How to Go About Getting a Biological Father to Give up His Parental Rights

Updated on May 11, 2013
M.M. asks from Irving, TX
9 answers

Hello Mamas-

I have been thinking alot on having my daughters biological father give up his parental rights to my daughter. A little background: He has not seen her since she was 6 months ( She will be 7 yrs in june) He has never called, tried to see her, nothing... No i have never put him on child support. All in all i just want him out of our lives. I do not need his money, let his other 5 kids get that money. I do not want anything to tie us to him anymore. He has mentioned before (about 2 yrs ago) when i spoke to him to and let me say these are his words not mine "have her call the other man daddy and never speak of his name" Now... that was 2 yrs ago and i have never spoken to him since but i am getting married to that "other man" in 3 months and he really wants to adopt my daughter. He has been in her life since she was 6 months old and if she was not white and him hispanic you would think they were biological father and daughter. They love each other very much. My daughters biological father has already told me (those 2 yrs ago) that he would not go through with anything involving cops or court. Yes he doesnt care for either very much. So is there a way i can find the appropriate legal documents online for him to fill out? I know they will require a paternity test as he was never listed on the birth certificate. My daughter was born in Kansas and her biological father resides in Kansas and we currently live in Texas so i know this will all have to be done in kansas courts. Any help all of you mamas can give me would be greatly appriciated.

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answers from Washington DC on

Do you or your husband have access to an EAP program through your employer? (Employee Assistance Program). Often times they are tied to disability or life insurance plans. If so, call them and see if they have services that can help you. I know mine includes a free consultation with an Attorney. If yours includes this, you could use your consultation to ask for help in getting started on this process - you can ask them if its something you can do yourself, and sometimes they even point you in the right direction to find the necessary forms.
I would go for it! (severing parental rights so step dad can adopt) I think it gives everyone some piece of mind that this guy cant come waltzing back into your lives 3 years from now (or ever) and demand time with your daughter.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

Go to an attorney and he'll be able to do this all for you. He'll have you put an ad in the personals of any paper that the dad or someone that knows him might see so they can tell him. There will have to be proof that you do not know where to find him and that you have tried to notify him of all court proceedings. When this is done and the ads have ran for the required amount of time then you file to go to court. Once you go before the judge he'll tell you what he requires that you do next. You'll have a bit of time to follow his directions. Once you have accomplished the tasks you'll go back to court and if the biological has not contacted the courts or your attorney you will be able to go before the judge for his ruling.

If the biological father calls or contacts the courts he can let them know he has no desire to be her father, problem solved. IF he doesn't want to surrender his rights and says no they judge could still rule in your favor. BUT the judge has final say.

You really must do this through the court system so he has no way of ever coming back and saying he didn't have fair warning of this action. If he did that it could be that a judge could find in his favor and reverse any termination of rights or adoptions. That would just be sad.

It's better to do your own termination of his rights and do it through the court system so there are no questions or aspects of this that can come back and bite you in the hiney.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Cleveland on

Actually it doesn't have to be done in Kansas. My daughter was born in Ohio. Her father was in Ohio and he signed his parental rights away and everything was done in Texas.

My older two kids were born in two different states and their mother was somewhere in Virginia or Nebraska. I adopted them and everything was done in Texas.

Do a Google search for step parent adoption and find out what you need to do. I did everything on our own. I found the paperwork, wrote it up, had my ex sign it and filed it. On the other side, we had to have her parental rights terminated. She refused to sign the paperwork. I found the paperwork for that as well, typed it all up, and filed it. For this, we hired an attorney at the very end to go to court with us to make sure everything was ok.

ETA: If he signs away his rights, you don't have to run an ad in the newspaper. If you have to terminate his rights, you do...along with a whole slew of other things.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

I preface this with saying that I am not an attorney but have researched this for my own oldest child when we were considering having my husband adopt him. With the birth father not being on the birth certificate, there are no rights to terminate. If he wasn't listed on the birth certificate, and he hasn't been adjudicated paternity in court (meaning you never went to court where a judge entered in a judgement that is the father), there is no legal father.

To do a step-parent adoption you will have to prove to the court that the person you believe to be the father has been notified of your intent to have your child adopted. If you know his address, that will be accomplished by having him served with court papers. If you have him properly served and have proof of service and he doesn't respond to those papers in the time that they say, that will probably be the end of it and you will be cleared to move ahead with the rest of the adoption. If you don't know where he lives, you can publish a legal notice in the paper of where you last knew him to live instead of having him served.

There will probably be other steps involved (in my state, step-parent adoption includes a home visit by CPS) but given that it seems that he actually has no rights, all you need to do is prove that he's been notified and give him the opportunity to respond, which it sounds like he won't do anyway.

I'm 99% sure you would actually file this in Texas as Kansas has no jurisdiction given that neither you nor the child lives there. Go to your local courthouse's clerk's office and ask. Those folks can't give you legal advice but they can be enormously helpful in letting you know what needs to be filled out by whom and in what order. Step-parent adoption can be a long and complex process so it's probably best to have an attorney help you with this.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

You need a lawyer and they will help you. I went throu that with my son and I would put in the documents that you require a paternity test. If he steps up he will probably have to pay back child suport which he does not want to do. So they will probably sign away his rights for him. They thought they found my son's father but he would not respond to the attourny so they signed them away. If you want more detail message me and I will give you as much information as I can as I did mine in Dallas county.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I would just ask being prepared to list the reasons this would be good for him. If he refuses, I'd ask for him to participate in mediation. I would not mention his daughter's relationship with her step-dad. I would emphasize the benefits for him.

It sounds like, based on his response two years ago that he'll be OK with it. He does not have a relationship with her and has not been involved in her life. You don't talk with each other. I'd ask before I spent much time on finding ways to convince him.

That said, there is a legal process to go thru. You can start the process thru an attorney without you ever having to talk with her birth father. Or you can get his approval and use an attorney to finalize the termination. Or, as other moms have said you can google to learn about the process or consult with an attorney or talk with your local Family Court.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on


Just ask him. Write him a letter, call him or write/type an e-mail and ask him if he is willing to give up parental rights.

He doesn't need to know that another man wants to adopt her. He just needs to know that since he's not involved, hasn't seen her in basically 7 years, there is no need to keep up the pretense of being a "father".

I don't know about the legal side. I would ask a lawyer or go to the local court house and ask the County Clerk what needs to be done. Do you need to post in the newspaper your intent to cut his parental rights? Do you need a lawyer present? Ask about the state laws...ask about him not being on the birth certificate....

Good luck!!



answers from Houston on

You are able to do this in the state & county in which the child resides. You will need a lawyer for the form & to process with the court which will be the easiest & fastest way. Get the form from ure atty & have bio dad fill out give back to ure att, there will b a hearing, bio dad won't show up & boom ure done. Good luck!



answers from Chicago on

You do not need him, you do not even need a lawyer. Go to court house and file a petition pro se for having a full custody and for relieving him of parental rights (2 petitions). pay the fees, appear in court, explain your case, get the judgment. Done deal! good luck!

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