Husband Very Upset over Posted Photo- Any Advice ?

There are 5 'Love Languages' and 5 'Apology Languages'. When you hit on the right one (or sometimes it takes a combination of 2 or more to make the other feel ready to forgive), all should be well.

Here they are:

>Expressing Regret: “I am sorry”
>Accepting Responsibility: “I was wrong”
>Making Restitution: “What can I do to make it right?”
>Genuinely Repenting: “I’ll try not to do that again”
>Requesting Forgiveness: “Will you please forgive me?”

I am very interested that so many have said they don't think airing pics and thoughts for everyone to see is a bad idea.
I can't believe that people think this is a safe practice. I am a grandma now, and my daughter and dil's think it's great. Everyone reads and sees everyone's business.
So, we wonder why there is identity theft.

How were you to know how he'd feel. You should tell him that had you known he'd feel that way, you'd never have done that. You should also let him know, next time, tell you how he feels about things, you're not a mind reader! If he's so self conscience, like another poster said, help him lose weight. Go for walks together. He doesn't hafta know it's for 'healthy exercise' just explain that you'd like to start getting out & taking walks. Start eating healthier, etc. Good luck!!

.

The other ladies have done a good job of giving encouragement and advice about handling your husband being upset. I have a different perspective to add about posting pictures of other people on Facebook without their prior agreement, since most of the comments here are downplaying the effects of invading someone's privacy by posting personal pictures online. This is not intended to make M. feel worse; she had good intentions and recognizes she shouldn't do it again. I'm just offering another valid point of view to these comments.

We should NEVER assume that other people are comfortable with posting pictures of them online, especially if the photo shows them in a swimsuit, is unflattering, or shows an activity that might be even the slightest bit embarrassing. Ask first. Many people have business colleagues as friends on Facebook, and do not want to take the chance of having these photos seen by other people's Facebook friends, or seen on someone else's screen by chance. Privacy settings don't prevent all viewings that one might like to avoid. Plus, anyone can copy a picture and save it forever.

I teach at a university, and have current and former students, as well as colleagues included in my Facebook friends. (I considered declining friend requests from students, but decided that rather than making them feel snubbed, I'd just keep my page professionally appropriate.) My sister posted a swimsuit picture from a ladies trip that included me, and a friend posted one with drinks in our hands. In the picture, mine looks like a cocktail, even though it's Diet Coke. They post it all in good fun, but besides the fact that I looked pudgy and pasty in the swimsuit picture, it is inappropriate for my colleagues and students to see. Passing the album around among friends is NOT the same thing as posting it online for potentially anyone to see who happens to have friends in common.

ONE MORE THING TO ADD AFTER READING THE ADDITIONAL COMMENTS:

Some ladies have said that your husband "shouldn't have had his shirt off" or "let the picture be taken" if he didn't want people to see him that way, or that others at the beach might have him in the background.
--So......have none of you ever been in a photo that wasn't as attractive as you had expected?!? You say this as though he knew ahead of time exactly how the picture would turn out.
--The man was at a BEACH, with his family on vacation. He should be able to enjoy that time in his swimsuit with his shirt off, without feeling he has to cover up in case someone might post an unattractive picture of him online. Being in the background of strangers pictures isn't the same thing.

M., you respected his feelings enough to remove the picture, and you've apologized. You've taken the extra step of asking for advice to try to make things better. You two will work it out. My comments are in response to other postings that are downplaying your husband's concerns.

Hey! Just a late two cents!
You are coming through this really well, and of course you should PRIVATELY forgive yourself, but definitely maintain the "absolutely sorry from the bottom of your heart" posture with him for asd long as it takes. Do something nice to makeit up for him-post an unflattering picture of yourself on there or something to show you're a good sport.

Whether or not he should be, he was really hurt by this, and telling him to get over it and lose weight will not help that, FOR CHRIST SAKE TALK ABOUT INSULT TO INJURY!,the same way it wouldn't if unflattering pictures of one of us ladies were posted online. I've had people cluelessly pass "unapproved" pictures of me around before and it's mortifying and hurtful when you can't believe your friend, boyfriend, whatever would do that without thinking. The web is a menace when it comes to letting the whole world see your private moments unless EVERYONE in the shot is OK with it.

He sounds like a great guy for coming out of his shell to you in a day, just do the right thing and keep being "sorry" and sensitive on this one, it will mean a lot to him to know you really "got it" and didn't ever put it on him like, "I did this to you and now you need to just snap out of it" which is how it feels when people tell you to "get over" something. Good work being sensitive, removing the picture and apologizing sincerely. He will laugh about it one day, (or get you back!). Just be patient.

M.,

I want to assure you that it's really not you he's mad at, he's really angry with himself. He doesn't feel good about himself because of the extra pounds and is angry with himself for not doing or having done something about it. Those of us that struggle with extra pounds also struggle with self esteem and emotions about it so yes, he is and was embarrassed by the picture but he's pushing it off on you so he doesn't have to accept responsibility to do anything about his weight. You've done what you can do which is apologize, I hope that your husband will get over it and move on and if it really bothers him that bad, then use the energy of being angry to get busy doing something about it....Just my thoughts....

M.,

I really like Cathy H's advice. In addition, I can fix this for you! Your husband is a man, and what do men want, need, and love the most in life??? SEX. Put on a hot number for him, do a strip tease and give him some good sex and he will be compeltely over it, I PROMISE!!! There is no way he will pass up sex. Men would have to be on their death beds to pass up sex. Give him sex and all of the FB picture nonsense will be forgotten! Good luck!!

I must say that I don't like the idea of personal pictures of me posted on the net without my consent. It has nothing to do with weight, I'm just uncomfortable that they may be viewed by complete strangers. To me, pictures taken in a business setting is different. However, even then if it's just me in the picture, ask BEFORE posting.

We've all been to street fairs and have seen videos being taped. That sort of comes with the territory. However, there is a world of difference with picture/video with you in the background and a picture that is focused entirely on you. In these type of settings you may see signs posted that vidoes/pictures are being made even then, written consent must be given to have a picture soley of you posted/printed for the public to view.

Perhaps it's for business or personal reasons, really it doesn't matter why, your husband has the right to decide how he wants his pictures shown.

Overreacted? I believe so, but when somethng hits us to the core, we're apt to get too emotional.

You have apologized and removed the picture, it's now up to him to get past what happened. You're on notice how he feels about his pictures on-line so be sure to ask before posting in the future.
E.

could we see the picture? HA HA! Just kidding.
I must say, this is ridiculous. It's not like you were on facebook flirting with other men. If he's fat and you are still in love with him then his self image is his deal.

Did you really beg for forgiveness?

"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from, with all malice:
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."
Ephesians 4:31, 32

Might not want to hear this, but if it were me, I'd tell hubby to 'get over it' - it's not like people don't know what he looks like anyway, right?

Question: Has anyone responded about the photo - good or bad comments about him?

He's supposed to be a "wonderful, caring husband of nine years" .... I'm with you, I'd be tickled to get a 'family picture on our first vacation!' I certainly don't think it's anything worth the kind of punishment you're getting. You're not supposed to have your shirt on at the beach! (Besides, I'll bet he looks a whole lot better than most of the folks I see at the beach - myself included!)

It's not like you posted a nude photo or something vulgar....we ALL have to learn to laugh at ourselves .... and resolve to change. Don't like this family photo? try again for a better photo at next year's vacation.

M., I don't think you did anything wrong. I'm sorry if he's sensitive about his weight, but you've apologized - more than once - I don't know what more you can do. You can plead blindness (love is blind and after 9 years, you still love him).

Or, you can just say, "OK, I screwed up. I've apologized, I've begged, I've pleaded, I've deleted the photo, I've done everything but print a retraction that this wasn't really my husband, how long are you going to pout and punish me? Because I'm tired of feeling like I've committed the unpardonable sin and I don't know any other way to say I'm sorry. Frankly, I think you're drawing more attention to it by treating me like this because, at some point, our family and friends are going to notice that something is wrong .... THEN what will we say? All of this is because of a picture? I've never seen this side of you and I really don't like it much...so, would yuo please just get over it and let _____(name) come back to me because I really miss him!"

Well, you get the idea. He appears to be acting like a little kid who got his toy taken away from him....GROW UP. Maybe you need to just get tough with him. You can't apologize forever - especially when it isn't doing any good. Is he trying to humiliate you? Does he think you did this to humiliate him? on purpose?

I'm sure you'll NEVER make the same mistake again. I just hope this doesn't drive a permanent wedge between you - because it's the little things that destroy a relationship! (Just be sure you don't squeeze the toothpaste in the middle or leave the cap off!)

I'm sorry, I really think there is something else going on here - I can't imagine a grown man, husband, father, being this upset over something like this.

Good luck!

i just saw this too and had to respond. The openess of the internet is a menace. I agree that this expansive world of the info age is very positive in many ways. However, it never ceases to amaze me how it could even be okay in anyones mind to post pictures that were taken in private moments or in the privacy of someone elses home of someone or thier children-it's inconceiveable to me. Private family moments are exactly that- private, no matter where you are. The issue of what is acceptable and what is not to actually post online should be discussed between you in very clear and definate perameters. Personally, I have lost friendshps over this very subject. Someone actually posted a picture of My child in MY home online- what right does anyone have to do that without permission? Its common courtesy and common sense to do so, especially considering all the diabolical and degenerate things that can be done in todays day and age of computers & online technology. Integrety and common courtesy. Your husband was justified in being pissed and you are right to feel you did wrong. Lesson learned, good for you that yo have such an understanding man.

Hell is not some illusive place that exists out there after we die. It is right here in the guilt, shame and anger we place on ourselves and live with every day. Forgive yourself for putting up the photo, forgive yourself for the negative emotions that you have attached to it, and you husband has his own issues of inadequacy that he needs to work through. Hopefully he has forgiven you for your oversight and forgiven himself for his anger. The only way to emotional freedom is through forgiveness.

I have a similar story, but not quite the same. i think that a persons feelings about their own body and whether or not they are going to let the world see it is up to them and should be respected by others! However, in order to do that , the person must make their feelings known( Ahead of time). That said, Your husband should have either never let you take the picture in the first place, or let you know that He would be angry if you let other people see it!

Here's my story....I went to the beach with a girlfriend. We used to lay out at pools all the time ( Back in the day when we both looked good). This time I was very self conscious, as I had gained about 30 pounds. I had cellulite on my thighs and was at a place in my life, where not only did I not parade around in a bikini, I wouldn't even wear shorts that were more than 2 inch's above my knee. So we were out of town, no chance to see anyone we would ever see again, and she convinces me to take my board shorts off. I told her don't you dare take a picture of me without my shorts, that I would be really mad. ( I made sure she knew I really meant it. as soon as I took them off, and layed down with my eyes closed, she takes pictures! ( I know she will show them to people , because that's what she does. ) I was furious with her. She tells me I can take a pic of her , to make me feel better. That wouldn't keep her from showing my pic! I really should have taken that disposable camera and thrown it into the ocean! I still don't forgive her for that. it was directly against what I told her I felt very strongly about. The difference between your story and mine, is that I made my feelings known, and she disrespected me. Your husband ( In my opinion) should have let you know that he didn't want you to let any one see that pic. ) Perhaps my story will help him see the difference, and why, maybe it upset him, but it is not your fault, and you did not disrespect his feelings. Good luck!

I just posted some of my fat pictures on my facebook - but 2 years ago I would have died seeing them there! The only thing I can say - maybe this is a wake up call! I didn't do anything about my weight till I saw enough pictures that made me see how bad I was! I joined weight watchers so that I didn't feel like I was dieting and it worked! I just think that if he is that upset, he may finally realize he needs to do something about it! We all need to take better care of ourselves so we are here longer for our loved ones!

The WORST thing that anyone can tell somebody who's been hurt is to "get over it." When you say those words, it negates the feelings of the other person and that in itself only causes more hurt. I know firsthad because of a personal issue I am dealing with. "Getting over it" is not easily done. When you know you've done wrong, you go to the person and apologize from the HEART and ask for forgiveness. Your husband may need time to accept your forgiveness but you need to be patient. Perhaps a church pastor can help you and your husband with offering and accepting foregivness.

If he didn't want anyone to see the photo he shouldn't have been without a shirt in the first place... I can guarantee you weren't the only one taking pictures... and he's bound to be in someone's background... but removing it for his sake was the best thing you could have done.

I know you already resolved it but this is the first time I saw this post and had to respond. That sounds like my husband! He's being insecure and has to blame someone. Just tell him you think his body is beautiful and because of that, didn't give it even a thought. He'll get over it. He's just embarrassed but he really can't blame you for posting a family photo for your friends to see you're proud of your family. If he's so upset about his body image, maybe this is what he needed to take some effort to get in shape. Really, if this is the worst of your fights, you are doing great!

I have a late post as well but I am totally like your husband. I want the choice to be shown the way I want to be shown. It really doesn't matter to me if my significant other understands that it just is what it is. Everyone is different though. Some would care. Some would not. I have people from my job on my facebook as well and would not want any of them to see me in a bikini lets say whether I looked good in one or not. I don't think this is about him or his weight but just about respect and you found out the hard way that he is very conscious and there is nothing wrong with that. Just be happy that you have a fabulous caring husband that is great to your boys. A lot of us don't have that. I hope you guys resolve this and let him know there are pro's and cons to the whole thing.
You did all that you can and you apoligized and do something funny or fun to help him get over it. I am sending positive vibes to you and your family. One day you will just laugh about this mishap!

Hi M.,

Glad he forgave you....if you are taking your FIRST vacation in nine years, he has surly had your forgiveness, patients, love and understanding!

To be honest I come from a picture taking family and sometimes I just don't like the pictures of me, but I enjoy seeing all the family together and the memories the pictures make.

Hope you go on another vacation soon.

Blessings.....

Ummm - He DOES realize that people at the beach in the real world can see him if he takes off his shirt, right?
And he realizes that YOU see him like that, too? His anger is misdirected - if there's anyone he should be upset with, it's himself. (Don't say that to HIM, of course. If you're lucky, he'll eventually figure that out on his own.)

This reminds me of a woman whose husband threw her a big surprise birthday party for her 40th birthday. She was happy during the party, but later, when she saw the photos of the party, she was mortified about the way she looked. (She had gained a LOT of weight.) Then she was FURIOUS at her husband for not warning her about the party, thinking that she would've been able to disguise those extra 50 or 100 pounds by wearing a different outfit.

Eventually the event did get her motivated to lose the weight, although it took about a year to do it. Only then, after she lost all the weight, did she realize that she had been in denial about being able to hide all that extra weight with different clothes.

So if you're lucky maybe this will eventually motivate him to drop the pounds. (I wouldn't nag him though - he sounds pretty touchy on the subject.)

Hi M.,

Has he ever made his feelings known to you? If you knew he was conscious about his figure and have low self-esteem yet posted a photo of him in a bathing suit, you made a serious lapse in judgment. If not, then he can't expect you to know how he feels about his persona. Put yourself in his situation for a moment, you tell him you feel ugly and fat, that you don't want to be seen in public by strangers, friends and relatives that don't know what you look like in a bathing suit and he goes and ignores your requests and feelings and takes pictures against your consent and posts them on Facebook for the world to see, and doesn't even ask you or inform you before he does it. First of all, I don't think you should post pictures of others without getting their consent. A simple "Hey, I liked this picture of the two of us in our bathing suits and wanted to post it for our friends online, do you mind"? will do. This way, he has a right to decide and will feel happy that you considered his input and opinion without ignoring his fears. He may also find another pose or angle that makes him feel more comfortable and can even help you find a nicer picture to post where you both look more attractive and svelte. These are private photos that should only be shared with certain individuals, not the whole world. Put it this way, if you'd feel embarrassed about your boss seeing you in that photo, don't post it. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't like my boss or co-workers seeing me in a bathing suit, it's just none of their business and a private moment for me. As someone who is conscious about her weight, I can understand your husband and would honestly have reacted the same way if the person who supposedly cares so much about me didn't care enough to ask me if I minded having my photo put up. I don't need a spouse or boyfriend showing the world how great his figure and belly looks in a bathing suit while I look like the beached whale next to him and I don't need him to share with me his friends' comments about why he is with such a chubby girl when he can do so much better or what he saw in me in the first place. It can be very hurtful and I am sure this has crossed your hubby's mind. Your husband has low self-esteem, and right now doesn't look his best and does not want to be reminded of it or told by his buddies "Whoa, are you pregnant? Your clothes hid it really well". Apologize and next time ask before doing it, even if he gets in better shape. Encourage him and help him lose weight, but don't do it in a direct way, maybe start slowly by cooking healthier and telling him you'd like to go jogging/walking together and chat, make it a fun activity that involves the two of you and some stimulating conversation, rather than making him feel he is alone in the battle of the bulge and that exercise is a boring chore.

It is hard to understand why he couldn't forgive you easily after all that you did. If it was a pretty unattractive picture of him, certainly you should have realized that before you posted it. Was your apology sincere sounding? Have you done other similar things that didn't take his feelings into consideration? Otherwise, ask him why he is continuing to be mad at you so you can understand better. It would be wise to fully understand.

Sorry to reply so late, but.. I really can understand if your husband didn't want what he sees as an unflattering picture of himself to be posted publicly- BUT, he totally should have told you that or been in charge of family pictures himself. Posting it to a private Facebook account, especially if it was a picture of the ENTIRE family on a family vacation is not as if you had snuck in and taken a pic of him in the shower or something. Certainly I would take the picture down if it made him uncomfortable and say " I feel really bad that your feelings were hurt." but I don't think you ought to apologize as if you had deliberately done something wrong! In fact, he could look at it in a different way- how great that he has a wife who loves him and loves the way he looks and didn't think it was a bad picture! how great that you had a happy family trip and his wife wanted to share your happiness with family and friends! It sounds like he has body issues and he needs to take care of those HIMSELF. You can be encouraging and supportive- but you should not have to be the emotional fall guy because he doesn't like how he looks. This is a little drama- people have real, serious problems- your husband is overreacting in my opinion.

Gosh, I am so sorry. My husband is a very private person as well. Everyone makes mistakes and it sounds like you have respected his wishes by taking it down. Plus you apologized. He may just have to cool down a bit. I would continue to apologize and just give it time. Another thought might be to write him an apology note. I had to do that with my husband once and he was so appreciative. I sent it to him in an email. Maybe somethin along those lines; maybe even a card with your sincere apologies. He probably will come back around; he just needs some time. Good luck!

I'm glad to see that you have stopped beating yourself up over something so small. I grew up with an overweight mom and had to learn to deal with her own self-pity. There were times that I would say or do something like you have done and it was *&%# to pay. I have been blessed with my father's metabolism but work to keep myself healthy. Sometimes I feel as if she resents me for keeping myself in shape - that is her issue and I or anyone else should not be punished for such decisions. I guess that I am saying that you are not alone. It is a different relationship with mother and daughter but the self-loathing and punishment is the same. Good luck! I hope that your husband gets over this soon!

Sorry I missed this last week. My computor was down. I was married to a very large man that I love with my heart and soul. If he didn't want anyone to see his photo he shouldn't have taken the picture in the first place. He needs to deal with the fact that he's responsible, not you. Letting it go was the best thing that way he'll think about it to himself. Men don't like to apologize, it makes them face something is their fault. It's not necessary anyway. As long as he gets over it you'll know how to deal with the next situation that you face in the same manner. Just LOVE him.

There's more to this story. I would go crazy if my husband posted a picture of me in a swimsuit too. But my husband knows that and wouldn't do it. You sound like you are very sensitve and caring so you wouldn't have done this if you thought your husband would be upset. Maybe your husband is silently sensitive about his weight or maybe he doesn't want his friends and family to know how big he is under his clothes. It sounds like you have already tried to make amends and apologize so just give him some time. I can't tell how long it has been since he became angry with you. If he stays mad for several days, I would ask him why he is so angry. It doesn't sound like it is in his nature to hold a grudge so if he stays mad it might be time for you to investigate just WHO he is so worried about seeing the picture.

Hello M.,
You did the 'right thing' by letting/allowing your husband
to think 'it through', for you had tryed to do all you could do to gain back, showing respect for him,etc. Prayer really is a vital key in anything that you will do in life.
In God 'All things are possible' to those who 'believe'...
My friend, what would you have to loose in prayer, exspect
alot of 'stress'.... :-) I hope the best for you, but mostly that 'you'll try this'
God Bless you & your wonderful family,
S.

Hi, M.-
You are in a very sticky situation. If he still isn't talking to you now, try to make the time you are together special, so he knows you are making an effort to make it up to him. It could be making his favorite dinner with dessert, buying take-out he loves, buying him a new DVD or CD, video game, or whatever he is into. I would probably write him a note telling him how much you love him and that if you had even thought that he looked bad, you wouldn't have done it. Tell him that you don't look at him and think that he is heavy in any way because your love isn't based on anything that shallow, but on the great way that you are when you're together. Maybe you could buy a gift certificate for his very most favorite restaurant (or somewhere he's been wanting to go, but haven't been) and tell him you want a nice quiet romantic evening with him because he has always turned you on. (Sometimes when you have a child, the husband feels like all of the romance has left. I know- I've been married for 32 years and have 9 children.) You know all of the things he likes, so play to them, whatever they are. Just focus on all of the things that are special in your relationship. Good luck with this. It will blow over, and you have learned a good lesson very early in your marriage. I am sure you will check with him before showing his picture to anyone!! Just remind him that he is the sexy guy that you fell in love with.

I can totally understand how your husband FEELS - lots of posters here have said they would feel the same, or their loved one would - but he really needs to change the way he ACTS in response.

He is providing a very poor model to your sons!

I speak from experience because my own DH had a very poor model for dealing with these kind of upsets. Acting like a baby and continuing to punish, and punish, and punish your spouse and/or children is NOT acceptable.

You have apologized and taken action to correct your mistake. He needs to lighten up and at least keep it private between the two of you, not sulk around so that everyone can see how wounded he is and how in-the-doghouse you are.

I am the same way when I am mad at my husband. I wouldn't necessarily call it immature, just our way of handling things. I would rather not talk to him so that I can have time to myself to get over it. And unfortunately it will take time for him to trust you again. It probably feels like you turned your back on him, especially if it was a picture where you looked great in your swimsuit and he didn't (and I might be wrong to assume that but who post ugly pics of themselves on facebook? lol).

You've apologized and learned your lesson, so just give him space to let it pass. He will come around and eventually might be able to talk about his feelings with you. Good luck and SHOW him how great of a husband he is to you...don't just tell him. He probably needs that right now.

just a comment on posting pictures...they were in a public place and there could be many pictures of him on the net right now...he knew about the one his wife took and posted, but what about the one he's in the background...public place, then assume anyone could have taken a picture of you and posted it on thier or any site. kids are a whole different topic.

Tell him to lose WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quit being a baby!!!! I would NEVER post his pic again. Tell him, to buy the BOOK, "Hallelujah Diet" and DO IT! the pounds will DROP of in a very healthy way!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, I understand your thoughts on it, but if someone posted a pic of me in a swimsuit, I'd probably pass out. :) You have done everything you can be expected to do about it. Now you have to drop it and let it blow over....he's probably feeling stupid for being that upset, which having it brought up again will just aggrivate, and more upset about what he looks like than anything....as an overweight person, i know it's one thing to look in a mirror and see the person you see everyday, but a lot harder to see yourself in a photo for some reason. My husband insists that men DO have the SAME emotions as women, but they're expected to handle it differently because society "says so". But if you think of it that way, just saying that you all had a good time, you love him and wanted to show your happiness on the trip, apologize, and then drop it and let him nurse his wounds a little is really all you can do. He'll be fine.

he's being a baby. if he was so worried then he should have kept his shirt on during the picture. not to sound mean, sorry. he's mad and let him be. you've said your sorries so let him chill. he'll eventually get over it. no matter how bad it hurts you just leave it alone for now. trust me on this one if he loves you that much he'll forgive you.

I have to agree with the mom that said you should do a strip tease for him. Make him realize that you are still attracted to him no matter what he looks like. Depending on his age, he might be feeling unattractive these days. Either that, or he was mad about something else. Regardless, I believe it will blow over.

Ithink u did evrything right to rectify the situation. Not knowing u personally,but going by what u wrote,it seems like a deeper problem lies within your husband-perhaps low self esteem or something else he has yet to open up about...have u sat down and asked him if there's another reason? Therapy might be an outlet for him or the both of u...I've been married for ten years, have also two boys and a girl. Iknow my husband would have told me if he was upsetn but definitely not have such a strong reaction as your husband. It doesn't seem like the end of the world, but I guess your husband feels differently. Good luck...I hope u both get to the root of the problem and find a happy resolution.

Time heals all wounds. My suggestion is to give him time. Continue to show him that you are apologetic. Although he is insecure with his weight, it could be more to it than seeing himself in the picture. He could have a concern about a picture of you in your bathing suit being posted on Facebook. Just a thought. :-)

Tell him to grow up! Mistakes happen! You should not have to beg him for forgiveness. Doesn't sound like a wonderful man at all. Obviously he is embarrassed about himself and he is venting on you. Sorry he is putting you through this for a very long time. Maybe you should stop talking to him the way he is treating you!!!!!

M.,
I can tell this is hurting you deeply. You've done all you can do, he can try to continue to make you feel guilty. I agree with one of the other mamma's who said he's upset at how he looks. Try to move on, don't bring it up, and I guess you will have to deal with a few more days of him not talking. Don't feed into his negativity and allow him to make you feel guilty. You apologize and you won't put pictures of him without his permission for now on. Let it go, he may continue to give you the silent treatment, don't let him steal your joy. Misery loves company, so don't allow him to bring you down. There isn't anything more you can do... you made a mistake, I'm sure in your 9 years of marriage he's upset you too, how long did you hold that grudge?
I understand how you want to post pictures of your family, you are proud of it, and why shouldn't you be, you are proud of him and you love him, you don't care if he has put on some weight, that is your hubby the man you married no matter what he looks like.
My sister was upset with me that I posted her picture on my FB page at first (she doesn't have internet) and I'm friends with some of her classmates on there... When I was able to show her the picture, which was a good one of her and her daughter, and then showed her a picture of how some of her classmates look, she felt better and didn't mind at all.
I'm sorry he's treating you like this, hang in there, just don't let him bring you down anymore. There isn't anything more you can do, can you turn back the clock? NO! Can you change his appearance? NO - He needs to stop pouting and get over it... It's hard for men sometimes, I know...

Geez, what an over-reaction. He needs to get over it. Tell him that you didn't think anything of it because you love the way he looks. But stop falling all over yourself to apologize for something that was completely innocent. Facebook accounts are private (if you've set it up that way) and only your friends/family can view them. And I daresay his weight will be no surprise to anyone that you truly know.

His inappropriate reaction to the photo being posted is very revealing of his terrible self-image. He needs to either accept his body as being imperfect (like everyone else's), or he needs to join a gym and do something about it.

I can easily see your side on this. You were excited about a family picture and you were sharing good memories at the beach. There is nothing wrong with that in my opinion.

It sounds like your Hubby is super sensitive to be so mad at something like this. You did the right thing by acknowleding his feelings after the fact and removing the picture.

It is up to him at this point to get over it and move on. No sense in you begging and pleading unless he is purposely trying to make you feel worse.

It sounds like you guys are pretty secure with your relationship. Maybe he just needs an ego boost, some sweet attention, and reassured that he is loved.

You've done all you can. Just let it go and it will blow over. The less you focus on it, the less an issue it is. If he isn't talking to you, then he needs to grow up a bit. I agree you should never put pictures of anyone up on the internet in bathing suits.... ANYONE! :-P But it's not the end of the world. Just relax and try not to let it affect your daily routine.

Hey M.,

Really tell him to get over it, there are worse things he could upset about. It is not like people haven't seen him before with a shirt off hello didn't you say it was at the beach... what did he go swimming with his clothes on and those are complete strangers to him. Get real.
KRW :)