How Soon Is Too Soon to Get Remaried.....

Please seek the help of a therapist before jumping into a new relationship. You are pregnant and may not be making the best decisions right now. I would strongly advise taking a huge step back and concentrating on your family right now, not a man.

Although your friend may, or may not, have genuine feelings for the new man she has met; she needs to wait until after her divorce is finalized (not when it goes to Court, but when it is acutally finalized), before she starts dating anyone. That way it won't look bad on her; and the one she is divorcing can't accuse her of having an affair. Once the divorce is finalized, she can move on to better things.

A.

I married for the second time, only a few weeks after my devorce.
We had been seperated for over a yr.
My ex was abusive.
I met a man, who I am now married to for going on ten yrs.
I met my wonderful husband on the chat line in 1996.
We were married 1998.
We moved my 2 girls and I to Texas. we lived in Indianapolis at that time.
It all work out for us. I prayed every step of the way.
And still do on any importaint issues.
So I am telling you, A person could have married the wrong person as I did.
and the one they are ment to be with is in their life at the wrong time.
Your friend is getting a devorce, so She must not be happy,
There is no chance of her getting back with her soon to be ex?
Well In my case I was mentaly and physicaly abused.
I know God didn't put we on the earth to abused. 17 yrs was enough.
I don't see anything wrong with her dating, just have her watch her step, some exs can make it h*** o* there ex wife or soon to be ex.
I hope there are no children involed.
Is the child she is carring his?

I got divroced in Dec 1995 and my therapist said to wait a whole year before I even dated. I did not listen, but should have. It is very easy to date and get remarried right away. But I would caution anyone to do that. Fortunately I did not marry any of the men I dated right after my divorce. My suggestion....while it is difficult....don't even date and wait at least a few years before getting married again. I remarried in 2000 and am very happy! Started dating my husband in late 1998. Getting divorced is like a death and people need to take the time to deal with it..grieve approproiately and all.

Regardless of what your friend decides, if she has children, please remind her to put them first. My divorce was ugly and bitter...my children saw all of it. In the end, their father walked away as soon as he started dating his current wife. We were divorced and within 60 days, he went to Vegas and got married...of course, his family, my girls and me all found out by accident. My children blame HER for all the wrongs that their father did. Although they don't speak to him (haven't in over 3 years)...my older one can't wait for him to come around so she can speak her mind. I keep telling her not to hold onto the anger. I fought for and kept my children, started to date my husband and introduced him and the kids as slowly as I could (of course, I was IN LOVE and wanted us to be a family ASAP!). I think that worked much better. We got married almost a year after my divorce. My children are in love with him and he with them. They relate to him and claim his name (although nothing has been done legally in that aspect). But what a difference in attitudes.
My boss is going through the exact same thing...I love her to death. But I see her children are being put on the back burner. She farms them out to wherever/whomever will take them. Although I adore my boss and know the kind of emotional rollercoaster you go through in a divorce...her kids are suffering horribly!!! They are acting out, angry, dipping into unhealthy behavior and her ex is using it against her, not only in court...but he over indulges the kids so it looks like Mom doesn't care. What a mess.
That's all I can give you from my end...good luck and pray for the best. I mean, no one gave us a manual on how to handle these things...

A.,

You and your friend are going to do what you are going to do, but you could save yourself a lot of heartache in the long run with a little patience now (Don't give up what you want MOST for what you want now). Being alone can be difficult, but getting yourself into an unhealthy relationship is worse than being lonely and has longer lasting effects. Instead think of this time as an opportunity to better yourself, to grieve, to understand that doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is insanity. Ask yourself some serious questions...What went wrong in your marriage? What are you going to do differently this time? I agree with the mom who wrote about waiting to have sex. Sex is about physical expressing the deep emotional and spiritual connection/love a man and woman share and should be coupled with the commitment of marriage. Otherwise it just leaves you feeling empty and confused. You and your friend should concentrate on being the best mothers you can be to your children right now. After the divorce is final and after you've had time for that healing process to occur you'll be healthy enough to start dating and make those changes that will lead to a healthy and fulfilling relationship/marriage. Good luck and God bless!

My husband and I met in the middle of his divorce. We waited until the divorce was final before we pursued any romantic pursuits (including dating); a fact for which I am grateful b/c now his ex likes to credit me with the breakup of their marriage - she had 3 s.o. during the divorce, with pictures and dates with the kids to prove it, and my oldest s'kid was old enough to remember daddy being home alone until it was over, while mom already had a live in.

That said, we dated for 2 years and we'll be celebrating our 5th anniversary in January.

I think waiting until it was final, and a lot of luke warm before we went romantic, helped prevent alot of the rebound issues that seem to cause problems after divorce.

I would say waiting unitl the divorce is final to start dating and getting deep into a relationship. I feel like she should allow herself she time to collect herself and her feelings without the stresses of a new relationship. That's just me though.
Good Luck and Congrats
-L.

Something else that I thought about too. I was reading through the responses and found no one had said that things might be moving a bit too fast. Sure dating is a great stress relief technically if you have no excess baggage going along with it. Divorces carry a lot of mental strain and hurt the children also. If she wants to start dating, not only should she wait until the finalization, but also maybe some time after that, just to ensure she isn't only on the rebound or something like that. Getting divorced from one person to be driven into another person's arms for a few months then divorce again isn't healthy. This is just my two cents mind you. Think about it :)

I would think it depends on the person. Some people get devorced and get a special waver from judge to get remarried not even 30 days later. I think in most cases this is unhealthie....it is just my personal piont of view that a person whom is devorcing should finish all that before starting a new,emotional,physically, and money wise.....time to get it togeather. Then when the time is right to begin a new....to avoid the rebound person or dating someone for the wrong reason.

hope this helps

Just make sure to take it slow , we have a tendency to make the same mistakes twice...sometimes three times. Some of my advice is going to sound prudish or judgemental, but it is not meant to be! It took me numerous broken hearts and what seemed like FOREVER to realize that you will not be able to get a real feel for a person and how much they respect you as a person if you are sleeping with them. You do not owe sex to anyone for any reason!!! (print this out and put it on your bathroom mirror!!!) Keep sex out of the picture for a long time, especially if there are kids involved. Also take that very slow as well. While you should ALWAYS tell prospective dates that you have children right away, it is not a good idea to introduce kids to the man for a good long time. You don't want a man parade because things don't work out...it will confuse them.

There is a thing call 'rebound', and dating during and after a divorce is a very emotional time. We not necessarily see straight when we go through a divorce and our priorities get out of whack because of all the drama we are facing (especially the bitter divorce). I have to agree with waiting until the divorce is final to date but still there is a lot of emotional baggage with a divorce and if there are children involved, they too go through a lot and need a greiving process for the loss of a two parent family. I would advise to take it slow, there is a healing time needed for the betrayal, hurt, and loss for all parties. They should at least date a year after the divorce and go to permarital counseling. This way they can tell if they are compatible when there is no 'drama' and really see if they do have common ground on things that are important long term things. She can make things a lot worse by marring on the rebound and then what... divorce #2... no I wouldn't wish that on anyone. IF he prince charming, he'll wait.

A.,

I agree with the other ladies. I went through a very bitter divorce and went through some pretty intensive therapy who said that it is better to wait at least a year after a divorce before getting into another relationship. For your friend's sake and the guy she is interested in I say wait. He does not want to be the rebound guy. I would think he would agree with this way of thinking. Good luck.

There is nothing wrong with seeing another man or even dating while in the process of a divorce AS LONG as your husband or his lawyers don't think you were having an affair or breaking up the marriage to be with another man....if that's the case they can take your children from you.