Husband Wants Me to Quit Smoking Cold Turkey. I Want to Taper Down. He Nags Me

Updated on November 30, 2018
C.G. asks from Lakeside Marblehead, OH
8 answers

As most reformed smokers, he's self righteous. He went ballistic when he quit. Now he won't talk to me. It's all force and push. He doesn't understand that it's not helpful to get on my nerves during the process. What can I do? I can't stand this cold shoulder treatment

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answers from Miami on

Honestly? I'd give him his cold shoulder treatment right back. Why don't you go off for the weekend and leave him alone? Then maybe he might realize that you being gone means something. When he starts bawling you out over leaving, tell him that he is stressing you out so much that you want to smoke 10 cartons. So if he wants to treat you so badly that he makes you feel this way, you don't want to be around him.

I would have a little tiny bit of sympathy for him if he weren't a former smoker. But he is projecting his stress from having stopped smoking onto you in a really jerk fashion. You don't have to put up with it. Don't.

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answers from Dallas on

Based on your past questions, you and hubby need to be talking to counselors.

This is one more thing to add to the list.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

every attempt to quit puts you one step closer to the one that will work.

i suggest you start by reducing the stress in your life. booting your nagging husband sounds like a great first step.


6 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Research shows that you need support. Shaming you is not going to work. There are tons of free resources on the internet for plans to quit smoking. Your insurance may cover support/coaching calls. You can try everything from nicotine gum or lozenges, nicotine patches, or prescription medications. You can try keeping a journal, replacing old habits with new, or finding a quit buddy. Sometimes incentives work, such as buying a favorite makeup product with the money you saved your first week of not smoking. There are tons of approaches. You need a plan and you need support. You can make a tapering plan that works for you. Some people are able to quit cold turkey, but it is very difficult and has a higher chance of not working. Many people have to quit multiple times before it works. The planning will have to be done by you since your husband is not being supportive. Not talking to you is childish. If he is forcing and pushing, he is being a bully. Couples therapy seems to be needed here. You are going to have a very difficult time quitting if you are facing animosity and anger at every turn.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Allentown on

I can only tell you what worked for me. I was a two pack a day smoker for ten years. I could not quit cold turkey. It took me a few months to taper and quit. But you have to be committed to it. Initially I cut back drastically. I dropped to a pack a day within the first week. And then I decreased by one cig every third day for a few weeks. When I got to 7 a day I held at that for about a week or so without decreasing more. Then I began decreasing again every 3rd day. When I got to 4 a day, I did that for a week. Then I went to 3 a day for a week. Then twice a day for 2 weeks. I remember really looking forward to those two a day, one first thing in the am with my coffeee and one late evening. Then I dropped to one a day, first thing in the am for me because that was the one I enjoyed most. At that point I think it was more of a mental thing because I was no longer fully addicted to tons of nicotine. When I was ready, I gave up that one. It was hard and took me really wanting it to do it. I didn’t understand how bad I smelled until well after I quit. It decreases your sense of smell and you just don’t smell how bad it makes you stink. I remember the first time I realized it, and was so thankful I had quit. But you need to make a plan that will work for you and you stick to the plan. Just saying you will decrease will probably not work. You need a strategy. And if your are smoking less then it may go quicker for you. I was a heavy smoker for more than 10 years when I quit. And honestly ignore your hubby. Do this for yourself, this is for you, and you alone. This is for your health and your future. If you want to throw him a bone once in a while, tell him how many a day you are smoking and how much of a decrease it is, or show him a plan, like I outlined, but if it were me I would just ignore him. When I quit, I had family nagging me. It didn’t help, I just ignored them. Didn’t even tell them I was quitting, just did it. And when I got down to a few a day, they finally noticed. And they finally were supportive, so I would not expect any support before then. Good luck and remember this is for you, and you alone.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

First, good for you for deciding to quit! I suggest simply implementing your tapering plan, starting now, and ignoring his childish behavior.

A key aspect of tapering off cigarettes is having a concrete plan on how you will do so - exactly what timeline (how many cigarettes per day this week, and how many fewer per day next week, what substitutes you are going to use when you have a nicotine craving, etc).

If you need resources to help you make a specific plan to quit, talk to the Ohio helpline:

Even better would be to talk with a counselor who specializes in this (if you work, you may have access to work:life counseling through your benefits plans). They can help you make a specific plan to quit AND, bonus, you can tell them about your unsupportive husband and get their expert advice.

You can do this!

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

Yet another issue that you and Hubby need to work out with a counselor.
You got to want to quit and you need to do it in a way that works for you.
If he's really that much a dictator and a bully - your life would be simpler if you divorced him.
See a counselor and decide if your life would be better with him or without him - and then follow through with what ever you decide.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

Hi C. G -My mom passed away of COPD/heart attack when she was 76. It was very sad to see her debilitated by smoking. She smoked for 40 years before she quit when she was in her 50s. Sadly the damage was done for her already. Her last 10 years were spent like breathing through a straw she said. Oxygen and a wheelchair were with her wherever we went. My mom was the best. Cigarettes robbed her of meeting her grandchildren. It was hard for her to quit - at that point in time she was already seeing COPD symptoms and she couldn't smoke any longer. I would say get all the help you can to make this your decision, not your husbands or anyone elses. Love yourself enough to quit.

1 mom found this helpful
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