Husband Addicted to Gambling&bets

Updated on June 12, 2013
R.N. asks from Detroit, MI
10 answers

Hi all! I recently found out that my dh's addiction to gambling and bets is beyond any limit. He started to sell goods from home includig his wedding ring. I don't know what I can do. I work full time and so does he, but money are never enough.
What should I do? I am torn:( I need to offer my child at least the basics.

What can I do next?

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answers from Denver on

if he is not willing to seek help for his addiction then you should probably consider leaving the situation. things like this usually only get worst. I would get him help

4 moms found this helpful

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answers from Albany on

So he verbally and physically abuses you and your child (last post), plus he has a serious gambling addiction. And you stay with him....why? I'm sorry, I don't understand.


8 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

This can be a serious addiction that can result in you losing everything you have. He's already selling things to pay someone (who?) and if he's just paying off the interest he'll never pay off the debt. Unless he gets serious - and I mean serious help things will get bed.

By allowing him to continue to gamble without any negative impact you are becoming an enabler. This man, and by extension you and your child, needs help now. Sooner rahter than later. If he's betting from a bookie that can lead to serious, life & limb threatening trouble becuase bookies are all connected at some level to organized crime - and those kind of people don't care about the wife and children of a guy who owes them money. Injuries "happen". Yikes,

Your husband needsa an ultimatum. He needs to agree to stop gambling, allow you to handle all the money and be completely transparent about all debts that are out there. Then the two of you need to figure out how to pay off the debts. He MUST agree to get into a gamling addiciton program (there are hotlines you can call and they'll direct you to programs). If he agrees then stick by him and hold him accountable for every dollar (and eventually if he seriously sticks to the program he'll be able to handle the family's money again). But if he won't agree to all these conditions you should get yourself out of there. I know two older women (one in her late 70's another in her late 80's - both were my mom's good friends) whose husbands were gamblers all their lives. They always lived in "want" - always drove broken down cars, bought clothes at thrift stores, always lived in run down homes, etc. You get the picture. None of that is awful if you're working your way out of a tough spot, or if there's no other choice. BUT - whne you're both working and there's never enouigh money for neccessities and never a hope of being able to work your way out of the situation - then you need to get out of it by yourself if he's not coming along.

This won't be a quick process for him to make the decision - and regardless of which way he decides to go it will be tough for you. But you can do this. i just prayed for you that you'd have the wisdom and discernment to make the right decision and that God would pierce your husband's heart for his family.

God speed for you both.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Albuquerque on

He needs to get professional help. Sadly, there is nothing you can do to "fix" his problem as it's a true addiction. If he can admit the problem and is willing to work on it, call your doctor and ask for a referral to an addiction specialist.

If he is not willing to work on his (very serious) problem, get a separate bank account that only you can touch and put all of your family money in it. Make sure he can't sell the car or take out a second mortgage on your house without your sign off -- call your bank and loan companies to make sure. And if this continues and he won't get help, you need to think about leaving him until he goes into treatment. It might be the kick in the pants he needs to realize how serious his addiction is.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I'm sorry. People re addicted to all kinds of things. Gambling is as hard to cure as anything else.

It requires desire for help, help, and support. If you don't have the first one, the last two won't do anything.

Get professional help for him. Good luck to you and yours.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

Step 1 - open a separate bank accounts where your only have access to your money. If possible transfer some of his payroll funds into that account as well for the up keep of the house.
Step 2 - Everley gave great advice. The only way to help him and to possibly save your family is to escalte him to the bottom of the barrel by proctecting your home and demanding more from him and being willing to follow through.
Step 3 - Get help for you and the kids. You can't make someone do anything but you can be the responsible parent requiring more from husband and being prepared to either move out to prove your point or put him out to prove your point.

Selling the wedding ring without talking to you about it and coming to an agreement is just the beginning of bad things to come if you don't get yourself and the kids separated from his addiction. I'm praying for the best for you all.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

this is an addiction - equivalent to drugs/alcohol. Go online and get some information and have a qualified individual do an intervention (don't do it yourself). His life is circling around the addition and you're circling around him. Stop the cycle. Understand that with an intervention there is an ultimadum. Either he gets help and you're gone. You're not abandoning him, but you need to stop enabling him. This will destroy your entire life if you let it. Your child deserves more than this. Take the steps now.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

Does he acknowledge he has a problem?
If he's willing to work on it, get therapy, join Gamblers Anonomous and let you handle the family finances (turn his paycheck over to you), you might be able to salvage your marriage.
If he's in denial, and not interested in getting help, that would be a marriage breaker for me.
Get a lawyer, lock up the assets, and divorce him.
As with any addict, he might turn himself around if/when he hits rock bottom but he might never see the light.
Get yourself to a Gam-Anon meeting (support for family/friends of the gambling addict).

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Get your ducks in order, get a good attorney, and get out.



answers from Detroit on

Give him an ultimatum. Either he calls Gamblers Anonymous and gets help or you and your child will be out of there. He's stealing from the house, which is stealing from you, which makes it clear he's out of control and is only concerned with his addiction and not you (selling his wedding ring). Confront him and yank off your own wedding ring and say what's good for the goose is good for the gander, and that will show you're available for men who do care, with no baggage. That might scare him enough. Be ready to follow through, tho. Keep a list of those things he's pawned for $. When you get to an attorney, you have that as evidence that you're being robbed. I also wonder if changing the locks would be a good idea, so that he can't get in to steal things.k Get on the phone to an attorney real fast tho for advice.

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