This just irks me. I have a friend who cheated on her husband for 6 months while he stayed at home watching their kids. He divorced her, pays his child support regularly, sees all three of them (2 of them are not biologically his, but he cares for them like his own)on both his regular visitation days and EXTRA days out of the month whenever she asks or he wants them. He is VERY involved in all their lives and is like a super dad. It broke his heart to have to divorce her and split up his family like that. My issue is she is ALWAYS complaining about how hard it is to be a single mom. REALLY??? I have had my son EVERY NIGHT since the day he was born. I have provided for EVERYTHING for him while working two jobs. His dad only briefly paid child support before he decided it was to much and quit his job. My son's dad does see him, but only for a couple of hours here and there when I have to go to my second job. I even have problems complaining about being a single mom because I know moms who don't even get that much. I have never even spent a night away from my son since the day he was born. She's decided to move now and take her children away from seeing their father because her new boyfriend (the guy she cheated with) is out there and "he can help them." Really? So your making the decision to take them away from their overly involved father to move in with your new boyfriend? and then moaning and groaning about how hard it is being a "single mom." She doesn't even knowhat its really like in my mind. I feel there is a different between a mom who is single and a mom who is parenting alone. Would anyone else be annoyed by this?
And the father is exerting his rights and is filing a court order to have at the minimum his son stay, although he really wants all of them to stay. He just knows he has no legal right to the other two.
I guess she's not really a friend anymore. She has decided that I don't "understand her" situation enough because I took his side in the getting an attorney and filing a motion to modify. She thinks that I would be more understanding since I'm a "single mom too" but I told her I would kill to have my son's dad do as much as her kids father
So I now that I have gotten over my immediate frustration with her I will say that I get there are several versions of single motherhood and I can respect that. But, I think that she needs to shut up cause she is causing her own drama.
A parent that is not married is technically a single parent, especially those that do not have a significant other living with them. If the opposite parent is involved, that means they aren't parenting alone but are still a single parent.
I do get what you are saying...and yes, there are different degress of being a single parent.
No, she's not a single mom. She is a selfish, cheating liar. I would be more annoyed by that!! (And not want to be a friend with that person.)
There is a huge difference between being a co-parent and being a single parent, I agree with you completely.
You are a single mother with a shitty ex. She is a single mother with a really involved dad (by the way, if it's 50/50 custody I consider him a single dad too). You can't compare the two. It's like some mothers who are stay at home moms and have a housekeeper, laundry service, and chef.....and the one's that stay at home and do everything. They are BOTH SAHM's...just one has more help.
L.
Here is the problem of defining who is a single mom by some measure, there is always someone who can beat you. I mean here you are whining about her yet I am sure there is someone thinking get over yourself.
I define a single mom as someone who is single and has children. Much easier that way. :)
I am not saying she is a good person or she doesn't have it easier than she thinks. It is just I don't see a point in judging her.
I am a single mom. I've never been married, and my daughter does not have a father. There is no ex anything, and there is no significant other. I am her only parent. I am the sole income and the sole decision maker. The sole income part sucks sometimes, especially during those times when the job isn't secure. The sole decision maker can be awesome sometimes, as my decision is the one that goes. However, sometimes it'd be nice to have someone to bounce things off of who has a stake in it. And, as you already know, 24/7 is extremely hard, like when you forgot something you needed for work the next day and just need to run to the store for 10 minutes at 11pm to pick something up or need to run to a pharmacy when the baby is sick or have to stay home with the sick litlte one. Still, from my personal perspective, I'd rather be a single mom with no ex than a single mom trying to share custody with a difficult ex. The grass isn't necessarily greener on either side of the fence...it just looks different depending where you're standing.
Your friend is a single parent, as is her ex-husband. True that her situation is her own making, but many other single parents are in situations of their own making too. Do I feel sorry for your friend? No. Is she technically a single parent? Yes.
First, yes, I would be annoyed by this. I'm not a single parent, but I am usually generally annoyed when people try to have their cake, eat it too, and then complain about the calories, if you know what I mean....
It sounds like this: no matter what your friend's situation is-- and this one is entirely of her own doing-- she's going to perceive herself as the 'put upon' one. She didn't appreciate her husband and is now POed that her actions have caused her to lose her 'built-in daycare'. My guess is that she has bigger personality problems than just taking her ex for granted.
Maybe it's time to have the hard conversation with her. Do you care enough about her children (esp. the two from the previous marriage who still likely love him very much) to have that conversation? Can you risk her being upset with you?
I find the whole thing a bit upsetting. I grew up with my mother behaving similarly and... well, she and I don't have a relationship anymore, lets put it that way. When people put their own momentary 'happiness' in front of the needs of their entire family-- I have zero respect for people like that.
And it sounds like you know what you are getting into and are willing to do the work of being a good mom to your son. I have two sisters who are single moms and work their butts off. Believe me-- I think they'd be appalled at your friend's complaints.
Single mom is just a descriptive. Either unwed mother or divorced or widowed all falls under that umbrella. It just means you're not married.
It's a LOT easier for me being a single mom than being a married mom. Pure and simple.
Doesnt make me a 'married' mom, though, just because it's easier!
She's not a single mom. She's a divorced mom who wants pity but she's barking up the wrong tree.
there are different "types" of single moms. i used to have a friend who always makes it sound like her life is the hardest. just because it was her choice to cheat on her husband or whatever, doesn't make her any less of a "single mom" - so since it was my choice to leave my husband for whatever reason, i am not a "true" single mom? it sounds judgey. my daughter sees her dad every other weekend and one night a week. plus they talk all the time. i also live with my boyfriend who works the night shift. i am still a single mom.
Good that the father is exercising his parental rights....perhaps this will cause all the children to stay in the state.
I think you really don't consider his former wife your "friend" because it sounds like you really like him and resent her for having a good guy for a dad.
She's super annoying. Unfriend.
And no, single moms do it on their own at LEAST most of the time (if not all) imo.
And karma's gonna get her one day for screwing over her ex so bad. I hope.
You are both single mothers, and I think your time and energy are better spent on people who don't push every one of your buttons.
I don't think she's a single mom. I may get divorced, but my husband would still be very active in and share custody and pay for a large part of my children's lives. To me a "single mom" is someone who doesn't have any help from the father of her children -or else very, very little.
I'm pretty sure if she is allowed to take the kids to wherever the boyfriend is, she's going to find it's not the peachy scene she's expecting. THEN she'll know what it's like to have them 24/7!
That is heart breaking. I guess technically she is a single mom, she is single and she is a mom. But I, like you. have kids whose bio dad pops in and out of their lives, mostly out, and rarely contributed financially. It would irk me to hear her complain about how hard it is, and I would not be able to keep up the friendship.
A single mom is a mom that has no input from the father of the children.
Otherwise it's co-parenting.
I think a single mom is a mom who has sole custody of the child/children with very little father involvement...or.... Moms who's husbands are serving for the military and away.
Your friend is so not what I would consider a single mom.
There are days I would be jealous of your friend (not cheating or screwing up her life) but for someone I trust to have my kids for a few days every week. That sounds lovely...at times ;)
She's in for a world of hurt.
Sometimes, to be a real friend, we need to step on someone's toes and give them a reality check.
Tell her she's being stupid and selfish. Her kids HAVE a father. Yes, he's her ex, but she should be thrilled that he's so involved. She sounds like a tremendous pain in the butt who needs to grow up.
Like people have said, she's a single mom too but I have to agree with you that she should shut up. I know divorced people who say it's easier bc now they get some free time. Obviously that's not the case for you but it is for her so I'd be annoyed too. And besides this issue, she sounds like a jerk and probably not someone to be friends with. She does not seem to have the best interest of her children in mind so not surprised she's also insensitive to your situation vs hers.
She sounds like trouble. She has kids by two different fathers, probably on her way to having another kid with father #3, cheated on her current husband, wants to remove her children from an involved father, etc. She isn't someone I would want to associate myself with either. You can't try to define stupidity.
She's a single mom. But she doesn't have it as hard as my mom who had NO support (financial or physical) in our raising after the divorce. It sounds like she wants the sympathy of the title.
I agree with you. I'd take his side, too. He's an involved, loving father. If she has 3 kids and the other father(s) are not involved, she may be upset that she doesn't have total control like she had in the past.
I sort of know what you mean.
I know of a woman who had a run of husbands - like 8 of them, one right after the other - it's like they had expiration dates - left her 2 yr old with the girl's father (hubby # 3) to raise (he remarried to a cousin of mine who was widowed also with a 2 yr old to raise) - and he was the family man - raised the kids - was the involved parent.
So when the 2 yr old grew up and got married she still invited her absentee mother to the wedding - and it just IRKED the people who actually were in the girls day to day life.
I mean - yeah, she gave birth, she's technically a Mom - but she was like a bird who leaves an egg in someone else s nest and just flits off and had no, zero, zip involvement in raising her child.
I suppose if there's anything to respect about it - at least she left her child with people who well cared for her - she knew she wasn't up to raising a child, and she didn't have anymore (can't catch the next husband with too many stretch marks).
I feel more respect for parents who DO THE RAISING and put the interests of the child(ren) first ahead of their own desires.
As for your 'friend' - she sounds rather selfish to me.
She has a boyfriend - so she's not really 'on her own', and yet she's jerking the kids around for who knows what reason.
Maybe she just needs to complain about something, but she's created the situation she is in.
I'm not feeling a lot of sympathy for her.
Being a single mom is being a mother without the father of child involved with anything with the child. I wouldn't be her friend either.
If I were a single mother I would assume that that would indicate I was never married and have a child or children and am looking for a relationship and may also be receiving child support as extra income. If I were divorced I would consider myself a divorced parent that receives extra income child support. For the “single mother” card players, it perturbs me when they indicate this but have a live-in boyfriend, at which point you are not a single mother in my eyes. A non-live-in boyfriend still has the potential to support her and her children just as much but he may be less committed since he has his own home so that is kind of on the fence. Regardless if a women chooses not to support herself by means of a job or jobs then they should be regarded as an irresponsible person that enjoys living on the system and having pity parties about how hard their life is all the while spending more time doing so than attempting to better her life.
Some people are just complainers. They are toxic to be around. We all need to vent a little but when it starts bringing you down then move on.
To me a single mom is a lady not in a relationship who has kids, but I totally get what your saying.
I think the one who bears the brunt of the child rearing & responsibility is the single parent.
IMO, she cheated - it's her fault she's single. And, if she has a boyfriend helping out, I wouldn't consider her a single mom.
I get how you feel & I wouldn't be friends with someone like her. She sounds very selfish & ungrateful & not of very good character.
