Husband Wants an 8Th Baby While Im like "Umm"?

Updated on November 06, 2013
K.A. asks from Wales, AK
24 answers

We just had are baby about 10 months ago,Were a very family oriented and love big big familys.My husband and I have been planning on having 8 kids for a while.But for me,i rather having my children least 4 years apart.Its a little bit easier because my kids will be older and my daughter will be able to help.My husband wants my kids to be close in age because they will be closer.He works at home and helps me.Were doing fine which is a good thing.We talk and always disagree.(The 8th baby will be are last baby...if we have another baby)The thing im scared about is that if we go bankrupped etc we cant provide for another member and we should wait.But my husband says that if we could provide for 7 kids we could provide for at least 1 family is known for twins.My sister had 2 sets and im scared that this baby might be twins.Which will make 9 kids.
How can i talk to my husband about this?

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answers from Cleveland on

If you don't want an 8th right now say no. Get on birth control. Why are you worried about going bankrupt it can happen to anyone not just people with huge families

3 moms found this helpful

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answers from St. Louis on

As the oldest child, whom my mother expected me to help her raise the younger ones. SHAME on you, if you choose to have more children that is your choice not hers. They are your children not hers YOU raise them, she is their sibling not their caregiver, babysitter. If you can't handle the 7 you have on your own then stop. I believe in big families but I also believe it's the parents job to raise them. What would you do if someone else expected you to help raise their children. Let each of your children be kids not little adults responsible for others. THAT IS YOUR JOB SOLEY.

23 moms found this helpful


answers from Harrisburg on

It's not your older children's job to take care of their siblings. Helping.. Ok but don't count on them, you are the adult. Take a break and enjoy your 7 children.

22 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I think if bankruptcy is even a word you put in this post, you should reconsider. If I was scared financially of having 8 kids, I wouldn't do it. Kids are expensive and require a lot of time and money...if you can afford it and want to do it, go for it. If not, then the answer is just no.

Ah - and I just read about you wanting your older kids to help. Yea, that's a big fat no. You need to stop if you can't do it alone (with your husband) but without requiring your older kids to raise the younger ones. Please don't do that to them.

17 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

I hope I don't step on toes here...but...children should be children, not mini adults. Helping (which all people should contribute to the household) is one thing. When you start talking about spacing out your children, sot hat the little ones can help...that's not okay. Children shouldn't be birthed, so they can help you raise a baby.

You had me until you said that. People should stop, when they can't handle their children without having more to help. Raise your kids yourself.

If you are thinking about bankruptcy, then that means for some reason, it could be an option with one wrong thing happening. NO children should be brought into a financially unstable environment.

12 moms found this helpful


answers from Atlanta on

Since when did it become your oldest child's responsibility to help raise her siblings? Shame on you. Your children - every single last one of them deserve to be CHILDREN. Don't force parenting on them because you chose to have a big family.

If you are scared about finances, then you shouldn't be having more babies. If you have even thought of bankruptcy you can't afford another child.

11 moms found this helpful


answers from Miami on

You use birth control. THAT'S how you talk to your husband about this. The mere fact that you're worried about BANKRUPTCY is a HUGE red flag. For heaven's sake, it's irresponsible to keep having kids if you don't have the money to.

This is YOUR body, mom. NOT his. He does not have a say in when you conceive. If you were the one wanting to have another one and he was putting on the brakes, my view would be the same that you would need to accept his feelings. BOTH people need to be in agreement to proceed with procreating.

I want to tell you also that having had a baby 10 MONTHS ago, your body hasn't even gotten back to it's normal self. You need time to heal and get to know this little person you gave birth to. It's nice that your house runs well, but that doesn't mean that you bring yet another into the mix. Your husband acts like carrying a pregnancy and giving birth is a walk in the park, and it ISN'T. Women DO have complications and end up on bed rest, (I did), some give birth very prematurely and sustain HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of dollars in hospital bills and babies with life long disabilities because of it. Your husband has his blinders on where this is concerned. And what if complications hurt your health? HOW would you take care of your family?

You need to ignore this man's baby fantasy and tend to the children you have. No more babies until YOU are ready to make another one.

Sending you strength~~~

10 moms found this helpful


answers from Grand Rapids on

My it fair to the children that are here to bring another member into your family? Are all of your children truly receiving the attention they need and deserve. Financial is another question. Lastly, if you and your husband continue to have children, how old are you going to be when the last one leaves for college (no you don't have to answer it)? Will you be looking at retirement? Enjoying grandkids? Time for just you and your husband? A few things to consider...

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Salinas on

You lost me at "my daughter will be able to help". They aren't her children, they are yours, take care of them yourself.

I don't think making a ton of kids is amazing or even admirable. Great that you love big families and I'm sure yours is awesome. I just think you should look ahead a few years. Life gets crazy and if you have ANY money concerns at all you should stop now. Talk to me in 20 years when they are all healthy, educated and no one has had to declare bankruptcy.
Your husband sounds just a bit short sighted and immature. At this point the decision is really yours, not his.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

I would HATE to be your oldest kid. Hate it.
I am the oldest of 5 and was used as the babysitter and asked to help all the TIME. Guess who moved out of the house as soon as she turned 18? I resented my mother who had these children just expecting me to want to babysit and be home with my little brothers. I didn't resent the boys, I loved them and was their protector, don't get me wrong. But as soon as I could legally leave I did. I even said to my mom, "Now lets see how you deal with paying a babysitter" when I left. I didn't even WANT kids for years! I had already helped raise my brothers. Thank goodness my feelings changed, but I certainly was angry with my mom.
Don't think about having 8 kids 4 years apart so your daughter can help. It's unfair to her. Those are not HER kids they are yours.
As far as having an 8th WITHOUT depending on your daughter....your husband is probably right. You already support 7, 8 probably wont make or break ya.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Welcome to mamapedia!!

I bow to you for having 7 kids and wanting 8!

If you are concerned about bankruptcy? That tells me that things are NOT as financially stable as you'd like them. And that means to me? No more babies.

How do you talk to your husband about this? You tell him - prove to me that we can afford another child. Show me on paper how we are going to be able to purchase diapers, etc. AND save for a college education AND be able to have a vehicle big enough for ANOTHER baby.

I'm assuming you own one of those huge GMC Savannah Passenger vans. Do you have it set up for another car seat? Tell him to show you how it would work...

You already have twins so you think you might have another set? Okay - how will he handle that?

You need to sit down and talk like PARTNERS on what you want, expect, etc. if you can afford this and if so - how. If you have a 10 month old? I would NOT get pregnant again until after that baby is at least one to two years old. If he wants it NOW - I'd ask him what the rush is.

Also - it's NOT your children's responsibility to help raise the younger child. YOU are the parent. They can help, but NOT raise. Let them be CHILDREN!!! Not parents!

Good luck!

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

What kind of car do you all have? In 5 years your eldest will be graduating and starting college, are you all ready to help her financially and emotionally go?

Maybe it is time to enjoy what you have and give it just bit longer before you revisit the 8th. YOU are the one that has the final say.. Be prepared physically but mostly emotionally for another child. Do not depend on others to care for your child.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

I agree with some of the other posters that waiting so your older daughter can help is wrong. You are having sex; you are making the decisions; you and hubby need to raise these kids, not your oldest daughter. I see it all the time with large families, and yes, I also see it with the Duggers. I hear that they are talking about adoption which I think is totally wrong. I have NEVER seen Mrs. Duggar taking care of those children. It's always the older girls doing it. Yeah, they say "they can help" but why should they have to give up their time to take care of YOUR children.

To be honest, that's why I stopped at one. I did not want to make the older one responsible for the younger and that happens even in families with 2 children.

If YOU do not want or can't take care of ALL of your children, then you should not have any more.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Baton Rouge on

Don't get pregnant again until you are absolutely sure that you can deal - emotionally, physically, and financially,- with whatever might happen.

BTW, kids being close in age is no guarantee they will be close in personality. You can have twins who don't get along.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

You've gotten good answers.

Sometimes dreams of how you want things should stay as just that, a dream. It's a fantasy, with no bearing on reality. I had a friend who's H dreamed of having a 60 ft porch. Because they went over their budget with that porch, she spent the next 10 yrs working instead of enjoying raising her kids.

I've never seen someone with teenagers, (and you will have a bunch at one time), say, I wish I had more teenagers!

As John Q. Public, please don't go bankrupt because of your fantasy of having 8 kids. Tell your H like I tell mine, we can have another baby the day You give birth!

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I can understand wanting to have a break between kids. You don't say what age range you currently have, but waiting 4 years between 8 kids and your oldest will be in their upper 20s. That could be embarrassing for your older kids.

As to whether you should have another kid now or later, it seems like Dad has the baby blues instead of you. You both need to be on the same page for this. Feeling pressured to have a kid is not a good reason to have a kid.

What will happen if you do have twins? Will that lead to takes about natural reduction? or putting one up for adoption?

What kind of house to you have. Do you have room for an 8th kid?
What kind of car/van? Do you have room for an 8th kid?

What about your older kids friends. Are their friends now that go places with you that if/when you have another kid, won't be able to go?

It sounds like you are far from eager or ready to add to your family. I would wait until you don't have so many doubts.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

There is no guarantee that siblings will be close no matter what the difference in ages is.
It all depends on their personalities.
Some siblings are compatible and others are not.
You just never know what you are going to get.
I know siblings that are close (5 yrs apart in age).
My sister and I are 22 months apart (she's younger) and we fought like cats and dogs till we moved away from home.
Even now (we're 52 and 50) we can't in the same room for 15 minutes before a fight breaks out.
There's a lot of things to consider when contemplating more kids.
Where will another one sleep?
Your health (yours and your husbands) and how is your body holding up?
Is pregnancy easy for you (although that's no guarantee they will all be - every pregnancy is different).
Finances (college for them, retirement for you).
It's ok to wait awhile.
Your last baby is 10 months old, you have a 2 yr old and 4 yr old twins so you've been pregnant for a good portion of the last 4-5 years.
Does your doctor have any recommendations about waiting vs not waiting?
A body needs to rest up a bit before growing another baby.
By all means keep talking but you both need to be on board before going ahead.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Amarillo on

I'd quit while I was ahead if you know that twins run in the family. You are the mother and the prime caregiver of all the children not your children. You are the one that sets examples of how things work and you teach them.

Other children are just that -- other children not mini mommies.

I had an aunt that had 11 kids. When the older ones were old enough to get married they left home and several never had kids because of what you are doing making the younger ones raise the older ones. I also see the Duggars doing the same thing with their older ones. None of the girls seem to be in a hurry to run off and get married or have any kids. They are planning their own lives away from the mom.

Bankruptcy is nothing to sneeze about. It can stay on your credit report for 10 years so make sure you don't go that route.

Have your husband show you on paper how all this is going to work and have him add an extra 15 to 20 percent to all the figures that he shows you. If they numbers don't add up, don't have any more kids in fact get yourself fixed to not have any more. Know that you have done your share with population and you are done with 7 not 8.

the other S.

PS We would hate to have you added to our support roles when you didn't need to be.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I think hubby is right, one more won't make a difference. However, I do think you should wait at least a year before getting pregnant again. It does make a big difference on YOUR body!!!!! I have a friend with 5 kids, that's had 7 pregnancies, two miscarriages in the 20 week range, and she is a 30 year old with almost no teeth!

I also know someone who had 9 kids, with the last two being twins. What a joyful bunch of kids! What people with small families don't understand is how much attention kids give each other. My greatest joy is watching the joy the kids derive from each other....

Listen to your heart, in there is the answer.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

I think you need to tell your husband that you're on board with having another child, but that you need more time to recover from the 7th before you can have an 8th. He doesn't realize the toll it takes on your body, both during the pregnancy and with a newborn. Having them too close together isn't really healthy.

As for going bankrupt, unless you're at risk for it now, I don't really think you need to worry about that or factor it into your decision. Adding one more kid to the mix probably won't make a huge financial difference (not counting college), as you will have hand me downs and probably already have enough food to feed one more. Activities will cost more, but maybe some of your oldest are aging out of that stuff so it will even out.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

i'm rather taken aback that you have created 7 kids with this fellow but still can't have an open, honest conversation with him, and that he is so cavalier about his wife's hardworking babymaking body.
that's above and beyond the concerns about bankruptcy, and your poor oldest kids being roped into raising little ones.
i guess you can see what my opinion is.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Sacramento on

If you are doing fine then why are you worried about going bankrupt? Your husband sounds nuts. Children are great but if you have any doubts I would go with my instict.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Hartford on

If you feel you're done having children, then you can tell your husband that you feel your family is complete with eight. The more children you have, the more difficult it will be to support them and give each of them the attention they need and crave. Having children simply to have them is like collecting dolls. You don't "have" children, you welcome them and raise them. They're on loan to us for such a short time that we need to be able to savor every moment and not have to worry about pushing our older children to be the caregivers because we already have so many children that we can't handle caring for more.

Your concerns are valid. You don't want to risk bankruptcy and you're happy with how things are with seven. That's enough reason. The only reason you really need? You don't want to be pregnant again. You don't need to "convince" him.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

Hubby's right. One more won't make any difference. On your side, If you're done you're done.

Most of my friends have lots of kids, I think if I averaged the kids they'd all have over 5 kids. My best friend in Jr. High and High School was one of 12 kids. I loved being anywhere her family was. They were extremely close and still are. Her mom was pregnant 10 times, there were 2 sets of twins.

I think you should have as many kids as you want. Kids are wonderful blessings. If you and hubby both decide to have another child then go for it. I happen to agree with hubby about the age difference. If you wait like you want then your older kids will be grown and out of the house by the time the youngest is starting school, they will be close but it will be when they are all adults and have things in common.

Tell hubby to bring the idea of #8 in 6 months. Let your body calm down and recover from this most recent child's birth. There's no reason the kids can't be 20-24 months apart or even a few more.

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