How to Exclude a Family Member from a Baby Shower

Just don't send an invite. It's completely up to the mother and whoever is hosting the shower as to who gets an invite.

Do you really think she'd be awful at the shower though??? In front of everyone? If she behaves herself in public situations, just invite her. Otherwise, just DON"T!

PS> Just don't go talking about it in front of her. That would just be spiteful.....

#1 - she is not obligated to invite anyone. So, just simply don't invite her. If asked why, she should just say "we're not that close, so I didn't think you'd be interested"

#2 - if it's going to cause a family problem, then it's not worth it. Just invite her. Treat her as any other guest. Don't get too involved with her that day. There's plenty to do without fussing over one PITA guest!

The quick answer is to not send her an invite, but then that puts Mom in an awkward spot wherein she might mention it to the SIL by accident.

If I were the planner, I wouldn't invite the SIL or Mom to the shower, but invite Mom to a movie and lunch with Daughter. Have it all planned out. A little brunch, some shopping for baby, etc. While they are out, you call them up and ask them to swing by. That way, Mom can't be on the black list for going along with the SIL being excluded.

M.

Not inviting her is going to cause WAY more problems for her and the SIL in the future. I think she should be the bigger person and invite her. There will be plenty of people there so she can just ignore her. But by not inviting her, she is stooping down to her level and that almost never works out well in the end.

Keep in mind that excluding her might make it worse. In the "best" case scenario--her SIL is going to be her SIL for a lot longer than a 2 hour shower. Sorry, I think it's a mean, spiteful thing to do, even though she has said she doesn't want her there. It sounds a bit like a pi$$ing contest that will only get worse over time.
If I was hosting the baby shower, I would try to put it into perspective for her. If you're not hosting the shower--stay out of it.

If the mom doesn't want her there, then so be it, just don't invite her. But if your friend thinks she can have a baby shower thrown for her, not invite her SIL and there not be repercussions somehow than your friend is wrong.

If it were me, I'd try to convince the friend to just invite her and be the bigger person.

There really isn't a "right answer" here. If you exclude the brother's wife then you better prepare yourself for some serious backlash. If you invite her and she's nasty that afternoon, then it ruins the day.

I would strongly suggest that you include the sister-in-law, but you assign another "friend" or "sister" to keep her in-check at the event. Give the sister-in-law things to do to keep her busy and out of the way, but you are going to make a bad situation worse if you exclude her.

Things she could be responsible for:
- Greeting guests at the door and taking gifts to the gift table
- Making sure that everyone has an opportunity to participate in any games if you have them
- Record "who gave what" for thank yous later
- Responsible for the cake and it's distribution

You really can work around this to keep the peace. The grandmother-to-be will be in a very uncomfortable situation if you do not include her daughter-in-law and the woman will be a nightmare at every family event in the future. She may also start excluding your friend and the child from events like Christmas, birthdays, etc.

Everyone can suck-it-up for a few hours!

If you are giving the shower and the mom doesn't want to invite this person then don't. Just don't send her an invite, but don't get involved any further. This is her battle and while you may support her, it's best to let her handle it. Good luck hope it turns out ok.

Just don't invite her. We spent 17 years inviting my SIL that no one wants to be around, sometimes she would come and sometimes not. The last straw was our Daughters Wedding they were the first to RSVP for a family of 4 and one week before they wedding the BIL decided he didn't want to come because we didn't make it to his son's birthday which was months before the wedding I was really sick and my husband had to work, so they called the week before after we had given the count to the caterer. They lied and said they were going out of town suddenly but they didn't goI. It just isn't worth having someone at an event that will cause the person it is for to feel uncomfortable. I use to believe family is family but not anymore if you don't act like family then you don't get treated like family. Just Don't Send her an invitation!

A.,

I have a sister who I love, but for as long as I can remember has managed to split the family for one reason or the other depending on who she is angry with. She's got a mean streak and holds a grudge longer then anyone I know. She has made scenes that are unbelievable and even at my grandmother's funeral.

Still, we TRY to include her because she's family. It doesn't always work for everyone, but we try.

My question is how did your friend's sister-in-law find out she was expecting? Did she tell her brother first? Is she close to her brother?
If so, you could make it a couples shower, then the brother could keep his wife under control.

Bottom line, how many family members will be hurt or upset if one family member is excluded? But, if there is a fear the sister-in-law will ruin the shower, I guess she should be left out.

Hard decision.....Blessings....

I had a similar situration. My SIL and I do not get along. She even threatened me in front of my MIL (we married brothers). I really don't care for her and neither does any one else in the family, but I still invited her to my shower to be the bigger person. Needless to say she didn't come. She gave my MIL a gift for my baby that was for a boy. We had a girl knew we were having a girl and sent out girl invites. She still doesn't acknowledge my daughter, her niece 11 years later. I figure that it is just her loss because my daughter is awesome and everyone loves her. Some people just have to feel that they are one up.

Dont send her an invite.....lol

I think that as long as she can be polite at the shower just invite her...she's "family" and most likely not going away, by not inviting her I think you would be making an already bad situation even worse for the long haul...kind of like burning a bridge. It's always better to be the bigger person, this SIL is most likely in some way jealous and the best thing to do is NOT let it show that it bothers you in any way.

Don't send her an invitation.

Simply don't invite her! Don't worry about your friend's SIL's possible hurt feelings (although I'm sure she won't be hurt since she doesn't like your friend). Your friend and her SIL simply are not friends, so she simply will not invite her. It doesn't matter that they are family. Her baby shower is for friends (and some family).

I agree with the idea of a "girlfriends only" shower. Make it a happy, let's-have-a-girls-time thing, not a hush-hush "we're doing this to keep it civil" thing. Ask your friend if an all-pals shower is OK and then go with the theme. It works even better if your connection to your friend is, say, the office (the shower's for folks who work with her) or a group you're both in already (the shower's for the book group, the church study group, the exercise class group) because then it's obvious you wouldn't invite family members.

Just "forget" to invite her. After all the shower is meant to be a happy and relaxed time for your friend. If you are organising the shower for her, it's your duty to protect her from nasty people (even "family"). Should the sister-in-law throw a fit for not being invited, take the blame on yourself to avoid strife between your friend and her brother - after all that nasty woman doesn't mean anything to you, so who cares what she thinks! Best wishes for a lovely, peaceful shower!

She is going to have to face her SIL one way or the other, now or later as long as she is married to her brother, and if she is "hurtful" and "spiteful", then she is really going to set herself up if she does NOT include her. Whatever issue she had with the SIL, she should address that and clear the air in case there was just simply a misunderstanding on their parts.

Invite the SIL for the sake of politics and try to enjoy the shower without focusing so much of your attention on her and what she will or will not do.

What about a simple "over sight" on your part... forgot to send her an invite? You can be the bad guy for now and your friend can deal with her nonsense later. She's having a baby and it's HER day dagnabbit :) the SIL is just going to have to get over it!

I didn't read ALL the answers, but from personal experience do what you were asked and do not invite her. A baby shower is a special day for the mom-to-be and it doesn't need to be ruined by someone who can't share the truly joyous occasion. I am sure you were given a list, stick to it. Just because this s-i-l is family doesn't mean she is entitled to be invited to all functions. Whatever you do, do NOT invite her and give her tasks to do...that she will purposely screw up.
Have a great time at the baby shower! Babies are the best and should be celebrated!!!

I'm a big fan of natural consequences. If you're going to be a raging witch to people, then they won't want you around. Pretty simple.

Don't invite her. Being invited to celebrate a birth is an honor. An honor which SIL clearly has not earned. You reap what you sew, baby. Tough noogies if she doesn't like it. If she wants to be included, then she needs to be a nicer person.

simple - don't send an invitation. If she has the gall to ask why she wasn't invited, your friend can grow a set of ovaries (smile) and tell her point blank, "we clearly don't get along so why would I invite you to such a personal and joyful celebration?" It should shut her up.

Don't send her an invitation. She can prepare for possible family backlash, but simply don't mention it and don't invite her.

I would just keep the wife and brother off the list and not invite them. They may eventually find out that a baby shower was held without them because that happens when friends and family members talk amongst themselves. If and when this happens and the wife starts asking questions the great thing about freedom of speech is that you don't have to answer her questions. So many people think that when they are put on the spot or when someone interrogates them that they have to answer to that person. But you simply tell them that you thought it was best that they weren't invited and that is it. You don't have to tell them anything or explain why or how you did whatever. I have a crazy family so I have a little experience when it comes to tricky situations like this. Don't get caught up in the drama, keep your answer short and sweet or don't answer at all. The last thing you want is for your friend to be all stressed at her shower while she is pregnant. Lastly, if other people at the shower start asking why the wife wasn't invited, just be real nonchalant and say something like, oh yeah, she wasn't invited I guess...and then change the subject. Good luck!

Are you sure we don't have the same SIL?????? I just didn't invite her, but I have my baby showers AFTER the babies are born, so they get to meet the baby and I get to tell the birth story ONCE. We did invite her for my first baby shower and she RSVP'd with:

I wanted to let you know that due to prior plans I will not be able to
make it to Jen's shower.
I hope that the baby comes before the shower so that every one can see it
and to give Jen some much needed and wanted relief. However, if baby has
any XXXXX family traits, it will be late.

Guess who hasn't been invited to any baby shower again....and NO regrets....and I'm pregnant with #4.