Husband Is an Alcoholic

Updated on September 15, 2009
S.P. asks from Denver, CO
4 answers

So we just moved here and my husband started drinking again. I am not sure what to do... He was the stay at home dad and now I have put my son in daycare full time because I did not trust my husband at home with him. We are renting a condo right now but looking to buy a house and I am just not sure I want to move forward with buying a home with him. I am not sure if we should get separated or what. I went to an Alanon meeting last night but it wasn't a great one... Anyone know any good alanon groups or support of any kind?

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answers from Denver on

I don't know a good alanon group but keep trying other groups until you find one that fits with you. I don't think you should buy a house yet either. If he's drinking again, he's probably still a long way off from recovery. So even if he stops again, it's likely he'll fall off the wagon again. You need to take steps for your and your son to live independently from him (which you've already started to do). If I were you, I'd separate from him now before it gets worse for you. The burden is all falling on you now (which isn't fair, but true). I know it's hard to take this step, but I think you'll be a lot better off doing it now than later. Then you are in a more empowered position no matter what he does. If he stays sober for a year, the chances start to look better for recovery and you could bring him back into your life. He needs to fix this on his own and you can't control any of that. Recovery is not a quick process and he has to do it all on his own. You are protecting the best interests of your son and I commend you for that. You are in for a really rough road if you stay. It's not easy! Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Denver on

Sorry, I don't know of any good Alanon groups. I have some food for thought:
1. Is he truely an alchoholic or does he drink more than you would like?
2. If he is an alchoholic then you need to take action right now.
3. Your son learns by example, so if you are okay with your son thinking it okay to behave the way his father does than let the behavior continue.
4. Would you let anyone else be intoxicated and even be around your son? You husband should be more accountable than anyone else. If you are really enabling him by putting the baby in daycare while he stays home and drinks liq, then you are not holding him accountable.

Hope that helps you make the right decision for your family

Much Love!



answers from Denver on

I wouldn't buy a house yet. Besides the fact that you feel like things are up in the air, I think it's a good boundary (until you are in recovery, I don't feel like we can move forward and buy a house, etc.). You seem to have excellent boundaries so far, and alanon will certainly help that continue. I know it can be hard to feel comfortable in that group, but please don't give up. I don't know where you live, but I know there are good groups in Highlands Ranch and Littleton.

You probably know this from alanon, but remember that you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, you can't control it. You seem to be living that- not thinking that watching your son will straighten him up, or buying the house will make him more likely to stop, etc.

My very best to you and your family.



answers from Denver on

I'm sorry to hear of this.. However, I know how I can help. My husband is a hypnotherapist and has helped with this situation before. If your husband really WANTS to quit, it will work. Have him give my husband a call and check out his website

James Klingensmith ###-###-####

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