Hi All,
My daughter was invited to a birthday party for a classmate. It is a sleepover party. My daughter was on the fence about whether or not to go b/c she is nervous about sleeping over and isn't that close to the girl. I also wasn't really keen on a sleepover where I didn't know the family. Yesterday, I told my husband that I wanted him to talk to her about it and make a decision so I could RSVP to the party. When I came home today they told me she had opted not to go.
Well today my daughter got another invitation to a birthday party of another classmate and it is the same day as the first party. My daughter is very excited to go to this party and did not hesitate at all about going. So my question is how do I politely decline the first invitation without it looking like we said no b/c of the other party? Usually I just say "thank you for the invitation but we wont be able to make it. I hope your child has a great birthday" or something to that effect. I'm just concerned that since both parties are for classmates it could get back to the first child.
Am I over thinking this?
Yup, you're over thinking it! (which is nice actually - shows you care). Just respond no to the first and yes to the second. I personally think families invite the whole class because they feel like they have to, and when a handful say they cannot come the family is secretly happy :)
There is nothing wrong with an RSVP of "no" to 1 and a " yes" to the other. You don't "owe" anyone any explanation.
Yes you are! (It gets easier though lol)
Just email or call & say "thank you for the invitation. I'm sorry Jane will not be able to make it." You don't need to explain!
I think your normal answer works for this one too...it's not like you had already accepted the invitation to the first one and changed your mind.
If they should question the attendance, especially if they are at the same time, all you or your daughter has to say is "I could only attend one so I had to choose".
You are WWWAAAYYY over-thinking this.
Just say what you want to say - "thank you for the invitation. Jane won't be able to make it. Hope she has a great birthday" if you feel inclined, you can drop a present off at the house - something small - but really - that's not even necessary.
Will it "get back"? Most likely. And the kids will resolve it on their own.
You are over thinking it. Just send them a note and say sorry she can't make it. and your done.
(No) is a complete sentence. I mean you don't have to give a reason. The more you talk the worse it will get tangled. The other girl could say, but you said...
No, thank you, she won't be attending for 1st girl.
Yes, thank you, she will attend for 2nd girl.
This kind of thing happens all the time. When two parties are on the same day your daughter needs to make a choice, and it sounds like she did. Sure the girls may talk at school about who went to who's party but that's life. If your daughter isn't that close to the other girl then I doubt she'll care much one way or the other.
No explanations are necessary.
The only way I see a problem is if you had already RSVP'd that she would be attending and now decided to not go. But that is not the case.
Just call and politely say that she will not be attending. There need not be any mention whatsoever of any other invitations. That isn't part of it. If you are pressed (not likely) then you can be truthful: Your daughter wasn't sure if she was comfortable about the sleepover portion, and has decided to decline.
That's it. Don't mention other plans she has made after deciding not to go to the sleepover party. It isn't relevant, and it isn't their business.
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And I agree with K. L about the secret wishes of the hosting parents. :) You said yourself that your daughter isn't close to the birthday girl with the sleepover party, and it is evident by your daughter's hesitation about sleeping over at her house. I'm sure host mom is hoping to keep the crowd down to a small roar and will be glad that there are a few who decline. Doesn't mean that she wouldn't like your kid or has anything against her. But we all know that 8 girls sleeping over is easier to manage than 15. Especially if they are 8 girls that the mom KNOWS well enough to know some of their quirks. :)
A little bit yes. I'd just tell the first party that, for whatever reason, you're not able to make it. Then, go to the second party.
If any of the parents ask, let them know that your daughter wasn't comfortable with the sleepover idea, and chose to go to the other party instead.
ETA: I'm not sure about your schools, but around where I live, if you're bringing invitations to school, you HAVE to have one for every child in the class. If you're not planning on inviting the whole class, then you have to do the invitations off of school grounds. But, the school will not give you contact information for certain parents so you CAN contact them off school grounds. It's SO hard to have parties for a select few anymore.
Yes you are over thinking this. Keep it simple and say that you are sorry but your daughter will not be able to attend. Don't mention the other party. It's nobody's business why she isn't attending the first party.
And this is a great time to teach her that you don't talk about the wonderful time at the second party when others who weren't invited/didn't attend are around.
you had me at ... RSVP! so nice to hear of someone actually doing that for parties any more!!
I won't say you are overthinking it because I would worry about it too. It probably isn't a big deal and hopefully you'll just get an answering machine or what ever and not be pressed on it. hope your dd has fun!
ADD: If they are at different times, and you want to cover both, then ask if she can attend but not sleep over and go to both. Whichever is more comfortable for her.
ORIGINAL: If she hasn't gone to sleepovers yet, then rsvp IMMEDIATELY to the 1st party that she won't be attending as she's not yet permitted sleepover parties.
Wait a couple of days and rsvp to the 2nd party yes.
You didn't get the invite to the 2nd party until after the decision has been made. Give it just enough time between the two rsvp's to show that, and to make yourself feel more comfortable with it.
Just say no to first and yes to the second. Not sure what the problem is. You don't to say why. I would have her respond to the parties, not you. Need to teach kids to be responsible for their own activities. It teaches the to be independent.
Your daughter doesn't have to give a reason when she declines a party invitation. She just says she regrets she cannot attend.
If your daughter had accepted the first invitation and then received the second invitation, and wanted to ditch the one for the other, that would be another matter.
Since the classmates' parties are on the same day, there will surely be a number of guests attending one or the other.
How old are they?
You can just say that sleepovers are not allowed yet for your daughter.
And, being that both parties entail the "classmates" then how are all the kids, that are invited to both parties, going to attend, both, parties, anyway?
It might be assumed, that that 2nd party, is for a girl that was not invited to that 1st invitation/sleep-over. Since, that 2nd party is for that exact same day as the 1st party.
It's fine to say Yes to one and No to one.
As some below posts mention - just food for thought - it is also not unusual for a child to go to a sleepover party but leave before the "sleeping" part. There are many reasons for doing that. If she decided to do that, just have an "excuse" that she is comfortable with ("going to visit my grandparents early in the morning", etc), and you can even mention that to the host mom beforehand when you RSVP.
(As Sally and some others below point out, you might NOT want to use the "sleepover" part as your excuse for completely not attending the party, because host mom may reply by asking if your daughter wants to attend and leave before bed. So if your daughter does not want to attend that party AT ALL, just do a no-excuse-given decline, or, give an excuse that covers the whole evening..."family dinner plans", etc.)
Yes, you're overthinking it. Your usual response is fine
You've already gotten some great advice but I just wanted to add that for future party invitations that include a sleepover my daughter as well as some guests of her own birthday parties have come for the party part and then get picked up later in the evening when the girls are settling down to watch a movie, etc. Usually around 10:00 or so. I think this is totally fine and have never had anyone question it. Everyone has their own reasons for not doing sleepovers and I think that's ok. She's had to do that plenty of times b/c we had something going on early the next day, she was unsure about it b/c it was an unfamiliar house, etc. Just something to think about going forward.
I'd be honest with the mom and let her know that your kiddo isn't one that likes sleepovers yet. The mom needs to know why her party isn't going over with everyone invited. How about letting her go to the first part of the sleepover but pick her up say....8 or 9 so she can come home to sleep in her own home.
There is nothing wrong with going to multiple parties on the same day. We have done 3 in one day.
If the second party is during daytime hours you can always just respond to the first one that you have plans for that evening and *daughter* won't be able to attend their party, but thank you for the invite. Then RSVP to the second one.
yes, you are over thinking this....
Just say what you were planning to say, "thank you, but she not able to go" and wish the birthday girl a happy b'day.....no further explanations are necessary...theoretically, you could have a previous commitment for that evening.....
Just say what you were planning on saying.
Don't say anything about the sleepover, because lots of kids only stay until 9-10 and then go home...they might suggest that.
Simply say, we as a family have agreed that "Sally" is not ready for sleep over parties, but thanks for the invite. I think it's pretty simple. It just happens that a non sleepover party is available the same day.
You are over thinking it. If both girls are having parties on the same night, they have to expect that some will go to one and some will go to the other. I'm sure your child is not expected to be the center of attention and since she's not really that close to party girl #1, I doubt anyone will really care.
