How Not to Hurt Her Feelings?

Updated on February 17, 2010
P.P. asks from Winston Salem, NC
17 answers

My sister is pregnant, and she told us all at a little family gathering. She is only a couple of weeks, so we are not sure if it is a boy, girl, or maybe both. We all suggested some names, including my daughter. She suggested the name Yiyi for a girl and Astro for a boy. When she said that, there were a few chuckles and I couldn't help but notice how her smile went down. She asked me why they laughed, and I said they didn't mean it. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but she may be upset if her new cousins are not named Yiyi and Astro. So does anyone know a way I could explain it to her. (Also, Yiyi is pronounced "E-E)

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answers from Victoria on

I would tell her that she suggested some super unusual names and some people aren't advanced enough to appreciate such creativity. Let her know that picking names for a child isn't a contest and the mommies & daddies usually look at lots & lots of names before they decide and they usually pick names that others haven't picked. Let her know the you thought her names were great & she can use them for her dolls if she wants to. That's how I handled it. My daughter picked Mayla for a girl.

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answers from Bellingham on

I would explain to her that chosing a name for a baby is super tough! Sometimes people pick lots and lots of names that they like and when the baby is born and they look at their face, they will know the right name. And that even if they don't chose the name she suggested it's still a wonderful name, but maybe it didn't fit that baby's face! Depending on how old your daughter is I might tell her she should write or have me write those names on a special peice of paper to save for when she has her own kids. They could be her special names for her babies and if she writes them down then she'll remember forever. (You will also have that documented so when she has kids of her own she'll be able to have a little chuckle herself!)

Good luck and great for you for thinking of your daughters feelings! I might also mention to family members to be gentle on her, to be careful not to wound her.

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answers from Dallas on

My 4 year old wanted to name his baby sister Abigator or Poppy. I told him those were very good names and he could use them as her nick name, but we were going to name her Abigail. He was okay with that idea. We asked all our kids for thier suggestions and had fun coming up with silly names for the new baby- that helped them not to feel hurt when we didn't choose a name they suggested. But we also let them know that although we were asking for their help with the name that we had the final say in the name. I think your little girl was very sweet in picking out some names, but I think she will be okay if other names are chosen too.

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answers from Austin on

What great names! Of course maybe not what I would name a child, but very clever! When the baby comes, you should address a card to Yiyi or Astro for fun.. Also record this event. Your daughter will enjoy this story if she ever becomes a parent.

This is a teaching moment. Remind your daughter that when we are asked our opinion it is good to share, but to remember, that does not mean that the person has to accept it. It does not make the suggestion bad or wrong, but that the other person gets to decide what they want.. Also encourage her not to be hurt if others laugh, instead have her ask the "laughers", what was so funny?

Little girls have to know that their opinions are important. Not just cute. Give her credit for being creative and clever. Encourage her opinions and then explain how decisions are made based on suggestions.. Give her choices. Make some of them so over the top, that she will question why you would suggest that.. When she makes decisions praise her and ask her why she chose that as her choice. I think you have a very special child.

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answers from San Diego on

If your sister is only a couple of weeks along, there is PLENTY of time for your daughter to come up with several names for her cousin(s), obviously not all (or any) of which may be picked. I wouldn't belabor the point about these names specifically, but yes, just tell her that people found her suggestions sweet/cute/creative/whatever. Because it's true. I'm sure no one was laughing to mock her. My son came up with half a dozen for his new sister, including Pooh Bear, Tinkerbell, Daddy, and his own name.

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answers from Denver on

If it comes back up again, tell her its the mommy and daddys choice what to name the baby/s. Tell her that those are great ideas for names and should save them for her future baby/s or pets. And IF one day she decides to name her kids Yiyi and Astro, I'm sure you all will grow to love those names as their own. LOL.

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answers from Chicago on

I have a friend right now who is pregnant and her almost-three-year-old daughter is convinced the baby is going to be named "Juice." Maybe she'll grow up calling him Juice. It might be a pet name your daughter calls her cousin. You could explain to her that they are very creative names and nobody has heard them before and people chuckled because they were tickled by such creative names.

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answers from Dallas on

Unfortunately part of growing up is getting your feelings hurt and learning how to deal with it. I'd start by telling her that those were great names and people laughed and smiled because they were tickled with her ideas. Tell her everyone has to decide for their own babies though, and if her aunt decides on another name she can save the name for when she grows up for her own baby. Or consider naming a couple of dolls right now.

Side note: I got my feelings hurt a lot when I was a little girl. I was admittedly sweet and kind of in my own little world. It was always a shock when people laughed. I thought I said something stupid. This was me and my personality. I grew out of it and am a self confident adult. I'm betting your daughter will do the same. All you have to do is not over protect her and encourage and support her, which sounds like you already do!

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answers from Huntington on

You didn't mention your daughter's age, but I assuem she is young (2-4??) I'd tell her that it is Aunt XXX decision to name the baby and that you are sure she appreciated her suggestions.

As for your comment about not wanting to hurt her feelings. Don't think of hurt feelings as a bad thing!!! It is your job as a parent to prepare your daughter for the world and she needs to understand that she will not always get her way. Better she learn it earlier than later. As someone who works in the business world, I can say the young generation have alot to offer, but as a generalization, they are too self-centered and it is a quality that holds them back!! Teach her well and you will have a beautiful well rounded woman in 20 years!



answers from Nashville on

Okay, I don't want to sound mean here, but hasn't your daughter ever been dissapointed before? Dissapointment is a part of life. The job as a parent is to make our children as resilient as possible to handle life's ups and downs. The most unhappy children are the ones who's parents made their world too easy(they feel that life is unfair when they are in school, sports, etc.). I have 4 children(my oldest are 14 and 12) and can tell you this from some experience.

I would simply say "Thanks for your suggestion but I think Aunit may have some other names she prefers" and let it go. She'll be fine!




answers from Louisville on

tell her it made them happy and thats why they laughed. if her sister doesnt pick those names maybe your daughter could have a "special" name that only she calls her. If your sister doesnt pick yiyi or astro just tell her their were other names that were special to them good luck



answers from Nashville on

It is hard as mothers to see our children get their feelings hurt but the truth is that they are going to get hurt a lot during their childhood and we will not always be there. If it were my child I would have said, "that is a name for someone on tv or a pet or a doll, but for children we choose names like yours or something easy like, ???" then I would have told her "thank you for such a nice idea for a name but they will have to pick something that they like". She really should not have gotten her feelings hurt, or at least not for long. I bet she forgot about it before you did. Tell your sis to say something to her about how she loved those names but that they have already thought about others, tell her that she can call them those names as nicknames. Surely your sis will understand and help make her feel better.



answers from Wheeling on

I don't think we know how old your daughter is, but if she's ever seen or heard a younger child say or do something that was humorous to her just because of pure childishness, remind her of that. The world is NOT going to revolve around your daughter, so the sooner you can teach her to laugh AT HERSELF, the better. No one can laugh 'at you' if you laugh WITH them, and that's a great life lesson! Explain that she was quite ingenious to think of 'Astro' and 'YiYi' and that they are perfectly good names for a pet or her toys (or dolls), it just wouldn't be a good name for a child because THAT child would get made fun of and laughed at FOREVER because those just aren't 'people names' (according to any 'baby names' list I've ever seen, anyway. LOL).



answers from Chattanooga on

"There are so many wonderful names in the world and she will pick the names that best fit who they are. The names will be perfect for the right child and your cousins may or may not be the right match. Just like your name matches you. If she doesn't choose your names, you can use them for your own children one day if they seem like the right match to you."



answers from Chattanooga on

When we were expecting our second, our daughter also thought that she had the perfect names. We explained to her that we would not know the baby's name until it came just like we didn't know her name until we saw her (which is true- with both children we didn't find out the sex and we had not settled on one name for either. We went into the hospital with a couple of boy and a couple of girl names we liked and said we would have to see which name fit the baby best). If your sister is going to find out and they are going to announce a name before the baby is born you can explain that while she had good names, the parents are the ones that get to choose the name and one day she will get to name her children or that the baby(ies) felt more like a (insert name) than a Yiyi or Astro to the parents. You could also suggest that she name a doll with these names to be her baby and you wouldn't want to babies in the family with the same name or it might be confusing.



answers from Orlando on

Next time someone laughs at her response & she asks why, tell her because she gave such a cute answer (sometimes people laughing at you isn't a bad thing). Also let her know that everyone made suggestions even you (mommy) but that they will pick the name that they like best. Just like when she picks names for her baby dolls. Let her know that even if they don't pick the name that you(Mommy) suggested, that it won't hurt your feelings. It's ok for our kids to feel disapointment, it prepares them for the real world (school, work, etc..)



answers from Louisville on

Who know's maybe your sister will take her reccomendation for the names! ;) I'm sure she'll be fine with whatever the baby ends up being named! She'll probably forget all about it anyways! :)

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