How Would You Handle Termininating Long-term Nanny?

I would sit down with her and tell her how much you appreciate her and just the truth. The family needs have changed and they have "outgrown" her. Her time has been great and you give credit for the 8 years. Then tell her that unfortunately you are needing to move on and so she won't be working for you as of _______date. Tell her if she would like to have another week on to say goodbye to the kids, you are fine with that.

*One thing that was a red flag for me was when you said you were afraid she might do something in the house because she is angry? If she has a hot-temper-- I would tell her on a Monday/Tues and give her til Friday to be finished working. That way if she goes weird on you when you tell her, you only have a few days to fill in before new nanny shows up.

Severance package : do at least 2 or 3 weeks. I know the decision is hard but you can outgrow nanny's just like friendships/relationships. Good luck!

Have you let her know you aren't happy with her work? I think the right thing to do is always let the person know you have problems with certain things and give them an opportunity to fix it. If they don't, they are out. At least they were warned!

I would just say that your needs have changed and you simply no longer need the level of care she provides. Thank her for her service, pay her two - four weeks severance (depending on what you can afford, she has been with you for a long time, so being a little more generous is appropriate I think) and take a day off, plan a special outing with her and the kids for a goodbye. That way you don't have to worry about her being angry and it gives your children a chance for a good transition and saying goodbye.
Good luck.

We provided two weeks of severance for our nanny who had been with us for two years. If you can offer eight weeks (one per year) then that would be great. If not, somewhere between two and eight? I would sit down with her while the kids are at school and let her know it's time to make a change. Unless she asks, it's not worth bringing up all the mistakes and problems. Just let her know that as your kids have gotten older, your family needs something different. Don't tell her that you're hiring someone younger and better - that will only make her feel bad. If there is a way you can keep some relationship with her, it will probably be good for your kids, so think about how you could do that.

A month's severance and like a few responses. You terminate the employment on a Friday. I would certainly change the locks on your door even if she gave you the key back. It's just good business sense that you don't let her linger around your home knowing that she's been let go.

I think the fair and honest approach is that since she has been with you for so long, 8 years in other companies, she'd be vested, and have accumulated 401K, etc....What about 1 week severance pay for each year worked? That would be 8 weeks? If that is too much, please figure out how much you could afford. I would not offer less than 2 weeks. That gives a clear message that you were unhappy with her. So hopefully you can afford something between 4-6 weeks at a minimum. This also allows her paid time to find another position.

Your situation is quite common though with long term help around the home. They start to cut corners, make mistakes, and don't notice themselves that they haven't cleaned up something.

BTW, I am late all the time picking up my kids. I hope my husband does not think me too old and hard of hearing, because I am both of those.

J., I haven't read the other posts yet, but please ignore entreaties to keep her on. You are not running a charity. You need a person who will respect you as an employer, even though it is your home rather than an office. You aren't getting that from her, and it's past time to cut the cord.

You need to tell your children that Miss So-and-so will not be with you anymore before you terminate her. I would not have her pick up the children that day. Instead, ask her to meet you at MacDonalds, and you should pick up the children and take them there yourself to meet her. Talk to her while they play in the balls. Be kind and just say that you have decided after 8 years to make a change. If I were you, and if you have the means to do it, I would give her a month's worth of severence. Don't discuss the amount. Have a cashier's check that says "severence pay" in a sealed envelope. Also have a separate cashier's check for her final week's payment and have the bank write on the the bottom "final payment for child care services" or something similiar to that. Don't use regular checks since you are worried about retribution of some sort.

If she leaves something at your house, mail it to her. If she asks for a letter of reference, tell her you will mail her one. You don't have to be glowing in your letter, but you can be kind. The promise of a letter of recommendation can keep her from being terrible to you in the end here and also from doing something bad that she would probably regret later.

Do not have her come back to your house. It is a mistake - I have NEVER continued with someone once I let them go. Even most offices won't do that - why would you in your own home? No, no, no.

Your kids will be there and can come over to the table and hug her goodbye. Then gather them up and put them in the car and go on your way. You should have a locksmith setup to come that afternoon and change your locks.

She just really needs a change. She was good once, and she can be again, but it needs to be with another family. You need to REALLY revamp your expectations for your new nanny, J.. You fell into a pattern that caused your problems by not properly managing your current nanny. That's really on you, to be honest. Don't make that mistake again. Really sit down and write out your expectations, partly for her, but mostly for YOU. If she is going to be at your house all day, she needs to WORK. Paying her full time should mean she works fulltime. She needs to cook for you, wash your clothes, clean your house, and grocery shop. She needs to be on time for your kids, she needs to stay off her cell phone. She needs to leave the TV off too.

You need a nanny who will step up. But you have to step up too, J.. You aren't her friend. You are her employer. Be an employer. It will make your new nanny happy in a way, to know what is expected. And it will make you happy to not feel taken advantage of.

Sending you strength~
Dawn

I'd give her 4 weeks severance unless your contract calls for something else. Terminate her on a friday at the end of the day and don't give her notice of her layoff. You want to protect yourselves and your home.
If you're really concerned she'll retaliate: make sure the school knows about the new childcare arrangement, change your locks over the weekend and have the new nanny mix it up schedule wise for the first week or two.

When you're the employer you don't owe her notice. If you have someone lined up to start immediately then have your current nanny finish out the week and then tell her on Friday.

Friday afternoon:
"Barbara, I'd like to thank you for the last 8 years that you've been with us nannying. We came to really rely on you and have appreciated everything that you've done. That's why it's so difficult for me to let you know that our arrangement isn't working any more. After today we won't require your services. I'd like to pay you two weeks severance pay as a show of appreciation. I would also like to write you a letter of recommendation to show future potential employers."

I'd just tell her on a Friday that you appreciate her loving care of your children for these past years, but will not be needing her services anymore, now that the kids are older. Don't mention that you've hired someone new. Give her as much severance as you can afford, but try for a minimum of 2 weeks (4 would be better because she has been with you so long). If you've been paying her under the table, she will need at least 4 weeks to find a new job. If you've been paying her above-board, then she can file for unemployment while she looks for a new job, and you can get away with paying her 2 weeks severance with a clear conscience. Offer to provide recommendations for her.

I would certainly not have her in the house after you've let her go. It would be smart to change the locks as well, just to head off any possible issues.

Check the payday laws in NJ. Here in Texas, if I terminate an employee, I have to pay them within three days of their termination. I generally will have their last check and any other with me at the time of termination.

I would just tell her that your family needs have changed and at this time you have decided it would be a good time to make the change. Let her know how much you appreciate her. I would say 4 weeks is ample severence. I would not draw it out or apologize. I would be very straight forward with her.

I would not give her the option of staying for a couple of weeks. I like to cut the cord and move on. That's for everyone's sake. I would also have a locksmith ready to come and change the locks to the house. You don't know if she made copies. Also, I don't know the ages of the kids but I would not have them there for this. You don't know how your nanny is going to react so I would hate for the kids to see or hear anything. You can schedule a time for later when they can meet and say their goodbyes. In addition, I would take the kids out and do some fun actitivies with them.

I commend you that you have put this much thought into this. It is never easy to terminate a long term employee. I believe your needs have changed and your just aren't happy with the level of care you are receiving from the nanny. I think some of the comments have been a little silly - Gamma G, letting them stay home alone? Why? She is able to pay for someone to be there when they come home. That is just silliness on your part. Good luck!!!!

I'm not sure how much severance pay I would offer, but I think the majority of people who were being terminated would not feel comfortable coming back for a period of time in any case. Would you? I am just guessing she will feel either hurt, embarrassed or both, and probably caught somewhat off-guard, since she's been with you so long. I think it would be quite awkward for both of you for her to stay on after being "fired." Once you do decide how much additional pay to offer (any, at least IMO, is generous & kind), like MartyMOMMA says, do it at the end of her last work day of the week. Good luck!

I'd tel her the truth in as gentle a way as possible. Just tell her that making mistakes, being late, not hearing, etc., has become a problem. You appreciate her years of service but feel it's in everyone's best interests for you to make a change at this time. I would give her severance in lieu of notice - I don't think you want a sad, angry person there, but I do think the kids should have a chance to say goodbye to her and vice versa, unless you have a compelling reason for that not to happen. The kids need to know first, though - you can't spring it on them. You don't give them all the reasons, but tell them the relationship has run its course. An ongoing relationship may be difficult especially if you think she is likely to be angry vs. disappointed. But fearing sabotage in your house is a red flag, so I wouldn't give her another week. Besides, she'd probably spend the week trying to be so perfect to get you to change your mind, which you aren't going to do. You can make it a little gentler in the sense that the kids are getting older and don't need the kind of care she provides on a full time basis - but if she finds out you've hired another person full time, that may come back to haunt you.

I would think a month's severance would be good. You could add a personal gift if you want, if something occurs to you, but first and foremost this is employment and nothing personal is required.

You could also have the kids write cards to her after the fact, which would be very nice, and you could write a note so she can re-read your appreciation for the good years (which she won't retain if you say it in a termination meeting, no matter how sincere you are).

You also have to think about whether you are willing to serve as a reference for her - she's done some good work, but you also have concerns. Perhaps a generic "to whom it may concern" letter of reference with her good qualities, but refrain from saying "I highly recommend her without reservation." It's up to you whether you do that, and up to her whether she uses it.

I think you have everything ready before you sit down with her - an envelope with her severance check (and indicate "severance in lieu of notice" on the memo line) - she's an employee at will anyway, so you don't have to explain yourself. If she's been declaring her income (and I hope she has) and if unemployment taxes have been paid, she's entitled to apply for benefits - depends on the laws of your state. If you are giving a letter of reference, put that in the envelope. It could confirm the years of employment, say that her attendance was reliable, and any other points you feel you can make. Any future employer will figure, if she was employed for 8 years, how bad could she have been? If you are contacted for a reference, you can be vague, confirm the dates of employment, and confirm that she was not terminated for cause (e.g. stealing from you or some grave harm to your kids).

Good luck - this can't be easy.

I wouldn't let her stay on. Give her a generous severance package and say good-bye. There is a reason why major companies ask you to clean your desk right after terminating you......

Let her know a month out. After 8 years, she certainly deserves that much time, and your kids will probably need the time to adjust to the idea. It's the right thing to do.

In lieu of a month's notice, I'd suggest a month's severance.

I would mention on a Tuesday that you will be home early friday and would lilke to talk with her. That gives her a heads up that something is in the works, but doesn't give her any reason to do anything fishy.

then tell her like 5 great things she has done for your family and how much she has meant, but that because the children are older you've made different arrangements and will no longer be needng her services. ( no need to tell her she is being replaced) Then ask if she would enjoy going out to dinner with the whole family in a few days so the kids can say goodbye and present her with a little gift, ( draw a pict or write a poem or something) that way she isn't back in the home, there is closer for everyone, and if she is that angry I doubt she would accept the invitation. IF for somereason she made any inapporpriate comment during dinner, I would have hubs ready to take the kids to the car and leave. but i doubt that would happen.

I think a large part of it has to do with what is going to let you feel like you have done the right thing - primarily for your family, and secondarily to her. I think keeping someone in a job for two years longer than you feel comfortable with them is very generous. If you are truly concerned she may sabotage your house, then you are justified in not giving her notice, though you should be kind in the delivery. Providing severance is not a requirement, but is the decent thing to do. If you can afford it, I would suggest four to six weeks - or even one week for each year she worked for you. Again, in the end, it really is about what you feel right doing.
Best of luck. I know it is a hard decision.

I guess my question is. Is the nanny getting old? Is this the issue. If she is and she is becoming forgetful? or physically unable to care for active kids? then its time to just tell her. I would say be honest. Sometimes its the best way. If its just little things, that are annoying you. Is it something that can be addressed on a strike out system. Like if it happens again 2 more times its time to go, kind of thing? I don't know, finding decent child care you can trust, is so hard. Sounds like you have found it, but of course putting your kids in harm way is not good either. I think a months severance would be good for a loving Nanny that has done you great service for 8 years. If you can afford it I would tack on a few more months. I have heard of people giving a years worth, but I would think that was for the insanely rich.

To me it would be tacky to terminate her via mail and then say, oh but I want you to talk to my kids still. IF you trust her and do not see her as the vengeful type, then do it at your home with your family around. DON'T DO IT till a Friday, or a time you can be home with the kids and don't do it before she is done with work. Terminate her and then its done, don't ask her to finish out a week or month. People don't fire workers and then ask them to stay on a week. Obviously that is dangerous.

If you children are in school why do they still need a nanny? That is odd to me, I just don't understand. If you need a part time after school babysitter that's different.

Let her know the kids are getting older and they don't need a nanny anymore. So as of the end of October you are terminating her position.

If you need someone to clean house hire a part time house keeper.

Kids are old enough to be home alone if they have worked at learning how to do this. They stay home alone for a few minutes while mom goes to the neighbors house for a chat. Then they stay home alone while mom runs to the grocery store for a gallon of milk. They work their way up to staying home alone for a couple of hours after school.

A child of 12 can babysit other children. The Red Cross has a babysitting class they can attend. If they can't babysit the Red Cross would not go to that trouble.

So if your kids are older and in school all day they need to start working on home alone time very quickly and they you will truly not need a nanny.
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When I was a nanny for several years for a family of 7 kids plus the mom's bosses child I figured when the youngest started school full time I would no longer be needed so I knew when my days with this family would end at some time.

I would not have felt any anger to the family if they had let me go due to realizing the kids could function without me.

I would think about how I wanted this termination to go. Do I want to tell her she's a useless old woman who has no business being a child care provider? No, that would not be how I would want her to feel. She loves your family and your children.

I would simply let her know that...I would actually keep her until Christmas Break and that be the end date so if she was counting on the money for her Christmas gifts she would have enough...then let her know the kids are doing really well, she taught them after all. Let her know how much she'll be missed and how much her time with your family has meant.

She needs to feel loved and appreciated not old and worn out. Let her have her dignity and show her the respect her age requires. She will forever be grateful to you and you can know you treated her with the best manners you can.

Then do not replace her. Have the kids go to a friends house before school and ride with them if you're not home or rearrange your schedule so you can be home and drop them off at school in the before school program. Then either pay the school or a child care center to pick them up or have a neighbor do it for you. You don't need a nanny anymore, the kids are too old.

Give her a months notice. Terminating someone in a business world is different than someone who has worked in your home for so long. Nannies know the family on a personal level and often too have been the family saving grace.

I would offer her a generous package too.

I vote for a clean break. I'm assuming (dangerous, I know, LOL) that you know her well enough to know that she might actual do something hurtful, and if that is a legitimate concern, then pick a day, (maybe a Friday?), and tell her it's her last day. You might ask her to stay a little extra afterward her duties are over that day, so that you can talk to her. And let her know a few days beforehand that you will need her to stay for 15 minutes or so after her duties are done that day, to talk.

Give her a generous severance package, maybe line up some potential clients that she can interview with, if you are comfortable with making that recommendation to your friends. And if you are comfortable with it, give her a good recommendation letter.

Be very non-emotional (especially if she gets emotional), and explain that you have enjoyed having her as part of the family, but that the kids are now of an age that you don't feel that you need a nanny any longer. Tell her how much you have appreciated her help and services over the past several years, and that you wish her well. Give her a nice severance (maybe a month? whatever you think you can do without breaking the bank). If you feel this way, tell her that you will gladly recommend her to friends and family, and give her the names of some families that could use and afford her help.

If you are really concerned about her coming back to do some harm to your home, then I would suggest changing the locks on your doors, and also the passwords on computers, phones, etc., immediately after she leaves.

On the other hand, if you want to maintain a relationship, then you will need to change the conversation and say that as of X date (maybe 1 or 2 months from now), we will no longer need your services. Then add all the rest of the info (severance, rec letter, explanation of termination, etc).