How to Get over Being Obsessed with Dead People?

Updated on March 13, 2017
J.T. asks from Hot Springs, SD
11 answers

for the past 7 months or so, I've been really obsessed with a singer who passed away last June, and I can't seem to get over it, is this common for 14 year olds? How does this stop? I just wanna have this person out of my life for good. Please give a good response, thanks :)

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R.A.

answers from Boston on

If you are 14, then you are flooded with many emotions. Irrational or rational, you experience more deeply at that age because of all the overwhelming hormones at work.

It's normal to have some degree of fixations at that age. You tend to look up to, or embrace a certain celebrity or artist and it can become even more upsetting if something happens to that person. Most often it's fleeting and will not become an obsession. If you are continually obsessing about their death and unable to " get over it", I would suggest talking to a counselor who can help you deal with this in a more proactive way.

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M.G.

answers from Portland on

Some people are more obsessive than others. I take it this is a pattern for you? You said you had a raging crush on your teacher before this that you needed help with. I'd talk to your parents. There is therapy for people who tend to be obsessive. Crushes etc. are typical. If it starts affecting your well being - not so typical.

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

I'm with Margie on this: you might want to talk to a counselor if you feel your obsessions (teacher and singer) are complicating your life. Interests are supposed to be fun, not oppressive. Some cognitive behavioral therapy/mindfulness practice may be in order. Or, you know, just put reminders of this person away for a while and find some other music? Take time to do things outside yourself to open up your world... volunteering is always a great activity for getting 'outside of oneself' and expanding your perspective.

(Oh, yeah, and fairly common for teens. I was totally, intensely fixated on Duran Duran for a couple of years(14-15) and then, boom! Wouldn't you know, I heard The Cure and a bunch of Euro-pop and was hooked on that for years. Later in life it would morph into an appreciation for be-bop jazz and Frank Zappa. Again, interests should be fun. We are listening to the Hamilton soundtrack daily in our house, now, after a Weird Al season of my son's. So, when you stop finding something which is a *choice* in your life less than enjoyable, move on!)

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W.W.

answers from Washington DC on

have you ever considered talking with your school counselor about your fixations and obsessions? You might need professional help.

At 14, you have a LOT going on with hormones and actually changing from a child to a young adult. Have you ever considered using a journal to get your thoughts out and move on? It's called compartmentalizing things - by journaling, you put the things into compartments and then put them away so you can move on to something else.

Good luck

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N.G.

answers from Boston on

Know that the deceased celebrity led a life that will have him/her immortalized forever. Most of us will only be grieved by family and friends. A celebrity will effect some common folk in life and even when that celebrity dies. I will not allow that to happen to me. While I admire some aspects of a celebrity, they will not be allowed to consume my life. Think about it that way, perhaps.

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R.B.

answers from San Francisco on

It depends on what you mean by "obsessed." Do you have posters all over your walls and listen to his/her music a lot, which is fine, or do you cry all the time thinking about him/her? Are you thinking about this person so much that you can't focus on anything else? If that's the case, you should talk to a counselor.

14 year old girls are often very melodramatic, which means that they have highly exaggerated emotions over little things, so part of it is probably normal for your age. I know my daughter and her friends used to freak out over nothing at that age. :)

You're allowed to mourn and think about this singer if you want, as long as you're still living your life and doing well in school. I remember when Selena was killed, a lot of people, including adults, thought about it for a long time. They even made a movie about it. People also obsessed over Kurt Cobain for years after his suicide.

So unless this is interfering with normal life, I think that In time you will move on to something else.

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D.B.

answers from Boston on

Based on this and your last post, I'm not sure you're really obsessed with dead people. It could be, if you find you are thinking about death and worrying about your own. But you don't say that you are.

Is it possible that you tend to be obsessed with people you can't have? That's actually a bit of a self-protection tactic, to focus on those who are unobtainable for one reason or another (a long distance relationship/crush would be another example). It can be a way to not engage with someone who can hurt you or where you actually have to think of what to say or do as you do in a real friendship or love relationship.

And, as others have said, it depends on what you mean by "obsessed" - if you listen to the music a lot, that's one thing. If it's dominating your thoughts and affecting your life, that's another. The fact that you say you want this person "out of your life for good" strikes me as being a little too strong for most people. I think trying to be sure you never, ever think of something is a sure way to make sure it stays stuck in your head, though! I think you may be asking too much of yourself.

Obsessions and fixations are common among teens, but again, if it's in the way, you would benefit from talking to someone about it. You could start with a counselor, and if you need more help, you could talk to your doctor about a low dose medication. But if you're 14, you're going to have to involve a parent or guardian at some point. Please find someone you can talk to - guidance counselor, school nurse, your pediatrician, a pastor or rabbi, or a counselor (social worker, psychologist) who accepts your medical insurance. Ask your regular doctor for help with this. Maybe you just need a couple of appointments, you know? It might not be a huge undertaking, so don't be afraid to start.

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C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

You have to remember that if you are 14 you are having hormones flooding through you body. This can make one be a little irrational. Obsessing about something is not something you want to continue into adulthood. I really think you should talk to your school counsellor bc I bet there are tricks to snapping your brain out of it. She or he would know more.

A.W.

answers from Rochester on

I agree with the other post on here with this question. When you are obsessed with something and you not able to do other things is not good. There nothing wrong with thinking about the person and how they added to your life. You have a scrapbook of pictures of them. There CD or DVD of them. It, when it become all of just this person and nothing else, is not good. The same goes for dating, relationships or other events. It like John Denver. His music was about life, nature, and love. I could play his music every day but I do not. I listen to others. Yes, anyone can become obsessed with anything. That why it important to keep everything balance in your life. It is good to talk to someone about this. Just getting the feeling out will help you with this. Volunteer in an area which will help you to walk away from this. Just like husband and wife relationship. My husband and I do not call each other from work unless it is. Being separate in our 8 hours at work makes our relationship stronger. I seen people call their partner on the hour and every hour. You heard of them having relationship problems. Do talk to someone, we all have done it. Let is it good.

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N.K.

answers from Miami on

Well, what exactly do you define as an obsession, and to what extent does this obsession last? A week? A month? How often do you think of the person? Is it a daily thing, like wondering where their soul is, what they felt during their death, or just a "I am going to play this CD again, I love this music so much"? Do you have an altar you pray to for this dead singer? I'm trying to see the extent to which you consider yourself "obsessed." I mean, I have had a few singers I loved that passed away, one of which was very recently, and I was very sad about his passing.

At the same time, as a fan, I wanted to really be able to say I was a hardcore fan, so I did a lot of research into him -- his childhood, his birthplace, his start in music, some of the more obscure songs, concert photographs...Would you call this an obsession? I wouldn't, but I suppose someone else might. I personally like acquiring knowledge. It has come in handy in cases where I have met men that are musicians, because they are impressed by my knowledge of music, different bands, and individual singers and their lives. They start taking me more seriously, and enjoy having me around for their gigs or to give them feedback on a track, because they feel I have some legitimacy to my claims of loving music. It also humanizes this demi-god celebrity to me, when I see that they, like us, at times were imperfect, and did things they might not have been proud of, and society at times turned its back to them, just like us.

To be fair, my interest isn't only in the dead, some of the band members are alive and well. There have been a few that have really touched me because I felt like they shared a similar life and love of things that I did, or they had a sad start in life or suffered a tragic death. Look at Jim Morrison, for example. Even to this day, there are hundreds of people who will travel thousands of miles just to see his tombstone and get a picture with it. People would leave flowers, bottles of alcohol, and other memorabilia, even over 40 years after his death. I believe the bust was stolen more than once too. Elvis Presley is another one. There are Elvis impersonators in practically every country of the world, and people still convinced he is alive, or was taken by aliens. Princess Diana still has people in tears, when they think of her, and people still leave flowers for her.

It's human nature to want to feel a connection to someone they admire, even if they never met this person. I guess you end up seeing them as a member of your family, or a part of your life, because they are constantly on TV. Perhaps when one sees they too die, it scares people into realizing their death may also be around the corner, you never know when you may die, and celebrities aren't as godly and invincible as we'd like to think. Some people say it's part of our rubbernecking culture, others say it is a way to attach our grief for someone else on to a celebrity, and some say that it can definitely trigger mental health issues in someone who may already be prone to depression. There are tons of articles on the subject. Here are a few http://www.thetalko.com/15-reasons-celeb-deaths-fascinate... http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2014/08/why-some-grieve-dead... https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&...*

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Concentrate on live people.
Don't listen to any music of the dead singer for awhile.

It's early yet - you have time to plan a garden.
If it's spring like where you are, dig in some compost into your garden bed, and start looking at seed catalogs for plants/crops that grow well in your area.
There's nothing like digging in the dirt and growing plants to clear out your mind, help you appreciate weather/nature and make you feel good about enjoying the outdoors and working out your muscles.

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