Husband Out of Town

My husband travels a lot. I think last year he was on the road 250 days out of the year. However, he has just received a promotion which keeps him home more often. We all love it (I have 3 children - 6, 4, and 13 months). I have noticed however when he does go on the road usually 2 weeks out at the most. My son and daughter (6,4) seem to act out more. It's something I guess I have gotten used to, but it still makes for a stressful time. One thing I do when the "I miss daddy" arises is I let my children talk to my husband on the phone. This seems to ease the distance and they think it's fun to get to talk on the phone.

I have a male friend who would take a picture of the airplane he was getting on at the airport and email it to his son while on a trip. It was fun for his son to see the different airplanes. His son loved planes. Maybe your husband can do something similar with your kids. When I travel for work I bring home a snow globe from the state I was in for my son. It is a game to see how many different states we can collect them from. Good luck!

I am not sure how your husband handles it now, but maybe he can take a more active role with the kids from a distance. As an example, for the kids, maybe he can do something from a distance to let them know he misses them and that he is thinking of them, like leave (or mail) them a card or postcard. You could have a post card scrapbook or something like that. He could take a picture of someplace cool on his phone and email it to the kids. Maybe have a certain time he can call them everynight or for the younger ones, read a story on tape with one of those voice activated recorders. They aren't too expensive. And when he is there, maybe make it a point have a little one on one with each kid doing whatever is important to them at the time. (Building legos, homework or reading to them) Doesn't matter really what as long as the kids are the focus. The 14 yr old, may really like breakfast with dad. Even on a school day. Often the kids will follow your lead. Try to make the focus on Dad coming home (in a positive way) and not on him being gone. 8 yr. olds, love collecting things. Maybe neat stamps from where Dad is going or some kind of animal figurine that they like. Building collections over time would give a positive spin to Dad being gone if Dad could look for something to add to the collection. Also, for you, do something good for yourself when he's gone. Have a spa day or get a pedicure, girls night out for Dinner and a movie, etc. For the kids, have breakfast for dinner. Kids love that. Or a picnic for dinner on the living room floor. You could make mini individual pizzas, Each choose their own topping. Maybe let the kids help with cooking. Get some age appropriate recipes and pick one night a week and let them choose and help you cook. The point being, even if Dad is gone, you are still a family and can have some fun. And when Dad comes back, have some more fun. It not so much fun for him to be gone either. No hugs or smiles at the end of the day. If the kids have a positive focus and responsibility, the time goes by much better. These are just some things I have tries as former military wife. He was gone a lot and we really had to get creative to stay positive. Good luck.

My husband also travels quite a bit. In fact, he's usually only home 2-4 days a month. Our kids are 11,11,9,6,3, and 1.

What we have found helps is to use a speakerphone not only for the kids to talk to Dad, but to let them hear Phil and I talking. It lets them feel safe and not worry about "Daddy leaving" in some permanent way. Alternately you can try videophone via internet. Of course, you would want to save serious "discussions" for private conversations, but hearing/seeing you catch up can do a lot for them. I think of "olden days" when moms would read letters that their husband had written when he was away.

When he does get home, a quick stop for some flowers to give you "just because" also takes some worry about the Mom/Dad relationship out of the picture. It just lets them know that nothing is "wrong".

Make sure you get some alone time with your husband when he gets home, even if it's only an hour after the kids go to bed. If more time allows, he can get alone time with each of the kids, even if it's only helping run errands.

Hope it helps.

I have the same problem so I can relate. My husband is a contractor so he can be gone for 2 weeks or better at times. What we do is have pictures of him on the refridgerator and through out the house. My husband Jason will call nightly and talk to them each. He trys to let them know when he will be home. It will be difficult at first but the children will get used to daddy being gone and will get easier. Our 10 yr old understands more than our 3 yr old. He has been doing this since he was 1 1/2 yrs old. They will have behavior issues since there is only one parent in the home. Its more like testing you on what they can get away with since daddy is gone. Just be consistant and have your husband talk to them as much as he can. Letting them know what daddy is doing when he's gone is also helpful. I hope it will get better, sometimes I think it is harder on me then my children..having to be mom/dad but it will pass. If you need someone to chat with you can email me @ ____@____.com.

Hi C. I am experanced in this area my Husband works 14 n 7 gone for 14 home for 7 when my childern where growing up it was very hard with daddy not being here but I pray with them alot an let them talk to him on the phone when they could an that would help an I put pictures in there rooms of him that seemed to help also but today we have cell phones an some friends that have small children an husband is away they take small videos an send them to each others phones so daddy gets to see children n children get to see daddy so I think that is a great tool to stay connected D.M. WWJD

I have two ideas is Dad call once a day to talk with them, or at least sending a e-mail. Two is something use like a chart to help them count down the days until Dad will be home.

C.,
My husband is military and in the past has been gone for months at a time. Try using a count down calendar and make a really big deal out of Daddy getting home. Have them help make something special for Dad, a card telling him about what they have done while he has been gone.
As far as getting in bed with you I have had that same problem you just have to keep putting them back in their own bed. I hope this helps.
C.

My husband travels alot too. What helps us is a "daddy box". Have a box for each child that they can place things in it that they would like to share with daddy if he was there. It could be drawings from school, new toys, etc. Then when your husband comes home he can sit down with each child and they can talk about their box.

Hope this helps.

Being a military spouse my husband is gone all the time. In 2003 when they deployed for a year it was hardest on my 7 year old and the 9 year old seemed to understand better. I had to tell her that he has to be there, he did not decide just to be away from him. I helped her write letters and she help pack care packages for him and she talked to him on the phone. So my advice it to try to get them involved in thing i.e. helping make dinner for him when he returns, make him a card, let them talk to him on the phone or email message. Make sure they know that he is working and not just gone because he does not want to be around. It is sad to say but they will get better as he is gone more.

H.

My husband works out of town as well. He rarely gets to come in, we just go see him every two weeks or so. But one thing we do, if you and your husband have a computer, we bought a webcam. This way, my daughter (she's 2) gets to see her daddy every night and it's easier for me, too. And I tell her everyday that her daddy misses her, and we will see him soon. I hope this helps. I know first hand of how hard this is!

Let your little one have a shirt that smells like daddy. one of your husbands undershirts with alittle of his cologe on it. he will think that his daddy is there with him. my husband works night so it is hard for me to make the kids go to there bed but this seems to help them stay in there own beds.

A.

I know how you are feeling. My husband was a trucker, and gone a lot during the years when I raised my kids. It is rough when Daddy is not there. There is no way to make it not rough. Kids need thier dads. The phone is your survival aid. It is not a luxury. Just accept that a large phone bill is part of your life. The kids need to talk to him every day, sometimes several times a day, and you and he need it also, for the sake of your marriage..