How to Deal with Reoccurring Lice and Unresponsible Mom?

Updated on June 09, 2017
V.T. asks from Cypress, TX
16 answers

My boyfriends daughter comes to stay with us every other weekend. For the past 2 years, the poor little girl has had bad head lice. The mom is aware of the situation and tells us that she treats it but ever other Friday when she comes I check her and their are LIVE bugs and eggs all in her hair. It takes me hours to brush out all the eggs and it's such a hassle.... I have got lice twice. We have called CPS and they intervened, but the daughter a month later got lice and it is still going on. I have taken pictures and sent them to the mom and asked her to please check her hair and the mom is very rude. The mom lives with about 7 other people and they are not that clean...I'm sure they are all infected and will not treat themselves.

I just don't know what to do...my boyfriend and I argue about it because I get frustrated that I have to spend 3 hours treating her hair every time she comes...it is not fair to the child...but the mom does not care. We have told the mom plenty of times to please check her hair and we will do the same while she's here and she leaves her completely egg free and comes back infested ...

Please help

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Featured Answers

E.J.

answers from Chicago on

I'm concerned that you are doing more parenting then the actual biological parents. That is not a good way to start a healthy adult relationship (he is getting mad at you for caring for his kid, really?).

You need to let the bio parents parent.

I would remove myself from this situation.

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M.S.

answers from Washington DC on

Get the school, her dr and cps involved. Let mom and dad know you are finished treating her. They need to step up and parent their child. This poor little girl is suffering unnecessarily. Stay tuned in so she has an advocate, but from afar.

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T.F.

answers from Dallas on

I commend you for your compassion and your desire to help this child.

However, the responsibility falls on her bio parents and they are not parenting right now.

I feel bad for the child but if I were you I'd remove myself from this situation. You are witnessing what will happen if you have a child with this non-responsible BF.

You are worth more than being a stand in parent/sitter for 2 bio parents who don't see to care about their child. A vey sad situation for the child indeed... I'd probably call CPS again.

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E.B.

answers from Honolulu on

The irresponsibility does not begin and end with the mom. Your boyfriend is entrusted with his daughter two weekends a month, and from what you've written, you're the one who is combing the lice out, taking pictures and informing the child's mother about the lice. If your boyfriend is allowing you to handle his daughter's problems, and if he's arguing with you about dealing with them, he's just as irresponsible as the mother.

Perhaps you could tell us what the child's father - your boyfriend - is doing besides arguing with you. Is he buying the lice treatments and sitting with you while you comb the lice, or is he taking his turn with the combing? Is he calling CPS? How is he communicating with his ex about this unsatisfactory situation?

If you're the only one dealing with this, perhaps you should rethink this entire relationship.

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S.B.

answers from Houston on

Treating her isn't enough. Her mom needs to treat their house and you need to treat your house.

Your boyfriend needs to be the one who does the work. He is the one who is responsible for his daughter. Not trying to step on toes but you aren't the bio mom and boyfriend needs to see what a hassle this is and honestly how miserable the kid must be. I feel sorry for HER. Her parents are failing her. I appreciate that YOU are trying to be the adult here but it really has to fall onto her parents. Unfortunately, it doesn't appear that either will step up to the plate. Has dad thought about getting custody of the child?

I applaud yall for contacting CPS, but yall need to re-engage them.

9 moms found this helpful

T.D.

answers from Springfield on

you need to call cps again. the parents of the child are not parenting, and the child needs a chance at getting a better life, one without lice.
the childs dad should be stepping up and caring for the child or taking mom to court to get her custody revoked till she can be responsible andough to have her kid lice free.
call cps. have them deal with mom.

9 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Why are YOU spending 3 hours doing this? Hand your boyfriend the comb and go out for a few hours, to the gym, movies or dinner with your friends and let him be the parent. I'll bet things change real fast when he's actually forced to be responsible for the care of his own child.

8 moms found this helpful

W.W.

answers from Washington DC on

Welcome to mamapedia!

Sounds to me like your "boyfriend" isn't involved and you are doing all the parenting and care giving.

I would leave the relationship. It doesn't sound like you're really in a "relationship" you are more like his glorified baby sitter/care giver. It doesn't sound like he cares that his daughter is living in a questionable environment.

Why are you putting up with this?

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T.P.

answers from Indianapolis on

I know it sounds cruel but the next time she comes let your boyfriend deal with it. It sounds like he has never had to be responsible for the lice so let him do it.

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D..

answers from Miami on

Stop doing it! Make your boyfriend do it! HE's her father. Do you think that just because you are a woman, that you have to do it?

If he has to spend 3 hours on this, he will start caring.

Get smart here. Make him be the parent. That is how you make a difference in this child's life.

6 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Why isn't your boyfriend / her father taking care of her and doing the nit picking?
Her father should be keeping up with CPS so THEY stay on top of the kids health situation when she's with her mom.
And how is CPS ok with this mom and child living with 7 other filthy people?
Is the child too young for school?
Because if she's going to school with lice all the time, the school nurse will be having a problem with it too.
If your boyfriend wants this fixed then he should see a lawyer and petition for custody and then HE can take better care of his child.
If he doesn't care about this, then he's no better than his ex.
He's allowing his child to live like this.
What is wrong with him?
I don't know what your relationship is with this guy but his not stepping up for his child does not make him look like a great guy for you to be with.

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M.G.

answers from Portland on

I had the same response as the rest of the moms - why are you doing this? It's your boyfriend's job - not yours, and it's not your place.

He can contact the school nurse, the paediatrician, CPS, etc. if necessary.

I don't get why you think this is your job and that it's your place to contact the mom. It isn't.

ETA I do get why you're frustrated. The poor kids parents are failing her - big time. I wouldn't want to have lice come into my home regularly either - I hear you. It says a lot not just about the mom, but about your boyfriend - is what we're trying to say. You have a right to say you don't want this in your house. He has to step up.

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C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

How frustrating. What it means is her bed or the furniture in her mom's house are infested and so every time she goes back home to her mom's house she gets re-infested with lice. Can your boyfriend have the school check his daughter for lice weekly and then contact the girl's mom each time they find lice? If the girl's mom has to leave work to go pick her daughter up from school and give a lice treatment every week maybe it will motivate her to do something about the infestation in her house. That is what I would do. Added: Does she wear her hair down? Instruct her to wear her hair up in a tight braid or braids every day. My daughter's class had lice going around this year and kids kept passing it around over and over. Instruct her to never share a brush, comb, hat, hair accessory with anyone.

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N.G.

answers from Boston on

On this, Your boyfriend argues with YOU? Time to find a new boyfriend...

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J.W.

answers from Beaumont on

Check her at door before she moves her stuff in in front of mom. If lice present turn her around & tell her as soon as her mom treats her she can come back. Then when she returns saturate the child's scalp in olive oil & shower cap to smother anything the mom left behind & easier to comb out & conditions from the harsh chemicals. I'm a hairstylist & it pisses me off parents get on to the kids for having lice when I find it. Usually the parents already know & think they can sneak it by me to cut off their hair which won't keep them from still getting. It spreads so easily. Everywhere their head has been so has the louse. Beds, brushes, couches, sleepovers & movie theater chairs

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N.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Well, head lice only get on clean people so that's a plus, right? Body lice like dirty people. Head lice won't stay on dirty hair, they can't survive in it. So at least you know the kid is pretty clean. Mom is probably bathing her and doing what she can.

Sounds like you need to do some research on head lice. They don't go away in one visit with you. She has them in her clothes, they are on your car seats the moment she gets in and sits down, they are on your furniture, anywhere she sits or lays down they crawl off.

So you have a problem with them too. And those old wives tales are just crazy wrong.

Please go to places like headlice.org and read good advice on how to get them taken care of.

Hair treatments do NOT get rid of them. They are pretty much immune to those now. Sprays, powders, all that stuff they want to sell you are just empty cans of stuff that make no difference.

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