I have an almost 7 year old daughter in 1st grade. She had a friend over for a playdate today. Needless to say it didn't go very well from my daughter's stand point, but I think her friend had a good time. My daughter's friend wasn't interested in doing anything my daughter suggested. She would say "no, I don't want to do that" and begin to do something else. How do you handle this? Do you just let them do separate things? My daughter is fine doing some things that her friend wanted to do, but was sad because this friend wouldn't do anything that my daughter wanted to do.
At this age I don't really feel like I can say "okay we're doing play-doh now (or whatever my daughter wanted to do) come and sit down." What would you do in this situation? What should I say to my daughter when she comes to me saying her friend doesn't want to do anything she wants to do?
At this age they are feeling eachother out. My son would have playdates he was dying to have and either he wanted to do something different or the friend did. Sometimes they play seperate sometimes together. I never interfere unless there is an argument. It's part of socializing, being in a new space and getting to know eachothers likes and dislikes. By tomorrow your daughter is gonna want to have her back, always happens with my son.
make sure they are well rested, well fed and keep it short. They are still learning how to get along and there will be bumps along the road. My dd would get overwhelmed and exhausted after an hour and she wouldn't act out, but would whisper to me "I just want it to be me and you now, mom." Keep it no more than 2 hours. That's a lot of intense focus-on-another-person-in-my-space time for a first grader.
When this happened to my daughter years ago, I told her that since "Jessica" is a guest that you invited, let her choose what to do and whenever you go over her house she'll let you decide. I said this in front of "Jessica". The girl agreed and even though I had her back over before my child was over her house, I set up some rules. One was that they had to agree on what to do or take turns. First do what one girl wants and then the next activity can be what the other girl wants to do. It seemed to work fine and still to this day my house is "playdate central" LOL!!! Good Luck!
My son is 7.5 and when we run into them I always say they both have to agree or take turns choosing. I don't think it's wrong to intervene long enough to say that.
I think it takes a while for children to develope the sense of which friend has the same interests as they do and also which ones are geared to be in charge, so to speak. Maybe observe the interaction of her with other friends and invite the one who seems to be more agreeable to someone elses ideas. Then they will take turns doing each other's desired activities.
have a plan for the play date. have your daughter decide what she would like to do and then when asking the other child she should be specific "do you want to come and play barbies after school on thursday" or "do you want to come over and paint pictures?" etc... it makes it easier. then when you talk to the mom you can say "jenny wants anna to come and play barbies after school does that work for your schedule" you have said up front what they will be doing. when they are at the other girls house she gets to choose. your house is not an amusement park that they can just do whatever when ever. good luck.
Prior to having a school friend over for the first time, I always talk to my kids about how exciting it is for someone to be a first-time guest in our home. Everything is new to them here, and they may be very excited to play with something at our house, and we should be gracious enough to be flexible. (I give this speech as my kids start getting certain toys out and making certain plans in their mind about what they will do when the friend gets here, because they are so excited). I tell me kids to please just enjoy their company and have fun playing whatever things they like to do. They may not want to play everything YOU have in mind. If the kids continue having playdates, it should be easier for the new friend to share more evenly in deciding what to play. If this friend continues refusing to play anything your daughter suggests, they may just not share enough of the same interests. I would encourage her to branch out and invite a few different girls over who she thinks would like to share more of her favorite activities.
It sounds like you have a daughter that is able to respect choices of others, even if it doesn't match her own desires.
She was respectful of her friend, but her friend needs to tbe respectful of your daughter also.
Next time, it would help to have a short talk about some of the things you do in your home, rules of your house, so the friend will have the gameplan before demanding oly what she can do or wants to do.
Explain that in your home you share the decesion making when choosing a game, idea for dinner, or movie. Use the choices to fit what you do as a family.
If she doesn't want to comply, there are other friends taht will share the giving and receiving of ideas.
This is a normal learning process of life. We don't get what we want every time we want it.
Boring adults were once boring children. I think your daughter has come in contact with one. Find new playmates.
I would probably do their 1st playdate in a neutral place like meeting at the park to be sure the girls are compatible before moving it to a home. I would let them work out on their own what they are going to do and stay out of it. Have some suggestions if they ask but I would not get in between them and side for one or the other or it may get ugly. You may ask the Mom in the future what her daughter enjoys doing before she comes over, board games are usually good or arts/ crafts projects. You can always take the approach with your daughter that she and her guest can do what the friend wants to do 1st then rotate and do what your daugther wants to do after that. Tell your daugther b4 next friend comes over that this is the nice polite thing to do, let the friend who is the guest pick 1st activity then do hers. Hope this helps
