How Soon Can I Put the (Now) 9 Month Old and the 3 Year Old in the Same Bed?

Updated on January 31, 2011
J.F. asks from Bloomington, IN
13 answers

I'm not thinking I'm going to do this this month or even 6 months from now, but I was just curious how soon you allowed two of your kiddos to share a bed. The baby isn't sleeping through the night yet which keeps the 3 year old up through-out the night and since we only have 2 bedrooms, the 3 year old is sleeping in bed with us. Ideally, I'd love to have both girls in their room in their own beds sleeping through the night.

I was thinking if I put both in the same bed, they'd both feel more comfortable and secure and sleep better. How soon is too soon, in your opinion? The 9 month old can almost hold her own at this point. I think she is too young now, but was thinking that maybe once she started walking or crawling and pulling herself up very successfully, I'd try it. Thoughts?`

ADDED:
Oh, I had NO intention of moving the baby in with the 3 year RIGHT NOW!!! I should have asked how young were your kiddos when you moved them to the same bed? The baby is in the crib in the girls' room and my 3 year old has a twin sized bed that is on the floor. Plenty of room for the two of them in THEIR room. We have NO extra room in our room for a crib, extra bed or even a sleeping bag on the floor. We've found it better to keep the baby in the other room so we ALL aren't awakened when she wakes. I'm just trying to look ahead as to how and when things might get better.

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K.F.

answers from New York on

The same room yes but the same bed NEVER. No one will get a good sleep. They each need to learn how to sleep alone.

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R..

answers from Chattanooga on

I had to share a bed with my little sister when I was young, and HATED it! She is 3 years younger than me. The thing is... if one has a restless night, they will wake the other. If one is just being disruptive while the other is sleepy, then that can cause some major issues (I still remember... 'DAAAAD! ANDREA WON'T STAY ON HER SIDE OF THE BED! SHE'S TOUCHING ME! DAAAD, MAKE HER MOVE!' lol.) Potty training SUCKED big time! (I started sleeping on the floor because I was sick of waking up in a puddle.) When we finally got bunk beds, we did still share beds once in a while... but it was on our own terms, and if we weren't cooperating we could have our own space.) I think that the best bet would be to graduate the 3 year old to a twin size bed, and when your 9 month old starts completely sleeping through the night (from bedtime to wakeup for the day) or starts trying to climb out of her crib, transition her to a toddler bed in the same bedroom. They can have the comfort and security without the invasion of space.

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M.R.

answers from Rochester on

I would not put them in the same bed under any circumstances. If you have a crib available to you, you can put that in your older child's room and they can share a room. It would be too easy for them to have some kind of an accident in the night and a 3 year old is not old enough or responsible enough to be sleeping with a baby. They might love sharing (my boys do) and sometimes in the morning they get up and get in each other's beds to snuggle, but they are 4 and 2 1/2 now. We moved them in together when the younger was about a year old and they did pretty well sharing. They take turns waking each other up, hitting each other at night or in the morning, and goofing around, but overall it is great to have them in there together. If the second bedroom is currently free, I would work on getting the 3 year old to sleep on her own in there, or move them in there together right now. Your 3 year old can learn to sleep through the interruptions and put herself back to sleep. If you are using the second bedroom as a nursery and the baby is in there, you could also move the baby back into your room and move your 3 year old out until you are ready to move the baby in the other room again. I couldn't quite make out where the baby is sleeping for now, but again, children that small sharing a bed sounds very unsafe and impractical, and really not very necessary.

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C.W.

answers from Washington DC on

I think this depends on the personalities of your kids. My 7 yo daughter recently decided she wanted to share a room with my 4 yo son. Since she was waking up having bad dreams every night and hated sleeping by herself and he didn't care, we decided to let them try it (they recently shared a room about 7 months ago for a few weeks while we painted her room and it was a disaster. He would not leave her alone and would wake her at 4 in the morning.) This time around it has had some shaky moments, he will still wake her at 5A to help him go to the bathroom and she is a light sleeper. Last night he had several bad dreams and she was very upset that he woke her. From what I heard, the best time to do it is when the younger child moves to a toddler bed and hopefully they are deep sleepers. that is one thing I found worked in success stories--the older child was a deep sleeper and nothing the younger child did could wake them so they gave up trying. As for the same bed, my daughter recently requested the same bed and I had to laugh. I know some families that do put their kids in the same bed, but my son is a wild sleeper. Many nights I find him sprawled on the floor from where he fell out of bed, and he is all over the bed. He also wets the bed from time to time. Sharing a bed would never work in this house. Again, I think it depends on personality of the child.

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P.M.

answers from Tampa on

I think that may be dangerous to have a young toddler or pre-schooler in the same bed as a much younger sibling...

I'd move the 3year old to a bed on the floor of your room and have your 9 month old in bed with you instead.

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T.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

I don't wanna be nosey or anything, but why the same bed? Is there no way to fit a crib and a toddler bed?
My sisters and I all shared a queen size bed when I was 3, they were 5 and 6, but none of us slept well, we were always on top of one another. It only lasted about 6 months until my mom could get us in our own rooms.
My two little girls share a room and I put them together when they were two and four. They loved it, but they each had their own bed. There are some nights when my youngest will climb in bed with her older sister and they are both really cranky the next day because neither of them slept very well. I certainly wouldn't give a one year old free reign of a bed room by putting her in a bed with her sister. She really should be in the crib until she is almost 18 months or older for her own safety.
Of course this is all only my opinion, but I'm sure you'll make the right choice! Best wishes!

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

I was glad to read this still a ways off because my inital thought was, a nine-month-old lacks the motor coordination to push a pillow or blanket or soft toy off her face. A three-year-old easily could accidentally put something over the baby's face, just by turning over in bed. But even in six months' time, there will be too many upsets in having them share a bed. In six months the baby would still be only 15 months. What will you do when she needs changing in the night -- wake her sister as you pick her up? When the older sister has dreams or gets up and down in the night, she'll wake the baby. I'd go with separate toddler beds when the baby's old enough for a toddler bed (2-3) and in the meantime, put a crib in your room or the room they share, with the older girl in a toddler bed.

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E.M.

answers from Honolulu on

I actually have my 5 year old daughter and my 2.5 year old son share a room with each having their own toddler bed. About half the time they sleep apart but the other half they are in bed together (they started this when the youngest was 16 months old and got his big boy bed and it was them that started it, I had NO intention of this happening... also we are going to be moving the kids into separate rooms when my daughter is about age 6 or 7 as I think she will be in need of her own space around then). I would suggest just letting they each have their own bed and then if they want to sleep together that night or not as they choose, if a argument comes up over sharing blankets or space comes up then you can just say, you 2 are fighting so each to your own bed! and the fight ends.

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

My boys NEVER shared a bed until we had a hide-a-bed and it was the weekend.

They had shared a room from 2 years and 4 years....then when my oldest turned 9, we moved him back into the nursery/guest bedroom with a bunk bed with the futon on the bottom.....

E.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

We moved our sons into the same ROOM with much trepidation when the oldest was 8.5 and the youngest was 4. We needed to temporarily use one bedroom as storage while we did some remodeling throughout the house.

They did OK -- But all of us were happier when things went back to normal. On a very rare Friday night we might allow them to camp out together in one of their beds but they just don't get restful sleep. So I would not recommend it regardless of their age. Even if the youngest enjoys it, the older one may sleep poorly.

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J.G.

answers from Minneapolis on

We had our 21 month old move into bed with his 3 year old sister. It didn't work because he moves SO much so she ended up coming back into our room in the middle of the night. So we decided to get our son his own bed. Now they each have their own bed in their room, but we still play musical beds and take naps togeher or sometimes they fall asleep together. I think its great that you are allowing your children the change to share their bed! I hate sleeping alone and I know I was always scared to sleep alone as a kid. I wish it wasn't so taboo in our society to bed share! Good for you.

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L.L.

answers from Topeka on

My kids never shared a bed or a room is that normal?To me they need their own space to sleep, play & relax.But if I had to put them together it wouldn't be till baby was a walker & talker over 4 yrs.

K.I.

answers from Los Angeles on

We moved our boys to the same room at 4 & 2...they slept together from the very start, even tho they each had their own bed :)

It was a very smooth transition for us...hopefully it will be for you guys too!

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