Husband Wants to Quit His Job

Updated on August 30, 2012
S.G. asks from Charles Town, WV
29 answers

My husband hates his job and comes home stressed everyday. He works 60-80 hours a week and gets no recognition for it. His boss is an a**hole to everyone and piles on work to everyone else but him. So his boss is able to leave early while everyone else works so late. My husband wants to quit so bad but in this economy he hasn't found another job yet. Everyday he says he can't handle this anymore and really wants to quit. I tell him he can't and he does know he can't too since we have bills and kids to support. However, I feel like this job is killing him. Also, I hate it as he isn't happy and isn't able to enjoy doing things together as a family since he is so depressed all the time. He says it's all related to his job. I am not sure if it's his job only or maybe other things in his life. I know though if he had a much better job things would be better. I really wish he could quit. How do we cope? Really I wish I could figure this out for all of us. I think maybe we can start our own business. My husband thinks sometimes of opening his own restaurant but so many restaurants fail and the start up cost is so much. I think when the economy picks up then he can get a new job. But till then...? Any advice?

Added: my husband knows i want to be a sahm. I don't talk about that anymore as it stresses him out since he hates his job and wants to quit. My job is fine i just always thought and wanted to be a sahm and i feel like i am missing these years with them. But right now i am focused more on my husband and our family.

What can I do next?

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Featured Answers



answers from Chicago on

It's easier to get a new job when you are already employed. If he isn't networking, I suggest linked in and hard core contacting his network to find a new job.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Honolulu on

The bottom line is:
He needs to find another job. And do whatever he has to, to do that.
Update his resume, get letters of recommendations and references, network, talk to people he knows in the industry, put out the word etc.
And if he quits, he CANNOT get unemployment. Then you ALL, will be stuck, majorly, with a bigger problem. No income.

Starting a business, will not happen overnight. And even if it succeeds, it will not happen overnight. So you can't rely on that option, right now.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

He needs to actively look for another job. The way that you can help him is to do some of the lefwork for him-put a resume together, research jobs, etc.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers


answers from San Francisco on

I see that you were also wanting to quit your job a few months ago and your husband didn't want you to.
I'm really, really sorry that you both hate your jobs. I know how miserable that is :(
Unfortunately you both have kids to support so I think all you can do at this point is to keep looking for something else. I know that's hard when you are working full time, but in this economy walking away from a secure income is a very, very bad idea.
Parenting isn't always easy. Babies and children are a joy but they are also a heavy financial responsibility.
Good luck, I hope something turns up for both of you, and soon!

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Most businesses do not turn a profit in the first year. (Actually, most fail within the first year.) I'm sorry to say, starting a business would not help you survive. You can really only start a business when you have a backup, and if you fail, there is money waiting.

Are you working? I see you wanted to quit, but you never mentioned the outcome. If you aren't working, then you have time to help find your husband a job. If you are working normal hours, you have time once the kids are in bed. My husband had a job that was working him into the ground He would job search when he got home, but that didn't leave much time. I spent my free time jb searching and sending resumes for him. I found him a job and he has been there for 5 years...happily.

There is nothing to do "till then," expect look for a new job. He will have to remain there, until he finds something else. There is simply no other choice. You have kids to take care of. If you aren't working, it might be time for you to find another job, and lighten the load.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

Theres no overnight fix for this.
It's called looking for a job.
He can start looking now. He doesn't have to quit this minute.
IF you can swing it on your income, then MAYBE he could.
He needs to find a headhunter. Depending on his career....
Good luck.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I hated my job too. But I kept working because I had a family to support. Its part of being a man and a husband and father.

He knows he has to find a job before he quits this job. You should be very proud of him for that and tell him that on a regular basis. How many posts do you see on this site where the husband doesn't want to work and stays home unemployed watching tv, doing video games and getting drunk?

Try and find out from him what he wants to do and what kind of job he would like to have. Then keep looking on the internet until you find the right job. The tell him so he has a choice to apply or not apply.

Starting a business is real difficult, or maybe I should say, starting a new business is real easy, but getting and keeping it profitable is real difficult.

I hope things work out better for you and your husband. Good luck to you and yours.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Sounds like you are both in a rut. He is overworked in a job he hates, you are beginning to resent the extra work you do at home due to his schedule.

Instead of focusing on the negatives of everything going on in your lives when he does get home, how about focusing on some positives... he has a job, yeah! your family is healthy, yeah! you are doing ok, yeah! food is on the table, yeah!!

Sit down and figure out how much money you need a month and maybe you can kick in if you are not already working.

You mention starting a business. I would not do that unless you have the money and are business minded. We have our own business, we are our own bosses, we work from home ALL THE TIME, it takes a lot of $$$ to start a business and you go with no paycheck until it is sustainable. We've lived on our income for 4 years now but in the beginning, we never took a salary, husband kept his job until we were ready. In the end, yes, it is very rewarding to see what you have built and the financial gains from it but it is a VERY stressful road in the beginning and even now, we have some stressfull months. We focus on our target sales for the year which are $4 million and tweak things as needed to get there. Right now it looks good and we are still up over 25% from last years record year. Manufacturing is taking off right now... the media just gives you the negative news. We are in the raw materials industry and work with manufacturers.. our prices follow the oil market and it is a day to day job to keep track of markets. If you don't have a solid business plan with good legal and tax counsel you are setting yourself up for failure. Owning a business is very rewarding and very hard work... we are numbers people well educated and business minded and we still have to make sure we stay on our toes to have all legal and tax issues correct.

Think outside the box.. We believe in multiple income streams. I still substitute teach and not that much but it still brings in about $500 a month. Babysit, get something in retail... the holiday season is coming up.

Good luck.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

The job isn't killing him it's his attitude that is killing him. He needs to train his brain to think of this job in different terms. He needs to count his blessings while looking for new employment. He needs to actively look for the silver lining on the gray clouds that is his current work situation. If you work for some time we all come across that difficult boss. It is not the difficult boss that will break you but your response to the pressure.

My first advice would be for him to take some time off from the job. A mini vacation to regroup and rethink things. Even if it is only 1-2 days, make it work for him. Get a note book dedicated to writing down his thoughts, vision for the future and how to make being there more bearable for himself.

The boss is an @ss is that fact or fiction. Is your assessment of your boss rooted in reality or fiction. Is the boss the problem or is it you. An honest evaluation of the situation because I have discovered in my 20+ years of work experience that sometimes the true problem was me and when I changed the entire situation changed.

I have also discovered having a pleasant attitude inspite of the grumbling and complaining around me also helped change my responses to some pretty ridiculous things happening in my work place.

He also needs to diligently look for new work opportunities and just don't stop looking because you will never find what you need if you stop looking.

Lastly perhaps having a hobby outside of the workplace would give his brain something else to consider besides just how unhappy he is at work. The most valuable thing he can do is to change his attitude and try to look at things through a different perspective.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

I'm going to take it that he's a salary employee not an hourly since he's working 60-80 hrs a week. Your hubby needs to stop trying to do the job of 2 people and cut back on his working hours. My son in law was in a similar situation until one day he figured out that he all his time was given to work and none of his time was given to his children. He would stay late 1 or 2 nights but the rest of the time he'd clock his 8 hours and leave. He'd pitch in some weekends but not both days and not all day. It's not like his boss appreciated anything extra he was doing in the first place.

I'd say that your hubby needs to brush up his resume and start putting it out there for a new job. In the mean time he should start cutting back on his work and spend more time with his family. Work comes and goes but your kids are only little once.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Redding on

I say I'm going to quit my job every single day as I'm driving there.
I like what I do, don't get me wrong, but it's highly stressful and the commute kills me.

I'm a single mother. I can't afford to quit my job. I just tell myself that everyone has to be somewhere and for now, that's where I am. My clients actually make it worthwhile because they know how dedicated I am to them. I do receive gratification in that sense.

Do I get paid enough?
Do I get benefits worth my skills and experience?
But, what I do get is better than nothing and I know too many people completely out of work right now.

My friend has 3 kids under the age of 7. She works more than full time and so does her husband. He is very, very much in danger of losing his job because of company cut-backs and if that happens, they could lose their house and everything. He's praying not to be laid off because his unemployment won't replace his income.

If you quit a job, you don't even have unemployment to fall back on.

Quitting just doesn't seem to be an option. Every day I make it through work, I just tell myself, "I made x amount of money today. I survived it to go back again".

Imagine not having the income. You would just be trading one stress for another. It's not worth it.

It's very difficult to look for a job when you are so wiped out by the one you already have, but it's really the only answer.

Just my opinion.

Best wishes.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

How about switching with him? Can you get a job and let him stay home? Other than that, yes it is hard to find a good job. But that is your husband's duty, to take care of his family, plain and simple. Life isn't always fair, and we all have to do stuff that we don't like. I'd suggest that maybe you keep on keeping on, and make the house the happiest place that he can come home to. And have fun activities planned for the weekend, that uplift him. Have some friends over, and have a meal and laugh together. My husband loves doing that, and he works probably 70+ hours a week as well. And tell your husband to quit worrying about his boss leaving early. That is why he is the boss. He earned his position, and he can do what he wants.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

If your husband's over-worked in his current job, then I can think of 3 options to help himself and family -
- Learn to say NO at work. If you don't stand up for yourself, no one else will. It is not bad to say NO at work, and to not over-commit. In fact, it is appreciated at a lot of professional areas. It might help his boss and co-workers appreciate his time. But say it smoothly and subtly. :)
- If he needs to find time to look for a different job elsewhere, he needs to make time. See if you both can help cut down any commute-time, keep weekend works to a minimum, etc.
- See if you can find a job, even if temporarily. So that you can financially help, allowing him to take a break with work and try to find a less demanding job.
Do you already have a job? Is it enough for enabling your husband to take a break and look for another job? Something to think about.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Appleton on

Are you willing to move so he can find a better job? If there are no opportunties in your area look in other areas.

I haven't looked in a while but last time I looked the unemployment rate in North Dakota was about 3.2%. The had more jobs than workers and were almost begging people to look at jobs available there. It's worth a shot if it means less stress and a generally happy home.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

I just went and looked at your questions to gain insight. You posted a couple months ago you are bored in your job and wanted to quit, I hope you haven't done that yet.

Still if you can make do on his salary when it comes to you being bored I would think you could also make do with your salary and his lower salary in a job he actually likes.

Ya know, if I were in your shoes what I would do is find a job opposite to his. When I was first married the first go around that was what we did. That way you stay at home at some point in the day, he picks up the rest. That saves you the childcare costs which frees up some flexibility. Then once you find a job he finds the opposite job even if it pays less. Win win

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Nothing sucks worse than going to a job everyday that is killing you slowly and making you miserable. The reality is that bosses can do what they like and delegating is what they do. In this economy staff across the board have seen a double if not triple increase in job duties and volume. He should look for another job and quit only once he has secured something else. The thought of no income or having an income you can't survive on would stress me out more. If you can live off your income, then he could be a SAHD. Is that an option? Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

When my husband started his company we had no income at all for over a year. It was extremely stressful and we accumulated a tremendous amount of debt which only adds to the stress. He should not quit his job until he has another and if you are serious about starting your own business just know it will most likely cost more than you think and take longer than you think and even then success is certainly not guaranteed. We were sure "not to big to fail:)".

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

My husband has been through this exact same thing 2 different times.

i told him, I understand what you are saying. I agree, I can tel you are not happy, so what are your plans to find another job, and How can I help you find a new job..

Both times he on his own he either found a completely new job and another time a different department with a different boss.

This last time they were able to work as a group to get rid of the person that was their problem in their department, by finding HER a new job!
This is their first week without her and my husband says everyone is smiling. Hee, heee..

2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

You both need to decide on a plan before he quits. I felt that way about the last company I worked for - 60+ hour weeks, on-call all the time, no recognition ever, horrible working environment, senior management couldn't manage their way out of a wet paper bag... so, yeah. I was starting to be really depressed about it.

So... my husband and I put our heads together, and decided to form our own company. This takes quite a bit of planning (incorporating, setting up business bank accounts, coming up with a business plan, finding customers). The advice I would give you, if you decide to go that route, is that the business you go into should be one that you know extremely well. Does your husband have clients who would come with him to his new business? I would NOT start a company where you have to have a lot of inventory (just because it costs a lot of money up front to start up), or where you're not completely sure of the market conditions. This is actually a GREAT time to start your own business - you can borrow money for almost no interest (if you have to), and the marketplace has already been cleared of a lot of the competition. But, the economy is tight right now, so you really have to be sure that you know what you're doing. Also, there will be start-up costs (computer, software, incorporation/legal fees, taxes, etc), so you should not count on the business being profitable at first. Our business is breaking even (after paying our salaries) and this is our first year in business, and that is WAY better than we expected at this point. We had anticipated losing money this year, and breaking even next year.

If your husband doesn't think starting a company is the way to go, then he needs to reach out to a recruiter and get serious about finding other work. Right now, employers are paying a lot less for the same work than they used to, but that might be okay if there's a work-life balance component that his current job is missing. Sit down and take a hard look at your budget, and determine what you can really live with in terms of salary.

Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I'm so sorry. It's so hard when you're in this position.

Make sure he has his resume ready.
I would definitely not quit before securing another job.
That is not a good idea in a good economy.

Have him look when he's at home. Help him if you can.
Network. Let people you know that your hubby is actively searchin for
a new job.

Can anyone in your family help you a little with the stuff at home?

If you are on the computer maybe help him by looking for jobs for him.

One step at a time:
-his job
-downsize, sell what you don't need, cut back on expenses (cable, phone
outings etc)
-your job
-help around the house

-see if he's willing to talk to a counselor (can rule out depression)

Concentrate on the positive for now: you're healthy, have jobs, a home etc

Help him find ways to de-stress (exercise etc)

Brainstorm together to see if there are ways to make his curr job more bearable for the moment.
Hang in there.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Cut your bills. Move if you have to, and get a part-time job. Starting a business is not an easy task and takes time to make money. I am not discouraging you, but it is best one of you has a job with insurance before taking on something like that. Perhaps then your husband could take a lesser pay job where he would be happier....... that would be a start.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

ETA: I went back and read your past post. it says you were thinknig of staying at home. I agree with Jo , you should stay at work and he should look at lower paying jobs if he has too. if you were willing to live off a lot less for yourself you should be willing to for him

go back to the workforce if you can make enough to pay daycare and have extra cash, and or go to online school in a field that has a quick turn around like computers and then he'll atleast have a countdown until he gets to quit.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

Hi, S.:

Before your husband quits, he needs to look at his job description.
Get a copy of his pay scale.

Make an appointment with his boss and tell him his concerns.
If he has difficulty in doing that, contact the bosses boss and tell him that he wants to talk to his boss but doesn't know how to do it. or whatever he wants to say.

Have you seen the show, Undercover Boss?
Contact your local mediation center and talk to someone there as well
if you think that might be necessary.
Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

He needs to keep looking for another job.
Everyone wants to quit sometime or another - but that's not how to make it to retirement and be able to live without eating cat food on a regular basis.
You can also find another job (makes more money) so Hubby can take a lesser paying job but is less stressful than what he has now.
This is life!
Sometimes things are not easy.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

There is NOTHING like detesting your job and having to go to it every morning! I experienced that back in 2007. Unfortunately, I got to the point where I left. I could not see myself there any longer and I was done. Try to help him, look through craigslist and see if there is anything there for him or for you.,, just send his resume out constantly. Just help him speed up the process of finding a new job so he can leave quicker. Work together and hopefully you will get lucky.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

I feel bad for your husband because I've had that job. The job I worked 60-80 hours/week, and I had me so stressed out it made me physically ill and put me into therapy. The job I would drive to every morning and secretly wish before I rounded the corner that when my building came into sight that I would see it going up in flames. Fortunately, DH and I were young and did not have children yet. We were looking to move back across the country to our home state anyway. "Moving" gave me an excuse to quit. We were young, did not live extravagantly, so starting over was fairly easy. I saw many others at my workplace who were a few years older and further into their career than I was. Many of them were divorcing and not getting to spend much time with their young kids. I knew that wasn't the future I wanted, even if the money was good. It wasn't worth it.

Anyway, the decision to quit is a hard one, and I think ultimately, no one can or should decide that but your husband. When he complains, I would encourage him to look for a better job. Don't wait for the "economy to pick up" Encourage him to start looking right now. Ask him what he wants to do, ask him if he would like you to help with his job search process. He should consider himself the most valuable potential hire for a new job WHILE he is currently employed. Also, the stress of being unemployed for an extended period of time might be a lot worse than the stress of bad job. Something for him to consider carefully.

You are your DH have to decide together how you can both spend the most time in your children's lives, how much income you can be comfortable with and still meet those goals. I

What would happen if he did quit? Could you pick up the insurance and manage on one income for awhile?

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

My husband is in the same boat -- he knows not to do something stupid like quit his job without finding another one first. No matter how bad it is at work, and yes - he has major stress, he hates his boss, works long hours, etc., he would never just quit and leave the family without an income or health insurance. Do I sometimes resent his crappy mood that he brings home? Sure, but I get it.

What I do is help him with his resume writing, cover letters, searching job boards. He's had a few interviews and started feeling that there might be some hope of getting out of his current situation and it has improved his mood a great deal.

Good luck and hang in there!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Crunch the numbers and find out what you REALLY need. Then make that amount his goal salary. Encourage him to call his EAP (often 3 sessions are free) or get other support. I had a really bad boss at an otherwise stressful but OK job and I finally cracked. It was literally making me sick. Our compromise is that I freelance. Tell him to keep looking, asking around, keep feelers out. He might also want to look elsewhere in the company for a lateral if the issue is mostly the boss. Try to share what you can around the house and try to be a team and recognize that you are both under a lot of stress. Good luck.



answers from Seattle on

Could he be a sahd? I'm asking both from the financial side of the spectrum (i.e., could you get rid of enough extras to pay the bills only on your salary) and from the emotional/maturity part (could he handle it). It's a tough job. If you do the numbers and can make it work, it would be worth bringing it into the conversation.

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