How to Raise a Happy, Confident, and Positive Son Without a Dad?

Updated on September 26, 2013
M.E. asks from Oakland, CA
9 answers

I've finally decided to separate from my son's father after a lot of sleepless nights thinking. My 3.5 year old son is the apple of my eye and I can't believe I thought I was happy before he came into my life. I love being a mother... I cannot say the same thing about his father. I thought he would be a great father but I was horribly wrong. Long story short: he isn't there for my son unless it is convenient for him. We do not get along anymore and all we do is argue about every little thing. I do not want to expose my son to this unhealthy environment anymore so he will be moving out soon (he didn't put up much of a fight about separating).

My biggest concern is for my son. I don't know how involved his father will be once we are separated. I hate the thought of my son growing up without a father. With everything I read about how important it is for kids to have both parents in their life...I'm worried about how this will affect him. I want to raise him to be a hard working, honest, happy, and self confident man that will someday have a loving and happy marriage and his own family.

My question is for all of the single moms who have successfully raised their sons to be happy and successful men without a father, how did you do it?

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Growing up with an involved great caring father can be wonderful.
Growing up with a father who doesn't give a darn is something else entirely..
A kid can do very well without all the negatives being thrown at him every day.
Several of the boys at my son's tkd class are being raised without Dads.
That's why their Moms signed them up for tkd.
The masters are good positive male role models.

5 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.O.

answers from New York on

You sound like an amazing, fantastic mom. And your son will be just fine.

What children need is a parent who loves them and believes in them. It doesn't matter if that parent is a mom, a dad, or an alien from Mars. What matters is the act and practice of good parenting.

My brother and I were raised by a single mom. Because you're asking about a boy, I'll tell you about my brother. He is, and always has been, a confident, clear-thinking, level-headed guy. He's got an amazing work ethic, and he's an incredible dad himself. Growing up, I know he missed having a dad -- we both did. But he sought out his own male role models in sports coaches -- so as an indirect result of being raised by a single mom, my brother became a great athlete. He turned out fine. You're clearly a wonderful mom. Your son will be more fine -- more than fine -- too.

6 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.B.

answers from Beaumont on

I am in a similar situation. Find positive role models for him through your church, community, neighborhood etc. Everyone leads such busy lives and I've found that retirees love to take them fishing, teach them to mow lawns, in general pour into them fundamental guy stuff. I make sure they're in a great church and loved to pieces. I also make sure they do service projects during the summers, giving, giving, giving to others and increasing their people skills as well as their compassion. My best wishes, your son will be fine.

5 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.W.

answers from Amarillo on

It will be hard but doable. You will have to find male role models that are willing to take your son under their wing and help guide him and make him feel important and wanted.

I say this as my husband's father did not stay with mother for whatever reasons. Husband expressed how it felt at times to be the one without the dad to do things with and felt alone. He did pull from within and go on to do things that made him the man he is.

Whatever you do, model how you want your son to treat and love women. Teach him manners, teach him empathy, teach him about life, teach him to be considerate of his fellow man/woman. Be positive in your talks. If you don't know tell him that and that you will find out and get back to him with an answer. Do it within a day or so, so that he doesn't think you forgot.

Above all, by yourself and love your son for who he is. Praise but don't go overboard. If he falls, be there to help pick him up and let him learn from his mistakes.

You may not hear it but one day he will say thank you mom. My son told me this the day he got married. He thanked me for all that I had done for him growing up and he is my adopted child who came to my home at five weeks.

Just be honest.

the other S.

PS This is my take on the absent dad. I hope I helped someone see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.S.

answers from Tyler on

I am not trying to diminish the role of men in their son's lives, but I think a lot of studies are skewed in regards to how young men of single women turn out because a LOT of single women are very poor single women - without resources. So, those women have to focus on just surviving every day.

If you do have a support system (good job, friends, etc), then I think you can raise an excellent single son. My son does not have a father (admittedly, he is not fully grown yet). But, he plays baseball, he is in cubscouts (an excellent resource for male influence), he plays piano, and he takes gymnastics. He makes straight A's. He is VERY nice and considerate and empathetic.

I think that our loving household is worth a million households where parents are arguing and fighting.

Good luck!
L.

4 moms found this helpful

A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

Hey, Mom, think of all the AMAZING men that were raised by single moms. This is fact too.

I'm in your boat, divorcing, and my son is 5. It breaks my heart that his dad is a bad person, but he is. I haven't succeeded yet in successfully raising him alone, but here are the things I will do:

1) Continue to be the happy, confident woman in charge who doesn't bemoan the fact that I am alone and doesn't say bad things about the no good dad.

2) Teach my son manners and respect for women, morals, and raise him reading about and watching good role models while he's young, not bad ones.

3) Keep him around nice men. I have him enrolled in a great community of men who have taken him under their wing in Tae Kwon Do, he's starting boyscouts when able, we have a really nice neighbor who lets him help wit yard stuff, we have nice Mennonite friends and the farmer lets him help on farm, I just met a nice cop through a friend who is going to give him a tour of police station....I have friends willing to hang around him play catch and stuff and always make him feel welcome. I'm actually forcing myself to be much more social than my nature just to get a good community built around him.

4) And conduct yourself with DIGNITY. Do not glom onto any boyfriend any time soon. And when you do meet a GOOD SOLID MAN who would be a great influence and dependable father figure, EVENTUALLY you can introduce your son, but don't let him see you dating around and "needing" the attention of men you barely know. This will not give him a good representation of how men and women should interact.

Let's wish ourselves luck but we KNOW it can be done and has been done many times before.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.R.

answers from Seattle on

Wow, such great advice already!! I love posts/responses like this :) Well said to all the other answers.

Honestly M., given the history of the world, and how many families have raised children without a nucleus mother/father as their role model, there are a lot of people who survive great odds and become wonderful human beings. I firmly believe it takes only one parent or loving, genuinely concerned adult to apply themselves in unselfish ways to raise great kids.

We don't live in a perfect world, and neither do most kids who come from a 2 parent home.

3 moms found this helpful

D.D.

answers from New York on

You son needs positive male role models to guide him along to adulthood. That should be his own father but if dad doesn't step up to the role then uncles, grandfathers, teachers, club leaders, etc can fill in to show him how to be a responsible boy/young adult/man.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.C.

answers from San Francisco on

Find other male role models that he can learn from. Have an uncle or grandfather spend time with him on a regular basis. Have a neighbor or the father of one of his friends include him on some father-son outings. Join the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program.

As long as there are other males in your life, your son will have plenty of positive people to look up to.

2 moms found this helpful
For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions