I'm not sure if that question is the right one for what I am looking for but growing up, my parents always stressed the importance of your 'pie' in life. You can't have fun 100% of the time (or 100% of the pie) - there has to be balance - school, family, sports, etc.
Now that I have young kids, I want them to be rounded and have a good 'pie' portion for each 'thing' in their life.
So what I'm really wondering is how often during the day does your child(ren):
Play with their siblings (only siblings, no adults)
Play one on one with mom/dad or both
Play together as a family
Watch TV
Play alone
Go to school
Participate in sports
I feel like my kids are pretty well rounded in the area of playing with each other and by themselves. But there are many times when I'll play with them for a bit and need to change out laundry, put it away, make dinner or just want to SIT DOWN for a few minutes and don't want to play but I feel bad! But then I keep telling myself that it's good for them to play together or alone as well as with us.
They usually watch 1-2 half hour cartoons in the mornings. Then there is a lot of 'free play' where they play in the living room, their room and basement. Hubby does a lot of physical playing with them (running around, chasing them, tickling, playing monster, etc) where as I do more of the artsy stuff (painting, playdo, tracing, writing, etc). They also play with friends every Friday so they get outside interaction (especially my son whos' home with dad all day), my daughter has dance 1x a week, they go to the nursery at church on Sundays and we usually see my parents 1-2x a week.
Overall I think they are pretty well rounded...but like I said above, every time I am not playing with them, I feel bad about it. But then I'll look back at what we did together that day (color, read, play house, school, etc) and remind myself that I did play with them! I think it's probably just MOMMY GUILT (dont' you love that?) that is setting in when they ask me to play and I say 'In a few minutes" or "Not right now...mommy has to do X".
Thoughts?
Thanks for the comments thus far!
It makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one who feels this way. And I do feel like I play with them enough...but the guilt is still there!! We do a lot together in the form of errand running, too, so I guess I should be counting that too!
I agree it's a huge balancing act.
My girls are in high school, and through the years I've noticed that things seem to go in cycles. There are times when my daughter will read 8 books in a month, and then she'll go 3 weeks without reading one book. There are times when it seems like they always have a friend over, then there are other periods where they won't have a friend over for 2 weeks. It all balances out.
Mine are very well rounded, but not EVERY DAY. In general, I feel they do enough of everything, but it ebbs and flows. Like in winter, they probably don't always get out and socialize enough, and on days when I have tons of housework and bills and work to do, we don't do much that's fun... Other times, we may have a week of awesome activities together. I always stay constant with reading at night, etc and try to keep a balance. It's hard though because they aren't school age yet, and it's just me home most of the time. I consider any time we're together good learning opportunities, even just errands and stuff. I know what you mean about guilt. Last week we did like three awesome all day educational hands on outdoor things, plus worked on Halloween costumes together evenings, and then one day I had to hunker down, ignore them, get some work done, put on TV for them, and I felt bad they were bored FOR ONE DAY! (They were fine by the way, I just always feel guilty when that happens.)
I have taught them from toddlerhood that they have to play alone for x amount of time when I need it, but it still feels "wrong" when you have to do that a lot. When I sit and think straight though, I know it doesn't hurt them to have total down time from me. That's when they play their most creative games sometimes.
I actually did the math for my 7 year old since I hadn't really thought about it. I added in homework too!
14% Play with their siblings (only siblings, no adults)
4% Play one on one with mom/dad or both
4% Play together as a family
7% Watch TV
7% Play alone
50% Go to school
7% Participate in sports
5% Homework
School days are sooo busy, and the kids seem to play together all the time even if it is for 15 minutes here and there. But this is my best guess.for the hours they are awake.
I have to admit, I don't "play" with my kids as much as I should. Mommy guilt here too. But we go for walks, work in the garden and do other chores together, read, etc. And I value these times to talk and learn almost more than just playing games.
Why do you feel bad about not playing with them? You're their mother not their playmate!
I never really played with my kids. I read to them, took them to parks, zoos and museums, provided lots of stimulating activities/crafts at home, cooked with them, had them help me in the garden, made sure they had chances to play with other kids, etc.
But sit down and play? Other than board games, not really. I had things to do and they had each other.
Don't be so h*** o* yourself, we moms do PLENTY with and for our children, they can and should know how to play with each other and on their own :)
There is no reason why their pie slice has to be "PLAY with mom". It can be "spend time with mom" instead! If your kids ask you to play with them, but you need to get a load into the wash, you can give them a choice. Let them know that you need to get the laundry done, but if they wanted to spend time with you, you could use help with the sorting or folding. Or let them know that you need to get the laundry done, so the faster it is done the faster you can play together. Then ask if your kids would like to help you so the job gets done faster and the playing can start! You can even make a game out of certain chores!
I work full time to my boys are at school (either Elementary or daycare) for 10 hours a day. They only get TV privledges on the weekends and that is for no more than an hour, normally in the mornings. I help my oldest with his homework as soon as we get home and my youngest plays by himself. I cook dinner and my boys play together or help me with dinner. We eat, clean up, read books or play, shower, get ready for bed and then they are in bed by 7:30. We make the most of the 4 hours we have together a day and then have tons of family time on the weekends.
my kids are well rounded but our pie is slightly different than your pie lol
our pie is sliced more into 6 probably than 8
1/3 of pie is sleeping
the other 16 hours would be split up
eating together
working in the house (benefit of the whole family)
working / school outside the home
playing would be the smallest portion of our day
Funny.....I'm more of a graph person than a pie person (I like numbers but not percentages....is that because of a Louisiana education? hahaaaaa)
I am a list maker, and I love my dayplanner, so I do have something similar, but a different focus. What I do is write out all the needs I could think of (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, social, financial, family, whatever) and then what can we do today (and this week) to cover those bases? For education, I did something similar to make sure that what I think is important gets talked about in a week, that they explore, etc. It's a balancing act but just takes some thought and preparation. I think the boys are very well rounded.
He's 2.5 so i guess time will tell : )
I think the size of the pie slices change over time and with everyday needs..
for example.. my son does have a lot of parental time (he is the only child) and then playing alone time ... he also has music once a week and of course school and then Spanish one day a week after school.... As for the playing with other kids, that is at school and most recently at an all day birthday party... now, in a way I might like for him to play more with other kids, but it's not that big of an issue in that when he does, he plays and interacts well... no household is perfect... and sometimes I feel a bit guilty that my son is an only child.. then again, if you ask my son how he feels whenever I have said, ever want another sibling?? his replies. WHAT!! I told you, I want to remain single :) so.................... just do the best you can .. what's most important is when you are with your kids, love them dearly.... and that love is what will keep them strong and going through out life...
best to you and yours
My kids have always enjoyed spending time talking with me, trying to include me in silly play, which I'm not that good at. My husband has his favorite activities he likes to do with them. We have spent a great deal of time together in the same house because of their homeschooling. But we definitely have our own hobbies and pursuits. From very young ages, my kids learned to entertain each other and be by themselves. Even my 2 year old grandson is pretty capable of spending time on the computer or dragging toys around the house by himself. If he doesn't feel well, he wants to be in someone's lap all the time.
My daycare kids learn to be pretty self-sufficient as well. I know that their parents don't have a lot of time on the nights and weekends. How could they with shopping, laundry, house cleaning, bill paying, etc?
Put that mom-guilt aside mom. You don't need to be feeling that way.
