HS Graduate Step Daughter Issues! Please Help!

take it out of the laundry basket.. and put it right back in her room. She will notice after a while. Also make a dr. appt. for her. There should be something out there that can help her... They have adult diapers.. but there is meds she can take too. Talk to her dad.. and then tell her.. find a dr. that might be able to help. But she is old enough to do her own laundry.. especially if she makes the mess... she should clean it.. maybe that will help her in the long run too.. and tell her if she doesn't like it.. then get a cleaning a service or move out!! Be bold about it.. you are not her maid

I think you need to get this child to a medical professional of some kind to get at the bottom of this issue. She needs help understanding why this happens and possible ways of stopping it.
Until the source of the bedwetting is clear and addressed, have you tried creating a schedule for her to take care of her laundry? She should strip her bed in the am before school and make throwing the sheets in the machine a morning ritual before she leaves the house. Then popping them into the dryer should be the first thing she does when she gets home.
As to your role in her life: She is your step-daughter, and you will have to create a relationship that works both of you. This may or may not include discipline, that will be up to the two of you to decide. Perhaps your support and love will be enough to help her move past what sounds like a terrible situation.

The solution to the wet laundry is to put it back in her room, the smell will make her take notice. If she wants to sleep in urine soaked sheets, perhaps a water proof sheet would help. The bigger problem is the bedwetting, take your daughter to a urologist, she has a medical problem.

DM, if this is a high school graduate, meaning an 18 or older, there is no disciplining to be done. This is not a child. This is a legal adult. You don't have the right to discipline an adult. Why is it that in her childhood, no one ever took her to the doctor for this issue? You can't, as someone suggested, make her an appointment now. She is an adult and legally you don't have the right to authorize any medical intervention when she is capable of doing it herself and I dont' just mean because you are a step parent. As an adult, only she can authorize her own medical care and treatment, and a doctor would be in violation of HIPPA law if he told her parents anything about her medical situation.
Nonetheless, I think there must be a psychological component involved if an 18 year old is willing to sleep in their own urine. But if she isn't taking responsbility, then you must decide whether or not to allow her to continue living in your home.
Good luck

She's a highschool graduate and still wets the bed? I'm curious if this issue has ever been addressed with a medical professional? I'm also thinking there might be an underlying behavioral/developmental issue. It's sad that she so desperately needs help and her father isn't helping. You both need to be a united front and get her the help she needs and soon! What kind of life is that?

There have been a lot of responses that pretty much sum up what I am thinking. Another issue that wasn't brought up is drinking or drugs. If she is intoxicated, she may not be alert enough to wake up to use the bathroom... or she might not care. Just a thought...
Does she work? Go to college? Seems like there is definately something serious going on. What adult will sleep in a urine soaked bed and not care?

This is NOT a discipline issue - this girl needs professional help. Take her now.

My daughter wet the bed until age 14. I took her to a specialist, a shrink and then to naturopaths, alternative doctors, etc. She had allergies, some kidney damage and mercury toxicity. Fast forward a lot of wasted time and treatments--we did a mercury cleanse and the bedwetting stopped. No more problems ever after. I ended up studying nutrition and health and am a certified nutritional consultant now specializing in detox.

Considering your SD has had this her whole life, it might be a similar problem. I'm guessing she also has at least a bit of depression if she doesn't care if her bed is clean. Depression is way more often than not a physical matter. Some kind of allergy or nutrient deficiency or toxicity issue. If either of you want to speak to me, I will offer a free half hour consultation.

Just watch the video on my website (10 minutes) and then fill out the form completely at the end of the video.

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www.sharethecause.com/detoxqueen

There can be many things that cause bed wetting. I had issues until I was 22 years old. I went to all of the drs, took all of the meds, used all of the "tools" to wake me up and NONE of it worked. Finally i got fed up and did some research. I discovered that I has a hormone problem. My brain wasn't telling my body not to produce urine while I was sleeping. I went to an endocrinologist (sp?) and i was prescribed a medication called DDAVP (it stands for something but I can't remeber what). It was a nasal spray at the time but I believe it is in pill now. It was a MIRACLE. I took it for a couple of years and then ended up stopping (didn't have insurance/couldn't afford it) but it seemed I didn't need it anymore and I haven't had problems yet.

I would guess that her reaction to the situation may be some kind of denial or because it has become such a part of her life it doesn't bother her to sleep in a wet bed. My best advice is get her to go to a Dr and solve the problem - you may end up seeing more change then just that one issue.

Good luck

I tend to think your step daughter has deep inner problems and getting her into therapy is well over due.
Talk to her Dad about it and then her, try to get them both into family therapy. If they refuse to go, then you should go to therapy alone...it's where you will learn how to deal with your situation a lot better....

Dear D M,

I am more disturbed by the fact that you and your husband are upset with her not changing her sheets, verses why is a high school graduate still wetting her bed!! Has anyone taken this poor girl to a doctor to see what the source is, and if it is emotional or physical? I think instead of getting upset with her maybe just try to remind her, I really don't know to many teens that are thrilled to do the wash, (even if they made the mess). Being a teenager is all about them and not about us at all. They are probably the most selfish breed there is, however weren't we as well? She is a young girl who has a major bed wetting issue and it seems to me that the priorities are in the wrong place. Someone take this girl to a doctor and help her to resolve the real problem. As far as disciplining her, it is a tough call. You should leave that up to dad or you will have more problems on your plate at this age. Just remember your place, be supportive and hopefully she will come to trust, love, and respect you as her step mom I think that is all you can expect from her now.

My sister had bed wetting issues until she was in high school. It wasn't until she went to see the third urologist that the real problem was found out. She needed surgery to help with her problem and after that she had to go through a several months of training her body to learn to keep the urine in.

Your step daughter should see her doctor and a specialist to help her, it may not be just a behavior problem and it is not something that disciplinary action can resolve. When someone has faced a disability there entire life (I do believe that bed wetting is a disability, not a behavior issue if it lasts past age of six years) and not had the proper support for it, they will become depressed and simply give up on ever finding a reason to overcome or to deal effectively with the problem, which is sounding like what your step daughter is doing by sleeping in a bed that is still wet. She may also need to see someone, a psychiatrist or a psychologist, to help her with how she has giving up on trying to take care of herself. Being a teenager is hard enough, and when they have been suffering in silence with a problem that in our society still is a big taboo, it can make her life even more difficult and make them turn on the people that are trying to help them.

Forget the discipline for now and let's deal with the medical issue. Has she been to a urologist?? She could have some serious kidney and/or bladder issues like bladder reflux, that could cause a lot of damage if its not addressed. Please get her to a doctor.

Why at that age is she still wetting her bed. Get her to a doctor and be honest about the problem. There may be something physically wrong (or is it to lazy to go to the bathroom). She may also need counseling to get to the root of the problem if there is no physical problem. Also was she ever sexually abused? Bed wetting can be an indicator. I'm not accusing just suggesting! Then for the washing of sheets, she is paying the consequenses for not washing them but at the same time it is a health issue. There has to be some bigger "consequences" for not doing what she should. Does she drive, go out, have a tv, computer, something that she will loose the PRIVILAGE of if the rules are not obeyed? As for you disciplining her talk to her dad and have him tell you how to handle it. As her step mom you are the adult and should have the right to repremand. Good luck. A.

wait did u say HS GRADUATE?? WETTING THE BED??? I DONT GET IT EITHER THERE IS SOME UNDERLYING ISSUE THERE PLEASE TAKE HER TO GET CHECKED BY A MD THAN GO FROM THERE GOOD LUCK

Okay, my first instinct is to get her to a qualified urologist ASAP! There may be some relatively simple medical procedure that could help her. I had 4 vaginal deliveries and recently had outpatient surgery to correct stress incontinence. I'm only in my 30's, and I was told it would get worse with age. Problem now fixed! Anyhow, if it's an urge incontinence issue, there are medications for that as well.

Aside from the possible physical issues, it sounds like she may also have some problems with self-esteem or perhaps she's trying to assert herself in some way because she's not happy in other areas of her life, and this is something ( although rather gross) that she can control. If the lines of communication aren't really open, I'd definitely work on that with her and see if I could find out if there was an underlying issue she needs help with. Maybe counseling would help??

All I can say is keep trying, she may really need your help...

Hi DM, I am unclear, your step daughter is the HS graduate? There must be a medical or emotional problem. I will pray that she gets the help she needs. My best, Grandma Mary