The second...and third time around, he stayed through labor/delivery and then after I went to sleep he went and took care of the other kids
How long did your husband or partner stay at the hospital when your second or subsequent children were born? With my first, he obviously stayed the entire time until we were discharged. We are now due to have our second in April and he wants to do the same again (which I really really appreciate), but our daughter has an awful case of separation anxiety and won't accept anyone besides me or Dad as caregiver (and by that I mean she cries the ENTIRE time we are gone whether that is 20 minutes or 2 hours). I suggested that he be there for labor and delivery and until they move us down to Recovery. He really wants to be there the whole time.
The second...and third time around, he stayed through labor/delivery and then after I went to sleep he went and took care of the other kids
Ditto what you said - that's exactly what my hubby did. My son was just 25mo old when my daughter was born.
My husband stayed with me through the days & nights he only left to shower & get some food for himself..
my husband and my oldest son stayed entire first day then went home that night and came back the next day after my oldest got out of school. they slept at home but came during the day. Of course my situation was different they had to get home to change the girl room to a boy room before the baby that was supposed to be girl that ended up a boy came home to a pink and purple room lol.
Mine was only there long enough to see me and the baby for a few and then went back to work..... I mean really, what is the point of them being there? You are either going to sleep or be nursing. With the second baby Dad stayed home from work a day till I got home to care for our 11 month old. Tell him to use his days off for AFTER you get home and really need the help.
My husband went home to shower, eat and visit our first born after I was settled in my room. Then he came back. He left again to sleep at home with our child. I didn't need him...... but maybe your husband needs you.
Mine stayed through delivery and into recovery. After an hour in recovery, they moved me to the maternity ward, and he left shortly afterwards. He was home with our 22 month-old most of the time and visited us in the hospital a few hours each day (was there for three days). I expected to be lonely, but it was nice to bond alone with my new baby!!
i had our second it 1:04 in the afternoon and hubby staying till the evening then went home to our son and brought our son to visit the next day for a couple hours and went home again and then picked us up the next morning. I didnt mind. He needed to be home with our son and there isnt much to do in the hospital anyways and nurses are always coming and going so i was fine with that. I felt it was more important to be home with our son.
I had c-sections with both.
With our second hubby stayed at the hospital with me the first night and my Mom stayed at our house with our oldest son and brought him back to the hospital first thing in the am then in the afternoon hubby took son to jump n play and back to hospital for dinner. Second night my Mom stayed at the hospital with me and hubby stayed home with oldest.
My husband went home at night when our twins were born, and baby #3 is coming this summer. He plans to do the same and come back each day. Now might be a good time to start working with your daughter about her separation anxiety. If he really wants to be there for the new baby, let him. I know you're concerned about your daughter, but she will be in good hands. Maybe he could go home at night to eat dinner with her and tuck her in.
we are expecting our 2nd in september and my husband will be there the whole time again. My daughter will stay at my sisters with her cousins and he will leave and go pick her up and bring her to the hospital and stuff and then take her back. But he will be staying the night:)
Your daughter wont die from crying. You didn't say how old she is, but it may actually be okay for her to learn that mom and dad leave but they ALWAYS come back.
However, when my last baby was born (4 weeks ago) my husband was there for the delivery and loved and hugged on the baby and went home in the evening with my other two boys to make sure homework was done, dog was walked, kids slept in their own beds, ect. He then came back the next morning after son was dropped off at school, dog was walked, they had breakfast. He went home again that afternoon, came back, and then went home again at night. He never spent the night...because he snores like a bear and I didn't want him there! lol It worked out fine for me!
DH checked in with me and checked out with me for all 3 kids. We had my mom fly in for each delivery to take care of older children. Try it. Your daughter might surprise you!
My second baby was born at 9:30 p.m. my husband stayed until about midnight.
Same thing with number 3.
He came and went the rest of each stay.
My first daughter was only 20 months when our second daughter was born. My hubby stayed until about 2 hours after delivery and then went to get our first to meet her sister. He didn't stay the night.
With our third daughter, our older girls were 4 and 2.5 when she was born at 6pm. My parents were already with the older girls and offered to stay the night if my hubby wanted to stay with me. He did and they did. He stayed at home the second night though.
I think if your husband really wants to be there, then you should let him be there. It's his new baby too and I'm sure he's just as excited as you are :o) You could try a few practice runs with your daughter to see how it goes. How old is she? Maybe you could spend extra time with whomever would stay with her while you and your hubby are in the hospital so she gets really comfortable with them?
With our second my hubby stayed for the birth and while I got settled in my room then went home to our older child who was only 17 m at the time and I wanted him to have a parent with him. They came to visit the next day and left shortly after until they came to pick me up the next morning. I really prefer to be by myself in the hospital because I can just sleep and recover and I feel more relaxed knowing my other kiddo is with daddy. With number three we intend to have the same arrangement.
Hubby stayed obviously through the whole labor, he left a couple hours after baby was born. I was ready to be alone with baby and he was able to go home with pictures to show the other children. He then brought the children with him the next day to visit
He didn't! I stayed by myself for 2 days in the hospital and was dying to get out! I had a c-section but I don't like hospitals and wanted to get home asap. I wanted him to be home with my firstborn so that he was comfy in his own environment. Plus it was easier for me to just heal and ask the nurses for help if i needed anything. It worked for us.
We are expecting our second baby in late June. Our first born will be 27 months old when his sibling is born. My husband will be staying with me the entire time for the duration of my hospital stay. Our son will be watched by my in-laws overnight, but my husband plans to go home to help with his bedtime routine. He plans on coming back to the hospital directly afterward. As my husband has put it - he doesn't want his wife who is recovering from labor/delivery and his newborn child to be left alone in the hospital. He feels that it is his responsibility to be there and provide any help or support that we may need. I agree. If your husband wants to be at the hospital with you, I wouldn't deny him that. Your oldest child will adjust, especially if the separation is short term.
With my 2nd child, it was a c-section. Which meant I was in the hospital for 3 days. My eldest child was almost, 4 years old at the time.
My Husband took me to the hospital, stayed during the surgery, stayed after until I recovered and knew that baby was fine. Then, per me as well, he went home to our daughter. Who was in the meantime being watched by my Mom. Then after that, per what my eldest needed as well, they would come to visit me, as they could.
I wanted my Husband, to make sure my eldest child, was fine, felt fine, and was not feeling awkward. Which she was not.
They visited me, whenever they could, and even ate dinner with me in my room, bringing food from the hospital cafeteria.
But by no means, did I expect my Husband to just STAY at the hospital all the time. I rather he tend to my eldest child.
Your eldest child- how old is she?
My husband stayed the first night and took care of the older child the remaining time.
My first child, my husband couldn't stay overnight,my second baby, he slept overnight and my third child I had 10 years later...my mom was here from Germany and my daughter than 9 didn't want me to stay in the hospital and wanted me to come home....( my 10 and 9 year old were there for the delivery, from early in the morning til night0, so she was exhausted and couldn't handle anything at this point....but it was fine with me...I had such a great bonding experience being all alone with my baby.
My husband came the next day and we had a free romantic dinner in bed...
Personally, I think it is wrong to ask your husband to not be there the entire time if he wants to be. It is his child too, and he deserves to be able to share those first couple of days with the baby just as you do. It's an important first couple of days for both of you as a couple as well - whether it's the first child or the tenth. Your daughter will have to get over the seperation anxiety at some point, and being a mother of 2 under the age of 2 myself I can tell you NOW IS THE TIME.
It sounds to me like you feed her seperation anxiety though. You won't allow anyone to be her caregiver but yourself and your husband?? I am very picky myself - but I will let my parents or sister watch our kids. You HAVE to at some point - otherwise your marriage WILL suffer.
My husband was at the hospital the entire time with both of my kids, and I was in the hospital 4 days with both because I had a C-section. I didn't HAVE to have him there because of that though. We both wanted him to be there the entire time. My parents and sister watched my daughter when I had my son.
My husband was there with most of the time, C-Sections are hard. We had my step-mother keep our son the whole 3 days. It was such an awesome experiance for both of them. They became so attached to each other, that to this day neither one of them can wait until the next time they can spend time together. She gave him so much attention, he loved it.
I loved the fact that my hubby was there for me. She brought him up to see his new little sister, and left with her without a problem. Good luck to your to you and your daughter will do fine. :-)
My husband stayed until I went to recovery and then came back the next morning when he dropped my oldest off at school. Honesty, it was so nice to have that quiet alone time with the new baby. For the first one, he stayed only the first night (she was born in the middle of the night, so he didn't have much choice on that one). I believe with your second, as much attention as possible should be focused on the first child, because their world is about to change big time.
He would have stayed the whole time, the room was semi private AND he had our oldest daughter to take care of.
My hubby went to the hospital with me & stayed with me through the whole c-section & recovery time with the second. When I got to the regular floor he called the rest of the family to let them know I was done & everyone came in shifts to visit me. My older son was staying with MIL & she brought him to the hospital to see me. He loved it. He was very excited to see me. He was mildly interested in his brother. I also gave him a present (a couple of elmo books) when he arrived. He loved them. After about an hour my hubby, son & MIL left. Then my parents & siblings took turns visiting. My hubby came back after dinner for a little bit, then returned home to put my son to bed. He slept at my MIL that night. (Her house was closer to the hospital).
My hubby came back after breakfast the next day. Again our families visited us throughout the day. My son came again too. My hubby would always leave with my son from the hospital. We thought that would be less traumatic for him. And they both slept at my MIL each night. I think I was in the hospital for 3 days. My son was 18 months at the time.
We both (hubby & I) agreed that it would be best for my son & MIL if my hubby was with them at night. Also, when my hubby stayed with me the first time he barely slept b/c the pull out chair was so uncomfortable. We both agreed it was more important for him to get a good night sleep those 3 days so he could be prepared to help out a lot my first few days home. My son was very attached to me at the time, but he did really well with the separation. Much better than I expected. We did our best to make it an exciting event for him.
My husband did not stay in the hospital the entire time I was there even with our first child. He did spend the first night, but I was there for 2.
With out 2nd I had a c-section at the crack of dawn, but our son was with my sister so he was comfortable. Hubs stayed at the hospital until late that evening, but my sister brought the newly-big brother to see us that afternoon for a while. Daddy went home that night & I was on my own at the hospital with our new baby girl until the morning. The first night in the hospital I did have an issue with the nurse over pain medication & it would have been nice if he had been there to back me up, but that's one of those things you would have no way of knowing going into the situation.
We haven't had our second yet (still planning!), but I assume that my hubby will be there the whole time. Our daughter is just now 5, and will be at least 6 when we have our second. She LOVES my parents, so I'm sure they will be glad to keep her for us.
Do you have family or good friends close? Who would you want her to stay with during that time? I would try to start visiting them often from now until baby time. Visit them together for a while, then try leaving her with them for maybe an hour at first (or whatever you are comfortable with), and gradually increase the time so that hopefully she will be more used to being with them while you are gone.
We only one, but we've talked about what would happen if a second. I've given him permission to stay at home with my dad and our first born IF we ever have a second child.
The thing is, having our first was very stressful for my husband, so much so that it made him physically ill with worry over me. It didn't help that I had such a rough time of it a C-section finally had to be done. Luckily, my mother was able to be with us. He stayed with me until I was taken away, then my mom stayed with me during the surgery and my husband returned home to shower and take his meds. It was a very long labor. Though I do think he took 4 hours at some point to be home and sleep due to my mother insisting he go, he began to wobble. I'm not sure, some things are a little foggy.
My hubby stayed the entire time with all 3 of our kids...but we had my sister to help babysit, when needed...and my kids didn't have a problem with that.
Maybe have Dad stay for the labor & delivery and a lil' while after then let hubby know how sweet he is for wanting to be there but that child #1 needs him more than you and baby #2 does.
I hope you are discharged ASAP, so you can get home as quickly as possible and that your family can all be together as soon as possible.
Congrats on #2!
My husband stayed the whole first day and night. Then went home, took care of the first, dropped him off at grandmas and came back a few hours later and stayed another night.
You have a few months, maybe you can really focus on training and preparing her for this. Next month, have a few trial sleepovers with her grandma or whoever will be taking care of her. Here are some great separation anxiety tips:
He stayed the first night but my mother in law and my parents after that were at the house with our first-born the rest of the time. He had to go back to work after that (and I ended up with a surprise c-section so I was stuck there BORED for a few days by myself). We are currently prego with our 3rd and he might stay more this time, depending on the mode of delivery, what day of the week it falls on, and how quickly my parents can get from PA to IL (we have an au pair who lives with us but need someone for her off hours). How old is your first? It stinks that she has such bad separation anxiety! WOW!
With our second, my husband stayed that day (it was a scheduled c-section), went home to get our 2-year old after lunch and her nap, brought her back, then left in time for her dinner. We joke now that I didn't see him again till he came to pick me up 3 days later!!! I do wish he had been there more often for the company, but honestly, he had to work and I needed him more once I got home. I also wanted my oldest to maintain her schedule since everything was changing for her with a new sister showing up in the house. My husband and I are pretty independent and he knows that if I had REALLY demanded he be there, he would have found a way. If we have a third, I imagine it will be similar, though I could see him coming to visit more because my kids would be older than the age my oldest was when my youngest was born, and could sustain a visit better. I understand the separation anxiety thing with my kids all too well! Good luck!
Until I left for recovery room. I totally felt that my son needed one ofvus around, and did not want him to feel pushed aside. It was wonderful to spend those days bonding with my beautiful new little baby one on one. My husband and son came to visit as well everyday which I loved, but being there with just the baby and myself felt so peaceful and sweet.
With my first he stayed the entire time. I went to the hospital at 5 with my 2nd, he was born at 9 and my husband went home by 10! I wanted to sleep!
I had complications with my second pregnancy as well as the delivery. We wound up staying 3 days in the hospital. Hubby stayed all day while our 4 year old was in preschool. He would leave to pick her up from school and bring her up to the hospital each day. We had dinner there together as a family. He would take her home around 7ish for bath time and bedtime routine. After she was asleep he'd come back up and spend the night with us. Both of my sisters came to town for the birth so they stayed at the house overnight with my oldest. He did have to leave one of the nights when she woke up at 10 and wouldn't go back to sleep without one of us. So he put her back to sleep and came back up to the hospital. Perhaps your hubby could do the same with your daughter.
Easy solution: stay home and have your baby. Healthier and safer for you and the baby and your toddler won't suffer. I had my 3rd last April with my older two looking on.
My husband was available for me and the new baby the whole time I was in the hospital for each of my 3 children. I had pre-arranged child care for the others, I am very lucky that I have willing sitter's, it was good to have him there or just a phone call away when I needed him. Now is seriously the time to start having your oldest daughter accept other people, you don't say how old she is, but after your 2nd is born, you'll need help and a break from time to time.
My husband stayed until we were settled in our recovery room and than he went to get our older son from the sitter so he could meet the new addition. It was more important to me for my older son to have a parent with him than for my husband to sit in a hospital room for 2 days with me.
Our in-laws watched our son overnight the night I went into labor. I had my daughter at 4pm. They brought my son and my husband left the hospital with him that night around 9pm. So I was alone the first night with my daughter. It was fine with me since I knew what I was doing and I pretty much just slept the whole night. They came the next day around 10am and stayed pretty much all day. I was in the hospital for two night with my daughter. So the day I was release my husband came to pick us up with my oldest too. Maybe you can start trying to get your daughter used to someone. Do it slowly, like have that person watch her and play with her with you and your husband there. Then slowly start leaving her longer and longer.
My husband was there for labor and delivery (my recovery room was the same room) and after things got settled and i was ready to sleep, he left and went home and came back in the morning. My 2 year old had spent the first night at a babysitter's since i went into labor at 9pm. He had stayed with me for the first baby, but i sent him home with my second, even though my mom was there and could have watched my daughter. I just figured everybody else should get some sleep. No point in none of us getting sleep :) Plus it'd be easier on my daughter to have her regular routine.
My husband stayed with me the entire time. Our 3 yo went to grandmas for half the day and shortly after baby was born he came back and spent the night with mommy, daddy and his new baby brother. It was such a neat experience for him. Plus he was excited that the new baby got him a present.
I sent him home when it got close to our sons bedtime (7 yrs old). He stayed both nights at our home & they both came & hung out in the hospital off & on throughout the day/evening. I liked the quiet rest & just relied on the nurses. We luckily live very close to the hospital. I didn't want my son losing all sense of routine, not to mention the hospital is NOT a comfortable place for the hubby's to sleep. Good luck!
I was induced at 5pm with my dad there (!), he left when my hubby arrived, and my Dad & Mom stayed with my then 3 years (and 3 weeks!) daughter. My son was born at 10:30pm, and I didn't get into a room until 2am, so my husband stayed overnight, left after breakfast, brought the whole family for lunch, and left with them to sleep in our bed the 2nd night. Then he came back to have breakfast with me before we discharged. Worked well for everyone and my daughter didn't feel slighted at all.
With 2nd, I vaguely recall hubby being there in the middle of the night but to tell the truth, I can't be sure lol. I delivered at 6 PM and my kids (son and step-daughter) were at my mom's house so I think he went home to feed and walk the dog, shower etc. but came back much later and went home in the morning. He brought the kids in the next day, was definitely home with them the 2nd night.
With 3rd, I delivered at 10 AM and he went home, picked up the kids, came back for dinner with them, and they all went home. That time I stayed only one night - seeing my two-year old go home without me broke my heart and I was outta there as early as possible the next day.
I had a c-births with both. My husband stayed by my side 24/7 for the 3 days I was in the hospital with the first. With the 2nd, I opted to take the full 4 days of hospitalization (though I was itching to leave early -- everyone told me to take advantage of every minute I could).
Anyhoooo...My husband spent the first two nights with me while our oldest was cared for by our grandparents. On the third day, DH popped into work for a bt, got himself a decent shower and meal and then picked up our oldest, took him to a movie and then they both spent the night at our house. DH came back bright and early to hang out with me while I waited for baby and me to get discharged.
My husband stay with me during labor and delivery and overnight(all my labour and deliveries four of them happened at night.).My kids were watch overnight by my third child Godmother.They know her really well .Just my youngest ,barely two at the time had trouble since he was used to fall asleep with a bottle but also some nursing.So that was hard on him.But he is all happy to have more mommy milk again instead of just the colostrum when i was pregnant(eh eh ).I think my youngest cry on and off for about two hours and then finally fell asleep.By breakfast time he had accepted his faith and was all happy to be taking care off by my friend and excited about the idea of going to the hospital to visit mommy.We were there for five days(baby had jaundice issue and lost quiet a bit of wait,all is fine now,she is six weeks old)and my husband came to visit everyday for an hour or two with the kids.The youngest was crying at bye bye times though wanted to stay with mommy.My husband also took the two older one home with him and left the youngest to took a nap (which he did )with me in the hospital bed two of those days and then came back with the kids to pick him up.With this last baby ,we also all went to the cafeteria to eat lunch (and i let the baby in the nursery with pumped breastmilk)as i was trying to gave my older children attention witouth being constantly interrupted by the baby.They were interrupted a lot by the two year old though :-).I ask about their day with my friend ,at school with dad ,what's their feeling towards the new baby(we do accept their negative feeling towards a new sibling if any ,we just told them that it is ok to have those feeling but NOt OK to act on them ie trowing,biting,droping,shoving pushing calling her names..the new baby.As those action are never ok anyway.I must not have done such a bad job at giving them some attention on that day as they ALL including the two years old remember the "lunch at the hospital meal".
My husband stayed with me for pretty much the first 24 hours. My parents met us at my house to watch my older daughter. Once the baby was born, my parents brought the big sister to come see me and the baby. My mom then had a "fun day" with the big sister (they went to build a bear, lunch etc) then stayed with her for the first overnight. After that my husband was home with my older child.
WIth my first we checked out of the hospital before 24 hours after he was born was up. No way you were going to keep me there longer than I had to! My second and third were born at a free standing birth center. We took our kids with us for the birth of their siblings. The beautiful part about the birth center is they only have you stay 6 hours after birth to make sure everything is fine then you can go home. You have a home visit within the next couple days and you take your newborn to the pediatrition within the first couple days. Best way to do it ever! I recovered a ton faster after my second and third then I did with my first. With my first, while in the hospital I didn't sleep a single second, litterally. So by the time I got home I had been awake for working on 48 hours at least without any sleep at all, and of course that included labor and delivery plus the time in recovery I had to be there for while fighting to get out of there. Came home, nursed the baby, handed him to my husband and went to sleep until the next time my son wanted to nurse. Kept that up for the next day, staying up now and again to eat as well. By far the hardest recovery.
My husband was with me the entire time with all 3.
My husband spent most of the time with our son and just came for some of the time while my son was with my parents. He brought my son to visit his new baby brother briefly, but at 2 1/2 years old, half an hour is a long time in a hospital room. I'm writing because I saw some of your advice said that your oldest won't die from crying, etc., and I just wanted to add my 2 cents that I don't think the birth of the new baby is the time to cure her separation anxiety. Having a new sibling will be especially hard on her because she is so attached. I know because that's how my oldest was, too. He was able to stay with my parents, but if it weren't for them, we'd have the same issue. I just cringe at the thought of your daughter upset and crying with someone else during those couple days that the baby is first born. She is probably going to have the hardest transition to your new family arrangement after the birth than anyone, and I think that should be a gentle, loving process so she doesn't resent the new baby. But if there were any way to get her used to being with someone else ahead of time (and in no way connected in her mind to the new baby coming), then I think that would be great. It would be nice to have your husband with you as much as possible, so if your daughter got comfortable with someone else ahead of time, that could be very useful. It will definitely be useful after the baby is born. But like I said, I would have your husband mostly with her (other than the birth, of course, when he needs to be with you) unless you can get her happy with someone else ahead of time. But really she should get used to someone else a little so she isn't upset for the birth....
Just something to think about. Good luck with everything!
My first was 5 when we had our second. My husband stayed with me the first night and my dad took our 5 yr old home with him and brought her back the next afternoon. So one night and they visited a lot durring the day.
My husband was exhausted after each of my deliveries! LOL He went home and went to bed and my oldest was with my parents having a great time. She didn't want to go home!
Your husband sounds sweet but do you really want him there? I didn't want my husband there watching me sleep. I wanted him to be well rested so when I got home he could take over!
Best of luck with the delivery!
My partner stayed with me the entire time and our oldest stayed with grandma. Of course, we went to hospital at 5:00 pm and were home by noon the next day so it was relatively short separation. I needed my husband there with me and I knew our son was having a blast with grandma--obviously if he was unhappy it would be a totally different story. For me it's such a special time to share with my husband and I really cherish that the time with him and the new little one.
My 2nd DD was born at 6:30pm and DH went home at 10:30pm that night because my sil went into labor and he had to relieve my mom who was watching DD1 so she could go to help my sil. I definitely used the nursery at night this time :)