How to You Get Your Toddler to Show Gratitude?

I would talk to him beforehand about it. Forewarn him that he will be getting Christmas and birthday presents and you expect him to say thank you, because it makes the giver feel good. Then mention the consequence if he doesn't. Tell him that is he doesn't say thank you, you will have to say thank you for him and he will need to color a thank you card for them later. Have him create the card before he can play with the toy, once you get home.

I would not make an issue of it in front of the giver. I know it would make me very uncomfortable if that happened in front of me.

We do the things that the 3 previous people said. Also, when at home, and my 3yo or 6yo asks for something (juice, snack, etc.) and forget to say "please", I just stop what I am doing and look at them. Soon, they repeat what they want with the "please." If they walk away without a "thank you," I say, "Thank you, Mama. You're the best Mama ever." They repeat it. It kind of makes it fun that way. The "thank you" response from them is becoming more automatic and sometimes the still say that I am the best Mama ever. :)

Another idea that I am going to try this week (I can't remember where I saw it) is the Gratitude Game. Take a shopping bag for each participant. They go around the house and get a "gift" for another person. When they open the bag that was chosen for them, they say "thank you" and something else about it. For example, "This is my favorite kind of cookie." "I love Dora movies." "This sock will go perfectly with my other one." That way, the "thank you" is personalized and not just an automatic response.

HTH

Model the behaviour you want him to emulate. If you receive a gift say thank you to the giver. Have him see you writing Thank you notes and cards. When he doesn't thank someone thank whoever gave him the gift and then have him draw a picture thank you card later.
I have struggles with this with all 4 of mine. Now at 20 my son actually thanked his grandmothers for the Christmas gifts last year, without being told. So somewhere along the line it sunk in.

Well my son is only 2, but he says thanks, and "ess you" when someone sneezes. We have not told him to do these things - just one day he started doing it. We never even thought of teaching a 2 year old much manners - since he just started talking clearly.

I believe he learned this behavior by watching us. We say please and thank you - do hugs and kisses, and say bless you when someone sneezes. So he must have picked up on this by watching us.

But of course my son is only 2, so he hasnt hit the stage of wanting to do his own thing yet. I am just thankful he still says thanks and bless you during this "terrible 2s" stage

When my children did this I apologized to the gift giver for my child's lack of gratitude. I extended a thank you myself then proceeded to tell my child in private. I try to never embaress my children in a situation like this. I told him that when someone gives you a gift you need to say thank you. I explained in terms that he could understand then told him that I would keep the gift until he could say thank you to the giver. Any time after that all I had to say was do I need to hold onto the gift for you... he would immediately show gratitude and say thank you. We also always try to mail a thank you card afterward. If your child is to young to write on a card let them draw whatever they want and include a small note in the envelope to let the them know what it is for. In the cases of money being given we would let them know what was purchased or done with the money. Good Luck and God Bless!

He is still a little young to "get it" in the moment of getting the actual gift. My son is 3 1/2. =0) However, he isn't too young to take a few minutes a day or so later to sit down with you and color a nice "thank you" note with your help of course. =0) That is a very good way to start teaching him the art of gratitude in a fun and child friendly way. Plus, who doesn't like a homemade colored thank you note for their fridge! =0) Good for you for wanting to teach your son to be gracious! That's just wonderful!!

it sounds like a lot of changes in his young life. How is the 10 year old with him? and how are her manners? Explain to him that these people do not have to give him anything and if they do, he has to thank them or they will not give him anything the next time. Manners are very important, and must be taught consistantly. Good luck, Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas and God Bless.

I always prompted mine if they didn't say thank you when receiving a gift. I would just say right in front of the gift giver to my daughters, "Say thank you!" And they always did. They've been saying it on their own since they were about 6. Before that, sometimes they remembered, but I often had to remind them.

If he is rebelling and not saying thank you when you prompt him, I agree with the poster who said to hold the gift back until he says it. It might be awkward the first few times, and you can explain to the gift giver what you're doing. If the gift giver doesn't understand and says, "Well, he's just a toddler", then they don't have much understanding for moms trying to teach manners - therefore, it doesn't matter what they think! Enforce it anyway.

It's okay if it sounds mechanical from him at first. You're trying to teach him a habit. As he watches you be thankful in a sincere, gracious way, he'll pick up on it. You can even tell him, as he gets older, to say, "Thank you - you are so thoughtful!", or "Thank you - I have always wanted one of these", etc.

The fact that you are concerned now, leads me to believe that he will NOT grow up never saying thank you. It's a phase, and when he figures out that manners reap good things, he'll catch on quickly.

The time to teach him is *not* when he's just opened his present(s) and is supposed to say "thank you" -- it's *now* when you can talk about presents and generosity, etc., so that when the occasion comes that he receives a gift, he will not just mechanically say "thank you" but will actually be grateful. [We can hope, anyway!]

Talk to him (on his level) about the situation -- "what if nobody got him any presents, wouldn't he feel sad? what if he made or did something for someone and they didn't show appreciation -- that's not nice!" You can also detail for him how it takes Grandma or Aunt Suzy time, energy, effort, and money to get him something for his birthday/Christmas ["first, they work really hard, so they earn money; then they take some of *their* money that *they* earned, and instead of spending it on candy or a movie for themselves, they go to the store and walk up and down the aisles, looking at toys and movies that they think *you* might like..."], so he needs to tell them "thank you," because it will mean so much to them to hear that, plus it's rude not to, and we want to be nice and not rude, etc., etc.

You don't have to drill this into his head every day between now and Christmas, but you can have frequent discussions about it, and also teach him to say "thank you" when you've done little things for him, which will help get him into the habit.

This is a "me" stage, They are incapable of thinking that far ahead. Usually their actions tell it all and if they don't, say it for them. This too shall pass. Keep up the good work of having them say it though because that is how they learn. gma to 6, mom to 3.

You tell your toddler to say thank you for the lovely gift. If he refuses...you make a joke out of it and say to the gift giver..."This is so embarrassing. I will be so happy when he gets a little older and has better people skills." And then smile and laugh and let it go.

After it is over let your child make a picture of his own artwork and send it with a note to the gift giver thanking them for the gift. If you do that the gift giver will forget that it happened. Your child will learn a lesson about thanking without it being a power struggle.

If you make a huge deal out of your child's lack of gratitude in front of the gift giver they will remember it forever. If you make light of it at the time and send a nice note with the art work they will forget that the child was ungrateful and remember the nice note and the child's art work.

When my boys were babies, we used a lot of sign language to foster communication before they could speak. One of the signs we taught was thank you. So that now, when they need a gently reminder (instead of "What do you say to Grandma?", which often embarrases them), we sign thank you to them so they remember to say the words. Also, modeling is a great way to teach manners. So if they don't say the words thank you, you say it for them.("Thank you so much, Grandma. I know he will love this.") They'll hear you use your manners often enough, that eventually they should use them for themselves!

I would not try to force him to say thank you or take the gift away for not saying it- only because you may be stuck in a much more embarrassing situation when you have him throwing an all out fit and screaming his head off.

I would simply ask him to do it- if he refuses- look at the person and say "we're being a little stubborn with our politeness these days" and tell your son that mommy will be nice to them and tell them thank you for him. Also explain to him that when he's nice to people, people want to be nice to him and give him nice things. I remind my daughter all the time that when she's nice it makes people want to do special thing with her and for her.

You're dead on with this being a power thing and like all others..it'll pass. Don't be too h*** o* yourself and take it with a grain of salt.

If he won't show gratitude now what will happen when he is older. If he won't say thank you take the gift away and tell him when he can say thank you he may get it back, you may have a little rebellion at first but if he don't learn now ..... my sons are 25 and21 and they are polite. you have to teach them and that is the quickest way because they will learn to say it or don't get it and appreciate what they do receive

Mine is also younger so I can't speak to the 3 yr old thing. But what we do for manners is to say please and thank you for every little thing. If he wants a box of raisins, I get it and hold it out and say "what do you say?" til he says please. Then when I hand it to him if he doesn't say thank you (which he does automatically about hlaf the time) I ask him what he is supposed to say again. But by doing it at home for little stuff without making too big of a deal out of it, it isn't so scary for him and doesn't put him on the spot so much. He has learned that please means he REALLY wants something, and usually if he uses it without being prompted, he gets it (within reason). If it is something he absolutely cannot have, I tell him "thank you for saying please, but..." and explain why he can't have it, but I always acknowledge the please. And I always tell him thank you for using his manners. He has really picked up on manners by doing this.

Also, when he needs to say thank you for something to someone else, I say "wow, what do you say?" but in an excited tone of voice immediately after he gets the thing. Not in a stern, leading tone of voice. That way the excitement is fresh and the thank you just pops out without him even thinking about it.

Good luck! Hope this helps.

(I also have a 3 yr old so I understand that power struggle)

Is he embarrassed? If he is shy and doesn't want to talk when all the adults are staring at him maybe teaching him to sign "thank you" would work better? Maybe he is uncomfortable giving hugs and kisses - would hi-fives or blowing a kiss be better? (I never make my children hug or kiss someone - it is their own bodies and this is one thing they do have complete say over)
There are many ways to say "Thank you" without actually having to say it, maybe you and your son can talk about it beforehand and figure out another way for him to "say" thank you. Even if it is something silly, you can always explain to the giver "that's his way of saying Thank You".

I do agree that if YOU lead by example, and require him to be polite it will all come together and you will have a well mannered child - one day. :-)

Hope this helps! Merry Christmas! ~ M.

When I was growing up the rule at my house was you say thank you or you give it back. On Christmas we had to say thank you out loud to santa (because he can he you no matter where you live) on birthdays as we opened our gifts we had to say thank you. I now do the same thing for my daughter, she's 4. I just remind her about it before hand and then prompt her as she is opening the gifts. I can't remember her ever having to give the gift back and she is very independent. If she doesn't say it especially loud I will say to the giver "Oh Granny did you here that? What a sweet thank you" or something like that. That way we don't have to have a fight about the volume or speed in which it is said. Oh and lately I haven't had to remind her each time, she just does it. Hope this helps.

K.

I would absolutely take the gift away until they say thank you. If you were to apologize to me for the child I would think that he was spoiled and not well disciplined. I have done that w/ my children....if they will not say thank you, I take the gift away and tell them that when they can say thank you, they can have the gift back.

Adele,
You're awesome for wanting to instill good manners. I have two kids who, most of the time, are the "polite ones." With each of them I did the same thing. You teach them by playing! I would sit on the floor and share any toy/object with my son. I'd ask, "what do you say?" If he didn't say thank you, I'd say it for him. Then I'd ask for him to give it to me. I'd take it nicely and say, "OH, thank you! That's very nice of you!" We could play this game for a while. I'd use my kitchen utensils, measuring cups, his special plastic plates and cups as well. I would take turns with him saying, "ok, now it's you're turn." You don't have to drill all in one day. Doing this a few times each day helps a lot. I'd use it after meals asking for his plate. I'd thank him when he handed it to me. Really, it comes down to finding daily opportunities to exchange this important phrase. Our childen just need positive experiences daily with Thank You's until it becomes second nature. Your little guy will be the "polite one" in no time!

You absolutely do not let him play with or use the gift until he has thanked the person who gave it to him. It can be a simple "thank you" or you write a note and have him "sign" it. I know that most 3-year old's cant write their names but most can make a mark that looks like their initials. Anyone who knows a 3-year old will be understanding of how he is acting.
Congratulations on your new marriage and bonus daughter!! That's wonderful!!

Experts say... (drum roll please) don't make a big deal about it, let the child see you turning toward the person and saying, thank you so much, I know he/she will love it. MOST ppl understand, I did this same search a few years back and my boys are very well mannered (in fact my Kindergartener just got an "O" for outstanding in the manners category of his first EVER report card, YAY!) You're right, they just want control over any situation they can get, you're great, it will happen, and BTW to ease the tension with the gift-giver, send them a pic a few days later of the child LOVING the gift, they will be happy to see it :)