How to Fix a Boo-boo for a Independent Child

You need to create a rutine through a pretend play. Buy a doctor kit and just play "what we do when we have a boo-boo". Concentrate on the rutine part here and get a "special" thing that "heals". I had the same problem with my little guy. Now we check and clean the boo-boo, we also check if all body parts are stil there, than we blow, than he can open and put the band-aid by him-self, than we have a hug and a kiss and he is ready to play again. Good luck!

A. I will bet you a BIG pile of money that what your very strong willed little guy is saying is ''''' if we don't talk about it and pretend it didn't happen- it will stop hurting quicker'''' --. However-- I'd really encourage you to call ahead the next time you are seeing your pediatrician and have the doctor tell you --- in the prsence of your wonderful boy''''' you MUST clean up Reeces' '''boo-boos''' -- and Reese, you need to let Mom or Dad clean 'em up ---the boo- boos will get so much better''''' - and then- just do it-- tantrum or no -- he needs to lay this '''rule'' that he's made up --- down- you need to see- as if ( God forbid) he needed stitches-- -a wait for 30 minutes or an hour could make the sutures much more difficult--- .

Blessings,
J. -- aka- Old Mom

Sounds like your answer is actually in your question. You said he "handles his owies like a little man", but he's not a little man. He's a 2 year old child. I also have a 2 year old who's fiercly independent and I understand that they're not babies who need or want to be molly-coddled. But! They're also not adults or able to process things like adults. Somehow your son has gotten the message that he shouldn't express his pains and it's up to you and his dad to reverse this. Let him see both of you asking for help when you're hurting or mad etc. Let him see you comfort each other in a way that you'd be able to comfort your son. Depending how observant your son is, you could even set up a mock injury with a little ketsup. Model for him that it's okay to accept help to get cleaned up and have the wound checked out.

Hi A.,
I agree with Judy C. on this. You'd be surprised how your child will act when you remind them, "remember what the doctor said?". (Works great for the dentist too!)
That being said, when it's something serious, regardless if he's going to scream and become upset, sometimes you just have to hold them and make them let you look at it. It's a little bit of a power struggle, but god forbid he needed stiches - and that's probaby when he's going to fight you the most. Just be firm but loving but he needs to know that you're in charge.

Hello A.,

I think this is normal for a lot of children. I think they quickly learn that having mom or dad look at, means it is going to be cleaned up and possibly ouched a little more while fixing it up.

With my daughter I tell her I have to see what is going on for safety reasons. I don't let her fix it own her own, I insist that I need to make sure it is okay.

As far as talking about it, my daughter really hates that as well. I read her cues and sometimes I help her tell me what happened and other times I don't. I think sometimes she thinks she is going to get into trouble and for her getting into trouble is worse then getting hurt.

Because he is so young, I'd insist that mommy has to look at it and make sure all is well. Help him find the words to talk about. Tell him we all get hurt and your job as a good mommy is to help him.

Positively,
M.

I only glanced over the first two, so my apologies if this repeats some advice.

For mouth wounds that don't require medical attention, give him an icecube to suck on or a popsicle. We have a special "cool pack" that is shaped like a cartoon character for our kids to use on "bumps".

Sometimes, though, you need to make sure that there aren't loose teeth, deep gouges, or swelling so bad that it causes more damage. My approach is this: YOU are the parent. YOU are responsible for making sure that your child receives proper and adequate First Aid. If that means someone helping you hold him down while you put an icepack on that large bruise on his forehead, applying a bandaid, cleaning a wound, inspecting, etc., then make sure that it gets done. There are plenty of stupid people (not meaning you and yours) that forego first aid end up with permanent or chronic injuries. Don't let your kid dictate who is in charge.

I have held my children's arms down while I put a wrapped ice-pack on a forehead, or cleaned out the toddler's nose. They hate them both, but both were necessary.

Good luck!

I was thinking on the same lines as Erin L. We do "train" our kids how to react to things like being hurt. And, as the last post encouraged, as the parent you are in charge of administering appropriate aid. My first child is very independant too, though maybe she's a little different since she's a girl. But I recall really having to teach her how & when to ask for & receive help, praise, love, etc. and that its perfectly ok to do so.
What you're going through sounds frustrating, but its a great opportunity to begin ttaining your son in a way, the bigger value of receiving love.

I too had a stoic little one. I would work with him when he's not hurt through play. Do some puppet shows for him or tell stories, all where the hero (main character) gets hurt and needs to check in with their mom (leader etc...) to get comfort or just be checked out. The baddie in the story might get hurt but doesn't play attention to the wound and it hurts more and gets worse. Anyway you get the jest of the story (to make it ok to have some one look at your owie and that getting comfort will help you feel better). Be creative with that. Oh and repeat the story and/or tell more than once/ bunch of times so he can take the concept in.

I'm not assuming this is so, but I'm wondering if he has taken any cues from you or your husband about weathering owies "like a little man." Some kids get the "You're all right, brush it off" response from parents when they cry, letting them know that is not an appropriate response to their pain. It sounds like you care a lot about your son and want to care for him when he is really hurt, but I just thought I'd mention that if the little scrapes and bumps are minimized, he might feel that the big ones should be treated in the same manner. Perhaps he's trying really hard to be as strong as you (or your husband) want him to be. You say that you don't "over-react," but maybe you should try just that. The next time he has a minor bump, maybe try cooing over him, asking him if he's sure he's okay. Or try modeling a reaction to an owie that would be appropriate from a 2-year-old. Cry your eyes out! Best of luck!

I know many people are opposed to this, but I'd set up a reward system. I'd explain that some owies have to be cleaned or fixed in some way and if he cooperates he will get something special. Obviously we try not to over-do the food rewards but maybe a new book, or stickers or something would motivate him. He's of course not going to think of the reward when he's in pain but perhaps you can remind him.

Also: try spongebob bandaids. I'm sure someone makes them. My daughter is so into her princess bandaids she thinks she needs one for every scrape or bonk.

Another idea: my daughter (2.5) went through a similar phase with owies (rejecting us when hurt) and her grandma suggested she get her baby doll. For months the only "person" who could make her feel better was her "Tights Baby" (that's the doll's name). It was good, though, and would calm her down.

Oh - and what about a "Boo Boo Bear"? They sell these ice-pack things filled with gel so they are frozen but soft. They come in ALL shapes and characters - I bet there's a spongebob one, even.

Good Luck - remember, it's age 2. It won't last. :)