How to Tell Chatty MIL That During Labor She Needs to Be Quite

Updated on April 14, 2008
A.P. asks from Janesville, MN
9 answers

First I have to say that I have a wonderful MIL. However when my first child was born my intention was to only have my mom and my husband in for the delivery. My mom was the one that had asked me to let her stay in the room, since she has never experienced a delivery before or had to give birth before, as she adopted her children. I allowed her, thinking that she would be very low key and understand that it needed to be quite and it was not a time to be chatting with everyone that came into the room. As this was a very intense labor and very painful, having her there was great, but she never shut up the whole time. It got so bad I had told my husband that he needed to shut up and be quite, hoping she would stop talking. Any way this continued with my second child and now that I am pregnant with number #3 how do I go about telling her that if she cant be quite during this time than she is not allowed in there. I am affraid that being pregnant and somewhat hormonal I might go off the deep end and have a bad situation on my hands?? Any suggestions on what to say or things that I can do?? I have thought about making a sign to put on the delivery room door and in the room but not sure about how and what to say?? And how to say it polietly!! Any suggestions are really appreciated!! Thanks

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answers from Lincoln on

Tell you nurses that she is a chatter box and that during delivery and stuff that you want it quiet and tell them that if she gets to chatty that you want her to leave the room till she can be quiet

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answers from Sioux Falls on

If you have a great relationship with your MIL, then you should be able to be honest with her. Tell her its hard to concentrate with her there. And if you do go off on her, tell her your sorry and that you cant control the hormones, I can almost bet she will understand that. I have gone off on people pregnant, then said im sorry right away, blaming hormones. You have the best excuse now, have fun with it!! Good Luck and Congrats.

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answers from Minneapolis on

If this was me, I wouldn't even let her in there this time. She's been to 2 of your children's births--that's plenty.

Maybe she can watch your 2 kids while you are at the hospital?

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answers from Minneapolis on

I wouldn't allow her in. My Grandma arrived without me knowing and she was annoying to me and my husband. She gave us opinons and wanted to watch the ball game while I was waiting to be prepped for my c-section. The second time around we just told her that we didn't want anybody there until the baby was born. It's your right to have this time alone with your husband.

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answers from Minneapolis on

I'd simply tell her that she experienced the birth of #1 and #2 and that you'd like #3 to be with just you and your husband. Don't even give her the option of being there in the room with you. If that doesn't work, put it on the nurses (as another poster said). Have a list of who your are comfortable with and the nurses can be the bad guys to not allow people in the room. As a nurse myself, I can tell you we do that kind of stuff every day!

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answers from Minneapolis on

wow- you're a big person to let your mother-in-law in the delivery room. My husband and I decided it would be just us- right before he was born I was torn and almost asked my Mom to stay (ours was the 8th grandchild on our side) as she'd never witnessed a birth, but given birth 5 times herself. Anyway, decided to stick to our decision (which I think my mom was fine with)- and it was just us- then family came in afterwards. It was wonderful having that moment alone. I guess it helps that my MIL lives out of state and they didn't arrive until the night we got home from the hospital, and since she wasn't there for her daughter's two kids' birth, wasn't really an issue- but was glad not to have to go there. Guess if you have your mom, difficult not to have your MIL.

I agree~ let the nurses handle it- a code is good. Give her a warning and if she doesn't abide, she's out. Otherwise, just keep it you and your husband. Good luck- and congratulations!



answers from Sioux City on

If you want it handled in-family ahead of time, have your husband tell her that each successive delivery can get more painful and that HE wants you to feel free to cuss him without worry of offending her. If she doesn't readily agree to keep out (she might, since nervousness may have caused her chattiness to begin with), just don't call her until it's too late for her to get there in time. To be extra sure, try to talk to one nurse in particular, explain what happened before, and ask her to take MIL outside if it gets too intense.

I am way impressed with anyone who can allow ANY visitors in her L&D room, so don't feel the slightest twinge of guilt about wanting privacy there. You are the one doing all the very hard work - no one else has any rights there.



answers from Minneapolis on

Id put it on the nurses, that way you won't create unnecessary tension, during an already intense situation.

You or your husband should talk to the nurses attending to you before MIL arrives and ask them to help you remove anyone from the room during labor if things get too intense. Have a code or someway you'll let them know you want to be alone.

I think most hospitals have something called a "birth plan", where you write in detail what you want to happen (whether its treatment or dealing with visitors) during your birth experience. This might be another way to get things worked out ahead of time so you don't hurt anyone's feelings. I think all you need to do is talk to your OB/GYN to get one drawn up, or at least they can tell you who to talk to at the hospital. Just be sure you do it BEFORE d-day!

Hope this helps! I'm not good with folks when I'm in pain either. But I got so nasty while I was in labor, no one wanted to be anywhere near me! Most especially my in-laws, who all happily waited in the waiting room!



answers from Duluth on

It's hard to tell from your request if you really want MIL in the room or if you don't want her. I think you need to figure this out for yourself first. If you don't want her there, then I think you need to just tell her (as already suggested)"We had a crowd for 1 and 2, hubby and I just want to do this one alone." And the suggestion for her to watch the other kids when you go to the hospital is great. Give her a job at any rate, even if it's cooking some meals to bring to you after you get home from the hospital, so she feels like she's helping.

However, perhaps you really want her there but can't stand the talking. Well, as you said, she never has given birth herself, so she has no idea what you're going through (even though she's SEEN it, which is NOT the same thing!). If you decide you do want her there, I'd suggest you first talk about your feelings with your husband. Depending upon your relationship with your MIL, either have hubby talk to MIL about this, talk to her yourself, or both do it in separate conversations. Let her know how important it is to focus on what is happening inside of you at time, or how difficult it is to deal emotionally with the pain and all the noise distracts you. Or however you would say it. If she is receptive, you could still do a birth plan, etc. But I've done birth plans with all 3 of my births, and the labors have been so quick at times that the team didn't have time to read the plan beforehand, so perhaps that wouldn't be a sure fix. (Your hubby might have to pull the nurse aside instead.)

Good luck to you, and hats off to you for having MIL there for the first two! You guys must have a great relationship, you're fortunate :-)

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