Let me know if you want to talk further….

M.,

If I were you, I would go into debt if I had to buy a good lawyer. Now, trying not to go into debt - are you still legally married? If you are, take money out of yours and your husband's account! If you are still legally married, the money is still yours, too! Otherwise, take out a home equity loan (or any kind of loan, if possible). You need to find/get the money someway!!! Otherwise, put ALL of your attorney fees on your credit card and go into debt if need be. Find a credit card that will do a balance transfer for a low percentage rate. So what if you will have credit card payments for a very long time - at least you will have your daughter. However, I don't see why you can't find a pro bono lawyer, since you do have a case! Since you have done nothing for a judge to label you as an "unfit mother," I don't see why you wouldn't get full or joint custody - especially being the child's mother. Fight now and don't let your ex take your baby away! I'll be praying for you.

There is usually free legal aid out there, but I do not live near you. What you should do, in this particular case (I had to do this because of the same thing and I believe someone was paid off or something for a variety of reasons) but I did agree to joint custody. If they have that in your state check it out. If you are usually in charge of your child, that will work better for your rights. But now I am going to say something that shocks me even now, I fought and fought,to gain custody and I said I finally got joint custody. Had them all the time anyway. I was so stressed. I got my kids almost always, did everything with them, took them to schools, lessons, guitar, basketball, football, school plays, picked them up in the middle of the night, had overnighters, woke up at four in the morning. Took them to hospitals and did everything. And worked outside the home.They are in their twenties now, my one son is getting married and is excluding me from everything. They think their father, who had nothing to do with them is the greatest-they left last year on Christmas day to go be with him instead of our family Christmas. So I'd be careful what you wish for sometimes. It does not necessarily pay off to raise them by yourself pour all that love into them. And I love them more than life itself, so I actually wonder what it would have been like to let the other person raise them. And perhaps now I'd be the idolized parent.
Wishing you much luck. I know you are like me and I would still do it the same. I will pray for you and tell the Old Battle Axe you aren't afraid of her.I have a hunch she is partly why your ex is your ex.

stop looking and start researching for yourself on how to win your case be your own lawyer so to speak show your husband u don't need one and good luck

You should join Peachhead2 have you heard of that group? i'm sure someone could help you if you posted on there...its a google group..go to googlegroups.com and look up peachhead2 and ask Linda if you can join say D. Diamant recommended you join..someone on there will have some answers for you ..they are all very helpful parents.

i don't know why you can't speak in court..can you ask the judge why you aren't able to speak?

D.