How Soon Is Too Soon

Updated on May 29, 2008
A.H. asks from Carson, CA
47 answers

I am 32 years old and just gave birth to a stillborn baby girl on April 20th. I was 7 months along and had problems of early labor throughout my pregnancy. I would like to know how soon I can try to get pregnant again. I'm not trying to replace my baby that died but I would still love to be blessed with a baby. I have been in grievance counceling and I feel that I am ready phsically and emotionally to try again. Mothers out there please help with any advice and maybe any secrets to help out. Thanks! God Bless ALL mothers.

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D.W.

answers from Los Angeles on

I miscarried at 8 weeks which physically wasn't hard though emotionally it always is. The Doctor recommended that I wait at least 3 months to decrease the risk of having another miscarriage. We did that and then it took another 3 months to get pregnant. It was so hard to wait but it was worth it. I had my healthy baby boy on April 14th. :) I hope the best for you!
Bless you!

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S.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Are you planning a wedding too? Mabe you should wait till after. Wedding are a lot of stress. Good luck.

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G.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

Wow! You're really strong and have done the right thing with the grief counseling. If you feel you're ready, go ahead. I had my daughter at 45 years old and went through 3 miscarriages, including one through artificial insemination which did not take. It was tough because I already had a son (who is now 15 1/2 years old) but my second husband had not had any children. Once we gave up and my sister got pregnant at 42 1/2 years old without trying, I went off the pill and got pregnant 6 months later. Good luck! You're still young and have plenty of time.

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C.Y.

answers from Los Angeles on

First of all I am so sorry for your loss. I have had no experience with that, but my heart goes out to you.
Before trying again, please first change your marital status from engaged to married. Every child deserves to be born into the stability and security that a marriage provides. I dont have any advice other than that because the children who have the greatest advantages physically, emotionally and educationally are those born into a marriage. May God bless your good choices!

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

A big hug to you....
It's great you went to grief counseling, as it really helps.

Other than that, I would first check with your OB/GYN as to when you can start trying again, regarding the physical aspects of it and the body's adjustment.

For me, I had a miscarriage once. I know this is not exactly the same...but my Doctor told me to wait 6 months before trying again. And it was fine... I did get pregnant again, and had my wonderful little boy.

Just check with your doctor first. I'm sure you will be fine... you may also want to still take pre-natal vitamins. This is what my doctor had me do, even while we were still trying to conceive. That way, you will be getting the nutrients you need, pre-pregnancy, and it helps.

Take care, all the best to you,
~Susan

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C.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

So sorry to hear of your loss - I'll send up a prayer for you and your little girl. My circumstance was a bit different but I can relate to what you're going through. I miscarried with my first pregnancy and had to have a D&C. My heart was broken and I wanted to try right away to get pregnant b/c my hubby and I wanted a baby so much.

My ob told me to wait 3 months to let my body recover so that it would be ready to carry a baby. Even though this wasn't what I wanted to hear, I think in the long run it was good to wait. I was mentally able to recover and it also gave me time to let my heart heal (along with my husband's who had to deal with his own sadness as well as mine). I'd check with your ob to see what his/her advice is and then try to follow that.

I'm not sure if you've encountered this or not, but don't let anyone make you feel bad for feeling sad and consumed with your loss, no matter how long that may be. I was surprised by how many insensitive people there were who told me to get over it and that things happened the way they were supposed to. It was not only hard to hear but made me feel like I was grieving too long. Go through it at your own pace and rely on friends and family for support. I'm sure things will turn out well for you and you will be blessed with a little one soon.

Take care!

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N.D.

answers from Reno on

May God be with you at this time of loss. It is a horrible thing to survive, the loss of a child. I have miscarried several pregnancy form weeks to 5 months and I know your suffering. I am now the proud and tired :) mommy of three! Check with your doctor to see when you can start trying again. I always have heard 6 months but this is in Gods hands really, my first was a fertility pill baby, my second was in vitro and born 5 years later. When he was only 3 months old I got baby #3 on birth control pills! Some people thought that baby #3 was going to be all wrong because of the lack of time for my body to heal, but they were all wrong, he is perfect! So check with your doctor and remember it is in His hands now, God bless and good luck!

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N.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

(((hugs))) I'm very sorry for your loss.

To answer your question:

After a D&C which accompanied a miscarriage I was told I could try again in three months. The idea was that during the D&C I was completely cleaned out and my body needed time to rebuild itself which according to my doctor would help in the next pregnancy. Not knowing the procedure after a premature stillbirth whether or not you were given a D&C its really hard to say, but I'm going to guess you should wait at least three months.

Best Wishes
~N.

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T.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

first off, i would like to tell you how sorry i am for your loss. i experienced something similar so i know what you are going through. i know you said that you feel ready- i felt the same way. i knew that i wanted a baby and i wanted to stay proactive in trying. just keep in mind that your emotions may creep up on you. mine certainly did. i thought i was fine and suddenly was slammed with depression. everything is wonderful now- i have two healthy babies. just keep your head up and keep your eye on the dream. for me, i needed help getting pregnant again. my body simply stopped ovulating. with a little help from a specialist, i was pregnant instantly!!!
i hope this helps-
T.

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H.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

I extend to you my deepest sympathy. I know it is hard to loose a child, even it you only had it in the uterus. My younger sister went through this.

First, I would wait until after I was married. The child deserves the Dad that really wants her and can give her his name.

Secondly, only the gynecologist can give you that answer. They will examine you and make sure everything is healed and in place before you conceive again. This is important.

I wish you a wonderful healthy baby in the future.
H.

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B.D.

answers from San Diego on

A., please accept my condolences on the loss of your baby daughter. Sounds like you are on the right path by pursuing grief counseling. I would strongly urge you to continue with the counseling throughout your next pregnancy if you feel that it would help you and/or your fiance. I have yet to meet anyone out there who hasn't experienced a high level of stress during subsequent pregnancy after loss (myself included). There is an organization called 'Empty Cradle' that is a support group for parents who have lost babies due to miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death. We also offer support to pregnant mothers/couples who have previously suffered a loss such as yours. www.emptycradle.org. We meet once a month in El Cajon, Temecula, and Vista. Perhaps this group would be of help to you. It has been a tremendous help to me.
As far as timing goes...seems like you've gotten lots of helpful input from several people here. I was told 3 months by one doctor, 8 mos by another (but my losses were each different in nature, so it just depends). I would go with your gut and your doctor's recommendation on that one.
Also...please ignore the comment from Ann M. Perhaps she means well but her approach is a bit off the mark, IMHO.
All the best, and good luck!

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M.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

I'm so sorry...I know you must be hurting so badly. I lost twin girls last year in my 24th week of pregnancy and it was the worst thing I've ever been through. I hope it stays that way.

I think it's a personal choice for you, your husband and your doctor. One of my doctors was fine with me trying again after two months, one wanted me to wait six. We waited two. I had my girls last October 30th and was pregnant again in January. So far, so good...I'm 20 weeks this week with a little boy.

Good luck!
-M

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S.F.

answers from Los Angeles on

I am sorry for your loss. It is a terrible thing to go through.
Were the doctors able to give you a reason for what happened? That may have something to do with how long you must wait to try again. After I had given birth to a stillborn, my doctor made me wait 3 months to start trying. She said my body needed to heal. I think we actually started trying about 4 months later and it took us 13 months to get pregnant. Goodluck.

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M.G.

answers from San Diego on

I'm so sorry. Make an appointment with your obstetrician or perinatalogist to get clearance. I had a stillborn son at 28 weeks gestation in August 2006 and my perinatalogist told me I was ok to try again after my cycle in early November. I got pregnant that month and I gave birth prematurely (only 6 weeks prematurely!) in July of 2007. He's fat and happy and doing great! Definitely consult your doctors because they will want to make sure that any problems with your pregnancy are addressed and they have a treatment plan for you. For instance, I had a regular OB for my first pregnancy, but then I was transferred to a perinatalogist who classified me as high-risk and monitored my second pregnancy VERY closely. She was wonderful and if it wasn't for her, my little guy wouldn't be here today.

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H.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi A.,
My condolences to you and your family. I have lost two as well and it is devastating. I would wait at least six months to allow your body time to heal and rebuild. Also, the book, "The Infertility Cure" by Dr. Randine Lewis is an excellent resouce for healthy living and fertility issues. Lastly, Acufinder.com can help you find a licensed acupuncturist that can help your body become healthy and hopefully not lose another child. Good luck and God Bless!

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L.Z.

answers from Los Angeles on

A.,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I myself miscarried at 2 1/2 months and was told by my doctor, who's extremely respected in his field, that you should wait 6 months to get pregnant again after a miscarriage or failed pregnancy. It seems that your body needs time to cleanse and prepare again to be pregnant and if you become pregnant again too soon, there could again be complications. I myself was eager to be pregnant again after my miscarriage and became pregnant again 4 months later. My daughter was born healthy and on time but I did almost miscarry her at the end of the first trimester just as before. I ended up having placenta previa which means the placenta ruptured partially away from the wall of my uterus. I was put on bed rest so that the placenta wouldn't completely detach, because of course had it detached, I would have lost the baby. So I believe it is smart to wait, so that you don't end up going through this hardship again.

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S.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi A.,

I am soooo very sorry for your loss!!! My heart goes out to you. I am a mother of 2 beautiful girls, a 4 year old and almost 9 month old. I had a miscarriage inbetween them (actually right before I got pregnant with my 2nd daughter). Losing a child is the most difficult thing in the world. I think your loss is more difficult because of having a stillborn, but a loss is a loss and it hurts no matter what!

When I was in the hospital (waiting for my DNC) I asked my doctor how long to wait to try again. Knowing how much I wanted another child, she said that I could start as soon as my body was healed.

I admire you for going to counceling! I would suggest to you that if you feel emotionally ready, then do it! You will always love your precious little angel in heaven, but there's no reason why you can't enjoy another angel here on earth. :-) I will keep you in my prayers! Good luck!!

~ S.

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A.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi A., first of all i am sorry for your loss. But i am glad to hear that you are doing well. I think if you are ready to try again i say go for it. But i would suggest to talk to your doctor if it's not too soon for you to get pregnant. I wish you the best of luck....and may god bless you and your family with a wonderful new baby soon!!! Let us know....

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S.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Oh A.; My heart goes out to you! I had a miscarriage in between my 2 children and even though it was in the first trimester, it was horrible. I can't even image your pain and loss. God Bless you!

I really have no idea when it is okay to get pregnant again. I would say go by what your doctor says and how you feel, physically and emotionally. You body is your best gauge as to if it is time or not. The good news is that your body will probably get pregnant pretty quickly if you are just relaxed about. It is has already been in baby mode and will probably kick right back into it!

Good Luck and God Bless!

S. Chase

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S.Z.

answers from Reno on

There is no right or wrong amount of time. Just listen to your heart.

You don't mention how your fiance feels. He might feel very differently, and that's OK! Men get scared by events that cause strong emotions, so the thought of another baby might seem overwhelming to him. If it does, please consider his feelings and wait a bit. If he feels pushed, it will damage the relationship not only between the two of you, but with the baby as well.

Good luck, Mom! God bless your family, too.

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K.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

A., I am so sorry for your loss. I know how heartbreaking it can be. I lost a son in 2004. As for when to get pregnant again, it depends on the nature of your loss and how far along you were when you suffered your loss. You were rather far along and should give your body time to heal. Pregnancy is hard on the body,much more than we women realize.

After I lost my son in April, I got pregnant about a month afterwards. I do not regret my son at all. He is wonderful and a great addition to our family. However, I think I should have given my body time to heal. It was a terribly rough pregnancy and my body was still trying to heal when I got pregnant. I seemed to get everything that came down the pike since my immunity was down. That said, it was emotionally healing for me. I could never replace the son I lost, and I don't think you are tying to do that either, but it helped me to get things back to normal. For your health< I would suggest waiting a few more months. Give yourself time to prepare. Having back to back pregnancies is rough and emotionally and physically draining.

I wish you all the best and hope your next pregnancy goes well.

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M.E.

answers from Los Angeles on

The emotionally ready part is up to you, but I've heard that you should wait at least 3 months before trying to get pregnant after giving birth or having a miscarriage. I think you would have better chances if you waited another 2 months or so. It will also help you to have a little more time in counseling. I'm sure it was very hard for you and I am sorry. If you are engaged, why not wait until after you get married. If you are getting married soon, you do not want to be married in a maternity dress. If you are getting married in the next couple of months, you won't have to worry about showing yet, but you'll just have to worry about making sure your dress fits on the big day! Good luck, and again, I'm very sorry.

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R.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I am your same age and have gone through a lot of hardships in my life too, but never experienced what you have gone through. I have one suggestion, that I hope you will hear with an open heart from someone who cares about you even though I don't know you. Before you try to have another child, have the focus be you and the man you are engaged to. That will be the foundation for the baby that you are ready to have. Focus on your relationship and making it as strong as possible. I'd really recommend getting married too before you bring a baby into the world. That will help the baby have a solid start, as long as you are with a man that believes in commitement to his marriage vows. Best wishes!

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T.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Firts off I am sending you a hug of prayers & blessings I am so sorry for your loss, sounds like your doing all the right things, and its up to you and the babys daddy when your ready, and bless you both for wanting to try again, On a spiritual note, your faith and intuition will lead you in making the right decission,

Blessings ahead for you , and God does what over our babys who return back to him.
let us know when you have a pie in the oven again.

Sending you a hug !!

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A.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

Hi A.,
I am so sorry about your loss. I lost my 1st baby when I was full term and I can tell you, it was the worst thing that had ever happen to me. I surely do feel for you. The doctors made me wait 6 months to get pregnant again, and it was the worst 6 months of my life. The hardest thing was to see a newborn child or a very pregnant woman. All I wanted was my big tummy back again!! Since then, I have had 2 beautiful daughters with no problems. Actually, now , they are 29 & 28 years old, with the youngest expecting in 36 days (her pregnancies have been very hard also). A., I am so sad for your loss. If I may, I would like to add one more thing - which you may sound absurd, but don't be suprised if the baby you lost appears as a ghost at sometime or another. This is for real. I think she appeared to us, mostly to my youngest daughter Tawnia, becuase, that name was one of the names I had for her. The other thing, I could't bare to go to graveside, and all the things that happened (which were very plenty) I think stoppped after I visited her grave. It's sounds so bizaare, but it is so true. They didn't happen until my youngest daughter was older, but it mostly happened to her, and I think it was because we used the name we had for the baby I lost. When they were older, we had one of their friends live with us for a few months (she would have been the same age as the daughter I lost) and I cannot tell you the weird things that happened in our house on a daily basis while she was there. I am so sorry for you and I pray you will get pregnant again and have no problems. If you would like to talk, I am here for you. I totally feel for you, as it was the worst time in my life. Please contact me if you want, I am here to support you. Sharon

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M.W.

answers from Los Angeles on

A.,

I am very sorry for your loss, but it sounds like your doing a good job of working through the grief. The only advice I would add to the great comments you've received so far is that you should wait 3 or 4 more months. You're young and if those few months will help your body heal and help your body replenish the nutrients your baby will need, it's worth it.

God Bless you.

M.

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B.B.

answers from San Diego on

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss. I have two friends who recently dealt with miscarriages. I can only imagine how painful your ordeal must be. For both of them, they were told to wait 3 months and then try again. Happily one of them is 7 months pregnant now and due in August and the other is 12 weeks along. While nothing will replace your loss, I do hope that pregnancy comes easy to you and that another little soul is in your near future.

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J.D.

answers from Reno on

I am so sorry for your loss! My doctor always told me to wait at least a year after giving birth to get pregnant again to let your body heal. Good luck to you!

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D.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

A.,

It may be best to wait until your doctor advises you it's okay to begin trying. Early in my 1st pregnany I had issues with bleeding and at almost four months miscarried, and then got pregnant again immediately. It was not ideal for either my son or myself healthwise. Frequently, I had cramping and bleeding, and then to top it off my son was born 8 weeks premature. My OBGYN attributed my issues with my 2nd prenancy to the timeframe and quickness in which I got pregnant. It was literally weeks. Do what's best for you and your body and the health of any future child you may be blessed with. While, my son is doing amazing now and beating all the records in growth and development at almost 23 months, I wish he had never had to go through the 2 months in NICU or had to be on meds for the first five months of his life for breathing...be safe and be healthy!

Best of luck,

dleigh

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R.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

A.,
I'm so sorry. Dealing with such a tragic thing as you have had to deal with has got to be one of the most horrible experiences to come out of with your sanity in tact. I think that every mom recovers at their own pace. Be sure that you have given your body enough time too. Remember, you just went thru almost an entire pregnancy. Give your self several months to get back to normal. And in the mean time be healthy and take the best care of yourself -eat right, take your vitamins and drink plenty of H20. If you have received counseling, support and comfort from family and friends and you are emotionally ready to try again then go for it. Just be sure that you are ready and that you aren't trying to fill a void. Be sure that you have fully dealt with the tragedy and have gained back your peace of mind. All my best to you in your efforts to try again. I don't really know any secrets or tips. Hopefully some of the other moms can help you in that dept. take-care

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T.

answers from Las Vegas on

A.,

I think if you feel ready to try again, then it is the right time to try again. That said, I would recommend consulting with a perinatologist (a high risk pregnancy specialist - if you are in Las Vegas I went to Dr Joseph Adashek at Desert Perinatal for both of my pregnancies and would highly recommend him) to make sure you are physically ready to get pregnant again. I know my doctor recommended waiting 3 months after I miscarried before trying to conceive again. I've had two miscarriages but they were relatively early. I don't think it is ever easy to lose a baby but I would think it would be just that much harder the further along you are. I completely understand that you aren't trying to replace the baby you've lost and that the desire to have a child doesn't go away because you've lost a child (I know lots of people I know didn't get that at all). I also understand that getting pregnant again can be really healing (and terrifying!) I'm very glad you are in counseling. I had severe preterm labor with my first child but virtually no problems with my second child. I hope your next pregnancy a peaceful, blessed, uneventful and successful.

And I want you to know that I am truly sorry about your loss,

T.

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J.W.

answers from San Diego on

I am sorry for your loss. This is a tough time.

Get married and have another baby! If you feel you are ready then you must be emotionally but check with the doc on when your body will be ready. God knows when something isn't working out right and sometimes he fixes it. If your heart is healed(and you sound like you are taking good care of yourself)you can make a good decision. You will go on my prayer list for the blessing of sweet baby! Take care.

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S.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi A.,
I am very sorry for you loss. I have had lots of issues and can understand. I belive that once your docotor gives you the ok, and you feel emotionally and physically well, you should go for it. I had lost 3 babies, and had 1 ectopic pregnancy, and am glad to say after 8 years of trying to have a baby I am a proud mommy of 1 little baby girl named Faith! Hope this helps! Remember, keep the Faith, I did, and that is why my little girl is named what she is!! God bless you!!

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S.C.

answers from Honolulu on

Dear A.,
Just wanted to write to tell you how sorry I am for you and to tell you that I think you are the only person who will know when you are ready to try again. Some woman need to wait, others like you (and me) need to get back on track to our goal of having a baby. If you think you are ready, then go for it and I wish you good luck.
S.

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E.K.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi A.,
I am so sorry for your loss! I lost identical twin girls at 30 weeks ten years ago and the complete process was devastating. Autopsies were done, etc and I was told the chance of something like that happening again were very slim. I wanted a baby badly and I waited a year which in the end was a good thing. I think the holidays and anniversaries of everything in the year were the hardest because of all of the mental plans I had already laid for the year. You will know how long to wait but no matter what people say, the pregnancy will be filled with anxiety and combined with episodes of sadness, you want to make sure that you've waited long enough so that your next pregnancy is not completely filled with stress and anxiety. There can be so much joy in pregnancy, too! I went on to have two healthy children who I can never love or appreciate enough. God's blessings to you in your journey.

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N.F.

answers from Los Angeles on

doctors vary on this one. My daughter waited six months and it took another six months and she now has a beautiful baby girl. It's devasting and I know your strong. Keep going and you'll be blessed.

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J.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

{{{A.}}} I am so sorry that you have lost your sweet baby! I believe that medically speaking it is supposed to be at least 3 months, but I'm not absolutely sure. Call your OB/GYN and ask when trying to conceive is safe for your body and the future baby. I believe one of the risks in getting pg too soon is miscarriage. I hope and Pray that God gives you an clear answer and leads you down the path that He has planned for you.

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J.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

I'm sorry for your loss.

The research points to 18 months as the optimal time, but everyone's health it as different levels.

Utrophin PMG from standard process works amazing for uterine health.

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B.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi A.:
First let me say I am so sorry for your loss. The same thing happened to me in my 6th month, this was 18 yrs ago, but there was nothing more heart wrenching then planning for my first born daughter and giving birth too soon and leaving the hospital with out her. I too wanted another baby right away...it took about 6 months of trying and a couple of Clomed pills from my OBGYN, I dont thnk it was the medication that made it hapen, the meds just put me more at ease and made me stop stressing over getting pregnant again. I now have 2 beautiful daughters, that looked exactly as their sister Kortnie did when they were born. 18 yrs later and I still think about her everyday and wonder what a beatiful girl she would be today if she were with me.
So I wish you all the best. ALSO, please look into why you went into early labor, It was found with me that I had an incompetent cervix (after a episode of cervical cancer and having lazer surgery) my cervix was too weak to carry the baby to term and I ended up having a cerclage with both my other pregnancies.
Good luck to you.
B.

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S.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

I'm so sorry to hear about your baby, my condolences. The usual recommendations are 3 mos after a vag delivery and 6 mos after a c-section. Make sure you still take your prenatals and folic acid. Try and find out why you had a stillbirth so it can be prevented again. Also in your next pregnancy you should get NST (nonstress testing) starting at 28 wks to monitor the baby. Also ask your MD about daily baby aspirin, that has some positive outcomes, and see a hi-risk OB as well. Good luck.

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K.B.

answers from Las Vegas on

A.,
First let me tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I am a mother of three beautiful boys. You and I have very similar stories. Between my first and second sons, I gave birth to a stillborn at 6 months pregnant. My heart goes out to you, you can only imagine. All I can say to you is it is never too soon to give yourself that beautiful gift of a child. I will tell you though to purchase something for yourself that will symbolize the child you have lost. When I lost my baby, my mother went out and bought me a small statue of an angel holding a little boy. To me, this reminds me of my child everyday and that somewhere he is being taken care of. This gave me the chance to have something tangible, without feeling like I had nothing and also gave me the chance to get rid of the feelings that I was replacing my baby with a new one. I hope that this helps you.
Sincerely,
K.

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F.E.

answers from Los Angeles on

Dear A.,

Losing a baby is heartbreaking. I said a prayer for you. I got pregnant 14 times and have 4 beautiful children. My problem was I allowed myself to get pregnant way too soon. Your body has to return to it's none-raging hormon state before you get pregnant again.

Forgive me if I seem like a broken record. I hope your are taking good care of yourself. Proper nutrition is extreemly important before, during, and after pregancy. We can't get enough from our regular food sources. To get the same amount of vitamin C from an apple that you got back in the 80's, you would have to eat 27 apples. Even the AMA now recommends a daily multi-vitamin & mineral tablet. You should also be taking them at least twice a day since your body needs them for energy during the day and body-rebuilding at night. Also to insure a healthier you and baby, consider replacing the items in your home with non-caustic, eco-friendly products.

Now the commercial: My company makes a natural suppliments that Bobbi McCaughey took to help her and her 7 septuplets back in 1997. They are still all healthy kids. Mommie, Daddy, and the 7 healthy kids still are taking our wonderful, patented, suppliments: Chewables for kids and tablet form for our men's or women's formulas. We have a documented 90% absorption rate. At the time, when Bobbie was carrying the septuplets, she had to take 3 times the regular recommended daily amounts because her doctor knew, with 7 babies, she'd need that much. We now have a prenatal formula that is also patented. We also have Omega-3 Prenatal formula as well, formulated to help avert a certain type of birth defeat. Also, the McCaughey's went green using our products and not having negative chemicals in there home has made all of them literally breathe easier and are healthier because they no longer have anything outgasing in their homes. :^D
If anyone is interested, I'd gladly share my information. Call me at ###-###-####

Good Luck ~ F.

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L.D.

answers from Las Vegas on

Hi A.-
I am so sorry for your loss- you and your family are in my prayers. My very best friend had a stillborn boy last May and just gave birth to a healthy baby girl about 6 weeks ago. If you do the math, she got pregnant about two months later. If your Dr gave you the physical OK, only you can decide when you are emotionally ready. If you want, I can give you my friend's email privately. Good luck and God Bless-
Lisa

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J.Y.

answers from Honolulu on

A.,
I am so very sorry for the loss of your little girl. I lost my first child, also a girl, in my 7th month in 2006. Although my doctor advised me to wait a year, I couldn't and ended up pregnant 3 months after my loss. I was also seeing a grief counselor & it truly helped throughout my pregnancy. Going through a subsequent pregnancy was very difficult but we now have a beautiful daughter who is our joy. Every Dr. will give you a different opinion on how soon you can try again but it seems the minimum is 3 months if you had a vaginal delivery. What DID help me during my pregnancy was to rent a fetal doppler to "check" on my daughter when I was feeling particularly anxious. It's not always recommended & there are definite disadvantages especially if you aren't able to find your baby's heartbeat easily, but I had no problem finding her heartbeat every time and relied less on it when I started feeling her movements. It's just a suggestion that worked for me. I'm so sorry and hope that you find peace in whatever decision you make.

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A.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Sorry for your loss. Maybe get married first, and finish raising your daughter. Perhaps if she is the love of your life she deserves the attention without a new baby to take away from her. She still need you at this very delicate time in her life. After, if you still think you need another child, could you try then. Good luck.

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M.L.

answers from San Diego on

First of all, I just want to say that I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain you have endured. As for trying to have another child, I think only you will know when it's the right time. Trust yourself, your doctors and your body and you'll know when it's the right time.

Good luck.

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K.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

A.,

I am so sorry for your tragic loss. When I was 31, my first daughter was stillborn in my 9th month. The loss is huge and irreplacable. The grieving process is long and it is better for you to deal with it (with a therapist)head on rather than bury your emotions. They will come back to haunt you if you don't deal with them effectively.

There is a light at the end of this very long tunnel, in the form of another baby, but you really should talk to your doctor and a good grief therapist to find out when would be the best time to try. Your doctor will be able to tell you when your body is physically ready to try. My doctor told me to wait for 6 months. I didn't listen, got pregnant after 3 months, and miscarried 6 weeks later. Your therapist can help you decide when you are emotionally ready. A new baby is a blessing and a great distraction from your grief, but will also distract you from working your way through the emotional hellhole you are now in.

The right time to try for another baby after such a tragic loss is different for everyone, but it is important to get good professional advice and also to talk to people who have been through it. You will find that most people will have no idea how you feel if they have not been through it. Talk to people who "get it." It will be an enormous comfort at this time. Take your time in dealing with this and only do what you are comfortable doing. Feel free to email me if you want to talk about this further.

K.
[email protected]____.com

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