Huge Question

Updated on May 25, 2009
J.T. asks from Naperville, IL
13 answers

My son is watched at a licenced home daycare. The rato presently is 2 adults to 8 children. About two months ago, when I picked up my son he had a bite on the side of his face and a scratch on his cheek. The bite was bad enough to leave a bruise. The daycare provider said it happened during nap time. The bot who bit my son climbed out of his playpen and into my son's and did that. The resolution was that the boy will not sleep in the same room as the rest of the kids. I also ask to be called at the time something happens again. Good, I moved on. Everything is great. He's going there and coming home happy. He's 18 months and knows some colors and numbers. He comes home with art projects. He's happy.
Today however, I pick him up and he is a MES! Sratches all over his face. A really long one just under the eye. Big bruise again on the side of the face. Ear is all red and sratched. Even his poor hands have red marks and one hand is swollen! Not to get into too much back and forth, the daycare provider said my son hit the SAME boy who bit him before on the head with a toy truck. And the boy did that to him! They said they saw it all and it happened so fast.
I really don't believe that story. One, she didn't call me when it happened. Two, it's the same boy. three, how in the world can all that have happened so fast under supervision. The main lady was in the bathroom with a child. She said the helper was in the room tending to a crying infant.
We took him to the doctor who sent us the the ER. Yes, it it that bad. X-rays were done on his hand and a Cat-scan of his head because of the bruise.

OK, my question is this, what should be done? How should this be addressed? We can't afford to go to anyone else. I can't afford not to work. Plus, I love my job. I really think both providers are great. But, this boy, two times now. She said they can't be next to them all day long when they are playing and they like to play with each other so it's hard to keep them apart.

I just don't kow what to do. The doctor is going to talk to us tomorrow about him filing a report with DCFS.

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So What Happened?

As of 5/27/09: We are now looking into just putting up the extra money and placing our son in a school. It will probably be a Montessori. We looked at quite few home day cares who have openings in our area. After really grilling them with questions, we are not comfortable with any of them.
The provider was founded at fault by DCFS for negligence and lost her licence. She can still appeal the ruling but with all the edvidence against her, I really doubt the appeal will be approved.
Thank you all for your words of support!

My son is doing fine. He is being watched by my mom today. My doctor has reported the incident to DCFS. A DCFS worker is coming today at 5pm to talk with us at home. I also have a meeting with the darcare provider to discuss things.

We had our "meeting". The mom of the boy who did the attack was there. She was unremorseful. She pretty much said, your son started it by hitting my son with a truck. What do you expect? We applogized for our son hitting him on the head with a truck. She didn't say sorry, nothing. We asked her if she saw all the damage her son did to ours and she said no. We told her. And asked if she would like to see pictures? She didn't want to see them.
The provider just keep saying these things happened. When we probed into what happened deaper, it was discovered that the attack happened right after naptime. She was in the bathroom helping a child. She can see the room the children are in from the bathroom across the hall, but here is the peice that she lied to us about when we pick our son up that day; the assistant who was supposedly in the room tending a crying infant,, was not even there! She was on lunch! That is why our son was hurt so bad. There wasn't an adult in the room to stop any of it. I really doubt that my son even hit this other boy with a truck.
Anyways, the provier was PISSED at US! Why! Because DCFS came to her home and shut her down. Pulled her licence. She told us we lied to them. We made up stories to DCFS. We never even talked to DCFS. The doctors did. Then she had the nerve to say that if and when she got her licence back, she would never watch our son again. (not that we would want her to after all this) She started to twist everything to point that my son was the child who has issues! We asked what issues. She said, taking toys from other children, pushing them when he doesn't get his way or they get too close, etc. and she didn't want the baby she watches to get hurt from HIM! When I said do the other children take toys? Push the other children? She said yes, but they are older and she can train them easier. I asked has my son ever bit another child, she said no. We said, then why isn't the boy who did all this to our son leaving. She couldn't answer, just run around. Then the mom of the boy states how all the parents are going to petition DCFS to drop the "charges". I wouldn't doubt that this whole "meeting" we had was preplanned. The provider met with all the parents and made us look like the bad guy.
I'm glad my son is out of there. One of the kid's mom she watches is a nurse. The day we picked him up with all the scratches, red marks and bruises, she saw my boy. Didn't say a thing! When the provider said, these things happen, this "nurse" shakes her head yes and turns away to finish strapping in her baby in the car seat. I hope I NEVER get her as a nurse. I will demand to get a new one or a hospital transfer!

We are getting a listing of providers in our area from DCFS, hopefully soon. Wish us luck that the next one 100% better!

Thank you all for your advice and well wishes!

More Answers



answers from Chicago on

Its understandable that you cant afford anywhere else, but can you afford something life threatening happening to your child??? Right now your going to pay hospital bills for what the other child did to him. Plus the other thing is, leaving your son there, he will become aggressive to as he gets older and develop bad habits.You need to find a new daycare provider asap for your child. Who knows what else is done to him that your not seeing.
Get a new daycare provider asap, and stop sending him there even if you have to take a leave of absence from work. I loved my job too, but had to no choice but to leave it for my child. It was ideal and perfect and my dream job, but kids come first. Thats what being a parent is all about.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

You can't afford NOT to find another day care provider quickly. You child is your priority, even if money is tight. Think of him FIRST and get him out of that situation. Things will happen at day care and children will fight, but with an aggressive child like the one you describe, I would fear for my child's safety on a regular basis. Your child should not have to be put in danger.
Good luck.
Providers like that should not be allowed to stay in business.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

If you feel the provider was lying to you, why would you stay? I don't even know them and I feel they aren't telling the full story - especially since your boy is hurt more than just getting hit with a truck. What was this truck made out of? Concrete? It sounds like he fell out of something or down the stairs. Do they have a playset or did they go to a playground? Maybe he fell into woodchips. Or that he was struck repeatedly with an object. Which is why the doctor wants to file a report with DCFS. Regardless of how it happened, it was due to the lack of attention from the providers. It would bother me that they didn't call when it happened (like they are supposed to), what are they hiding?

I would find different childcare right away. Find a way to afford it. This is your child's life here - what will happen next time? Broken leg? Another skull fracture?

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Get your son out of there now. You took your son to the ER for X-rays and a CAT Scan.

I have two boys age 4 and 20M. And, quite honestly, I wonder how another child (assuming age 18M or so) could cause that many injuries to your son. Sure, my 20M is tough, but the amount of strength and TIME it would take to impose those sort of injuries? One of two things...#1) They were NOT watching while your son was being beaten up or #2) (I'm sickened to say) it wasn't done by another child.

It's amazing what you can and can't afford when it comes down to it and the sacrifices that can be made.

If I were you, I wouldn't bring my child back to that house ever again. Ever.

Good luck and I hope your son is feeling better.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Simply put, you need to find another provider. Although it may be a little more expensive, the alternative is continually subjecting your son to unsafe conditions. Quite honestly, with cheap daycare you really do "get what you pay for" in some instances (not all).

I'm not saying that filing a report with DCFS is the wrong thing to do; I'd consider it myself. But think about the repercussions when you do that. Do you think the provider will be thrilled with your choice to do that (despite the fact that you are VERY much in the right and doing absolutely what you should be doing)?

Please, for the sake of your child do your research and find a safer place for your child even if it might cost more. Your child's safety and well-being is worth it.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Put simply............she broke the law. Are ya gonna send him back?

Things do happen why didn't she call you? We've all turned for "one minute" and had something happen. This seems like more? Doesn't sound as if there is control at this daycare center and it has gotten so bad that a law has been broken. How clearer can it get that this is not a safe place and that action needs to be taken with this daycare provider so that these serious things don't happen again.

She is putting children as well as her lively hood at risk with her denial.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

The doctor is filing a report with DCFS.

It would be totally irresponsible to (knowingly) subject a child to such an unsafe environment. The solution here is really easy. Pull your child out of daycare now. Do whatever you have to in order to get him into a safer place.

What's next? Skull fracture, broken bone, life-threatening injury? Do you really want to take that chance?

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

You may be able to take legal action for neglect. At the very least, you can file a grievance that will hopefully, potentially, make her lose her license.
I have done childcare in many environments (preschool, babysitting, daycare, afterschool child care, camps, etc) and with the ratios that you are describing, this should NOT have happened. That kind of injury does not happen when you are actively supervising children. And children that age, should ABSOLUTELY be ACTIVELY supervised. This truly sounds like a matter of neglect and/or incompetence to me.

Secondly, I find it unfathomable that they would
a) not watch the children at nap time to see that children are CLIMBING first, and BITING second!!! Where were they?? That is just insane!
b) continue to care for a child who is putting other children in such danger. Biting is a serious offense. I know and understand that it is developmental, but from all of my various child-care experiences, daycares will OFTEN refuse to care for a child who is endangering other children with extreme violence and/or biting. It is NOT uncommon to refuse to care for a child in that instance.

I don't know where you live, and I am not licensed, but I do come with references and a background check... I wasn't in the market for a job or to do daycare, but I would be glad to help you out in the meantime if you wish. We could negotiate a price- that isn't an issue for me, I would just like to help. I'm in Elgin. I would be happy to care for him in my home; I also have an 18 month oldd (almost! Nov 15 baby.)

In the meantime, I would do whatever necessary to gather information (get an incident report from them- this should be a requirement by the state and they must give you one that is dated and signed on their letterhead if they have one.) I would contact a lawyer. I would NOT under ANY circumstances send him back to her/their care.

Big hugs. Poor poor baby!!! (This just infuriates me if you can't tell!!! I'm sooo sorry this happened!)


2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I understand things happen fast but this seems extensive. How could they have seen everything happen and not be able to intervene before it got so bad? If it was only biting I would say it happens quick and is very hard to prevent. I have been in childcare for 24 years and have never sent a child home that was hurt so bad by another child they had to be sent to the emergency room. I think you really need to think about your child's safety. Call DCFS and see if there's any other reports on them.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

J., Take a deep breath first. If I was you I would look for another providor and tell them exactly what and why your doing it. And follow thru and do it. But to give credit to the daycare provider. Things do happen really quickly. and you can't always get to the other side of the room quick enough to prevent a mishap. However that aside the toys the kids are playing with should not be sharp enough to cause cuts and scratches. Bites while they happen should not be acceptable. she needs to replace the other child. is it her own child doing this? If your in aurora I can give you the name of a really good daycare provider. she has a spectacular references.



answers from Chicago on

I'm so sorry to hear that your sweet baby suffered at the hands of someone. One thing that you might suggest and purchase for them is a camera. One that you can log into from any computer and watch what is happening. If they are indeed doing the job they're suppose to do, then they should have no problem with this. You can suggest it to other parents and purchase one for your children's protection, the workers protection and to ease parental fears while you're away. They don't cost much and you can research it further.
My first suggestion would be to look for other affordable options. There really are other options if you look. Nothing is more important than your child's safety and I'm sure if you listen to your heart, you'll know what to do. m



answers from Springfield on

Hi J.,
My first question(s) is what is being told to the other child's parent? Do they know there is problems? Is he also "hurting" other child?
Next, I would let them know that you are going to be looking for other care, and give them the reasons! If it is happening with other children maybe they will consider having "the problem" removed.
If you 100% can not change daycare or until you find something else I would make it certain that your son is not to be anywhere near that boy again - sleeping, playing eating or whatever. No excuses! If that means across the room or going from room to room, so be it. I would also let them know that your doctor thinks the injuries are bad enough to report to DCFS. That just might open their eyes to what is really going on in during their care hours.
Good Luck!


answers from Chicago on

Hi J.,
Thanks for providing an update and I wished I had seen this before you did so that I could have replied sooner.

I knew from reading your story that the provider was lying. My oldest child was in home daycare. It was actually at 18 months we removed her. She would come home looking the same as your child but not as bad. But when I noticed that the same thing was not happening at Rogy's Learning Center I had to ask them questions. They told me that sort of thing does not happen simply because there was always someone on the floor watching the kids at all times. At the home daycare, one would be preparing lunch while the other one was doing something else. Therefore leaving the kids open to play alone as well as fight w/o anyone really knowing what happened.

I will say this though, the kid who hurt my kid was suspended by the provider for a day. But for that and other reasons, we moved her out anyway.

I do have a friend in Plainfield with a daycare if you need another provider.

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