Hubby Asked to Be Godfather, I Feel Some Kind of Way

I think that it's wonderful that you take your position as a godparent so seriously; however, what molds your husband's godfather relationship with this other child is not your own attitudes about it, but the parents' interpretation of what it means to be a godparent.

Most people, while they do take the godparent role as an honor and a commmitment on some level, do not attach the deep level of time commitment (or travel) to it that you do. Again, that's wonderful, but you were also already extremely close to your godkids' parents before the kids came along -- so close you call the mom your sister.

But the parents of this other child already are well aware they are not that kind of close to you. So why are you so concerned they will have the same expectations of you that you have of yourself?

The parents may view being a godfather as just meaning that your husband is there for a baptism; that he is helpful to them in terms of giving the child religious guidance, and/or memorializiing important times in her life such as birthdays, first communion, etc. I would be very, very surprised if this family expected your family to now surrender every holiday with your own relatives and others to whom your are close, so you can spend those holidays with them.

Your husband should talk with them about what it means to them. It may be very deep for them or it just may be a matter of "We needed to have a godparent for the baptism ceremony and we would be delighted to have you there." Not "We now expect you at our house at Christmas." Even if they consider your husband a very close friend, I can't believe they now expect that of you.

Have you guys asked the parents what being a Godparent means to them? They may not view it the same as you do...you might talk with them about their expectations of Godparents.

That would surely help me with my feelings.

To me, godparents are simply someone who can be a role model for my children throughout their lives. Not necessarily there for holidays or other events! I wouldn't expect that of them.

You are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy over-thinking both this scenario and the role of Godparents. My Godmother is a good friend of my mother. She was at my baptism, came to major events/parties that other family friends came to (birthdays when we were small, First Communion, Confirmation, various graduations, my wedding (and shower), babies' baptisms, etc). But so did most of my relatives and many other family friends. There certainly has never been any expectation that we spend holidays together, or that she would come to recitals, etc.

While it's nice that your children's God parents are very close to them, that's not the standard expectation. I highly doubt this other family expects what you do and that this will cause problems or be intrusive. Please get over yourself.

EDITED TO ADD: I didn't call you petty. YOU SAID YOU FELT PETTY IN YOUR OWN FIRST PARAGRAPH. You said that after your husband was asked to be the Godfather and you thought about it, I quote: " Immediately I felt some strange feeling coming on that I couldn't understand or explain and which made me feel petty." I was trying to offer another explanation for what YOU described as petty emotions. Because I'll admit that when my BFF chose another less close friend and a SIL chose a friend rather than family for Godparents, I felt a bit slighted. Then I got over myself.

So reread the other points of view and take a step back when you do. No one is personally attacking you.

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Okay... Godparents are important, absolutely, and the role should be taken seriously but your husband's acceptance will have no bearing on you. His role won't infringe on your life or your family's life. If anything it will enhance it as it will enhance his Godchild's life.

My husband is the Godfather to his sister's elder daughter and is present for every special occasion, and I tend to fill in on the "special auntie" roles when she wants to chat and I choose her gifts. They do have a special relationship and even share a birthday.

I'm my 9 month-old niece's Godmother and I would die for that little girl... and while it may seem I go out of my way for her, I do the same for her that I would do for any of my nieces or nephews. The difference is that she's the first baby other than my daughters on my side of the family and my brother and his wife thought they'd never have children. She's a miracle baby. And she adores my husband and all of her cousins. She's a joy having in the family.

We're there for our Godchildren as much as we can be, honoring our commitments, but not to a point that it's stressful or spreading our lives thin. Being a Godparent isn't a stress but a blessing.

I have to agree that you're completely over-thinking things and wonder if you're feeling slighted for not having been asked to be a Godmother. All the rest is a smokescreen for explaining the pettiness.