Husband Is Constantly Calling Me FAT and Worthless...

Updated on March 14, 2007
S.M. asks from Beaverton, OR
8 answers

I have a 17 month old daughter. I have been married for almost 3 years. Before I had her I was working fulltime and I weighed 120lbs. When I got pregnant Igained 80lbs. and still weigh about 170. My husband is ALWAYS telling me to loose weight and I hardly eat any junk food. I keep my calorie intake below 1000 and I exersize EVERY day. I have tried diet pills and all kinds of diet programs and I stay the same. I think I look good though. It just makes me mad that he tells me that I am fat. I really need suggestions on good ways that have worked for others to loose weight.
The other thing is that I do not work. I recently inherited ALOT of money and I used it to buy us a home and a car. My husband is in medical school through the Air Force and we get a monthly check from them and WE have NO DEBT. We also have NO mortgage payment or car payment. We have it really good I think. My usband thinks that because I stay at home with my daughter that I am lazy. He wants me to go get some retail job or something in the evenings when he gets home. I think it is pointless to do so because I would only work for about 12 to 20 hours a week at min wage and we really don't need any money. If I don't work he is just going to tell me that I am worthless. I have told him until I am blue in the face that taking care of a toddler is the hardest job I have ever had but he dosen't believe me. What should I tell him?

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L.M.

answers from Portland on

I agree that your husband is emotionally abusive, whether he realizes it or not. Obviously his comments are getting to you and if something isn't done about this then he may end up causing your child to have a complex about her weight which will lead to eating disorders.
My advice is to go to counseling. It isn't healthy for anyone to be in this sort of situation. Even if he is unwilling to go a counselor/therapist can equip you with skills so that you can handle the situation.
As far as your husband not believing that taking care of a toddler is a hard job, plan a day out, write down her routine and stay gone all day long. Go see a movie, shop, or whatever. After walking a day in your shoes he may realize that toddlers are a handfull.
You are blessed that you can stay home and raise her. Other moms aren't as lucky. There is no reason for him to be rude. Has anyone told him that he can be really rude?(maybe he doesn't know)

1 mom found this helpful
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K.O.

answers from Portland on

I don't mean to be harsh but, it sounds like you need to move on if you can't get your husband to stop being so emotionally abusive. That sets a horrible example for your daughter. Would you want her to be with some one who treats her the way you are being treated when she grows up? Besides, no one deserves to be treated that way. Stand up for yourself.
As far as the weight goes.... Make sure you are doing both cardio exercise and weight training. Weight training should only be done every other day and the cardio should be for at least 50 minutes 4-5 days a week. If you're already doing those things maybe you should talk to a doctor. Sometimes women develop thyroid conditions during or after a pregnancy and those cause weight problems. Good luck!

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K.B.

answers from Toledo on

How about - Go jump in the lake! Thats what I would tell him.
ha
I don't think its appropriate for your husband to call you those names.. thats immature and ridiculous. If that is his way of "supporting" you, wow.. If he thinks its so easy, let him stay home with your daughter for a couple days and see how "lazy" you can be. lol

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J.K.

answers from Portland on

i agree with the other women. i think you should do counseling, but for you to get out not for him. he definitely needs it, but you need to get away from him. as a child who grew up in an abusive household, it's not good to stay together for the child. i hated hearing my mom cry all the time and i felt like it was my fault. you need to seriously sit with him, tell him your feelings, suggest him go to counseling, and tell him you can't be around him if he's going to treat you like that. you don't need that, and neither does your child. good luck with whatever you decide!

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S.B.

answers from Portland on

Like everyone mentioned, he's emotionally abusive. He's using money to control you. This is unacceptable and you deserve better. He needs major counseling, to admit he has a problem, and actively try to change his behavior, or he needs to go.

I was married for 5 years to a narcissistic, compulsively lying, abusive idiot. I finally got the guts to leave when I discovered he'd been unfaithful. I wasted so much time trying to figure out why I wasn't enough for me, and then I discovered that I was not the problem. He was like a black hole that was never satisfied. Completely broken on the inside.

Do you have a good support system? Could you go stay with a friend/family member etc to clear your head and get a plan? A women's shelter? Oregon has some great resources for women. Is he physically violent? If not, does he have the potential to be? If so, I would obtain a restraining order first. Mine wasn't physically violent until I told him that I was leaving - I ended up on the phone with 911 as he threw household items at me and threatened me.

Not only do you owe it to yourself, but you owe it to your daughter to not allow this treatment. It's not love. She will grow up with a distorted sense of reality about love and end up controlled by a man when she's older. It's not shocking that my father was cruel to my mother, and I ended up with someone just like him.

After years of counseling and putting my life back together, I managed to meet a wonderful man - a single dad. Now I get to be stepmommy to two wonderful kids. And if I would have stayed with the jerk I never would have met David.

Good luck to you - send a message if you'd like to talk. :)
~S.

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J.H.

answers from Portland on

My first instinct is to tell you to tell him to get the hell out of your house, but since you have a child with him, I suggest you give him one chance. Tell him, he either goes to counseling or your marriage is over. Do not let him talk to you like that, you will live to regret it, and your child will be damaged by it. It doesn't matter if you lose weight, he will find something else. This is not your fault.

M.M.

answers from Portland on

your husband is abusive. i've been in a similar situation, and until i was out of it, didn't even realize just how bad it had been. i don't agree with the person who says to stick it out for your children. you don't want your kids to think that kind of behavior is at all acceptable, and it will only hurt them to see you hurt. would you want them to be treated like that by a partner later on in life? staying with someone who treats you that way will only slowly cut down your sense of self worth. try hanging out with some folks who value you and make you feel good about yourself for a bit and see how different it is. that's how you should be treated all the time. anyhow, easier said than done, but i'd say get out - for yourself, AND for your kids. i am a single mom to a 5 month old little boy and my ex- husband is in the military as well. i decided that rather than have my son grow up with a role model who would cut me down and do his best to make me feel like less than wonderful, that i would rather do ity on my own. i would never want my son to act that way to myself or any other woman. anyhow, good luck!

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K.R.

answers from Portland on

I would have to agree with everything the other women have to say!
For your weight: If you trully want to lose it for you, No one else. I would suggest eating more! Yes eat more. 1000 calories a day is not enough. Your body is storing all those calories as fat. That is why you are not losing. Eat balanced meals tons of fruits and veggies, and of course lots of water, and a couple snacks a day. cottage cheese, yogurt, fruit....Always balance your snacks the way you balance a meal. Protein, carb, fat (nuts, olive oil, etc). Hope this helps!

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