How to Go on Alone

Updated on September 23, 2010
K.M. asks from Salt Lake City, UT
9 answers

i am a mother of 3 grown children(ages 33-31-29)(boy-boy-girl) my oldest son moved about a 6 hr. drive away from us at the first of the year with his wife, my second son disowned the entire family, long story, i haven't seen him in four years and probably never will, he wants nothing to do with us, not even his own children. last is the hardest part, my daughter who has been living with us for the past four years, is leaving to move over 2000 miles away. my husband and i have been helping to raise her 3 year old daughter. i have never been away for a single day from my youngest granddaughter, and it is breaking my heart at the thought of not being able to hold her and see her everyday, and them being so far away. i don't know how to let go or how to get beyond the grief and pain.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

I cannot offer much, except this:
Please be careful about how you express these feelings in front of your granddaughter. She is going to have a hard time adjusting to all the changes in her life, and she needs to see positive happy thoughts of her future, from you. Not a grandma in tears over the prospect of her moving away with her mom. Think of what a blessing this move might bring for both of them and speak positively of her move and new home.

If you focus on helping your granddaughter through this by being a positive influence on how she accepts this move, then perhaps it will help you cope also. :)

Tell her how you will spend your time and that you will send her pictures often of what you and her granddad are up to, and then follow through. Ask her to remind mom to send pictures of her also. That you'd like to see her in her new room and her new yard or at the park near her home.

You'll get through it.

God bless you.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Ditto Victoria below.

.... as hard as it is... you need to be strong for your granddaughter. Otherwise...she may feel 'guilty' for leaving.... you. And it is not her fault.
Young children sometimes 'blame' themselves... for making others feel sad. So... make sure, your dear Granddaughter, does not feel this issue as such.
Let her know, you are 'happy' for her... send her care packages once a month... or even send her a flower bouquet... a cute little one, every month. That would be an adorable 'tradition' to have with her. Little girls love flowers. Mine does.
Think of ways... to connect with her.
Draw her pictures too... with crayons! Make it fun.
Send her mail.... little children LOVE that.
Think of fun 'traditions' you can do for her... even if she is away.
There are even book clubs... (research it online), where the child can get a book mailed to them every month.

Let your Granddaughter know... you will be alright... because you love her... and are excited for her.

all the best,
Susan

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

While your heart is breaking (understandably), remember that you're the grownup and it's your job to help your granddaughter be the best she can be. Find out about the area of the country where she's moving. Talk to her about it. Encourage her to be curious. Let her know how loved she is - by her mama and by you. Keep encouraging her after she goes away.

This Skype thing is great and I wish I knew more about it - I have it but I need to learn how to use it myself to make calls, not just to receive them. Believe me, it's a long-distance Grandma's dream! If you can't afford Skype, then send your granddaughter e-mails and real snail-mail letters at least twice a week. Call her when you can. Help her adjust to this new road in her life. Be a rock for your daughter, too - it's going to be difficult for her as well.

As for you, Grandma K.M., can you get busy? There are other people who need you, too! Can you volunteer to rock babies at the hospital? Read to children at the library? Help with babies at the church nursery? It's time for you to minister to other people with that love for children you already know how to give. There are lots of kids without grandparents at all, and lots of grownups who can benefit from an older friend.

When I feel sorry for myself and my situation, I set the timer for fifteen minutes (no joke!) and when the timer goes off, that's it. It has kept me from feeling depressed many times.

Here's a cyberhug from this grandma to you.... Did you get it?

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.T.

answers from Kansas City on

get skype that way you guys can talk on the computer everyday and see each other that's what we do with my in-laws to see our kids

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

I would be sad. We live in the Northeast and my only sister lives in CA. Her daughter is between my two youngest. Although we do see each other its twice a year for about ten days together. I was sooooo close with all my extended family. I pray that she will move closer.
I have no good advice. I am very family oriented. If it was up to me all my family would live in the same town.

M.L.

answers from Houston on

Like another mom said, get skype and remain calm and brave for the little girl, so that she wont have a hard time as well with the anxiety and sadness.

Plan your visits and in the meantime, perhaps you can curb your lonlines through other means? Volunteer through the red cross or cert, volunteer in the big brother/big sister program, volunteer reading story time at a local library, or at a va or children's hospital.

Take a hobby class or even get a simple part time job during the week to keep you occupied.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.A.

answers from Dallas on

Make sure you have ways to keep in touch with them and create rituals with your granddaughter you can do long distance. For example, call her at 7 PM on Tuesdays and read her a bedtime story from a book you sent to her especially for that reason. Keep in touch on facebook. Then, try to find something locally to devote your attention to - volunteer at a hospital, shelter, etc. or teach a bible class at church. Not a replacement, but maybe a small way to help fill the hole.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.C.

answers from Lincoln on

Make plans now for your first visit in 4 months. Pick up little things for your granddaughter at the store and when you get a box full send them off to her with a letter from Grandma and pictures. Get a facebook page if your daughter has one so you can keep up with her daily life and that of your granddaughter.
Plan to visit 2-3 times a year, and call both your daughter and your granddaughter weekly.
Focus on the positive. When you think of them, write them a letter. Even if they don't respond it will be very special to them to get something in the mail from you.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.L.

answers from Denver on

I have to agree with everyone who mentioned Skype. It is a FREE service on your computer that allows you to do long distance (still free!) video calling to another computer. My laptop has a built in webcam, but my father's desktop computer did not. He spent about $20 and bought a little web camera that attaches to the top of his PC and we Skype at least once a week. My 3 year old loves getting to see Mommom and Poppop on the computer and loves bringing in her artwork and toys to share with them. It has been a Godsend...my folks are in Florida and we are here in Colorado. They miss her so much, but this really allows them to feel a part of her every day life. Best of Luck!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions