Husband Advice

Updated on February 12, 2007
J.S. asks from Northville, MI
12 answers

My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years and we have a beautiful baby girl, she is 16 months. I desperately want another child and my husband is against it. When we had our daughter, we agreed to have another child and now he is backing down from his word. I don't want my daughter to be an only child. I'm almost 40 and I don't have much time left in the baby department. It really has me quite upset. Does anyone have some good advice?

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.F.

answers from Detroit on

Don't feel bad J., I am in the same situation. My daughter is 12 1/2 months old and I am ready for another one. I do not want her to be the only child and to have someone as she grows up. My husband on the other hand is just as nervous about a new baby as he was when I got pregnant the first time. He talks about being able to afford another one. Did we really imagine affording the first one? No, but we are doing just fine. The thing is, is that you do not always afford a baby, but as long as you are able to provide for that baby and the rest of the family then I do not see a big deal. I know that my husband and I make more money than my parents did and there was 3 mouths to feed then. I know that I need to talk to my husband about the same thing. Good luck to you!

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.

answers from Detroit on

This is a hard one. I think you need to sit down and really think about this. Maybe even sit down with your clergy at your church. Figure out if this is a deal breaker. You said you didn't want your daughter to grow up without a brother or sister, but if this is a deal breaker, do you want her to grow up without a daddy around all of the time. Sit down with your husband and figure out why the change of heart, there has to be a reason. Did he find it was harder than he expected once having a child? Not enough Daddy and Mommy time (that will do it a lot of the time), money issues? Talk to him would be the first thing I would do and then go from there.
Good Luck!
J.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.G.

answers from Detroit on

weight all the facts! are you financially ready for a nother baby? you and you husb wrk full time? your going to have both of your babies in day care? can you aford to wrk part time? bacause we all want to spent time with our children, but we have to wrk!! so we feel bad and also guity. i have 3 boys 13,3,3 month i love them all but, sometims i wish there was ony 2 because now we have to wrk extra because there is a third tuition, a third car to buy they get onld enough to drive. i have let someone raice by baby's while we are at wrk i wrk from 9 to 8 2 days out of the week is till 9 so wen i get home they are going to bed and baby already seep. what im triying to say is don't be angry talk to him and find out out what the change of heart..

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.

answers from Detroit on

My husband is the same way. My son is 2. He has come up with a ton of excuses and reasons not to have another child. Some people have told me just to have a mistake happen. I don't think this is a very good way to go about things in a marriage. We have been married for 9 years, and honesty has been a big part of that. Last month I thought I might be pregnant. I sent him to the store to get the test, because the one I bought was broken. Turns out I am not, but now I know he would accept another baby, he is just as nervous as the first time, we got pregnant.
I can't say that this is your husband's problem. Just give him some time and tell him you are giving him time to think about it. We are going to discuss the idea again in the summer. That way he has six months to think about it without me bugging him.

Good luck,
A.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.S.

answers from Detroit on

Sozzz J., sounds like a desperate housewives episode. Do you think he is scared! If he is tell him to get over it, if he is not, get him drunk and have your way with him or there is always the lawn boy (soz).I really think you two need to have a nice chat.. If you have a second child will you stop working. He might have a problem with that!
Good luck!
C. S.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.A.

answers from Jackson on

Well, the best advice I can give you is to take his feelings to heart and discuss it more. Ask him why he does not want to have another baby. My husband did not want another one because of the pain I went through during delivery. Once I reassured him that it was completely worth it and I was more than willing to go through that and more, he agreed. Maybe your husband is just worried about what might happen to you. He might also be upset that he does not have you all to himself any more. It's sometimes hard for men to realize that they have to share their wives with the kids. What ever you do, make sure it's a decision that both of you can live with.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.P.

answers from Detroit on

I can't say who is right or wrong. As strongly as you want a baby that's probably as strongly as he feels he doesn't want a baby. Sit down with your husband and discuss the reasons behind wanting/not wanting another child, even go as far as writing down the pros and cons of having another baby. Our son just turned a year and we are debating over another child, neither of us is fighting for one cause or the other, we both just know that there are things in life we want for ourselves and for our son, if we have another baby some of those things may not happen. Theres, trips, College, cars, in you case a wedding...

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.L.

answers from Detroit on

Well maybe your husband isn't ready for another addition to the family. Maybe he thinks that your daughter is still young and would like to enjoy her more before another baby comes into the picture. Give him some time You dont want to force the issue or get pregnant then he might resent you. Maybe there is a financial reason he doesn't want to have another. Ask him to be frank with you on his reasonings why he changed his mind

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.S.

answers from Grand Rapids on

What is the reasoning your hubby gives you? Is he just so in love with your lil one that he can't imagine loving another? Or is one enough for him to handle? I completely understand how you feel. My husband and I don't agree with the number of children thing either. I want to be a mommy to lots of babies and he was content with one. I pushed for two and that was okay, but now HE'S done. I think men have totally different aspects on parenting. Women have an actual physical pull in their bodies reguarding children. It's a REAL need that we have. Men don't have this. If anything, pull him in front of a counselor, have a mediated session where you can spill your heart out and have him really hear you on the matter. But in return you need to hear him. If he thinks that he can't handle another child, let it rest and find contentment and joy in the one that you have. If it's another reason try to get through to him. Even though you're close to 40 doesn't mean that babies are coming to an end. If you can't have them yourself, there is always adoption. You may think that it's not for you, but let me tell ya... waiting for a baby to be born (even from another mother) bring as much joy (just a dif type) as waiting for your own as it grows inside of you. My mother once told my adopted sister "God always meant you to be mine, you just had to grow inside of a different mommy". Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.N.

answers from Saginaw on

We went through a similar situation, with some differences. At first, my husband wanted a baby much faster after our first than I did. Then one day he just sprung it on me that he thought he did not want any more. I accepted his decision, because my son is such a great part of our lives that I figured my life would still be complete without another baby.

Then I got pregnant unexpectedly, and miscarried. We didn't know for sure about the miscarriage for a few days, so we had some time that I thought there was a good chance that we were expecting a baby that my husband did not want. He surprised me, by being happy about the pregnancy. He was equally as devastated as I was when the pregnancy ended. It put things in perspective for him. Now his view is that we could be genuinely happy if our son is an only child, but if I get pregnant, he'll be equally happy. Strangely, now I'm the one that doesn't really know if I want another baby. But, I know if I get pregnant, I'll be happy anyway.

You might ask your husband why it is that he does not want another baby. In our case, my husband was concerned about finance, mostly. Once you know why he does not want another baby, you might be able to help him see that his concerns have solutions you can both be happy with. And you might be surprised to find out that his reasons make sense, and decide that one child might be a good idea after all.

In the end, it's more important that you both are happy with the choice. In the meantime, rejoice in the fact that your life has been blessed with a healthy beautiful daughter to share your lives with. I found myself reminding myself that so many people are not as blessed to have even one child, so I knew that my life was already so much more complete than so many women that long for a child.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.D.

answers from Detroit on

well i know if i was denied a baby i would be devastated and then later it would turn into resentment towards my husband. and the bottom line is if he does cave in and give you another baby you know as well as anyone else that he will be just as happy and in love with his second child as he is his first... how could he not,, especially if he's very good to his baby girl. another thing that i'm thinking is that with this being baby # 1 maybe wait another year so she can have some more time in the spot light with mommy and daddy alone; and get that special first child treatment; and when-if you do have a second then they would be in the spot light as the last baby. i dunno; but i would definatly talk things over with your husband and explain to him that this is very hurtful for you and that you feel deprived and devastated and ask him why it is that he doesn't want any more children.. the call is ultimately yours. good luck and i hope things really do work out for the both of you.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.M.

answers from Detroit on

I'm sure it's very hard what you're going through. I can understand, I am pregnant with my first child and I am 36. I often worried if I would ever have children at all. Has he said why he doesn't want to have another child? Maybe there's something he's afraid of (i.e. $).

J. M.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions

Related Searches