My son is 11 mths old and has taken a likening to screaming....for fun, when he's irritated, when he's mad, when he's happy, when he needs attention...........WHENEVER he feels like it. It's deafening.......anyone been thru this? Have any suggestions other than ear plugs? He goes to daycare, and his daycare provider is being nice about it, but I'm not sure how long she can (or will) hold on.
Help!!
Like most other things, it's a phase and he will grow out of it. I have seven grandchildren - they all went through it. The girls were the worst - their screams are so high-pitched it is deafening. I don't know what to do - I just kept telling them no screaming but it didn't make much difference. They screamed anyway! It will pass.
Hi there K.,
I'm going to take the stance I always take and it's not very popular. 11 months old is not too young for a swat on the behind. Regardless of whether this is a phase or an attention getting behaviour (both of which are valid possiblities), he has to learn it is not acceptable. My suggestion is when it starts you say no, and give him a chance to stop. Then when he doesn't, because he won't at first, you give him a swat on his diaper, just hard enough that he feels it and knows you mean business. Then yes, I would agree with putting him in his crib until he can calm down and behave. At 11 months old, he may not understand why he's getting put in his crib, but he for sure will understand he doesn't want that swat. And the main thing is, whatever discipline you choose, you have to be consistent, every...single...time. And it's HARD to be consistent, but it's so very important.
More importantly, though, is your marriage. I have to tell you I so feel for you. There is nothing that drives a marriage apart faster than never being together. K., if you want to save your marriage, you and your husband need to sit down and figure out how you are going to be together more. You may need to change jobs or move, but whatever it takes, if you want to continue being married to each other, you have to do it. The two of you sound like you are essentially "separated" already and that sure doesn't seem to be working for you. I would even go so far as to say your son's behaviour may be a result of your marriage being in disarray. Children can sense when all is not well within the home, and the only way they can express their fears of their world being in danger is to act out. I encourage you to find some time to talk to your husband and decide whether you want your marriage to work or not. If the answer is yes, then without question you must find the time to be together, even if it's just in the evenings after the kids are in bed. I really feel for you in your situation, because I know right now people are desperately clinging to their jobs for dear life. But even if you have to downsize your life and live in a trailer park or move in with your parents or whatever, you've got to be together. Your children are sensing their world is unstable, I guarantee you, and that is the scariest thing imaginable for a child. I would also encourage you to find a support group such as a church or a group of moms to be around because you will need someone to lean on and gain strength from. I don't know if you go to church, but I do. My husband and I have been through so much in our 8 years of marriage and I don't know what we would have done without our church and the support they have been for us. I will be praying for you. Your marriage doesn't have to be and SHOULDN'T be this way. God bless, and lots of love and prayers your way.
Dear K.,
Your kid has found his voice. Pretty typical, really.
Irritating, but typical.
My advice is to whisper to him when he yells.
Say very quietly that you can't hear him when he's loud.
If you speak very quietly, they often hush up because they can't hear you otherwise.
Try whispering. Whisper even around your husband.
There is loud and there is quiet voices. You just need to let him know that the quiet voices are the ones you "hear".
Give it a whirl.
Hello K., When my nephew was little (now nine) he did the same thing. It's more for attention than anything. But what worked for us was inside voice and outside voice. If he wants to scream he has to go outside. It took some time, but when he got loud we would say "use your inside voice" try that. Also kids want to get a reaction out of you in any way, even bad attention is good attention to them. So try to not respond to him in any way when he screams, like he never did it at all (easier said than done I know) good luck. A. Z.
My son did this also around 10 months. My doctor said to completly ignore him. No eye contact, no talking, no scolding, no reaction at all. He wants attention so make sure you are listening to him during the day and respond to him just as soon as she stops and asks you what he wants. Then thank him for using his words and make no mention of the screaming. Sure enough it worked!! Rather embarissing when out in public but it is the same with a temper tanturm no reaction is the best!
When he starts screaming you go pick him up without eye contact, without emotion, and take him to his room. Put him in his crib. Say "no screaming" in a stern voice as you firmly put your finger on his mouth so he gets the idea and then walk out. Shut the door. When he calms down and stops screaming, you go back in and with a smile and happy voice you get him up and hug and kiss and bring him back out to play or eat or whatever. The instant he screams again, you do it over. It will take a few times, a few days, and he will test you and he may fall asleep in his bed and miss dinner or make you late for leaving the house, but if you don't want a screeching child you will do what you have to until he figures out you mean business. I wouldn't send him outside to scream. This isn't an outside voice. This is a scream and your neighbors don't want to hear it either. It is somewhat of a phase and he has just found he has the ability to make this wonderfully loud strange noise, but he needs to know it's not ok to do it. Day care might try this also if there is a separate room with a crib or playpen for him. One child can start the intire group screaming and after a while your sweety won't be welcomed. This tactic also works when they start hitting, biting, pulling hair,or pushing others. All normal things small kids do, but shouldn't be allowed to continue. Hope this is some advice you can use. Happy New year!
I do believe the screaming is a phase. My child went through it a little older (around 2 1/2). They do do it because they get a reaction. I tried time-outs, taking him into his room to scream or outside and those things didn't seem to stop it. One day he started it in the car. We had been in the car already for a long time that day, and it was dinner time. We still had about 20 minutes before we got home. There was no way I wanted to hear that. I told him that I would stop the car until he stopped screaming. I had to stop the car three different times. The last time I was at my wits end. I told him that he would go straight to bed without a meal if he did not stop. Well of course if you make a threat, you have to follow through. He went to bed without eating and it certainly tempered the screaming. Very rarely does he do it anymore.
I think you may have to try different things until you find the one that works.
Dear K.,
Jennifer is right on! I am the mother of 7 and have had a few screamers. What she said is the only way to stop it. They really do understand language alot more than we give them credit for. They can't express themselves in words yet, but they get what you are saying. Along with training him to stop screaming, give his some tools to express himself. Get a baby sign language book and teach him some of the basic signs for please, thank you, more, up or down, thirsty or hungry. I have done this with my kids and it helps decrease the screaming as well. Blessings to you!
Stac
Hi K.. My name is H.. I don't have advice for you. I think the screaming is just a phase.
I just wanted to say first that I think you're funny and have a good attitude. Second I also have 2 small children and a husband that worked out of town 5 days a week. (We are currently seperated, working hard to fix our marriage.) You have a lot on your plate and you're awesome. That's all.
Have a good day.
If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that I wrote this. My story is exactly the same even the ages of my boys. I've been wanting to post this same issue for myself, thanks for doing it for me. The screaming is driving me, my husband and my other son crazy. Good luck, hopefully it will soon pass.
