I am wondering what is the average in taking a newborn out around people? I believe I waited atleast 2-3 weeks, and there were no flu concerns then. My daughter is being pressured by her in-laws to bring the baby to a birthday party at their house this weekend and the baby will only be a week and a half old. With all of the flu concerns right now, she is very uncomfortable. I feel that it is just too soon...are we over reacting?
Thank You for all of your responses!! It helped my daughter to feel more confident when she let them know that she will not be attending the party! She has no doubt that she is doing the right thing...the close relatives (Grandma, Grandpa, Auntie) have been to the house to see the baby, so she doesn't feel as if it is necessary to risk the baby getting sick or to even worry about it! Again, thank you for all of the GREAT advice!
I just asked this question last week to my doctor. My baby is due in mid December and everyone think's he'll make his appearance to all of them at the Christmas and Christmas Eve parties.
So my doctor said a babies immune system, breastfed or not, isn't ready for at LEAST two weeks. He said he personally wouldn't take his out till it was at least two weeks old to anywhere.
So I guess the family will have to wait unless he makes an earlier appearance than expected. It not worth a sick baby. I've had two kids and one that got RSV even... it's just not worth that... and you know they'll all think they are playing pass the baby around! So not going to happen.
My first response would be for her to follow what she is comfortable with. The fact that she has reservations means she shoudln't in my opinion. I do agree the flu concerns add extra issues and the fact it is a children's party escalates that concern. When my son was born we were at a family party after he was a week old but I was okay with it and the H1N1 virus wasnt a concern. Again she should do what she is comfortable with and not what other people want. Good luck!
According to the health department in our area, a child under age of 6 months has no immunity to the h1n1 flu and cannot get the vax. We are told the best defence is to have the child in contact with ONLY people who have had the h1n1 vax to protect the infant. Since it is in such rapid rise at this time I would stay in home with your infant. Since any illness to an infant can be serious I would not risk visiting at this time.
a day care center owner,
She AND the baby should stay home. If she's at a loss for a way to convince the in-laws the party and big crowds is a bad idea, she can say that neither she nor the baby has been vaccinated for H1N1, and the doctor has recommended she avoid big gatherings because of the risk to young children.
I say do what your gut tells you. I had a preemie son and we didn't take him to family outings for a long time. Some people were starting to wonder if he even existed!! (Ha Ha) We just did what was best for the baby. If you are not ready, then don't take him. Don't let any one else tell you what to do or be pressured. There are so many illnesses out there, that you hate for the baby to get sick. Good luck.
I'd say she should stay home. If she doesn't want to go - she shouldn't. SHE might not even feel up to a public event at that point.
My daughter (my third baby) was born last year on the 21st. I had ENORMOUS pressure to attend Thanksgiving, since EVERYONE was going to be there that year. All the cousins, aunties and uncles... I opted out since Rebecca was only a week old and frankly I just wasn't up for the crowd. This year, with flu concerns, I would for sure stay home. She can probably get her pediatrician to give her backing - mine did. She even wrote me a note recommending that I stay home.
No, you're not overreacting. She should keep her home. They will get to see the baby eventually. My son was born in the winter and I don't think I took him out for at least a month because I was worried about him getting sick. Even if there wasn't a huge threat of getting the flu, it is cold outside and even a regular cold is a lot for a newborn to take. Another reason not to go to a party is postpartum bleeding- I remember having really heavy bleeding for 3 or 4 weeks, and it would suck to have to worry about handing the baby off, running to the bathroom at someone else's house, and changing soaked pads and leaving it in their trash. That is a minor issue of course compared to the flu, but that alone would be enough for me to want to stay home.
I didn't take my new born out for 3 months after she was born, other than for walks etc, and then only if we weren't going to be around other people. I didn't take her to church or anything. I am currently pregnant and will be doing the exact same thing this time as well. I know that alot of people thought that was excessive but my girl's lungs were not her strong feature and the thought of having her struggle with a cold or worse was beyond my ability to cope. I told everyone, if you are sick or have been around people who are sick do not come to my house. The only exception I made was when she was 1 1/2 months old we did attend a family Christmas party, but even then I was nervous and told people the same rules apply as at my house, if your sick don't get anywhere near my baby.
The cool thing is that since I have done that other women that I know have done the same thing when their babies were born because they felt a little more courageous in standing up to family and others. The best thing you can do is listen to your instincts, if you do not feel comfortable with doing any particular thing, don't do it and stick to your guns. Just tell them "We love you, we want to see you, but with flu season etc it's just impossible to know who has been exposed and if they are going to come down sick the next day and I just can't take that chance with my little baby".
Make sure your baby is geting liquid vitamins, preferably tri-vi-sol, so they are getting Vit C,D, and A in their diet. It has been proven that Vit D3 is absolutley essential in fighting off the flu and is key in all kinds of developmental aspects of physical growth as well as immunity to illness.
Just say NO! If it hurts their feelings they will likely get over it and will probably respect your ability to not give in to pressure!
The number one thing to remember is -- SHE IS THE MOTHER-- if she doesn't feel comfortable like you stated, case closed. Baby doesn't go. Especially with all that is going around right now, it's selfish for someone to expect her to put her baby at risk for a flippin Birthday Party! Guess what? Chances are good that there will be another chance to attend a birthday party. There is no second chance once your child is exposed to these viruses. You don't get a "take back".
If your daughter is breastfeeding the baby has all of her anti-bodies. But we know that in the past 20 yrs or so people feel that it is perfectly okay to out when they are sick. I work in retail and you would be surprised at how many people "just have" to go shopping when they are sick. And a birthday party is no different. So many of the over the counter medicines available today mask symtoms so well that many of us can't tell if a person is sick. You could go to the home where the party is and check it out to see if anyone is sick and if not have your daughter bring the baby for a little while so everyone can see her. I am sure the family members are anxious to see the baby and convey their good wishes to the new family. Bring along a small bottle of hand sanitizer and ask everyone who wishes to hold or touch the baby to use it. If your daughter has other children I know it will be difficult to get them to go home before everyone else and letting them play with the other kids can possibilly expose the new Mom and family to the flu. Is it possible the speak to the family hosting the party and ask them to send people home who are sick? I know that sounds so mean but people who are sick need to stay home.
Your daughter is the mom. She and the dad are the parents of this baby, and it is time for them to step into that role of authority for protecting their child. If something doesn't feel right to them, they should trust their inner wisdom. This will set the stage for future interactions with all of the extended family, so they might as well start now. And try to lighten up--it doesn't have to be a big deal, just a simple choice.
It is too soon if the mom isn't comfortable with it. Also, before 2 months when the baby gets the vaccine for menengitis if the baby gets a fever they may have to do a spinal tap to rule it out. there is no shame in wanting to stay home with your less than two week old baby. even if she didn't have to worry about the baby getting the flu, it would not be fun at all to get it herself with a newborn to take care of. Good luck!
I would not take the baby and your daughter would probably rather stay home, too (who else would watch the baby, anyways?). It is too soon. We are currently dealing with the flu (all 3 of my kids have/had it) and I am a big "germaphob" so I am often disinfecting our hands, the house, etc, yet all my kids got the flu. You can't be too careful with a newborn. In a large group of people, everyone is going to want to see and hold the baby and people will not be washing their hands. If people have not seen the baby yet, they should, one at a time, go visit your daughter at home. I would be more concerned about the baby's health than hurting people's feelings.
Congrats on the new little one in your family.
I don't have any medical knowledge about this but I have never kept my kids indoors or at home for the sake of avoiding sickness. I took my first son out for a walk at 5 days around a lake and with my daughter I had a homebirth, so we were out the next day. Niether of my kids have ever been sick, no ear infections, rarely even a cold. I think if you have them properly dressed, properly clean, have people wash their hands and keep them away from smoke, your fine!
I always heard babies born during cold and flu season should not be unnecessarily exposed. I think we were told with our December baby to stick close to home or large open spaces for 2 months.
But it doesn't matter, does it? Sounds like she doesn't want to go and that is good enough. If she doesn't feel like defending her decision, simply wait a few days and then tell the hosts, "Gosh, we can't make it. I am not feeling well. My breast are engorged and and am bleeding like a sieve." That outta keep 'em quiet.
No you're not over-reacting at all. I would feel the same way. Also, if she asked her doctors office, they would recommend that she not take the baby out for a few weeks in public places. Also, if your daughter just had a baby a week and a half ago, she's got to still be feeling tired as well. If I were her, I would tell the in-laws that her baby's doctor doesn't want the baby out yet and she's sorry, but she just can't make it to the party.
As a registered nurse and a mother of 4 (baby #5 is on the way), a week and a half old is way to soon to be toting a little one out in public.
Hope she can make the right decision. :) Good luck!
This flu season is nothing to scoff at. My son was 3 weeks early at the beginning of summer in 2007 & I didn't take him out around people for a good 6 weeks. I don't think there's anything wrong with you & your daughter taking extra precautions in staying healthy. Even if she's breastfeeding & the baby's getting antibodies from mom, it takes a few weeks for those antibodies to really kick in. My next baby is due around Thanksgiving & I've already told my husband he better back me up when the baby comes because I am not dragging a newborn out in the cold with this awful flu stuff going around & having the entire family & all the kids handling the baby! It's just not worth it...always better to be safe than sorry.
absolutely she should NOT take the baby out. If the baby gets sick and has any type of fever, the baby will be admitted to the hospital and subjected to tests, spinal taps, etc. It is not worth it- especially with flu season.
I would recommend she call her pediatrician and ask for her opinion, which will most likely be no, and then she can blame her decision not to attend based on the medical advice of the baby's doctor. Have her ask the doctor what will happen if the baby gets sick- that may solidify her opinion!! I took my infant son out when he was 10 days old last year, he got a cold, and I got a stern talking to by his doctor. I would not risk it again. THere will always be another birthday party to attend with the baby when he/she is older and the risk of infection isn't so severe.
If her in-laws scoff, tough. They'll get over it. The baby's well-being is the most important thing.
I realize firsthand how hard this is. I have a 2 MONTH old who we're still not taking to large gatherings in small spaces, because he was a preemie and at risk of contracting RSV, not to mention getting H1N1!!! We also have a 2 1/2 year old who has to be under quarantine with us, since if he gets sick, we all get sick. We are hoping to get the vaccine soon! Anyway, this is a tough one because your daughter will get a lot of pressure to go to these events, and she may even have to deal with some eye rolling, but it is the RIGHT decision to stay home, especially right now. Her little baby is also at risk of contracting RSV and is at great risk of complications with any illness. It is hard to reject everyone's invites, but it is only for a little while! Let's hope all these nasty bugs fly away soon!!
Good luck to your daughter,
p.s. With my first, we were all over the place right away. I have never been scared of germs, and have always been of the mindset that if they can overcome the small illnesses, their immune systems will be stronger. Then, at 9 days, my preemie came down with enterovirus and started having seizures. It took 2 full days and a whole battery of tests (including a spinal tap) to figure out what was wrong, and 5 more days to finish the treatments. Your daughter does NOT want to go through that...
I agree with all the other moms. With the threat of the flu and it being extremely contagious, she should just keep the baby at home. It is NO fun taking care of a sick baby---so why expose them to germs and people unnecessarily? The people who are pressuring her to come won't have to deal with the effects of taking care of the sick baby. I'm not taking my 7 month old baby out to public places because it's not worth risking their health! You (and your daughter) are doing the right thing! (Congratulations!)
tell your daughter she should just say "no". :-)
Really, I would not take my baby out around people in a situation like this even if there were no flu to worry about - a party is going to be lound, with lots of people - who will all want to hold the baby - and it could end up being very tireing for both mom and the baby - she can just say, "sorry, but it is just too soon for me to go to anyplace with a lot of people and it would be just too tireing for both me and baby." She is mom and "Mommy knows best" she has to go with what she feels is right.
Well I am not a stay at home person. I had my son on Monday and went home Wednesday from the hospital. Granted it was July but I was out shopping on Friday and at a wedding Saturday. But that is what I was comfortable with so that is what mattered. I she does not feel comfortable then she should not go. I don't ever recall my doctor telling me anything about waiting to take him out of the house. He just refused to let me fly until my son was 2 weeks old, which I did the day after he was 2 weeks old. But again she has to do what she thinks is best and not worry about what other people say it is her child and her decision end of story!
i think she needs to do exactly what shes comfy with,,,with all these insane germs floating around..id steer clear..alls it takes is one cough or sneeze uncovered..an poof the baby is sick...but its her call...hope shes real careful...
We have a 2 1/2 week old (our 6th child) and we are being very cautious about exposing her to any of the bugs that are out there. We have been to church and the grocery store, but keep her in her infant car seat carrier and only take her out when she is crying. We let others look at her, but not touch or hold her. We use hand sanitizer before we pick her up.
I know that everyone loves a baby and is excited to see your daugther's new one, but she is the one who is responsible for the health and welfare of her child. She needs to do what feels right to her as a mother - trust her "gut". If it feels too soon to take out the baby, then it probably is.
Best wishes and God Bless!
This flu (H1N1) is NOTHING to be messed with. Trust me - I've seen too many bad outcomes already and its not even prime flu season yet. At that age, the baby is way too young to be around that many people (and likely be passed around between them all). I know your daughter's ILs want to show off the baby but she needs to be firm with them about what is best for the baby - that is the one thing that should trump everything else.
If your daughter is breastfeeding that will provide the baby with some immunity (although not necessarily immunity to H1N1), but I agree with most of the other posters that she should stick to her guns and keep the baby home. With a pandemic going on, people should be understanding. My family had the H1N1 virus a couple of weeks ago and it is nasty. My husband was the sickest I've ever seen him and my 13-year-old with asthma is still coughing. Play it safe and keep the baby home. I like the idea of getting the support of the baby's pediatrician. Sometimes it helps people to hear it from an outside source. Oh--this virus is really hitting school age kids and running rampant in schools right now. She should especially stay home if there will be school age children at the party. The kids are most contagious the day BEFORE they come down with the symptoms so the baby could be exposed by what seems like a healthy kid who is actually carrying the virus or about to come down with it. Good luck and congrats on the new grandbaby!
No, your family is not overreacting. If she is not comfortable with that, then the other party needs to accept her decision. If they want to celebrate as well, maybe they plan a dinner with your daughter., or plan for your daughter to come and go before other guests arrive. Or if you daughter wants to attend, they call the hosts and say that they will attend, but only for a quick "hi" "bye". And then she wears the baby in a sling so that she can keep the face covered and only uncovers at her descretion. With my 2, I found that wearing them kept wandering fingers away easier because people didn't want to invade my personal space. A snugli or baby bjorn may not work as well as a ring sling or moby wrap. But ultimately it's their decision, and hopefully her husband is in agreement with her.
I have four boys 8,5,3,2. I don't even want them to go out. It would be so nice if we could just stick them in a bubble and not have to worry about them. My oldest is in 3rd grade and the H1N1 just made a round through his class, I think he was about the only one who didn't get sick. I was very nervous that he would bring it home with him and one of the other ones would get sick. I can only imagine how she's feeling with a newborn. She should tell them no if she's not comfortable. She's the parent, and it's her decision. If people want to see the baby, have her hubby go to the party and bring some pictures. Let him explain that they didn't feel comfortable having the baby out with all the viruses going around. I'm sure people will be very understanding.
I personally don't think you are over reacting the weather is changing and very uncertain, and then with the H1N1 I wouldn't take her because when the baby get sick you will be the only one dealing with a sick child noone from the party will be there to take care of the baby...So i wouldn't go the immune system is jus to low to chance it.
Your daughter is right to be concerned. Although I am sure everyone is anxious to see the new addition to the family, they will understand that your daughter must protect her baby from exposure to the viruses that are floating around out there right now. We are in the midst of an early flu season with H1N1 and the seasonal flu already started and respiratory sinctal virus just getting ready to get geared up. She can always use the excuse I used when my babies were tiny "The pediatrician recommended they not be exposed to groups of people yet. Sorry! If you want to see the baby you are welcome to come here."
my son was born on Nov 14, and I took him out to eat on thanksgiving the next week. And we didn't watch the news to know whether there was a flu epidemic or not. Babies typically have a stronger immune system when they are born- BUT, if your daughter isn't comfortable taking the baby out to a party, then she shoudln't have to. She is the momma, and she needs to do what she feels is best for her child- regardless of what other peopel think or say.
My second child was born December 16th, 2008, and we took him to a family Christmas party on the 20th. However, the party was held in a large church hall, and I come from a family of health professionals, so everyone was very good about only holding the baby if they felt well and had cleaned their hands. We all survived the party and noone got sick. :)
It's totally Mom and Dad's decision. I would let them discuss it and decide what they're comfortable with. I think people would understand if they keep the baby home. My sister-in-law didn't bring her newborn to my baby shower in 2007, and we haven't disowned her. ;)
When the parents feel comfortable with it is when it's the right time. I had 3 spring babies and took them to church when they were less than two weeks old. With my one winter baby, I waited until he was 2 1/2 weeks old. But I would never expect anyone else to do that. This flu season is unbelievable. I think I would wait a month if I could avoid going crazy. I have friends who waited a couple months before taking newborns out because the area they live in is prone to RSV. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I think your son-in-law should just tell his parents she's not comfortable with it and your son-in-law can make an appearance at the birthday party by himself if he wants to.
I say stay home. I took my baby out in public early. But to a function where people would be passing it around, would be risky. you know everybody will want to hold it too. If there are other kids there, that would be more of a reason to stay home.
I know you cant stop living life, but it is also better to be safe than have regrets later.
Personally, I would not take your newborn to a party yet. You know she will be passed around the everyone and all it takes is for one person to be infected with H1N1, but not yet know it (as symptoms can show up a day after being contagious) and your baby could get very, very sick. People who pressure someone with a newborn to expose them to germs, etc. are being selfish and actually pretty ignorant to the safety of a newborn. When we adopted our little girl, and she was a healthy baby, both the hospital and the agency social worker who released her from the hospital, highly advised us to keep her home for the first month, as it was during a flu season.
So keep strong and keep your little one home for their safety and wellbeing.
Given all the flu concerns right now, I would stay home with the baby. There are going to be too many people at the party and your daughter can tell them that she is not ready to go out with the baby yet. This is a very valid concern. If her in-laws cannot respect her wishes not to attend the party, that is too bad. This is not their baby; it is your grandchild. Tell her to stay strong and hold her position. She is doing what is best for her child.
About me: Married 10 yrs to a great guy. Currently I am a SAHM to 3 children ages 6 and 3 (boys), and 1 1/2 yr old daughter. I do have my BS in social work.
I really think that with all the Flu stuff going around,that your daughter should just say "NO" to her in-law's!I think she is the mother and knows what's best for her child!So,she should just tell them "I am not comfortable about being in a room with so many people around!"and maybe she can say that she called baby's Dr. and they said it was not a good idea!!Good luck...
If she wants to keep that baby home then she should keep her at home!! Ecspecially right now with so many viruses going around. There will be plenty of time to show that baby off when she gets older...and the're more fun when they get older anyway!
We took our babies out with us early. BUT if she is uncomfortable tell her it's OKAY TO STAY HOME!!!
This time of year lots of people are sick with colds and such and at a family gathering EVERYONE will want to hold the baby. I would probably stay home myself in that situation......
She's the mom now. What she says goes. If she does not want to bring the baby, DON"T! Maybe you could go watch the baby for an hour or two and they could go show their faces if they feel that they need to go....... Otherwise they can just stay home and have a night of family bonding with their new baby.
She should go with her gut! It's COMPLETELY up to her. It's just a birthday party...who cares if she misses it! With this crazy flu season, I wouldn't go out until March w a newborn...which would suck but it's not worth it!
All it takes is one person to cough on the little one and her newborn could have H1N1. She is perfectly within her right as a new mon not only to be concerned but over concerned! When all my kids were newborns I remember being over protective even when there was no threat of H1N1. I had all visitors wash their hands and questioned people before they came as to whether or not they had any illness in the house. That is just smart parenting. Why take any chances with your child's health so that someone can ooh and aahh? It is hard to say no to well intentioned relatives but a group setting such a birthday party would be a no go for me if I were in your daughters situation. Good Luck!
I keep my baby home as long as I want to, and become more paranoid with each baby. My pediatrician told me that enclosed spaces with lots of people (church, parties in a home) are worse than large, well-ventilated places (stores) during flu and RSV season. If your daughter is not comfortable taking her baby to a party, she should go with that and not let anyone make her feel guilty for being cautious. She's just being a good mom.
I see she has already made up her mind, but wanted to chime in.... Babies do have an immune boost from mom when born and get even more with breastfeeding BUT......... I recommend not taking them out for at least 2 weeks. Now this advise has changed even more this season. With both the seasonal flu and H1N1 flu being so active right now in our metro my advice is "KEEP YOUR INFANT AT HOME"!!! People can be sick and spread the virus for up to 3 days before they become truly ill. Some of our metro hospitals have even gone to the extreem of no children visitors on the maternity ward with the exception of siblings. So I actually beg you to have her keep the baby from around additional people right now. Everyone that visits need to be washing hands and no one even allowed to her house if they have a sore throat, even mild fever or a cough. RSV is not fun either. Tell her it is her baby and do not mind what others are saying. Right now she is still recovering. CONGRATULATIONS BTW....
I'd say keep the baby home for a few more weeks. The baby is too young at 1.5 weeks old to go to a party and get passed around, especially w/ the H1N1 stuff going around. Sounds like the in-laws just want to show off the baby which is understandable, but they should also understand that the baby will be put in danger if allowed to be passed around or even just touched by well-meaning friends and relatives. Tell your daughter to be firm and stand her ground. As a fellow DIL I've had to learn to stand up for myself and family as well.:)
I think I always waited to take my newborns out for at least 3 weeks. I wouldn't even let people come to our house for the first few weeks, not only for germ concerns but also because I needed time to adjust to the new life with that new baby.
If I were her I would not let the pressures of everyone wanting to see the baby direct her.
She needs to do what she feels is right, and as you said H1N1 and seasonal flu is prevelant right now, and I wouldn't take any chances with a new baby.
Just tell her to do what she thinks is best, her in-laws should understand.
I just had to respond, the baby is not a prop and should be treated as a human being. I guess because my second son was born before Christmas this hits home to me. I was pressured to go to party after party bringing my newborn. Not only was it annoying but I didn't even feel up to it. I had a 2 year old and a newborn to take care of, still recovering from labor and adjusting taking care of two kids. Once you have kids all bets are off, you can't always go to every party. Kids get sick or don't take naps, etc and it is a good time for the in-laws to learn that fact. If she doesn't feel comfortable going than I hope she doesn't and I also hope her in-laws will be understanding.
Both my babies were out an about at birth for the most part. My daughter (six years now) went to the mall with me on the way home from the hospital to get nursing tops. My son (who is now 12 weeks) went to a silent auction dinner with me and my entire family when he was 4 days old. Both of my children are and have been very healthy and same with myself, so i guess it just depends on the person and how you personally feel about it. I don't get all bent out of shape about germs though... people get sick and people get better. Good luck with everything and congrats to your daughter!!