How to Talk to 9 Year Old

Updated on September 08, 2008
M.M. asks from McKinney, TX
4 answers

Hi moms,
i love this page and read here everyday. i know there have been some posts on this already but i need to ask again. how do i talk to my 9 yr old about sex. about abstinence? i am dreading this talk and i don't remember my mother talking about it with me. the kids these days grow up so quickly that i am just not sure. when i was growing up i think i was so afraid of doing anything for fear of my father.. so i didn't until i was of am age where i was able to make the decision and suffer the consequences of need be. my daughter has already come home from school twice since the school year started and said she had a BF. i was like WHAT... you are to young for a boyfriend. is there any books i can get to help with this. I know i just want to tell her the basics not go into so much detail she is flabbergasted, and is like what mom? and and all advice will be appreciated.

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answers from Dallas on

Hi, I'm using a series of books called "The New Learning about Sex: A series for the Christian Family" by Carol Greene. It's a series of books that are targeted for each age. I've started with the 3-5 y.o. It just talks about how boys and girls are different in every way including physically and there is a cartoon-like picture of a boy and girl showing they have different genitals. I was so freaked out to show it to my 4 y.o. but she had seen her boy cousins go pee pee so it was no big deal. Check out this series of books. My dad gave it to me to help with my kids and I don't know where he got it. You can try amazon, surely they will have it. good luck. good job for being proactive. I agree with the other mom, we have to talk about everything with our children constantly. It's not a one-time talk!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Good for you for thinking about it now. This about the time that kids start talking. Little bits of laughter giggling and nothing near to the truth. Be open and honest. I use little burst with my son so as not to put him in the hot seat. I might through out a few one liners whiel driving in a car. I saw a y9ung man wiht a little a girl at the store giving her a energy drink. Man, I used that oppurtunity to sneak a one liner in. I told my son and that is why you wait to have sex until you are mature enough to make good parenting decisions. we have not yet had the sex talk. I am building it with my little one liner so that he will hopefully be a little more comfortable with it. It is coming soon.
He is nine also.

Good luck.



answers from Dallas on

Get the American Girl Book, it is called The Care and Keeping of You. My little girl is 4 years old, and I don't dread the talk, but I want to be prepared. The book has everything in it from how to care for your nails, hair, period, shaving, etc... I do not plan on talking with my daughter till she is about 9 or 10 or when she asks I guess. Above all be honest.


answers from Dallas on

I come from a divorced family and my mother never discussed sex or anything else with me. I was witness to more than one girl in my class getting pregnant and I thought that was really hard because they just made their lives a lot more difficult. The girls in my class had great parental support but I was witness to the hardship they went through, such as forgoing college and getting married at 16. College was always a MAJOR part of my life plan.

My daughter (only child) is 13. Our deal is that we keep the lines of communication wide open at our house. Anything goes in conversation and stays between all of, dad and daughter. She knows she can asks us anything and we will tell her the truth. She can talk to either one us us about anything. College is a MAJOR part of her life plan as well. Her dad and I have always talked about the importance of education and there is no question as to IF she will go to college, it is WHERE she chooses to go. She already has her heart set on Dad's alma mater Duke and is studying hard in 8th grade to prepare for it.

She has spoken to us about girls who become pregnant and she told me not too long ago..........."Mom, I am not ready to take the chance that I might get pregnant because I have my life in front of me and I am not old enough or mature enough to be a mom yet".

We are a very open minded family. She sees us as a couple talking a lot, expressing views and not getting mad at each other or blaming one for being wrong, etc. No topic is out of bounds between the 3 of us. I will say that she is not into all the specific details (TMI... ) We simply talk until she says ok, that's enough for now.

So far, my daughter is not into the boy crazy scene. I have been around some of her friends who think of nothing but boys. My daughter is very socially involved with boy and girl friends....but just as friends, her cheerleading and orchestra.

Trust yourself that you have raised your daughter well and with good values, dreams and goals. Yes, accidents DO happen and if it were to happen to us, we would be supportive of our daughter and do everything possible to ensure that her child has a good life full of love, just as we will when she has her own family.

Best wishes to you. They do grow up WAY too fast!

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