How2 Get My Boy2 Stop Abusing the Pets!

If you keep telling them not to touch them, they will only resent the pets and harm them more out of jealousy.

Children learn by example. Show them the proper way to interact with animals.

I don't want to alarm you, but harming pets is one of the early warning signs for serial killers. If they cannot learn to treat animals with love and kindness, they will not adopt those characterisitcs needed to interact with humans.

Nanc
(BS in Criminal Justice
and minored in Criminology)

You need to teach your son how to properly treat the animals. When you see him flicking the cat's ear for example, take his hand and gently run it along the cat's back and say something like, "Do nice" or whatever works for you. Have him help you feed them, brush them and take care of them in age-appropriate ways. Hurting your child back only disrespects him and reinforces the idea that might is right.

And no child should ever be left with an animal unsupervised, no matter how gentle the pet is.

OK, I wasn't going to reply, because honestly, we had to give our dog up for adoption when our son was 18 months after a really nasty bite (pediatric ER = no fun; plus, your homeowners insurance can get cancelled if a bite goes on record).

However, I have to respond to the serial killer remark. Don't we, as parents, have enough to freak us out? At 3, kids are still exploring and PUSHING THE BOUNDARIES. A 9-year-old tormenting animals is a bad sign; a 3-year-old just means that the grown-ups need to find a way to remove the temptation to harass the pets.

Have you talked to a good vet? They may have suggestions. Pets and kids is a hard mix; neither of them think like adults (or like serial killers...). The pets don't understand and can quickly do significant harm; the kids wonder what happens if I irritate my parents, teachers, pets, etc 100 billion times -- and eventually they figure out what is consistent (discipline or consequences). But having taken our son in for stitches because of a dog bite (from a loving if high-strung dog we'd had for 6 years) -- that was a rough way for our family to learn that sometimes there isn't a way for some kids and some pets to coexist.

I'd say, talk to your pediatrician and your vet. If they don't have solutions, look for a foster or adoptive family, as heartbreaking as that may be. Don't wait for somebody to lose an eye; but don't obsess about serial killers, either!

Three-year-olds are highly egocentric, which means they are only able to see things from their own perspective. When you "flick" your son's ears after he does that to the cat, I'm guessing you're trying to help him understand how that would feel to the cat. But, as you can see from his response, he only thinks about it from his own perspective, which is that you were "mean" to him. This is completely developmentally appropriate, and learning to see things from another's perspective takes time (years). Of course, you want him to develop this very important skill, so you can say to him something like, "That hurts the cat when you touch his ears that way. I know you might be trying to play with him, but that is not an okay way to play with him." And tell him that he will need to be away from the cat (not necessarily in the corner) if he cannot play safely when an adult is not right there with him (either move him or the cat, whichever makes more sense given the situation). Also, are you modeling gentle ways to pet the cat, as others have suggested? Children at this age don't learn new behaviors overnight - you have to repeat them and give them reminders, etc. Hope this information helps. If this behavior continues into the future, consider talking to your pediatrician or his teacher to see if they have any similar concerns. Good luck.

C.,
I have a five year old who has had trouble learning how to be nice to Mommy and Daddy. I can relate to your situation. Here's my take on it.

Your son is testing you by continuing to harm the pets. He may be too young to connect the time outs to the behavior after the time out is done, but you SHOULD continue to give this consequence. After the time out is done, have a brief (30 second) conversation with him about why he was in time out. The next time it happens, separate the cat and your son. One of them has to go into a room that is blocked from the other. Time out again, 30 sec talk, no playing with cat for the next hour. If he asks to be with the cat, then take out a stuffed animal and practice being nice to it. If he doesn't ask about the cat, then don't bring it up. Praise him for any thing that he does that is gentle with the cat. Spend a longer time praising than you do scolding so that he learns that being good means getting your attention, and not the other way around.

When you reunite your son and the cat after the separation, spend time showing and practicing how to be nice with the cat. Remain with both of them while they are in the same room. If he moves as if to hurt the cat, stop him from doing it, if you can, and send him back to his time out. If, on the other hand, he stops himself, then praise him for making the right choice.

Two year olds are tough to discipline. It takes many trials before the message gets through. Be consistent at all costs. If you falter even once, you'll set the whole process back. Good luck, and know that you are not alone with this type of behavior.

I read the other responses and it seems they have missed the sentence that "Him getting hurt by kitty hasnt made a diff." Which came first? More than likely the cat scratched him and he is angry at the cat, just plain doesnt like it. They should be separated, if need be get rid of the cat. Cats and/or dogs only have so much tolerance and then they protect themselves. A cat can do a lot of damage to a 3y/o if it gets angry enough. And if he tortures the dog, its possible he could be killed or seriously injured. This is nothing to wonder about. He needs to be corrected immediately and unpleasantly. If you put him in the corner make sure its longer than usual and that he cant watch TV or interact with the family. If he was mine I would plop him in his high chair in a corner for at least 5 minutes the first time and then increase it until he figures it out.

Hi C.,

Try teaching them how to love and care for the pet.

Punishing them, teaches them how to be abusive.

Hope this helps. Good luck. D.

I am dealing with this with my three year old son too. He frequently harasses the cat (pulling her tail, ruffing up her fur and just beign loud and wild). He knows it is not allowed and always gets consequences--usually a time out. Sometimes he tries to be nice to her but has trouble being calm and gentle for more than a few seconds. He was doing better at 2.5 than now but then we had another baby (4 months old) and all his behavior is worse. My take on it is that he knows it is not allowed and has little impulse control. Also it seems like it is hard to teach young children (especially boys) empathy. So far the only things I have come up with is supervised time for him to interact with the cat (teaching him to pet nicely), giving the cat a refuge away from him (she hides where he can't find her) and giving him consistent consequences.

C.,

I don't want to tell you what to do, but if he were mine, I think a darn good spanking would benefit him immensely! He needs to be told that pets have feelings too, and that his behavior in this regard is very inappropriate.

What he's doing not only isn't funny, but can also lead to his bullying other children in the same way as he gets older and starts school, so whatever you need to do to put a stop to this, be it a spanking, some time out in his room, or any other punishment you deem appropriate would be a very good idea, before this sort of behavior escalates, or becomes a habit.

If nothing else works, perhaps you should speak to his pediatrician about it, or he should see a counselor of some sort for children of his age, in order to get to the bottom of why he is acting this way.

I wish I could offer you some sort of magic way to fix this, but I can't....something is obviously causing this type of behavior, and you need to find out what that is, before this gets any worse!

D.

This is a little disturbing to read! I'm not sure how you should handle this...but I'd surely find the animals a safer home until your child learns how to behave properly toward them.
Lynsey