How Many?

Each of my pregnancies was a 'hmm. why hasn't something arrived yet' moments... I decided I was done for 2 reasons.
1. I couldn't handle the emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy.
2. When a kid is sick I am the one that stays up with them, camps out in the room, and takes off from work. If I had more than 2, I'd never sleep, and never be at work!

M.

id have 10 if i could. You have to think that it takes about a 1/4 million dollars a child to raise the till 18 (this includes college and all that), sometimes more. And its supposed to take 5 years off a womans life per child.

but i have seen many examples of this not being the case. Its really just a matter of what you think you can handle.

i think im done at 2, but who knows, my husband says we should only have as many kids as spare bedrooms in the house (to stay sane)

J.~ Did you know when surveyed that 96% of Parents (both men and women) with children 6-8 months olds when asked; say they would like to have more kids. Actually in the OB world we call it the 15 month old fever...... Did you know it has a name. We even think that most of the lacking 4% in that desire have higher needing babies and this makes up the difference. The age you "R" is at is the most precious age. They sit and do not get into a lot. They have the best little personalities. They have learned who the important people are in life and are just getting past the high needs stage... So many have this desire at this time. My advise to you.... Since hubby has not gone in already (by the way many times the wives have to make the appointments to the Urologist for them); just hold off. Keep practing a reliablle form of birth control and just hold off on pregnancy or sterilization. After baby is 18 months old, then revisit the idea. You have time right now and do not have to make any decisions right now. See where life takes you....
How did we decide.... LOL... I have always said I wanted two; I was blessed with one of each. I have medically complex pregnancies and just knew to take my blessings and be done. Now do know that I still have many "baby moments" but just know for us it should be done. Now that I have become a great Aunt and even two of my friends recently became Grandmothers (AWWWW....) I know that we are done. I looked at my husband as we baby sat for my nephew and asked.... "boy how did we do this... The work they require is so much more than I remember....." I say there is no light bulb moment nor is it a for certain answer. Just do not do it out of baby passion at the moment; do it because you both are feeling the need to extend. Even if your SIL is right, it does not have to be done right now.

I'm so glad we stopped at two! There are so many experiences that we want to have with our kids and we couldn't provide them with the attention or those experiences if there were more of them. Traveling and extras get really expensive when you add another! I also enjoy having my own life and I don't know when on earth I would find time for that with another kid! Almost EVERYONE wants another baby when they're babies are 7m -1 year. Just wait until that one starts running around. If you already have to limit your money -that should probably be your answer!

I am in the same exact place as you right now! Our youngest is 7.5 months old. We keep going back and forth - are we done, do we want more? Some days I swear I will never have another baby, then there are days where I cry because I want another one!

I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't. We are just going to see where time takes us. Both my husband and I are completely happy with the 2 beautiful healthy boys we have, but we are both open to having more.

Sorry I didn't really have any advice for you, but I am in the same place. And I don't think anyone is going to be able to give you an answer. You and hubby just need to figure out what you both want.

Good luck with your decision. If you are anything like me you are thinking about this all day long!!!!

We decided 2 was our number while we were dating (and about 3 years before pregnancy number 1 began). Our reasons were:

- Neither of us wanted an only child. We both value the sibling relationships that we have and wanted to give our children the opportunity to cultivate such relationships.
- My husband is military, and thus I will be a single mom about 3/4 of my children's childhood due to deployments and such. This means that if we have to many children, there is only one driver to get them to activities, and only one parent for them to lean on most of the time and that can be really h*** o* a big family as we both learned from our childhood experiences.
- Also due to my husband's career, the possiblity of him dying is actually rather real for our family (as much as we don't want to think about this, we have to). We did not want to have more children than I would be able to financially support on my own should the worst happen.
- We both come from large families, and never felt that we got much time with our parents because there were lots of kids needing parental time (He is the oldest and I am in the middle of the pack). We did not want our kids to feel this way.

Basically when we looked at the above issues, we knew that either 2 or 3 would be our number. Ultimantly, we decided to stop at 2 due to a higher risk of twins. If we had twins in the first or second pregnancy, we could plan and adapt. If pregnancy number three was twins, that would put us at 4 and that is simply to many for our situation. Thus there will be no pregnancy number 3. I am 5 months pregnant with number 2 and my husband is researching what hoops he needs to jump through to get his tubes tied.

My advice to you would be to sit down with hubby and lay out all the pros and cons and come up with a number that is righ for you. It is really important that you be on the same page. I also have a friend who has stopped at two for various reasons between her and her husband. However, she is really sad because she loves babies. So she now cares for one baby at a time in her home. She loves being able to provide loving care to a baby while their mother has to work, her boys love to help her (now ages 4 and 7) and she gets her baby "fix" while keeping her family to a healthy number. She told me that in discussing the issue with her husband she realized that she really didn't want another child, but another baby and babies don't stay babies for long. So I would urge you to examine your motivation - do you love babies, do you want a large family - what need are you meeting by having another child? Examining the source of your desires can help you identify the best route, and talking it out with your husband so your both understand eachother's prosective will help you come to the best decision for your family. None of us strangers can determine what your family needs.

Good luck!!!

I was in the same predictament of wanting a third child but at the same time had reservations. We waited so long to the point we thought it no longer made any sense to have a third. I turned 40, bought a second house and went back to work part time (I'm an educator too). Four months into our 'new life' I found out that I was 4 months pregnant with a baby girl.

Now, I am a stay at home mom again. I love her and my other two. I don't think there is a right or wrong decision here

Go with your heart, know that if you do have a third it will be a lot of work, but that you will love that child completely just like your older ones.

Good luck!

We decided to have two because we didn't want to raise an only child and we really wanted two kids in our lives. The money thing was an issue as well. We would actually have 3 or 4 if we could afford it but it is just not realistic. I think it is something that you need to work out with your husband. What does he think? If you think you can afford it and you love being a momma then go for it. If you are happy with just one then enjoy him and spoil him all on his own. No one can really answer your question of how you should decide if you should have more then one. That is for you and your husband to decide together. Good Luck!!

I had two children during my first marriage and was very happy with just the two of them. My ex and I divorced and I met my current husband. He had no children and I was not opposed to have more, but my youngest was 5 and if I was to have 1, I preferred to have 2 so they had a instant friend (for lack of a better phrase). I didn't want them to feel left out by the older 2. We tried for a year and nothing so we said no fertility meds and if God wished us to have more children, then it would be in His time. I found out I was pregnant and all was good. When I got the ok to try again we got pregnant within 4 weeks.

I always wanted 4 children and that is what I have, 4 handsome boys ranging from 11 to 3. Money is tight and our house is small, but I love coming home from work to my family and the love in the house. Talk to your husband and tell him your feelings, maybe he has the same ones and that is why he didn't see a dr........

Good Luck!
L.

Ever since I thought about starting a family, I only ever ALWAYS wanted to have two children. I always said that, from the first day we started trying. Now I sit back and look at my 11 month old twin daughters, and would LOVE to have another one, maybe two! My husband is up in the air about it, but he refuses to go get "snipped". I love my daughters, don't get me wrong. But, I was in the same boat as you. I always said ONLY TWO ONLY TWO. Now it's like "ONE MORE ONE MORE" I really feel like if you are thinking right now about wanting a third child, you will definitely regret it some day if you don't have him/her. There's always factors to consider when deciding to have another child. But in the end, it's absolutely worth it - in my opinion!! I hope this helps. Good luck in your decision!!

We have two and we are done. I will not entertain the thought of ever being pregnant again and my awesome husband made a permanent decision that it would be impossible for us to do so.

Initially I only wanted one child. Conceiving was difficult due to my intricate health issues. Once pregnant, I had so many complications and many, many things went wrong so I didn't enjoy that whatsoever. Then we had the baby and he was colicky for 3 months and breastfeeding/pumping was emotionally devastating. It wasn't until my first baby was 6 months old before I had any sort of relief from physical and emotional issues.

But, as you know, the mind can be a wonderful thing and help someone repress difficult times...and when my son was about 18 months old, I felt the pull to have another because I wanted my son to have a sibling. My second pregnancy was just as challenging as the first and my second son was also colicky (you know, after everyone always says "Oh there's no way you'll have TWO colicky babies!").

I'm done. I'm 36 years old and I cannot imagine going through pregnancy a third time, going through colic a third time, putting my career on hold a third time. Right now we are able to give the appropriate amount (and then some!) of attention to our two boys. I like that we can run a man-to-man on them and do special things and give them special time without being pulled in a million different directions. I'm not saying that parents of 3+ kids are spread too thinly; I'm saying that I am not sure how well my husband and I could dole out enough individual attention.

We have the right house for our current family, we both have great jobs that pay the bills with enough left over for savings and fun, and we've hit a groove that seems to work for our family. I always get asked "So, when are you going to start trying for your girl?" to which I reply "Never - that way I'll always get to be the princess in my household!"

Two is the magic number for our family. Some people are meant to grow large families and some people are meant to grow small families. My husband and I know what type of people we are.

Here is what I have to say...we have three 5yrs, 3yrs and 3 months, we did not want or really plan three but she is here and Wow I am so glad we have her...I can't imagine if you want three not going for three but that is coming from someone who wanted 2 got two and was surprised with three. Now we truly think our family is complete!

I had my second and last one at 38. Now at 42 and 4, I know I am done! I love the undivided time I have with the one being nearly an only child. If I had more, you are right, I wouldn't regret it, but my next child in the house will be a grand-child, if even that. I love babies, but I am ready to start planning my own future, of course after I am done taking care of this one.

Children are a blessing. We have 6, but would love more. I have heard older women tell me that they wished they had had more. I have never had an older woman tell me she regrets having the ones she had. As you age, and as the kids age, you can see the blessings more clearly, I think. I cannot imagine our home without one of our children. We are abundantly and overwhelmingly blessed by them. Money, house size, materialistic stuff really shouldn't be a deciding factor in having children. It's just stuff. But, children...they are eternal and in a totally different catagory altogether!

I have four. I knew that i wanted to have a big family. For me it is a gut thing :) I wanted the huge holidays and tons of grandkids someday. I would not change anything. I love four. Everyone is different though.

You know J., if I were you I would have another child. I wanted more and couldn't have them after my first two with my first husband. My second husband wouldn't got get checked and we tried and tried and after a hysterectomy, uterine cancer, I still yearn for more (hubby always says not enough money). There is never enough money for anyone and anything...but there was always enough for six of us growing up under my mom's roof, because we knew to do without and be creative. I, too am educated and I agree that college is not the answer although I push it. Because at least getting high school is important. But some people want to be carpenters or tradesmen, or chefs or artists, things that do not require the education I got and that is sadly pretty useless...but that is another story. So go with your guts, babies are miracles and if I could have more I would...

My computer is doing double post... Sorry....