How Much Info Is Too Much Info

I'm not a mom to a pre-teen yet, but I sort of remember those times...

I would suggest starting the conversation just asking her what she knows, what she's been hearing at school/on tv/the web, etc. What are her friends talking about?

Just ask questions - let her lead the conversation. "I remember when I was your age my friends and I were starting to be interested in boys and boyfriends. Do any of your friends have boyfriends yet? (Wait for answer) What does it mean to her/you to have a boyfriend? Have any of your friends kissed a boy? What did she tell you about it?"

I truly believe that if you open a dialogue about **what she's dealing with right now** - and just ask her questions and get her to open up and share without judging she'll always feel comfortable coming to you when she needs to.

I really think the key is for you NOT to do the talking about sex and relationships - she will probably know a lot more than you think she does. Let her tell you where she is mentally and emotionally. Teach her through these conversations that you're here to support and help keep her safe and happy - not to judge.

You can use these conversations to figure out what her true feelings are - just by asking questions.

(Driving someplace in the car - just you two)
You: I noticed on The Show You Like that Joe kissed Maddy. Do you know anyone who has kissed a boy?
Her: Suzie said she frenched kissed a boy.
You: Oh? Did Suzie tell you what she meant by that?
Her: Yeah.... she said he stuck his tounge in her mouth...
You: What else did she say about it?
Her: That it was gross/That it was cool.
You: What do you think about french kissing? Do you think Suzie is old enough to do something like that? When do you think someone is old enough to do something like that? Why? (Wait for responses after each question.)

Then, you can add your own thoughts on the subject. Make sure she knows where you and your husband stand on the subject, but also make sure she knows that no matter what, she can talk to you about anything - even if she does something that you wish she wouldn't.

ie: You know, I think Suzie might be a little young (or immature) to be french kissing. I think that's something that should be reserved until she's older and has been dating a guy for a long time. It can easily lead to other things that Suzie may not be ready for, but may not know how to stop. What do you think? (and then really be open to her response)

The key is to just always always always have a dialogue going. I don't think this is a one-time, sit-down -on-the-bed between your husband and you and have an important conversation. She'll be dealing with this subject every day soon if she's not already. Make the conversation a constant, also.

Yay! The VERY best time to talk it to death is while THEY STILL FIND IT DISGUSTING!

:)

As far as body talk...I LOVE and always recommend the American Girls book "The care and keeping of you".

http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-American-Library/d...

It shows, in the same cartoony/drawing format as you see on the front cover and the "look inside" featured pages on my Amazon link, so while some of the areas are graphic (showing how to insert a tampon), its a drawing like this. I think thats about the most graphic thing in the book. It talks about body odor, shaving, a bit on the periods, etc. Its a really great format for young girls to read about and learn about these things. I used it with my daughter and know many who have (my dd is 17 now and got her period when she was 11). We had it available and she read it and we talked all about it when she was about 8/9.

Good luck!

Definitely talk about periods. As for sex, you don't have to go into the mechanics of it, but you can certainly go into stds, pregnancy... I would go more into the whole aspect of not letting a boy pressure to kiss and such if she feels uncomfortable... so the peer pressure and self confidence to say no aspect of sexual acts, which will be starting out with games at parties and when do you expect her to draw the line?. Also, lay down some expectations, what is okay in your house? Dating at what age (for us it was 16), group dating, single dating (not until we were 17), kissing on the lips, 'french kissing', making out, co-ed sleep overs, rules about a boy in her room alone....

I'll be curious to see the answers you get. My oldest will be 9 shortly and I'll be having the talk with her in the next year, too. Mainly I want her to know about her body changing and periods and what to expect. Of course, I suspect the sex talk will end up going hand in hand with the puberty talk. I, too, have a book that I plan on us looking at together.

I read Amanda's suggestion that you ask what she knows and it made me smile. I think it's a great idea, but I remember when my mom tried that with me. We were in the car (captive audience, I guess) and she asked me if I knew what a period was. I said yeah, of course. I didn't find out for months that it was something other than punctuation at the end of a sentence.

:)

First off, I have no direct experience with this as my son is only a toddler! But my opinion is that you should definitely talk about puberty and her period and other body changes. This will probably lead to some explanation about why these changes happen. I guess in my opinion, if she already knows what sex is - I don't know there's a need to talk a whole lot more about it yet. I would go into about how she should never feel pressured into kissing a boy or doing other things with them and she shouldn't feel pressure if other people are talking about doing these things.

I started talking to my daughter when she was a toddler. The lines of communication were wide open then as they are now at 16 yrs old.

When she was young, I answered honestly to the question she asked.

If you have trouble talking to her, do it while you are not making eye contact such as walking, driving, etc.

You'd be amazed at how much you learn as a parent when your child knows they can talk about anything with you and not be judged.