How Much Spending Money Do You Have?

My husband and I have been married almost 22 years and have always kept separate finances. We don't "allow" each other certain amounts of spending money. We've always each had things that we were responsible for paying for, and those things have changed over time depending on what the bills/expenses we have are and how much we each made, and whatever we each have left, we are free to use or save as we choose.

None. We sometimes have a little left over after all the bills that go towards something we don't need. Like last week I spent $20 on plants for the patio. But this is usually once a month. Other wise we sit down with any non bill money and decide what household repair we are going to make and what can wait another month. And we don't have credit cards either. They are to much temptation, and because we are halfway through a bankruptcy we can not have them anyway.

The ecomony and bills do not afford for us to have "pocket" money...every penny is used up somewhere with the expectation we could use some more! Good you have enough left over!

First of all I don't like the word "allow" when referring to a spouse. It's very demeaning, probably even more demeaning to a man.
You two clearly are having some issues, what with him moving out, you wanting another baby, and now you he say he's not spending money the way you think he should.
L., this is your husband and the father of your children. Please work WITH him in coming up with a life plan that both of you want. If you need help, then seek some counseling. If he won't go then go on your own. It helps to talk about these things with a professional, objective third party.

Wow, the word "allow" is not used around here. My husband does not own me and I don't own him.

We run our own company together and we don't set any spending limits,etc. If we need or want something, we usually get it.

We DO NOT carry any balances on any credit card ever. We use the credit card for our company and personal expenses. We spend a lot. Hubby just bought a $400 golf club and I just got back from 5 days in Miami with my daughter. We eat luch out almost daily and have nice dinners out on weekends. We are heavy spenders. We run big items by each other just FYI, not for any permission. I own half this company and work my butt off as well so no one tells me what to do with my paycheck when I cut it.

However, we are very much numbers people and I am reconciling the banking accounts and credit card on a daily basis. I know where every penny goes. We are very diligent regarding our savings, retirement, daughter's college, etc. My objective when I cut the paychecks is to pay ourselves first as in savings and retirement. Daughter is already fully funded for college but we still add to it just in case since she is looking at an ivy league private college for 2013.

I would let him know I see the charge on the credit card and make sure that it is paid in full so you do not carry a balance.

Debt is evil.... Living debt free is the way to go.

I rarely have more than $5 cash on me. Hubby usually walks around with a minimum of $100 cash. My point, it depends on your spending habits.

We both know how 90% of the money is spent. We made an agreement shortly after we were married (almost 20 years) that neither of us would spend more than $50 without discussing it first. The only exception is Christmas presents.

It's my belief that there's no his money or her money. It's OUR money. It goes into the checking or savings account, we pay the bills, we buy groceries, we put gas in the cars, we decide together how the extra gets spent.

I won't answer your question about my spending money, because each couple's situation is different. But I'll tell you how we navigate this:
We both view our collective earnings as OUR money. Not his vs. mine. It's all pooled in a common budget. His paycheck & my paycheck go into joint checking from which all of our bills are paid from. About quarterly, we go through all of our fixed and planned expenses - everything from mortgage to property tax, to gym, day care, to ski passes, to investment & savings plans - anything we know we have to or want to spend money on. Every month, money is "accrued for a monthly expenses and transferred to savings", and transfered back to checking to auto-pay bills. During our quarterly budgeting session, we agree on a fixed amount of "discretionary spending" that we both get. Each pay period, that amount gets transfered to our own individual accounts. We don't watch over each other's discretionary spending. But we have fallen into a fairly good routine. I pay for my clothes, kids clothes & activities, groceries from my discretionary fund; he pays for travel expenses for getaways out of his. If I want to save for something special on my own, I skimp a little on groceries, or I shop discounts more aggressively. If I want US to save for a vacation, we add it to our "fixed expenses" to accrue for every month until we know we have the cash for a trip.
It took a while to set all of this up, but online banking with BofA allowed us to set it up once & just manage it periodically. It's not perfect, and sometimes we have to "bail each other out", but we don't fight about money in general, and we're able to save collectively for things we want to save for long-term.

We had identical spending money after a huge blowup several years ago. This money was for EVERYTHING personal (lunches, clothes, subscriptions, girls/boys nights out, hobbies, hair cuts, etc.). Budget wise... we each got $100 every other week / $200 per month.

It was a huge change in our lives (for the better from my point of view) because he was screaming at me about how much money I was wasting on groceries ($600 a month set in stone budget), but come to find he was spending often $4,000 or MORE a MONTH on personal stuff. Yeah. Man who was dropping $1000 a week yelling at ME??? I think not.

The thing is... small purchases add up. He was spending $60-$100 a night afterwork at the bar. $20-$40 lunches every day at work. That alone was adding up t $1000 per week. Then add in new musical gear, his perpetual clothes shopping, etc... Oy vey.

But I had $600 a month for EVERYTHING. Around here, that's nothing. Milk alone was running me $60 a month.. And I was bargain shopping.

Budgeted things out, and he was very unhappy, but it got us back on a budget, and I finally got to start getting my hair cut / etc. It was a huge transition for him, though. Even $10 lunches at work = $200 a month. That precipitated another argument. There is no reason on god's green earth why it's only okay for one person to be eating food from home, but not okay for the other.

Now, though, mid divorce.... I'm in the red. STBXH let our bills go, and is fighting tooth and nail not to pay child support and maint... So I'm really struggling.

BOTH of you need to decide how much you are going to save and how much you are going to spend.

My wife and I each have "mad money' that we are only accountable to ourselves for. Then there is the rest of the household income. If you decide you both want to save for a vacation then save that money first. Then each of you gets mad money. Then the bills are paid out of the remainder. If your husband bought some "very expensive" item, you have to decide what it is and is it worth it. Ask him what he bought and if that means he is no longer committed to the vacation. Then LISTEN to what he says and act accordingly.

I Hope the "very expensive" item wasn't a present for you for your birthday or anniversary or some other occasion.

Good luck to you and yours.

We are followers of the Dave Ramsey plan so we each have "blow" money. I get 20 for 2 weeks and my hubby gets 40 for 2 weeks. It is important to know where your money is going.

I don't 'allow' my husband spending money. He doesn't 'allow' me spending money, LOL. We each spend what we like on what we like. Always have. I have no rights (perceived or imagined) to control when and where he eats or what he buys. We are both adults. We each have our own money. We have a joint account for the house, shared expenses and our son.

What I have found is a lot of couples do I think we should save for this and the other yeah, not really. Then after discussion they say sure which actually means I want you to shut up.

Not saying this is the case you described but when one isn't saving it sounds like they aren't on board with the plan in the first place.

So instead of starting with what sounds like your plan start with discussing what both your goals are and go from there. Coming up with a spending plan for both sounds a little too much like this is all in your mind and he is going yes dear, what ever you say dear.

Okay I went back to look at your questions because I really wanted to know which L. you are. Well you are neither of the two I was thinking of but lord you have a huge pattern of mis-communication with your husband. Not the least of which is wanting to divorce your husband at the end of December and wanting to convince him to have another child three days ago. Lord does the poor guy know which end is up? You need to figure out how to communicate.

Hi L.
We are on a tight budget at the moment so imagine most days I do not have any money in my wallet.
I am fine with this because we are both working hard to increase our bank account so we have a surplus for emergencies etc and not living week to week.
When we are out of this recession I hope to have extra cash again.
So to answer your question I would a,ask him about it and then b,come up with a spending plan for both.
You are married so it does not matter who earns what money.
If you re sticking to a budget then he should to.
Lucky you to be planning a vacation lol
B. k

I give my husband $200/month allowance. Before we had kids, we both worked. He paid whatever bills he needed to, and usually just wasted the rest of his money. I paid the bills I needed to, and mostly saved the rest of my money. When we decided to have kids, and that I would be a stay-at-home parent I took over the finances, and we have managed to live comfortably on one income (although I do supplement by doing child-care). If he wants, or needs to make any large purchases either he needs to save up for them, or run it past me first.

In my opinion, a marriage is a partnership and neither partner gets to tell the other how much spending money each other gets. I'm not my husband's mother, thus I do not give him an allowance. We both work, we both earn great salaries, and we both spend money on things as we see fit. Now, if it were a larger purchase we would discuss it first, but I'm not in control nor is he and neither of us "gives permission" or "allows" the other to buy/not buy.

It comes from a foundation of mutual respect for each other, defined financial goals, and communication between partners as to what constitutes responsible adherence to those financial goals. In other words, be open and honest about what is bought, spent, saved, etc. and make sure it falls within the family plan.

We don't have much extra money. I consider myself lucky if I get $20 a month to spend on myself. Hubby works, and he handles the finances in our house. Some months he may notice that we have a little extra, and he will pitch some to me. He does get a bit more spending money a month, to buy soda or snacks for his lunch at work. I have no problem with this, because hey, he's out working. I get to spend most of my day at home with my DD. Yes, it's definitely work, but I LOVE my job. This month he was a sweetie and cut out his own 'spending' money so I could get my hair done for the first time in 2 years. *YAY!*

I would say option C for you guys. If you can afford it, then I think it's ok to spend a little bit for fun once in a while. For us, we do not have any spending money at all. After bills alone, we come out at zero every month. So, we do not go out or do anything extra or spend money on extra random stuff. I wish we could, but we just can't at this moment in our lives. Someday though it would be nice to save up for a nice family vacation.

Not enough, but thankfully, I guess I have more then many folks do. I try to share when I can.

It surprises me that some here act like each spouse in a marriage has "no right" to say what the other can spend. Of COURSE you have a right to voice your opinions on spending restrictions, and to be monitoring the other spouse to be sure the spending being done benefits the entire household, and not just one spouse's selfish desire to "be independent".
I think you will get different answers to this question depending on whether a working mom or SAHM answers it. I find that dual working households often (not always) harbor the opinion that each is independent of the the other while at work or doing their individual non-parenting, non-spousal work-related things. OTOH, a SAH parent is constantly aware of the impact that errant spending by one spouse can have on the entire household, even if that's just hurt feelings that one spouse "took", while not seeing if the other spouse "needed".
To answer your question, my husband takes his lunch to work every day, b/c it DOES matter to me whether he spends an aditional $35 a week on food. That $ would go a long way at the grocery, or it would put gas in my car for the week. We don't have set "throw-away" money, but if either of us needs something under $50, we generally just get it. Most of the time I do all the shopping, so if he needs something he lets me know and I pick it up for him. He doesn't have any expensive hobbies, so that isn't an issue. And we discuss pretty much any other spending.

Spending plan for both. Do you have separate finances/charge cards/accounts? If so, that can certainly make it more difficult.

L.,
The way I am,I would probably say something like; We're not going to get to "the beach"any faster with you buying stuff like this buddy...Did you find the receipt in a common area of the house or car,or in his wallet?Although its not a laughing matter sometimes I feel that if I bring something like this up in with a light hearted tone,he response better(like children do) LOL.....then say,"C'mon now,you know we want to get away,lets really do this"Now this way you didnt scold him and you let him know it means alot to you at the same time.

Like money to go shopping, movies, day trips, out to dinner and etc? That would be never ;) I wish though, maybe in a few yrs-I hope :) Everything in our house is pd cash/atm/ck. no credit cards, there is not enough money coming in for anything extra unfortunately.

Hi L.,

I am a certified financial counselor and you must come up with a spending plan that you both can agree on. All purchases must be discussed and decided on together. Obviously you don't need to ask each other about purchasing a morning coffee or small item like that but anything over $50 is usually what I recommend to my clients. Time and time again, I see couples where one is not following the plan or not making the other aware of a purchase and in those cases, the spending plan never works. You have to both be on the same page and agree to it and also agree to stick to the plan and work towards that common goal and it does work!! The results are rewarding in the end!!

If you want a family vacation, I recommend figuring out how much it will be, opening another savings account and then automatically putting a fixed amount in the "vacation" account each month, just like paying a bill. For example, if you want to do a $3,000 trip, save $500 a month for 6 months and do this before you allocate any spending money. This way your fun is carved out ahead of time.

I don't know, I think it really depends on how much money he makes. My husband does well, and if he wants to go buy a $200 suit, I would never complain. But he is also a saver and is smart about money. If we were on a budget, and could only afford small purchases for the time being, I might ask him why he didn't mention it. I think there needs to be some flexibility, as adults, we should be able to make a purchase decision for ourselves from time to time. But If it is putting you into debt, then you need to sit down and work out an agreement on what can be spent.

HE works hard, but so do YOU!! Why does he "get" to spend more money on himself and then you worry about what you're "allowed" to spend for yourself? His salary is YOUR FAMILY'S money, not HIS. You need to put away the credit cards and keep a small balance in your joint checking account so that you both can buy gas, groceries, perhaps a morning coffee (although that money adds up - if you had to pay one check a month to Dunkin' or Starbucks, do you know how much it would be?). Then the rest of the paychecks go into a savings account earmarked for the vacation or household emergencies. It sounds like he is "rewarding" himself for his hard work, but that negates your work and the welfare of the kids.

The fact that he's not telling you about your family finances is a huge red flag. Get some financial counseling or perhaps some couples counseling to set goals and establish better communication. You need to know what's going on because those debts are going to be your problem too.

My husband is a spender too. I am the frugal one. It has been the source of many arguments...you need to meet in the middle or you will always be resentful and irritated over his spending (trust me). What we do is allot each person spending money and use the mint app on our phones to keep it in check. He gets twice as much as me because I just don't need to spend it. I get 150 a month and he gets 300. He goes over his budget once in awhile but I remind myself that he works 5xs as many hours as me and brings home about 5xs more money. :)