I Am Addicted to Being a Mother to My Son, Avoiding Getting a Real Job.

Updated on April 01, 2010
J.E. asks from Ferndale, MI
18 answers

I am the single mother of a 2 year year old perfect boy. I grew up in a traditional family where the mom stayed home and the Dad worked. I did go to college and made a career in sales, I was making 6 figures at one point. I lost my job while pregant and since I had my son I have not gotten my career back on track. The problem is, my heart and soul are with my son. My dream job is raising my son. I have been nannying and teaching classes for children but I am to the point where I need a more steady income. I have applied for a daycare license in my home and I have been applying to 'real' jobs. The problem is neither answer feels right. I am sick over the thought of putting him in daycare, and only having a couple hours in the evening. Then his dad has him everyother weekend so I feel like my only real time with him will be every other weekend. Opening a daycare in my home is a huge committment and wont come with sacrifices either. I feel ashamed at myslef, and selfish because I dont seem have this inate urgency to just get some job and provide for my son well. I know the dream life I wanted is not mine right now. I just wish I could learn to accept this better. If anyone has been through thi, has any suggestions, or ideas for work from home jobs I would love to hear. Thank you for listening.

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So What Happened?

Thank you everyone for all of the messages! Allthough I am still a bit usure as to how things will pan out, all of your messages are so encouraging. I realize that feeling guilty over the most natural thing is ridiculous. It felt so good to get ALL positive reactions and have so many moms relate. I have recieved much advice I will take into consideration. I will keep you all posted!

Featured Answers

B.C.

answers from Dallas on

I feel ya! I'm not a single mom, but I used to be with my first daughter. With #2, I decided that I wasn't going to leave her even for a bit! She's 2 1/2 now. I did in-home daycare for 2 years and just recently quit to do house cleaning. Aubrey is old enough for her excellent pre-school, so I enrolled her there for 2 days a week while I clean people's houses.
Doing daycare from home was about the most stressful thing I ever did, but it allowed me to stay home, and both my daughter and I really bonded with most of the kids that I took care of. BUT, I don't regrett quitting at all. I knew it wasn't what I wanted to do forever. And Aubrey outgrew it. She was tired of having to share her personal space with other kids, and I don't blame her. Good luck with whatever you choose to do!

1 mom found this helpful
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L.C.

answers from Detroit on

There is nothing wrong with how you feel! Being a mother is such an awesome thing! You should not feel ashamed at all! I have been through this, and feel it is so unfair, that mothers have to chose between, a job and their kids. This society, really has its priorities screwed up. I really hope you can have dream, I am rooting for you.

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

I do not know the work at home jobs, but yes you do have to sacrifice, but really if you think about it it is only a short time. What exactly is a 'real'
' job? I had my ex husband say I should get a real job he said that to me while I was waitressing (lunches) so I could be home after school with my children. (Note I said ex).I worked as a sub 12 plus years, so I could be with them on holidays and days off and summers and foregoed purchasing myself extra things, living on garage sales and discount items often as possible. Is the money at a real job a different color? Is it that it is not prestigious or require power lunches. You need to really decide that you are an extremely important human being no matter what you do, that 'real money' doesn't come attached to a briefcase and a blue suit.I too have a college degree, a paralegal certificate and still want to get my dream job someday. it is I still work with children. Unfortunately as I said before I realize that I had it and my children are now 19 and 25 respectively. All grown up. I love that your child is so important to you, he/she will be soar in life.S o don't spend anymore time looking at the scuff in your shoes look in the mirror and look at the dream you are realizing. Let's say you want to open a daycare, then perhaps enlist another person to join you so it won't be overwhelming. What about working heavy duty the weekends he is gone? There are many items to be sold if you still like sales.The point is don't let this get away from you now by being ashamed. Love, love your little one and enjoy each day as it comes.

3 moms found this helpful

D.K.

answers from Sioux City on

Oh Honey, being a Mom is the most real job you have. Never feel guilty for wanting to be with your child. You can always go out and make money, but you can never go back and gain the time you will loose with your child. Isn't it funny how you never find anyone on Oprah or Jerry Springer who say, "My Mom spent to much time with me and not enough time in a money making job!!" It is such a short time that your little ones get to be with you, take advantage of it.

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J.C.

answers from San Francisco on

I know exactly how you feel. I am delaying getting a real job because I know I will have to have my 15 month old in daycare and that just breaks my heart. I just keep telling myself that it is ok to be short on money until she starts school and I will be able to work more. I don't know what the best answer is, all I know is my little one is growing up so fast and I do not want to miss it.

Good luck... i really hope you figure it out and are happy with what you end up with. I think a home daycare could be a really good idea if you have the space for it. You could keep it small, and it would be fun!

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S.S.

answers from Detroit on

You are not alone. These are tough times. Having your own business will be rewarding. I have one that I love. You will hear about many, I am sure. Mine is an Internet Marketing business. Wave of the future and tons of potential. I'd be happy to share more, but I think you know what you want to do. Hang in there.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I understand how you feel. Follow your heart. Live simply and be creative in finding ways to earn the income you need to provide for you and your son. There are more choices than 9-5 out there. Decrease expenses so that you find a comfortable fit.

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M.M.

answers from Lansing on

J.,

I know how you feel wanting to stay home with your son they are only little for just a short time. I run an in home daycare so I wanted to give you some aspects that you might have not considered. It takes a while to get established sometime up to a year to fill all your spots. If you do part timers you may never fill them up. The income is not dependable on minute you are full and the next minute you have 4 openings. Depending on if you have a contract when your child gets sick you must close and than you lose income each time this happens there is no health insurance or retirement benefits or vacation pay. At the end of the day you are tired and exhausted from chasing 6 sicks around all day. You will be home with him but a lot of times it is not good quality time because it shared with 5 other kids. With being a single parent and needing the income these are things that I would strongly considered. When looking at this career choice.

On the bright side if you love kids like it sounds like you do. It can be a very demanding but rewarding job. teaching them and playing with them all day long. I love my job and it does allow me to be with my kids but sometimes I feel that I'm not able to give them the quality time they need because during the day I have 4 other kids and at night I seem to be really tired. after the long day. I will say that all 3 of my kids seem to at times love me doing daycare because they always have friends to play with when they were little. They have also hated because mom was not available like they wanted her to be. I hope this helps.

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K.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

I am currently working full-time, but just started with another company part-time to bring in extra money. Right now, it’s helping us save money on some of our monthly purchases and bring in some extra income. And some day I will probably be able to work from home exclusively. That is what this company does. It helps moms work from home to have more time with their families. Let me know if you want more information. This is something you could try now and may make the decision for you to stay home a little easier.

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M.G.

answers from Jackson on

My heart goes out to you J.. I did go thru that. Raised that I would be a career woman and then the "conflict" of that little one needing to be raised by his mom. What a mind shift! And the pull to stay home!

I found that I could stay home with a home based wellness business and a company I can trust. I work around my family's schedule and make a significant income. I love helping families be healthy--physically and financially! And backed by a company with a 50 + year history of taking care of our environment. That feels good!

If this sounds it could be a fit for you, would you like to listen to a couple of moms tell their story on a live call this morning? It's called Project MAHMA...Mom's At Home Making A difference and a lot of money too.

Would you like the call information?

I wish the best in discovering your answer!
M.

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C.P.

answers from Detroit on

Hi J.
Sounds like a home business might be a great option. In-home day care is a huge committment and unless it's your heart's desire, not something you'd probably want to get into.

An internet marketing business might be a great option. There are many out there, so really do your research. But many people do really well with dedicating just 10-15 hours per week.

I met a mom in my company yesterday, she has three kids and is home with them; she went to a Level 4 (of 5) in our company in 7 months. Bringing home more than the mortgage payment!

Email me if you'd like more information. And good luck with your decision!
C.
[email protected]____.com

M.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi J., have you ever thought of direct sales? You mentioned that you had a previous career in sales and was successful.
I am a consultant with Heritage Makers - my website is www.MyPhotobookStory.com. You can work when you want to, which sounds like every other weekend would be a great time to work for you.

Watch this 5min video to give you an idea of what we are about! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Irdqtq7mF6Y

I started in January and only have time to work my business part-time, but absolutely love it and am bringing in some income. Again, since you have the background in sales, this could be a great fit for you. I would love to chat with you, please contact me at [email protected]____.com.

P.W.

answers from Dallas on

I don't blame you one little bit! Once I had my first child all I wanted to do was be the best Mom possible and stay home with him. I think you can do both. I am a Shaklee Independent Distributor and I work from home. You could do the same with your own Shaklee Business. Let's talk and see if this would be a good fit for you.
Email me if you want to talk about it! Peruse my site to get an idea of what Shaklee is if you have not heard about it. The company has been around since the 50's and is one of the few companies that has grown in present economy. It's reputable and the products are top of the line. Even Oprah endorsed the cleaning line.

My site: http://healinghappens.myshaklee.com/us/en/welcome.html
My email: [email protected]____.com

Contact me. I am a very relaxed person and am not going to try to "sell" you. This is about you and what works for you.

My Best,
P.

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B.T.

answers from Detroit on

Don't feel badly! It's perfectly natural to feel the way you do, it's your son! I would see about finding a job as a nanny, one where you could take your son with you to work everyday. I have a wonderful nanny job, and make good money. Most nanny agencies are accepting of mom's w/children. Alot of families are open more to nannies who bring their children with them now adays. I would start there! Look on Care.com too. Craigslist is also a source. You live in michigan like me, try calling A+ Nannies! Tanya is wonderful! Or you could call Nanny Poppinz. Look either of those agencies up, I work with both. Good luck!

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K.R.

answers from Detroit on

You are not selfish!! You are a mom! This society puts so much emphasis on pushing our kids to be independent and getting out and making money for material things. Don't feel guilty. It takes self sacrifice to devote so much to your child.

I am a single mom to 2 boys. I was a stay at home mom while I was married. I was able to start a business that allows me to work from home and be there before and after school (mine are a bit older). I am using my gifts, my education, following my passion, supporting us and have life balance. It's not an MLM - it's a traditional business.

If you think outside the box you can create the life that you want - making money AND being there for him. It takes courage, tenacity and prayer. I've definitely had white knuckle moments where a traditional job would have helped me feel more secure but we've done it for several years. You can do it!

Feel free to contact me. I may be able to help you figure some things out or at least give you some encouragement.

[email protected]____.com

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M.W.

answers from Kalamazoo on

Don't beat yourself up for wanting to stay home, its normal and HEALTHY! Explore the at home options, and learn to live with less STUFF. Your kid won't remember the stuff, but the TIME you spent with him! You will never regret investing in him, but you will regret having him raised by someone else! Your career can wait, and you can always go back to it when he's in school full time, but don't rush it. You might just enjoy the lifestyle of having an at home business. :) Best wishes!

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M.C.

answers from Wichita Falls on

Your feelings are very normal. Have you thought of getting a teaching certificate? I was in your same shoes and had 3 children. I had a college degree and was in sales. I went back and got my teaching certificate. It was not easy. However, during most of my children's school years, I was with them in school and I would not trade that for anything. Plus, teaching is very joyful. I love every day with my students.

J., best of luck to you. You sound like a wonderful mother.

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R.B.

answers from Benton Harbor on

I am a mom(to 5),grandma(to 11)with a 15 yr.old still at home. Over the years I have passed thru your delema on regular occasion while trying to make ends meet and still "be there" for my children and NOT feel guilty or selffish which just comes with the "job". You really have to fight those feelings in order to "balance" yours and their lives. That is important!
As for income I personally really like the direct sales industry for flexible scheduling around my family, personal recognition and unlimited profit potential. There are a great many choices out there, I personally have settled on Jordan Essentials, a christian based company will natural, american made products that are safe and affordable for any family. And safe to have around your own family..We also have a full support system as well as personal contact with company founder. I would be happy to send you more information or answer any questions that would help with your choices, as I have tried many of them myself. Please reply.
R. B.

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