How to Get a 2 Year Old to Sleep in His Bed All Night

Updated on March 01, 2008
J.B. asks from Bozeman, MT
22 answers

We have a very busy 2 year old little boy who has developed the habit of sleeping in our bed at night. He goes about half and half in his or ours. Would love any advise to help break him of this habit. As one might guess it makes for a restless night and for other things as well.

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So What Happened?

Thanks for all of the responses. I was amazed at how many women have had this problem and have worked through it. We tried the "Super Nanny" approach. It seemed to be the most familiar technique to everyone. We are on week 2, and he has slept in his bed all week long. It really wasn't all that bad. We had a couple of rough nights. I really had to make myself get up and take him back to his bed. Its so easy to give in. But I think we have made it over the hump...cross our fingers. I cannot tell you how nice it is to have a full nights rest. I dont' think that I have since he was born. Thanks Again to Everyone!!

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D.K.

answers from Denver on

Super Nanny style, put him back into his bed, without saying a word, even if it takes ten times and causes a fit. Just explain he is to stay in his bed when you put him to sleep. Do not give up or give in as that will confuse him and you will never get him to break the habit. Have a reward chart for every night he stays in his bed all night long and put it where he can see it. He isn't getting good sleep if he is getting up either and nor are you. If he comes in at 1am, get up, take him back to his bed, kiss him and walk out of the room, no conversation, no lights, nothing. It may take a while but the work will pay off and he will stay in his bed all night long soon enough.

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G.M.

answers from Pocatello on

My son is three... He just barley started sleeping in his own bed ALL night long by himself. We did the Super Nanny technique. He cried (fake cried) for about 20 minutes the first night. We are now on night five and last night it only took 5 minutes and he was out. We put him in bed @9:30 pm and he wakes up at 9:30am. I wish I would of done this a year ago! When he wakes in the middle of the night I just go and rub his belly and put his blanket back over him and he falls back to sleep. Every kid is different but my son loves his night time routine and now puts himself to bed. I LOVE IT!

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E.H.

answers from Fort Collins on

That's a tough one, but we found that you can break the habit in a week or 2. We read about this when we had the same problem and this is what we did....Anytime our child would come to our bed we would walk her back. No words, just escort her back to bed. 20 times a night if we have too. After a few days it clicks.
good luck!

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M.G.

answers from Salt Lake City on

We have had this problem with 2 of our children. We put a child lock on the inside of the door so that they stay in their room all night. I check on them before I go to bed and sometimes they fall asleep behind the door so I scoop them up and put them back in their bed.

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A.M.

answers from Salt Lake City on

My aunt once said she had a sleeping bag under her bed for children who got out of bed at night and tried to sleep with them. They wouldn't let the kids in bed with them but they were always welcome to pull out the sleeping bag themselves and climb in. My neighbor did the same idea with a crib mattress that easily slid underneath her own bed. It was easy to pull out in the middle of the night for children who were scared or refused to go back to bed. We had a couch in our bedroom for my daughter when she was little. Sometimes we'd wake up in the morning and find her sleeping on it. That was acceptable for us. Sometimes just getting the message to them that they can't sleep in mom and dad's bed anymore simply helps. But I think the most important thing is that kids begin the night by falling asleep in their own bed.

If the problem is getting him to sleep in his own bed in the first place, I like the SuperNanny approach of sitting in the room with the child in bed, ignoring the child until he goes to sleep and each night gradually moving closer to and then out of the door. It takes about a week and you have to absolutely ignore the kid until he's asleep but it seems to me to be a loving way of teaching a young child exactly what his limits are.

A.C.

answers from Huntington on

I would first try to figure out the cause- is he afraid of his room? If so, get a good nightlightto make it less scary. My 2 year old went through this phase last year and we broke her of it by giving her (and her baby doll) a smiley face sticker each night before bed and told her it was for her doing a good job staying in her bed all night. Then we just had to put our foot down, when she said she wanted to sleep in our bed we stayed firm and said no. The problem was solved in about a week.

You can also try making his bedroom seem more fun- when we moved our toddlers to a basement bedroom 2 months ago to make room for baby, we were worried they would not transition well, but the excitement of a new bed with new sheets helped. we also put a mini christmas tree in there and the lights keep it fun.

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B.K.

answers from Casper on

Hello there
Well my 2 1/2 year old son started the same thing recently. My husband and I would get up, everytime he got into bed with us, and just put him back into his "big boy" bed. It took us about 1 week of getting up in the middle of the night. He now sleeps all night in his bed, unless he has a nightmare. Then he comes into our room and I will hold him until he goes back to sleep then I will take him back to his bed. I hope this helps, I know how frustrating it is to not have a good nights sleep. But if you get it under control now it will be easier later. :)

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T.P.

answers from Denver on

Hello J., You may be interested in reading, "The No Cry Sleep Solution," by Elizabeth Pantley. Read the one for toddlers and preschoolers. She gives numerous ideas for supporting this transition.

Here's to whatever works for everyone in your family! ~T.

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K.L.

answers from Fort Collins on

I am not the person to give advice as to HOW to have him sleep in his own bed, but that you need to do it!!!!!!!! Our son slept with us and then had trouble going to sleep by himself and the result is that at age almost ELEVEN, I still stay in his room as he falls asleep!!!!!! He never learned to do it by himself. So, don't make the mistake I did!!!!!!!!!!

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Y.R.

answers from Provo on

My parents realized with my oldest brother and sister that it did make for a very restless night when the kids came to sleep in the bed with mom and dad - they started making them go get their blanket and pillow and had them sleep on the floor at the foot of their bed. That was the standard procedure when I started going to their room at night to sleep. I do remember once when I wanted to get in the bed with my parents and going to my mom's side of the bed and waking her up to ask her if I could sleep in bed with them and she told me 'no' and that if I wanted to sleep with them I had to sleep on the floor. And that worked, I was able to go back to sleep because I could hear my parent's breathing. Sometimes when I went to their bedroom in the middle of the night their door was locked! (I didn't realize until I was an adult why their door was sometimes locked at night -I guess they would lock it when they went to bed and it stayed locked all night). So I would sleep on the floor in the hallway right next to their bedroom door. Anyway, that might be a way to transition it for your little boy - have him go back to his room to get a pillow & blanket and bring it back to your room and he can sleep on the floor. Then, once he's used to sleeping on the floor, you can start locking your door at night when you need some intimate time and he'll already be in the habit of bringing his own pillow and blanket with him when he comes to sleep in your room. Kids are smart - if your door is locked he might figure out for himself to sleep on the floor in the hallway or go back to his own room.
Hope that gives you some ideas!

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T.L.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Hi J. iam T. Porter, Yes i have a suggestion if he has a favorite toy stuffed animal put it under the covers in his bed and tell him that teddy is waiting for him in his bed most of the time they will crawl in bed then put teddy in his arms and say good boy you stay in this bed with teddy and kiss him and teddy goodnight. Hope it works for you.

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C.V.

answers from Missoula on

There are a lot of really great suggestions on here. The hardest part for me with my 3 boys was being willing to commit to less sleep for me as I helped them get used to sleeping on their own. It's just way easier to "sleep walk" in and bring them back to bed with you! My husband and I would take turns and made sure we were being consistent in how we took care of them to help them go back to sleep in their own bed. It usually only took about 5 days, sounds like a lot, but SO WONDERFUL afterward!!!! We've had to repeat the process several times with each kid because of sickness, fears, change, etc.

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H.R.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I absolutely hate sharing a bed with my kids; when the are in my bed I usually end up in theirs. Anyway, I would suggest weaning your child from your bed by allowing a few minutes in your bed then transfering them to a special matress on your floor. This does not deprive them of the comfort of being with you and it allows you your bed back. Then every week move the matress further and further away until your child is comfortable sleeping in his room on his own. It may take time and comittment on your part, (it will be easier at times just to relent and share the bed) but it will be worth it in the end...

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K.D.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Thankfully, we never had this problem, but I have a friend who did. After trying everything she could, I found an article in a magazine and gave it to her and she said it worked.

Basically, the first time he gets out of bed, take him back and tell him he needs to sleep in his own bed. Then next time do the same thing. Starting with the third time and all subsquent times, return him to bed without explanation. She said for the first few nights, she probably returned him to be no less than 10 times, but each night it became fewer and fewer visits until he finally realized he wasn't going to get to sleep with Mom and Dad and stopped getting up. She said it took about 2 weeks total and she lost a lot of sleep, but in the end, it was worth it.

Good luck!

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S.L.

answers from Boise on

Is he still in a crib? When I first took off the side of my oldest son's crib to convert it to a toddler bed, he would get out of bed every time he stirred in the night. He figured that since he COULD get out, he SHOULD, every time he woke up. He had been sleeping through the night almost without fail since he was 3 months old, so that wasn't the issue. I was a few months pregnant and wanted to transition him out so we could use the crib for the baby.
Finally, I had it and put that side back on the crib, bleary eyed and in the dark, at 3 am. I went out and bought another yard-sale crib and didn't try again until he was really ready.
He was out by age 2, but I can't think why. That "new baby" is 22 months old right now, and I can't imagine taking the side off his crib. He may be in there until he's potty trained!
I guess my point is that if he hasn't been out of his crib for too long, maybe he's just not really ready, and you can put the side back on and solve the problem of his getting out at night.
I dunno, maybe I'm way off with your situation.

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J.H.

answers from Boise on

My son was really hard to get to sleep in his own bed. It took us along time to get him to start and finish in his own bed. The trick that worked for us, was first, our bed was never again allowed. We really stressed that big boys slept in their own bed and made sure that he felt comfortable by putting 2 different night lights in his room so he wouldn't be scared. Then we just put him in bed over and over again (kind of like what Super Nanny or whatever her name is does) until he just learned that his bed was where he belonged. If he doesn't already take naps in his bed, I would make sure that he does. Little kids get really confused if the rules are broken once, they can be broken again. Be tuff, it may take a few weeks or maybe more but if you are diligent i promise it will pay off. My son no longer even comes into our bedroom at night. Good luck!

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L.L.

answers from Denver on

J., I know what your going through! Your very active but yet sensitive little guy just needs a little Mommy and Daddy time to feel secure! Try buying some special bedtime stories to listen too, CD's, or some Kids tunes to make him feel more secure. Always start him out in his own bed, try laying down with him until he becomes sleepy, assure him that you will be just right down the hall... My youngest did this very thing up until kindergarten years! He is now 21 and the most independant of all 3 of my sons. Your little guy just needs that additional time with you and his dad. Don't rush him, just keep loving him, in a blink of an eye, he will be all grown and gone so cherish this time.

L.- Mom to 3 boys and Grandma to 2 !

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K.D.

answers from Boise on

I have a four year old daughter, Kalena. When she was about three I introduced a "Mommy Sleepover". When she can sleep in her bed for the whole week, then we can have a "Mommy Sleepover" on Friday. It has turned out to be such a fun tradition. We draw on each others backs (letters, shapes, numbers and now drawing faces), tell stories, giggle and laugh. We do sleep in the guest bedroom so there is more room and my husband can get a good night's sleep.

This reward is a little bit of a jump since he first needs to be able to sleep through the night on his own first. I have had friends produce a star chart for each night the child sleeps in their bed alone and after 5 stars they can choose a simple reward. The next one is 10 stars and then keep increasing the stars. The reward is different depending on the child and what motivates them. For one child it may be a toy car for another it may be princess panties, and yet another a book or reading a book together. I would make it as simple and small as possible and ideally something that builds your relationship (time together), is educational, or something you would have bought them anyway.

Good luck!!!

K.

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C.D.

answers from Denver on

We are going through this at the moment with our almost three year old and it has been tough. We just transitioned him to the toddler bed.

I am new on this Web site so did not have the advantage of all this advice so I emailed my group of mommy friends and they listed a lot of what was on here: such as buy a gate, do the Snanny method, buy cool sheets, all with the excpetion of the gate I did.

My expereince: it has taken six weeks so far and definitely getting better, but it wasn't an immidiate fix like they show on the Snanny, at least not with my son.

I also, noticed that my son was struggling with falling asleep for some reason (this didn't seem to be a problem in his crib) so I started giving him suggestions--like try singing, try talking to your thomas friends. Then, I remembered this Worm that was given as a gift to my baby, and it plays songs, so I gave that to him, and that has really been helping.

I also, transitioned the separation, so I started out sitting in his room on his chair, then moved to the doorway of his room, then to the doorway fo my room, and now I am able to be in my bedroom. I work, so I made the transitions on the weekend, as each time caused him to get up several times again (in other words, each stage away from him makes him get up again--thus I wish I would have just went downstairs after the doorway thing--but that is next)

Part of our problem was that he would scream so loud that he would wake up his baby sister so then we would get to deal with two kids awake--fun, fun! So, I tried to do the right thing and keep his screaming to a minimal.

I was really, really frustrated thinking I saw this technique on the Snanny, why is it taking so long, but I suppose with some kids its dif.

he also still gets up during hte night, and we just put him back to bed, sometimes this works the first time and sometimes it takes two hours. So, who knows, maybe i will get to sleep through the nigh again one day.

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S.L.

answers from Salt Lake City on

The best thing to do for a child this age is every time he comes to your room you just take him back to his bed. It may be many times a night, but you can't give in and he will eventually get it.

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O.F.

answers from Provo on

I have a 3 yr old boy. We put a baby gate up in his doorway to his room. The door would be left open but he couldn't get out, but we made sure to spend time with him in his room reading books and such at bedtime while the gate was up. He would cry sometimes when we would leave him in his room. Sometimes he would play on his own in his room. And sometimes he would end up falling asleep next to the gate at the doorway. He pretty soon understood and enjoyed going to bed in his own room and bed.

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