Hyper Active Boy Cant Control!

Updated on October 25, 2008
S.Z. asks from Chippewa Falls, WI
25 answers

I am wondering if anyone has any advice about a 3 year old hyper active boy! I cannot control him at all. I am at my wits end. He is really stressful! Anyone???????????
Sorry here is a little more info
He is very aggressive to other kids and he is extremely defiant. He is constantly picking on his brother and sister(when i say picking i mean it is worse than i have ever seen) I was the youngest of 3 and I had 2 older brothers. I was really picked on as a child but this is so worse in so many ways. He doesn't respond to discipline. we have tried several methods. We are currently taking a parenting class at church to help us be better parents. I just dont understand what i am doing wrong and how can i fix it?

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.B.

answers from Duluth on

Does he eat sugary cereals or juices or pop? It seems like he need to control anything with sugar in his diet. You may have to take him to a Dr and get him tested for Bi polar but you also have to set very firm rules for him and let him know there is a price to pay if he breaks them. IE taking something away or not letting do something special. Good luck

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

One thing to check on is diet. Have you tested for Celiac (gluten allergy). I know he is not diagnosed with anything, but gluten, casein, wheat, sugar, etc. can have a big effect on behaviors, attention span, etc.

I also recommend a vitamin called Mighty Mins. They actually have a study about them in relation to behavioral issues. If you want more information, contact me at [email protected]____.com luck,
K.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.T.

answers from Minneapolis on

You may have already thought of this--or maybe it isn't an issue in your house--but there have been studies done that show that processed foods and food coloring have an enormous effect on kids' behavior.
If my son eats a lot of processed foods or food coloring he just bounces off of the walls. I limit those foods and we have a better time!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.R.

answers from Minneapolis on

Is your son allowed to make any decisions about his day? I've heard a lot of parents mention problems right around that age and some of them have seen much better behavior once they started allowing the child to choose his own clothes, offering a couple choices for what they want to eat, etc. Just allowing him to have some control over his day might help even out his behavior. Also, if you haven't already tried it as a discipline measure, taking away privileges seems to work best for most kids. If he misbehaves, let him know that a specific thing he loves will be taken away if his behavior continues. If it continues, be sure to follow through with taking away that item and then don't return it until he has earned it back through some positive action (make sure he knows what actions will earn his toy/privilege back).

No matter what you do, be sure to bring it up with his pediatrician and see if he or she has any ideas for you!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi S.-

I think the other responders have a point in regards to consulting your pediatrician. It's a good idea to find out what behaviors fall within the "normal" margin and also which behaviors might be more worrisome. Also good to have a pediatricians "reality check" regarding what to expect from a 3 year old- since this is a year that's got a lot to do with discovering and testing boundaries.

Having said all of that, I would also offer that at the times when my son's been the most hyper and sometimes challenging, I've found that its tremendously helpful to create and to keep a consistent and tight schedule. I change up activities every 15-25 minutes and try to alternate something really physical (bike rides, trips to the playground) with more quiet activities (coloring, legos). I also try to either eliminate or reduce television as much as I possibly can- watching it makes them quiet down while they watch it, but they're always really keyed up and hyper once it's off again. And I avoid deviating from the schedule like the plague. The more I stick to it, and the longer the schedule lasts, the more effective it becomes.

I know this can't fix all things, and it can be really difficult when you have more than one child... Good luck!!

M.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.N.

answers from Minneapolis on

Make sure he gets lots of running around time. Maybe more than other kids. Boys need time to run, run, run and climb and jump and explore. When they don't, they take out their energy in other ways. Get him outside everyday. When you can't, go to an indoor play & climbing area. You'll be surprised at the difference! Also, watch the diet ...
Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.S.

answers from Omaha on

Hi! I am an old lady mom lol and my son will be 8 next month. I liked Emilee's response the best- not that any of them are wrong. I started my son in therapy when he was 3 based on somethings that happened at the time- did the evaluations now 3 times and we also are not ADD-much to the disappointment of the teachers and professionals at OPS. My first pediatrician(well- the first one who dealt with the behavior issues) anyway, he was awesome and told me one thing that will stick out in my mind for the rest of my life. "He needs more sleep" simple? Kindof.LOL he asked me if I was a b*&%ch when I didn't get enough sleep- a little presumptuous of him- but he was right- I think I am a little crabby if I am under-rested. I couldn't-and still can't- get my son in bed at a decent time, he prescribed risperdal- a really low dose- I gave my son at dinner time- so when I put him to bed at 8- he would go to sleep and STAY asleep. The difference in my child was amazing. I am not one to want to medicate by any means- I don't even like antibiotics much. But even my small boy could see the difference in himself- and would ask for his medication. We now are living in Nebraska- our current Pediatrician wants us to use something non- narcotic- which is probably best- I can 't think of the name of the supplement but it starts with an "M" it is used to help get a better sleep- for children or adults. Seriously try the sleep thing- this may mean going to the park for about an hour each day(in your spare time I am sure) and getting out in the fresh air- it really helps them sleep better. But I know my son needs tons of activity so he can sleep well and he/we are both much happier people.
Good luck! S. Oh yeah, and try to keep yourself calm when you can- I know that is easier said than done.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

Check out Sensory Integration. Go to Amazon and look at books on the topic. Basically, besides parenting, you need to look at the environment and how your son is perceiving it and trying to control it.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi S.,

You are taking a good first step by taking parenting classes at your church.

Like others have mentioned, take a close look at his diet. Artificial colors, preservatives, and additives are in EVERYTHING these days. Read the labels, and go ingredient by ingredient. If you don't know what an ingredient is, don't buy the product! Avoid any colorings, sugars (high fructose corn syrup, fructose), and preservatives. Watch processed meats, such as pepperoni. My brother behaved very strangely if he had any nitrates (found in pepperoni and bacon). It can be hard to find "clean" food; I highly recommend a natural foods co-op or Whole Foods.

A trip to a Naturopathy Doctor might be well worth the money. I can recommend a good one in St. Paul who specializes in pediatrics, if you're willing to make the drive. He may have food sensitivities/allergies, or perhaps a natural supplement will do the trick. I have read that different types of fish oils do wonders for hyper children.

Good luck to you.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.M.

answers from Madison on

S. -- You aren't doing anything wrong! Hyperactive kids are like that, although the bullying isn't necessarily a part of the behavior. Maybe he gets disgusted with people who seem slow to him and he shows it with aggression. Maybe. I would seriously consider taking him to a child psychiatrist. I expect your pediatrician can suggest a good one.

Often caffeine quiets down hyperactive kids. You could try giving him sugar-free caffeinated soft drinks. If that helps, great, but see the child psychiatrist too!

While your child is this young it's your responsibility to do what you can to help him control his behavior. But don't get in the habit! The older he becomes the more his behavior will be his responsibility. Even while he's young don't shield him from the consequences of his actions. If the other kids shun him or someone "aggresses" back at him, don't go to his defense! Just try to help him see how his behavior contributes to the situation.

This is what I did when my kids acted out. I'm not sure if it's do-able with a hyper child, but here it is: When one or more of them misbehaved I would make all the"perpetrators" take time out for 5 minutes. I'd set the timer to ring in 5 minutes and then I'd sit them in kitchen chairs facing a blank wall and up close to it -- the idea being that there is nothing to do but sit there and think. Then I'd tell them that the 5 minutes are punishment for what they did, and that when the bell rings if they think they can behave in a civilized manner and treat each other like human beings they may leave their chairs and resume playing. On the other hand, if they don't think they're ready to be civilized yet, then they have to stay on the chair until they think they can be. Then they, too, can resume play. I also tell them that if they think they can be civilized but it turns out that they can't, I will SADLY have to return them to their chair for SIX minutes and repeat the whole process. I never once had a child who wasn't ready to be civilized when that bell rang! You didn't say how old your other children are, and this certainly wouldn't work with younger kids, but if they're older or if your son has a friend over and starts misbehaving, this can be useful.

I wish you and your family the very best --

L.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi S.,

This might be a little short as I need to get my daughter to the bus stop in a few but I just HAD to respond to your posting. My daughter had (well, kinda has still) the exact same issues you are experiencing with your son. It got so bad that we took her to a dr to have her evaluated for ADHD and ODD. She was diagnosed with neither, which I am glad for but we still had this angry, defiant, aggressive little girl and we didn't know how to help her. She was diagnosed with a behavior disorder which I chalked up to not much, hello we already knew that! Then, we sought a behavioral therapist for her and us (mom and dad) to see if we could make any new revealations to "fix" these problems. The Dr. has given us many tools to work with to better our parenting, and it was trial and error. Some things worked with our daughter and others not so well. I.e. she didn't respond to "time-outs" or star charts but did respond to losing priveledges or "things". So, that is what has worked for us and she still has her moments trust me...there are days I just want to pull my hair out! We still go to the behavioral therapist and my daughter is 4 and a half now. We have good days and bad days but overall I think we are getting somewhere. Sorry if I rambled but I just want you to know that you are not alone. There likely isn't anything abnormal about your sons behavior, he is just 3...I think as Moms we have to remind ourselves of that sometimes :) Good luck with the journey of motherhood! It should have come with an instruction manual LOL~! Good luck and God Bless!
E.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.B.

answers from Madison on

This is a difficult problem and I think you need all of the support you can get. I'm going to share one little trick that will certainly not solve your problem but its a relatively simple idea that generally gives good results. I learned it from Dr. Becky Bailey who is a discipline guru. She has a great website, just search Dr. Becky Bailey but here is. You might want to try making a huge effort to use these three small words more often. "That was helpful" So it goes like this. "I noticed that you put that puzzle away for your sister. That was helpful". You played nicely in the living room for 5 minutes while I worked on dinner. That was helpful." I saw you make the baby smile. That was helpful". "you helped me pick up those toys. That was helpful". I believe that everyone, even children who are experiencing intense behavioral issues, wants to find a way that they can have value and respect for what the do right in their community. These three simple words can help a child to fit in. Dr. Bailey has a set of books called "Shubert" books that can help parents, teachers and children to know what to do in difficult situations. Its great that you are talking with other parents. That can help a lot. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.C.

answers from Fargo on

Would need more information, but you'd be amazed of the list of things sent home with my sister from her pediatric doctor.
Get rid of any air fresheners, especially the plug ins, have carpets shampooed and don't use any carpet freshners, watch and control their diets, exercise and sleep for two weeks. No fast foods or caffeine drinks. Limit the tv an computer exposure and give the child a bath and keep a steady routine then come back in two weeks and they will send home paperwork for her to fill out.
Kids should avoid phenylanoline, zylitol, red dyes & yellow #5, and sugarless candy and gums or diet drinks.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.L.

answers from Madison on

Try reading "Raising your Spirited Child". It has some great ways to work with children with spirit and is not a difficult read.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.T.

answers from Minneapolis on

I agree w/Amy B/Kelly S. Also look up Dr. Mercola's remedy's to ADHD. I have one myself, and find that when I eliminate certain things from his diet, he tones down a bit. Another GREAT resource is "The Spirited Child" book. That did me wonders! Gives you a different, and useful way of disciplining these 'spirited' children. Believe me, that helped a lot, too! Spirited kids, or ADHD kids do not respond to the typical ways of discipline. They actually rebel and push harder. This book gives you different ways AND permission to do things differently (I always feel like society pressures us into disciplining a certain way . .ie. .time outs, consequences, ignore behavior etc. . . These kids just do not respond to that.).
Good luck. I completely understand the frustration you are experiencing!!!
Feel free to email me w/other questions. I do have the Dr. Mercola article and can forward it to you.

J.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.O.

answers from Minneapolis on

Have you spoken with his pediatrician? Maybe it's a medical issue (chemical imbalance)?

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.F.

answers from St. Cloud on

When my son was younger, about 7 (he was judged ADD), he had a very volatile temper and really went off. He even had the babysitter scared to death of him during those times. I finally contacted a child psychologist and started taking him to him, to find out what his anger was all about. Believe me, it really brought a lot to light concerning the child, part of which was his father's absence so much (he was in the Navy). Perhaps, you can get some help that way. My son is now very good with children and other people and is doing very well. He is an exceptional electrician, so there is hope. Good luck, my prayers are with you.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.A.

answers from Grand Forks on

As much as I hate to say it, you may need some special help with this guy. He needs a firm hand it seems and perhaps more structure. He sounds out of control and may be getting over stimulated or have issues with his diet. Some wheat allergies can send kids spinning out of control. He should be old enough for a school district screening. That is a good way to get extra help that you may need. Your local nursing service may also be of help. It may be that he needs to have medication if the behaviors cannot get under control.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.R.

answers from Bismarck on

I have a 4 year old boy who is hyper. My brother was the same way. My son does not respond to the disipline either. I have given him warm coffee with sugar free creamer in it. I know it sounds crazy but it has worked. I don't do it everyday but on the days he is "out of control" he gets a half a coffee cup. I am not a big believer on the doctor ideas of ADHD as they just want to drug the kids up. With people who are hyper the caffeine will have to opposite effect on them verses people of a calmer nature. Just a thought.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

I'm so sorry to hear about your stressors. In my opinion what has worked well for us in the past is - make sure you and your husband are on the same page staying very consistent in your discipline. We did a lot of charting of behaviors at that age and still need to every once in a while. Have the child work towards something - rewarding instead of always focusing on the negative. A lot of times I think it's for the attention. For hyperactive kids - I always think it's best to keep their day structured. Also, if he has a hard time keeping his attention. Try giving him clay to squeeze or give him a handheld puzzle to manipulate during the watching/listening activities. I have heard that with kids having ADHD - they have benefited from having something to do with their hands while they are attending to another activity. Don't be afraid to find out more what is in the community. I went to a "Moody Child" conference a month ago and had no idea that there are tons of resources/support groups out there. Sometimes just listening to other family stories you feel more support and can learn something new. Best of luck. Don't forget to take a break from it all too. I've noticed that whenever I've gone and done my own thing for an hour or two - I always come back more energized and much more patient.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.G.

answers from Minneapolis on

S. - I had a very, very active boy. He was challenging from the time he was born. Fortunately, he was never labeled with any of the ADD or ADHD stuff. But he was hard to discipline. A funny but short story, one night he was doing something bad (biting, disrespectful don't remember) but I was using soap in his mouth at the time. Between my husband and me, we put soap in his mouth 4 or 5 times in a very short time period. At one point, he turned to us and said, "that doesn't taste that bad" and he kept up the bad behavior. He was a handful and then some. I tried every form of discipline on him...

One thing I would highly recommend is to take a look at your son's diet. Is he getting caffeine? A lot of processed foods? I would try switching him to as much whole foods as possible, little sugar, and no caffeine. You might even want to consult with a chiropractor. I have a couple I would recommend.

Fast forward a few years - my son is now 16 and still likes to push the envelope, but he's a good kid. Hang in there. The other thing we did is lots and lots of sports! :)

It does get better - stand your ground and experiment until you find things that work!

D.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.K.

answers from La Crosse on

Hi S.. I have no experience with a hyperactive child, but I would say to forgive his behavior and research the biological or chemical or physical reasons that might be causing him to be so hyper. It sounds like it is not his fault. If you can get to the source of this, you may have luck taming the behavior. Hang in there with him and give lots of hugs and praise.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.K.

answers from Des Moines on

It sounds like he is lacking respect for others. I would have him start doing things for others. Have him bake some cookies for the police department, rake the neighbors yard, have hime go through his old toys and take them to a shelter together.

Write down your house rules. Have a family meeting and explain them clearly. Ask the kids if they understand them and have them put a check mark next to their name showing that they understood them.

The next step would be making sure he know you are the parent and he is the child. You said discipline does not work, so I would quit disciplining him. Try talking to him calmly one on one. Tell him what you expect of him. Every time he does something that breaks the rules, bring him aside and explain the rule and what you expect in the future. When he does something good, give him praise. Give him his age in chores, so if he is 4, give him 4 chores etc...

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

G.N.

answers from Lincoln on

No advice, just questions...

Have you addressed this with your pediatrician?

You gave no specifics about the type of "control" you are attempting... and what is your definition of hyper-active?

I'm saying this because when I lack sleep, normal kid behavior is irritating and I always feel like I need to "squash it".

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

When I was younger my cousin was pretty hyper. His mom ended up taking him to see a Dr and they found out that his diet was to blame for a lot of it. He was allerigic to so many things such as suger, dust, wheat, dairy and the list goes on. As an adult now he has out grown his allergies. But again as a child he had tried to burn down the house several times before getting help. Good luck.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions

Related Searches