How Much Independent Play Does Your Toddler Participate In?

My 10 month old granddaughter can play by herself for 15 minutes or more. I suggest you've created this situation by playing with her. I suggest that you will now need to change the routine. Let her play alone. Let her fuss, whine, even cry when she wants you to play with her. You can build up to more time. At first give her a toy or toys and stay back away from her but stay where she can see you. When she gets bored show her how to pick up another toy and then back away. Gradually build up the time you leave her alone.

Don't feel guilty. It's an important part of her development to be able to entertain herself.

Leave her alone.

Our toddler goes up to 45 minutes with self-play.

You just have to build up to it. Put her in the playpen for 5-10 minutes. But be consistent and do it every day. Then up to 15 minutes. Try her room.

But my suspicion is that you need to let her whine for a few minutes without you rescuing her - and she'll get over it and play just fine by herself.

I was so happy that my daughter played by herself, she was even content as an infant playing in her pack and play. My sister made me out to be a freak that she would be fine for up to an hour playing on her own. As long as she knew where I was or that she could see me she was fine. It has only been recently (since school started) that she wants 100% of my attention all the time.

Find things that she can do by herself. I think it is important for children to learn to entertain themselves at any age.

I don't think your expectations are unreasonable, not at all. In our home, independent play is thought of as a vital skill. My children are now 3 and 4 and will play by themselves for LONG periods of time by themselves. This is great for them (imagination, independence, etc.) and important for me (SANITY!!!).

Good luck!

Your daughter is more than capable at this age, generally speaking of course. I suggest you start her on an activity then walk away... my son loved to play in the enclosed shower with shaving cream and paint - I would make sure the water to the bathroom was turned off (easy knob turn) get him all naked and cover the drain at the bottom (we had feet stableizer decal thingies) and spray shaving cream on the floor and his level (99c store) and then on a paper plate had a few paint colors (washable crayola I think) and let him go to town. He was safe in the bathroom, I could clean the bathrom and my bedroom with ease and he just needed a hose down along with the shower afterwards. I would pull out toys and give him an idea, then walk away. He might come back to say yeah! I did it! and then go back to his room, just needed the encouragement. My son likes to be in the same room with us but does not need to do the same thing as us.

I think you are right to expect her to be able to play independently a bit. Some kids are better than others at this. What I find helpful with my 21 month old son (after dinner, for example, when I need to clean up) is to first get him started with an activity and play for a couple mins and then get his focus and tell him mommy needs to go clean up, stay here and play and I will watch you. If he runs to me pulling on my legs and whining, I stop what I am doing and squat down and tell him I will play with him when I am all done, and he needs to go play with his cars/by the couch, etc. If he continues to come whining to me, I then tell him "sorry, I'm busy" but down squat down, don't give further attention etc. Soon he gives up and goes to play.

If she's played with ALL the time then she won't learn any independent play skills, and those are important skills.
Babies and children have been playing and learning on their own (and with each other) for thousands of years. They don't NEED an adult to play with all the time.
Visit a preschool or childcare center. You'll see that the kids don't really play WITH each other until they are around three. Prior to that they are just playing side by side (pushing cars, stacking blocks, scooping sand, etc.)
If your family doesn't believe me (or the rest of us on here, lol!) go to the library and check out some books on child development. That should shut them up :)
If I had had to entertain my kids all the time I would have stopped at one, that would have driven me bonkers.

Please don't feel guilty for wanting your daughter to play independently. It is important that she know how and important that you have a moment or two to yourself. My son is almost 5 and STILL wants me to play with him all the time. I have encouraged independent play for years, but he still expects me to play with him or keep him company. I have learned not to cater to his expectations, but it is hard to not feel guilty sometimes.

One thing I will mention that works with my son is setting a timer. He thinks the timer is "cool" for some reason. I explain to him that I will play with him for 15 minutes, and when the timer goes off, it is his turn to play by himself for awhile. This works SOME of the time!!

I, too, struggle with staying at home and get restless for the same reason as you. Of course, then I feel guilty because so many parents don't get enough time to spend with their children.

To answer your question, no, you are not asking too much.

Good luck. I know it is hard.

My daughter is now 5 years old, here is what I remember about her free play around age 2. Around that age she might have done 15-20 minutes max of free play without me having to be right there with her. We did a lot of parks during the summer & indoor play areas during the winter. You do not need organized playdates or activities but if I remember correctly they still need our help in developing & how to use their imagination. It seemed that once I got my daughter going on a type of play (play food, baby, wooden puzzle, coloring with crayons) she could play 15-20 mins by herself. Usually I had her playing in the same room with me because I noticed she would play longer by herself if she was in the same room with me.

I understand being restless, spent a lot of time at parks, the zoo and on walks. Thankfully in my area there are a handful of indoor play areas and a children's musume that we were members to and went to almost weekly.

My son did not want to play by himself until he was four. And even then, he wanted to be physically right nearby. At about 4-1/2 he would start going to his room to play for a little while. I was grateful that my son napped until he was 5. You can have her 'help' with what you are doing anyway - it is more time consuming to get things done - but way better than playing with stuffed animals. My son went to daycare 3 days a week from 9 weeks of age. He was perfectly capable of independent play. BUT - he preferred to be with DH or me. And I was not going to chose to ignore him.

I think they are all different but birth order may have something to do with it. My 4 year old ALWAYS wants someone to play with him. Whether it be my husband, myself or a friend. Whenever we go somewhere he will play but doesn't seem to have as much fun by himself. His best friend could care less. He likes to play with others but is fine by himself too. My youngest seems OK independently too. Both my sons friend and my youngest are the second kids. Maybe they are used to not having as much attention so they are better at it. My son, since the oldest, has been used to getting more attention.

It really depends on your child, I think. My son (2 1/2) thrives and yearns for independent play. He can play with other children fine, and does like it. He likes playing with my husband and I, too. However, given a choice...he'll choice to play with himself 9 times out of 10. His cousins who are 2 months, and 4 months younger then him, are completely different. They really need others to play with. They can only go a few minutes alone. Is your daughter's personality driven more toward needing others? Do you think she is just used to playing with others? I would give her open ended toys, and leave her alone. See how she does. Toys like trains, wooden puzzles, books, cars, blocks, pots and pans with play food, etc.

Kids don't come out with cookie cutter personalities. Some kids thrive on playing with others and needing constant reaffirmations. Others can keep themselves occupied. My first daughter was miserable until her sister came a long. My grandson (29 months) could care less about the daycare kids most days. He just wants to play by himself and spends quite a bit of time off by himself and avoiding the kids. He sleeps maybe 30 minutes and then plays for 2 straight hours by himself most days while the other kids are still sleeping. He's been able to play by himself like this since he was about 18 months old.