How Long Do I Wait?

I'd suggest not dating for at least 15 mths to 2 yrs after a divorce is final. The issue that comes up is rebound feelings. It's too easy to see and feel feelings for another that are really displaced feelings. If he really is the one he will wait it out and watch you bloom into the "new you". Right now everything a "brand new". The sense of relief of being out of a bad long term relationship and finding the "new you" along with wanting to share that with another is great. But at the same time it may hide some of the new guy's "down sides".
Having been married and divorced twice I have had to deal with this issue. It is great to find someone who is loving and loves you for who you are and join you on the discover of the new you. Only later to find the you missed signals that were there all along,but just missed because you was so happy to find someone who you enjoyed being with,got along with any kids you may have and seemed to love you for you. Also after beeing married for 15 yrs you are used to having another voice around, company in the home and a sounding board for ideas and issues. Even if he was hard to live with. It takes time to change these habits. Substitution is not always the best answer. How long were my marriages? 15 yrs each. Good luck.

You should not date if you have minor children to raise. You don't mention children at all, and they are actually the most important factor in this decision. If you have children, their lives have been destroyed, and dating will only intensify that for them. If you do not have children, then date whenever you want. It sounds like you do not make good choices in men, though, so perhaps you should wait before sharing intimate, important things with some guy you barely know.

I would say that it is up to you and this guy. But most of all it is up to the God given instinct that He has given you.
Trust God to help you even with this decision. He can truly get you through anything.
God Bless you and may you continue to trust Him as you go through this time and through your future with Him and a new love that He has brought you.
Be blessed and enjoy the relationship with an awesome Jesus!!

Hi, K.. I don't think there is any specific "right time" after a divorce to get into another relationship. Do you have children that will be affected by a new relationship? Your new friend may just be that- a confidante- and that is great. See where it takes you and don't worry about what might seem right to everyone else. Do what seems right for you in your heart. Maybe God lead you to find this person at just this time. Who knows what might happen? God Bless!

K., I don't know that there is a right time to start dating. I think it is completely different for each person. If your feeling comfortable with it and are ready to move on then go for it. You deserve to be happy and go on with your life. And apparently you ex already has too so why not.

Good Luck!

Do you have children? If so another man is going to be h*** o* them as well. I am not judging you. I have a friend in a similiar situation only she has 4 children who are unfortunatly caught in the middle of the chaos their father has created. If you truly like this guy, I would give it some time and pray about it, if its meant to be then it will work out. Just make sure he is not a fall back guy because he feels safe for you. I wish you the best of luck and congratulations on getting out, most women lack the courage to do so. E.

I have been in the exact same situation as you have. I jumped into a relationship rite after my divorce and the man I was with was not mature enough to understand even though I do not love my ex, I still had pain and anger there that would come up at some point. Make sure you tell the man this if you are deciding to move forward with him. It is easier to predict how you may feel than have him sign up for something he did not sign up for, which was a woman who was completely over her ex, but who may have some emotional baggage.
Again, I will sound like a broken record. Just because you do not love him does not mean you are not going to feel a lot of emotions come up in the next year!!! Good Luck.

By the way, I was on this site to gain some business and was not sure if you have children if you were interested in having a mural painted for the Holidays?

Again Good Luck, it took me 2 years and still I have emotional issues.

I don't understand why you are concered about it, your ex wasn't. I think it would be okay to do it when you feel okay with it, rather the date has come or not.

I don't think there is a cut and dried right answer. I would however check with your church to see if they have a divorce recovery program. If the don't many churches do. It is essential that you work through the process, even if you feel that you are over your soon to be ex.

Not knowing you at all I hope this doesn't sound too personal but I'd have to give you the same advice I would give my best friends. Wait. Please wait. Spend time with God. Spend time in his word. Not just a day or a week... give God time. Pray. Listen. Serve at your church. Fill your time with activities that help you grow as an individual. It sounds like you are open to whatever God has planned. You just need to give him exclusive opportunity to work. If the guy at church understands this and is still around afterwards, he's a quality guy and I'd let him pursue you. Make sense?

Since you say you love the Lord, I'll share my views with you. Well actually, they are not my views at all. Read through everything the new testament says about marriage. We are told quiet clearly that if we get remarried we are committing adultery. Paul tells us to separate but remain alone until the spouse dies. You did promise in a covenant before God to love your husband and remain faithful until death does you part, not him leaving you does you part.

I know that sounds harsh. I don't need to be flamed by others here. This is the way I believe the Bible tells us to conduct ourselves. Anyone can read the passages for themselves.

There is a lot in this life to love and enjoy without a man.

Suzi

I would say it depends on how old your kids are, dad moving out and being such a jerk, moving some other woman in etc would have to be such a shock. They would need your full attention and support right now, not the drama of another love life. Of course there is nothing to say you cant enjoy the company of a good friend who helps you heal. If your child/children are up and out of the house...I say go for the love you deserve, ex didnt wait, why would you if you're ready?

If you feel comfortable and are ready to date, then just go for it!!! It doesn't matter what others think.

I say if the Lord has put someone new in your life that you feel comfortable with, go for it as soon as the divorce is finalized. There are no rules in the game of love and there is nothing wrong with trying to find true happiness for yourself. I think caution is appropriate. You do not want this to just be a rebound but if this new guy believes the same things that you do and you are comfortable with eachother, there is no reason that you should not try to pursue something. Be mindful of your kids if you have any and consult them in the process but don't be afraid to move on with your life.

Dearest K.,
How long you wait is merely a matter of personal preference. However there is a more important question to ask yourself: After spending a childhood subjected to your father's abuses and then another 15 years, your husband's abuses, what work have you done or are you doing on yourself to end that cycle as you make choices about your relationships? Respectfully submitted.
S.

I was in a similar situation a few years back, ending a marriage of 13 years. It is different for each woman as to when she is ready to date again. While my ex-and I were physically separated for over a year (due to outside cirmcumstances) before filing for divorce, it was another 3 months after filing before I started dating again. I would suggest that you go into dating knowing that the first few gentleman that you date will probably not turn into an enduring relationship -- there will likely be 'the rebound man' before you find the real thing. That said, you might think about who you start dating as much as when. I am very happy that I put off dating one special gentleman until I'd been in a short-term bad relationship so that I was truly ready to openly receive this gentleman's heart. We are now happily married and have a family.

I wanted to add to something that Suzi L said. I am not flaming her and I respect what she says as the truth of what the Bible teaches us. However, I think she didn't get the whole story. We recently studied this in Sunday School at church. Suzi said that the Bible tells you to stay single if you get divorced, but that applies to a divorce that takes place for non-biblical reason. The Bible gives 2 circumstances under which divorce it allowed, and those reasons are adultury (continued w/out repentence) and abandonment. It seems that your husband must've been cheating before the marriage ended and is obviously unrepentent about it and therefore, if I have my facts straight, your divorce is Biblical. I think that Biblically, you are free to marry again in the future and I just wanted to add that to Suzi's earlier advice.

As for how long to wait, that is a personal decision that only you can make. As others have said, any children involved in the situation should be the most important factor in your decision. Best of luck to you as you repair your life. Continue looking to the Lord and the Bible for your direction and He will meet your needs.

Brittney S has great advice already. Don't rush into anything. You are hurt, and you need to grieve the marriage--it is a loss whether it was a grat marriage or not. You mention issues with your dad. You need to break the cycle - and you can't do that with another relationship...take some time for yourself, find out who you are and what you REALLY want. You deserve the best for yourself.

I would highly recommend going to counseling beforehand. You don't just want to fill a void. I'm sure you're not thinking that's what your doing but afterall, he was your husband for 15 years! That's a long time! There has to be more hurt there than you can get over in just a few short months. Especially considering he moved in with another woman right away. I definitely don't think it's wrong to date. However, I'd be leary to do it so quick after the separation. Again, I'd go to counseling and totally make sure that there aren't any underlying feelings of hurt and bitterness. You never wnat to take that to another relationship.