How Many of You Live Far Away from Your Hometown? How Does It Impact You?

Updated on August 15, 2011
K.J. asks from Naperville, IL
19 answers

Within 50 miles?
Within 100?
Greater than 100?
Different state?
Different country?

Do you find that people who use this site and who are Facebook-aholics tend to be people who live far away from their family and friends?

If you live far away from family, have you found a babysitter for your kids?

If you live CLOSE to friends/family, do you just have them sit for you, or do you still find an outside sitter?

Anything else you'd like to add?

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So What Happened?

I live 400 miles (7 hours) away from my hometown. i have a GIGANTIC family at home, and about a dozen or so very close friends. I know if I lived there I'd probably never be on social networking sites, because I'd be WITH the people I stay in contact wtih. I would also never need to FIND a babysitter--I have about a dozen little cousins, my brothers, my parents, and friends who could babysit. Sometimes I really want my mommy!! ;-)

@ Rachel D. - I ask out of curiosity, because another question had a lot of responses that said "just find a babysitter" and I wonder how easy it is for some to get one. Also, earlier this week an acquaintence of mine from back home was criticizing how often some people are on FB, yet he is still hanging out with the same people he has been with for the last 20 years, so it is easy for him to not feel the need to stay connected.

I do agree that one has to make a home where it is, "build a village," etc. It took me a while to get that, but about a year ago I finally stopped looking for real estate in my home state and started focusing on making strong connections where I am. It has made a HUGE difference, but there is just something so special about the lifelong friendships I have with people from back home that will never be QUITE the same. I suppose it is also true that I was really only able to make new friends here once I found other people who are not FROM here (Chicago area). People in Chicago, like people in Minnesota (my home state) tend to just stick with their high school and college friends and not often invite others into their circles, nor do they tend to accept invitations from outside of their circle.

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answers from Stationed Overseas on

I live in South Korea. All my family is mostly in North Carolina and my husband's family is in PA. I have two boys ages 15 months and 4 months. My husband is in the Army so we move around constantly. Living overseas for the first time wasn't what I thought it would be. I miss my family terribly. I miss having help. We have already finished one year and only have one more year left here before we go home to NC and then hopefully to VA.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

I live in Michigan my hometown/state is Texas we try to go home twice a year usually once in the summer & then for Christmas. I'm get very homesick & feel like I miss out on a lot with my family. My parents visit every summer for about a week. My husband has relatives aunts, uncles & cousins that we very rarely see my MIL lives in TN & my SIL lives in MD. We have to get a sitter when we want to go out which is maybe once to twice a month. I am also a SAHM mom now for 6 1/2 years & don't get much of a break the kids go everywhere w/me that includes doctor appointments; my kids are 6 1/2 & 2 1/2 yrs old.

I agree w/ husband always tells me to call aunt so & so but it's not the same it's not my mommy! : )

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answers from Dallas on

I live a plane ticket away and I planned it that way. I came from a very rural area and I swear I was born in the wrong place.

I lived to get out of that state. I went back last week for the first time in 5 yrs to visit family and I was going nuts within 24 hrs.

I love being a plane ticket away from everyone. They are welcome to visit me but I can't stand that particular rural area.

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answers from Charleston on

Ugh. We moved 4 hours away(another state) from where DH and I both lived our whole lives. My family is toxic and dysfunctional, so that's been a relief, but everyday back home, I'd run 5-10 miles a day, and do all my shopping on foot. I knew everybody. Even when I didn't have my longtime friends/kids dropping by, I was bound to see at least 4 or 5 people that were friends and acquaintances per day. I was very happy. Here, I am in the middle of nowhere. My MIL and only my MIL is permitted to watch our kids, so that gives me about 2 weekends a year. Luckily, I'm an artist, and moving here has made me throw myself into my art and writing, and i finally started getting paid for both about a year ago, due to working so much in my free/alone time. But, I don't need to work, so it's not all that important. Besides bragging rights of being a paid artist/freelance writer, it's pretty useless. I miss home!

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answers from Seattle on

I live 3 states away from my hometown, my husband lives 11 states away from his :( Yes, I use Facebook almost everyday to keep up in the lives of my family I can't be with, same for the hubster. We use a couple of friends here to babysit, but that is not very often. NOW if we lived where family is... You better believe we'd be dropping off our kids with them more often LOL We are actually moving in less than 2 weeks... 11 states away :D We want to be where we will both be happy because it tears us apart being SO far away from family. Sometimes I really want my mommy too heehee

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answers from New York on

I don't really have a hometown. My immediate bio-family (sister) is terrilby disfunctional (probably mentally ill) and has never been able to take care of my son without me there.

I have always managed to make some great friends and new family through my church experiences. They have really stepped up and made things much easier for me and my family. They take care of the kids when I can't. It really does take a village.

You must formulate a village where you are. I know that is easier said than done but must be done for the sanity of you and the development of the children. They do learn by watching you as well as what you teach them.

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answers from Norfolk on

When I got my first job in my profession out of collage, I moved 700 miles away from where I grew up (Buffalo NY area to Northern VA).
There really was no choice - you had to go where the jobs were.
It was an adjustment, but I made it and it probably took a whole year for me to feel at home in my new location.
I lived on my own for 3 years before my fiance finished school and then we married.
My move was nothing compared to some of the people I've worked with over the years.
A friend of mine came here to work from India.
He gets to visit home maybe once every few years, and less than that since he married (his parents arranged the marriage - he visited back home when his parents informed him it was time to marry - he met his wife in person for the first time 3 days before the wedding).
There have always been people who picked up and moved around the globe.
Home and family is where you make it and you won't settle down to making it till you stop thinking about what you're missing and look around for new adventures/opportunities in your new home.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Harrisburg on

I live less then one mile from the house I grew up in. Though my parents don't live there anymore, they downsized years ago. We have all of our family within an hour radius. Built in sitters and lots of stuff to do.

I wouldn't think moving further away would make me more active online but it might at least a few minutes here and there.

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answers from New York on

I live 1500 miles from my hometown. How does it impact me?

Well, let's see...
- We have to do everything on our own (in-laws live close, but are not any help to us)
- We have to "figure it out" and "make it work" day-to-day
- No "last minute" errands, trips, dinners, etc
- We have to hire a babysitter when we do want to go out

I am fortunate in that we can afford to fly to FL at least twice a year and my parents come to NY at least twice a year. We Skype, FB, email, call and send little packages back and forth. We are actively trying to move back to FL. I hate being so far away.

My sister lives literally a block from my parents and has no concept as to how much they help her. If she needs to run to the store, my mother literally walks over to watch the twins. Out to dinner? No problem. Away for the weekend? Sure. Dinner at least once or twice a week? Of course.

It sucks, but I did my residency in NY and my husband is local to this area, so this is where we built our home and started our family. We would both go to FL TOMORROW if we could sell our house and get jobs. Tall order in this market, but we'll get there!

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answers from San Antonio on

I don't really have a hometown either. I was a military brat and moved around to different places in the U.S. Texas IS my home-state, as most of my family lives here as do I. But my parents live 30 miles away, so they are my babysitters if need be. I am NOT on FB, as I don't need the drama that seems to come with it (ex-husband doesn't need to be a part of my life anymore). I do sometimes wish I could look up old friends though, from when I lived in various places. But oh well. Impact? I like having a free babysitter close to us. I am kind of glas that the in-laws live in another state, as I don't really have to share my time/son's time with two grandmas. When Gammie comes to visit, she stays with us of course, but it's easy to just have one grandma nearby.

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answers from Dallas on

I don't really have a hometown- I grew up all over the US. My parents live about 1000 miles away. My DH grew up in this area, though, and his parents are wonderful about sitting for us.

I really enjoy finding all the wonderful people I've known over the years in all the different places I've lived, and finding the connections between them. It really is a small world sometimes!

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answers from Chicago on

I live in IL but my family lives in VA. My in-laws are here so I do rely on them for babysitting but can't exhaust them all the time :) I joined a mom's group, and that has helped. I've also made friends at my children's daycare (state-licensed home daycare) and have found reliable babysitters that way. We do a lot of visiting and skyping with my family back home :)

Also, I'm in a singing group and I've made close friendships with men and women who are mostly younger than me so they are eager to babysit. So, wherever you are, it's important for you to continue with your passions/extracurricular activities and by only does that help you lay down roots and keep your sanity, but you meet people you can potentially entrust your children to :)

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answers from Waco on

I lived in the same town except for 3.5 years of college, during my first marriage, I thought we would be happier trying out a new town, traveling, etc, he didn't and after the baby came it was a NO WAY IN HELL thing. Now then after we divorced I was saving my money to take a different (any) job about 3 hrs from home just because, then I met my (now) husband and didn't leave and he had never left his home town in 48 years except for location jobs (several weeks at most) & vacation. So I fugured I would never "get out" then in August 2010 he asked me what is one thing in your life you would change if ou could, I said after College I wouldn't have come straight home just because I couldn't find a job in 1 month. So in November he called and said I took a different position instead of me traveling are few weeks out of the year we are all moving 8 hrs away, I was so excited!!! Now 8 months later, no I can't just drop the kids off for a entire weekend without notice, but our neighorhood is the BEST EVER, I have made best friends with to other family and our kids are all 6 months apart. they keep mine, I keep theirs. During the school year we took turns taking all of the kids to school and picking them up. On most friday nights we all BBQ/Play games/ go out together as 3 families. This summer my girl wanted to come back to us early bc she missed her friends here and was bored with cousins and our family. Si I am blessed my husband filled my void of feeling like there is/was more than my one horse town. lol. Our new saying is the best thing about a large, loving, close knit family is that they are 100's of miles away.

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answers from Richmond on

I grew up in New Jersey... most of my family is there and in New York (with the exception of Grandma in FL, 1 cousin in CA, and one in CO)... I do have 2 aunts and MY immediate family here. My MIL lives in LA, I think that's the hardest... but my FIL and parents and siblings all live here, so it's nice. I like that we're all kind of spread out, but the most important, key figures are within a 30 minute to 2 hour drive :)

My family rarely babysits... actually, I rarely use a babysitter at all!

Why do you ask? ;)

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answers from Raleigh on

I live 500 miles from family and definitely miss them tons. I have a new "family" here, but nothing replaces the baby-sitting and love my son got from our family in Pennsylvania. I don't think I am on here any more than if I would be at home, but it's been a long time since I have lived "at home", so I don't know for sure. We have found some sitters down here, but we rarely go out as they cost money and family was always free! :)

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answers from Dallas on

I live 5 and a half hour drive and wouldn't have it any other way! I love my family and am very close to them. I love to go home for a visit. But, boy am I glad when it's time to leave. My family drama sometimes threatens to suck me in, so, I like to joke that the best thing about my hometown is seeing it in the rearview mirror. The no babystiter thing is a pain. Plus, in my hometown, I know all the tricks. I know where to buy a used tire for cheap, I know who to see when I need help moving or when my washing machine breaks down. Here, I have to pay full price for things. If I get a flat tire, there isn't 4 brothers to call to come change it for me.

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answers from Chicago on

I live 5 minutes from my childhood home. ALL of my family lives very close. We see family so often that no one really wants to babysit for us. They will but I feel guilty asking because I know they don't want to.

Sometimes I wish we lived further away to that my parents had DESIRE to spend time with my kids. They want to spent time with us A LOT but not really with the kids. I get jealous that our friends that don't live near family have parents that seem to WANT to babysit and spend time with the GRANDCHILDREN.

There are pluses to living near family but there are also negative. Everyone know everyones business. I don't go grocery shopping without my mom knowing it. I didn't answer my phone one day so she drove over to find out why. We ar every close and get along well but we see each other at least a few times a week. It's sometimes overwhelming.

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answers from Chicago on

Great question! My family live's out in Wisconsin and I live in Illinois, it takes us about a two hour drive every time we go to visit. I am always missing my family, the constant get-together's, my children being able to visit their grandparents and cousins whenever. I do have one sister that lives 35 min's away from me and my in-laws are 45 min's away although they barely come visit or care for get togethers. I also have another sister that live's in Indiana and it's a 3 hour drive from our house to her's. Sometimes I get frustrated only because there are concerts or plays at our childrens schools and I always see the granparents of the other kid's going to cheer on their grandchildren, I wish I had that for our children!
When I decided to go back to school it was extremely hard for me, I took night classes only because I wanted to make sure our children had their homework done and have had dinner before I left, now I will admitt that I have been blessed to have a wonderful babysitter for our children and she live's across the street from our home, I used her when I was going to school or if my hudband and I needed to go out and do something. BUT....There is nothing better then having your family around, no comparision at all! It was also difficult when I got pregnant with our youngest daughter, I was always stressed out about "who is going to watch the kids while I go into labor?!", of course my MIL refused-go figure- so my husband had to drop them off at my sisters house which was about a 45min drive from the hospital I was at. But I call my mother, father, and sisters everyday and talk to them and have a close relationship with them. But yet, it's nothing like having them live in the same state as you! Boy what I would give to have my mother and father living close by!

ADD ON- Queenofthecastle---I'm accepting!!!!! And I DO agree with you! It is hard to build a relationship with others in the Chicago area! I thought I was the only one that thought that!

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answers from Chicago on

I live 250 miles from my hometown. My dad is the youngest of 10 and more than half of those aunts/uncles and their families remain in my hometown. My moms side of the family, while not as large as my dads side, remain in my hometown as well. My husbands family lives about 20 miles away and we'll see them a few times in one month and then hardly hear from them for a couple of months. I know if we were closer to my family they'd sit for us when/if we went out. My husband and I rarely do out - like once a year - we don't have sitters and it's that rare occasion where my FIL or SIL will sit with the kids. It impacts me a lot = growing up I wanted out of my town because everyone knew everyone but I miss it a lot - much more simple there and less 'hustle and bustle'. I always wonder what it would be like to have a relationship with my parents if I lived there = I never lived in my hometown outside of my parents house. I lived there for a short time after college until I got married.....

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