Husband Seems to Hate Me but Controls Everythimg I Have Nothing Now

Updated on August 18, 2010
B.S. asks from San Bernardino, CA
8 answers

yes i used to work and be productive at a good job surgical assistant i even liked my self now all he does and even my my daughters take his side im nothing and have nothing no where to go and he changedb bank accounts i cant even get in

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So What Happened?

i have applied for hoibs and lately all i hear is that im over qualified ive even explained that i would work for less and im a hard worker actually i loved it when i was working i felt complete

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L.M.

answers from Norfolk on

It sounds like he is preparing for seperation. You may want to seek marriage counseling. If he will not go, I suggest you make a plan in case you come home one day to different locks on the door. I don't mean to sound over-dramatic, but that is what it sounds like. Best wishes.

1 mom found this helpful

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C.T.

answers from Detroit on

you need to go back to work and start doing for you! me time is essential to being a good mother/and or wife! talk to him and let him know that what he is doing is not O.K. and it will not be tolerated! and take back your control over your house, life, daughter and marriage. you need to go to counseling for your marriage and for the depression you may be having now. when you tell him it will not be tolerated, DON'T TOLERATE IT. you are married and he should not be doing this and i agree with Debra what he did as far as the bank shouldn't be legal. check into it. good luick and your in my prayers

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C.A.

answers from Atlanta on

First of all, sounds like you are obviously depressed and you need to seek help with that and its understandable as to "why" you are depressed. For one you don't have a job, secondly you don't have anyone else reassuring you that you will find one and giving you the encouragement you need right now.
You think that you are worthless and that you are nothing and have nothing. Having a job doesn't define you as a person. Each and every single person is here for a purpose...whether they are here for 100 years or just a mere seconds to take one of their first breaths of life to their very last one within a matter of minutes. You ARE worth something and until you dig yourself out of this rut I can tell you no one is going to hire you because lack of self-esteem, lack of confidence, etc. these employers can almost smell it a mile away.
I don't understand why your husband changed bank accounts? Did he leave you? If you have children together depending on their ages he has to pay you child support. It sounds like your husband has gotten frustrated too but he is wrong by not standing behind you and giving you the support you need right now. Does he think you are not doing enough to find work or what? Obviously we are not within the situation and obviously we don't have both sides of the story and there are some blanks within yours but I think your first priority is getting yourself some help with the depression. I don't think it would be bad for you and your family to seek out a support group....with all the umemployed right now and I know within my area they have these weekly get-togethers where people like network together but they are also there to support one another as well and give pointers in their job searches, etc.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

Go and get a job. Save all of the money that you can and get out.

How do you pay for things right now? When you go to the grocery store how do you pay? How do you pay bills?

Share an apt if you have to. You can do this,. You deserve to be respected, to be honored and to be happy. You are in charge of your life. Go for it.

1 mom found this helpful
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L.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

He can't withhold money or food etc from his wife.How do you get money to buy things, are you really with out.Changing bank accounts that would not be tolerated at all my husband has told me i'm not suppose to use our debit card anymore it has worked for a few months but now it's stressing me out to the point I want to lose control on him.This is to set up a budget system he gives me cash but $60.00 doesn't buy everyhing you need for a week I can spend that alone on myself.
Have you asked him or has he said he is wanting a divorce.I would keep looking fior a job if that is what you want/need to do.
Just read the post from J L Thank You

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W.H.

answers from Phoenix on

Have you talked to him? asked him about the bank account and access to it? Do you still have a car and drive it? Go out and volunteer, be involved, do things that are interesting, productive and help you feel good about yourself. Keep mentally fighting his assessment of you (or are you just thinking/assuming he is against you?) and tell yourself you are of worth, because, of course you are!

Eleanor Roosevelt said "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Don't give it!

Hugs, and I hope you find a good way to deal with this all.

1 mom found this helpful
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L.C.

answers from Saginaw on

My goodness...you've really lost touch with reality, hey?

You handed over your ...well, by the way this reads, your whole life in exchange for whatever it was you felt was worth that price. Why you did that is anyone's guess, and it frankly doesn't matter much at this point. The only interesting question is 'what are you going to do differently?'

If you keep doing the same things you've always done, you'll have the same results you've always had.

Your husband can't control you. You have given him control (for whatever reason that seemed like a good idea at the time) but he only has it for the duration you leave it with him.

Perhaps he's lost respect for you at the same rate you lost respect for yourself, because of it?

Of course, you haven't actually asked a question... complaining is no more effective than poking sand with a stick. What are you hoping for?

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T.B.

answers from New York on

You are letting his problems (controlling, emotionally abusive, possible cheating) cause you to have what appears to be depression. DON"T LET HIM WIN!! You are a skilled, wonderful person who deserved better and you will overcome this. Stay strong as this will make you stronger. Try for unemployment while you are searching for work. Make an effort to go to a place like a YMCA or hospital support group where you can get free counseling. Try offering to volunteer in a hospital, medical clinic, or private doc office and perhaps your skills will be "noticed" and you can get hired or referred for a job. Ask at a local church, etc because you may be able to be a home care assistant for and elderly person--you will definately feel appreciated! Good luck!

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