I have been blessed in my life with so many people helping me during my times of struggle with depression. I'm doing great now - that's not the issue...With all of my heart I want to "give back" - not just to particular people, but to help others in whatever way I can since I know first hand how challenging it can be without a support system.
My question is...how much is too much? I have 5 children, my youngest extremely active. I work 24 hours a week. I have just managed financially to get my youngest in preschool 2 days a week for a little time to get things done in my house, etc. Lately, soooo many people have been calling me asking me to watch their children. I WANT to do this, am so thrilled to be able to help and to have others trust me with their children. When it happens that they need child care on days when my little guy is in preschool, what guidelines should I put in place to protect my sanity? I'm just not sure what is healthy, appropriate, sane! What would you do?
I would post an email saying this is my avail time to help out. I can help out with 1 or 2 families a week watever you know you can handle then increase if/as you are able to. They can not fault you for setting a schedule and having boundaries.
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The 2 days per week your son is in preschool I would let the people who are asking for a babysitter know that you have too much to do around the house (or whatever) since your son is gone.. but you'd be willing to help them on "this" day instead. Don't feel bad for saying no sometimes :) I know it's hard for some women. But really, you need to put yourself first sometimes and take care of yourself and your emotional health.
It is great that you want to "give back" there are so many different ways to do that. I would suggest having a day each week that your willing / able to take care of children for friends but then perhaps choose a place you could volunteer weekly and just have it planned in. Something like a soup kitchen or a food pantry they always need help. you will quickly get burned out with friends who just expect you to be available as a free sitter whenever it works for them. good that your feeling and doing well just don't over do it and pull yourself down
It is such a blessing to be able to give back when you have been blessed by others! I have been in a similar situation where I have watched friends' children during the day, since I work from home and have some flexibility. Our 4 year old started preschool two days a week last year, and when my friends ask if I could watch their kids I offer any of the three days that she is home. I explain, only if necessary, that our daughter is in school on the other two days and it wouldn't be any fun for their child if ours isn't home because I will still be working. Of course, I wouldn't refuse one of my best friends, but so far they haven't asked. Whew! When it feels like a blessing and more like a chore, you need to look at your motivation behind saying "yes" and consider taking a break. You can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself!
Tell them NO politely. You need ot get your things done and unless they are watching your kids on a regular basis it doesn't seem fair.
If he's in pre-school Tuesday and Thursday, just tell them, "Oh! I'm sorry, but I can only watch kids on Mon-Wed-Fri"?
Just figure out what days during the week are the best for you to watch kids, and inform everyone of just that.
It's a big commitment, think twice before doing it.
I would maybe block out one or two afternoons a week, and help IF YOU WANT TO. Tell your friends "these are the days and times that I am available" and stick to it. If need be, tell them that you have a schedule to keep and this is what you are able to do. Most people would just say OK and go with it.
You sound busy so just say no. You worked to put your youngest in preschool so you can have some time to yourself so would you fill it with someone else's child. Spend the time doing something for yourself, maybe do childcare for an emergency. I'm sorry, I just see why you would put your child in preschool for time for yourself but you will spend the time with someone else's child.
Say I am available on whatever days your little one is home and would love to watch little Johnny on those days. Then do it.
i think i'd help if they have a Dr apt or something like that... but not for extra curricular or 'breaks'. if its a day you can't do it, just say that day doesn't work for you.
It's nice to give back but as others have said do it in an area that is different. Child care is nice but you do that with your own child. You have just got a bit of freedom putting yours in day care and I would think that having no kids around would be great. Volunteer at the hospital, or soup kitchen or food bank. Learn how to say no without any guilt attached to it. You will be fine. Remember to start off small and then increase the amount you do so that you will not burn out.
I too want to give back. My goal is to make quilts for kids that are in hospital in St. Jude's. I am a cancer survivor and this is my way of giving back. I could have done something else with the Cancer Society besides Reach to Recovery but this is my way.
You will find your new purpose in trial and error and you will know when it is right. Just keep looking and it will come to you.
The best to you in the future.
The other S.
