How Long Can They Share a Room??

I have 5 1/2 year old boy/girl twins who share a room. We have bunk beds (which is great on space) but they can be made into twin beds when we decide to move them. Anytime we talk about the kids having separate rooms, they yell "no!!" at us. The only time either one of them has mentioned moving to another room was because they know that one of them gets "daddys office". I say as long as they are happy,(and that mom is happy too) keep them together!

My two are 17 months apart (a girl almost five and a boy three) and exactly the same way! Right now they love sharing a room and I think having each other is a comfort to them. They can't go to sleep without knowing the other one is there. I think it's cute and will probably continue to let them share a room until A: they start complaining B: we get a bigger house or C: they hit the preteens. For right now I feel it's harmless.

As long as they and you are comfortable. Now, I am no lawyer, but after this was posted on your earlier question I did a little research and found there does not appear to be any law, state or federal that requires children of opposite sex to have their own bedrooms at any age. Honestly, that would be quite the intrusion into privacy of a family IMO.
There are guidelines for foster children that differ from state to state and many legal advice sites say it may be an issue in a custody case (whether a particular parent can provide enough space)but no law. Also families that receive support or are under investigation from CPS may have conditions that require seperate rooms - but those don't apply to "normal" families.
If anyone knows otherwise, please post the source (RCW or WAC) - i'd be really interested to read that.

I am also surprised by the amount of concern around this. I don't believe that having them share a room for as long as they both are comfortable and respectful of one another should cause any 'sexual' problems. It ought to be possible to respect both the male and the female body.

It sounds like your kids derive a great deal of comfort and companionship from one another. Lucky them!

I probably wouldn't have mixed - gender sleepovers in their shared bedroom as they age. And I understand the rationale when it comes to foster kids (the kids don't know each other, aren't related).

Are there really states that outlaw siblings sleeping in the same room???!!! What do you do if you can't afford a house with enough bedrooms?

My suspicion is they can share a room for several years -- your little boy ( and boys mature later than girls - by a lot) is likely to be perfectly comfortable even when he's 10 ( my 10 year old grandson is not thrilled- but comfortable - sharing a room with his 4 year old sister--they never did before- but now a financial downturn has compelled my daughter to move to a 2 bedroom apt. My guess is that the 10 year old will become increasingly uncomfortable over the next year - and by 11 and 5 -- it's not likely to work. ) --- My adult children had dear close friends they grew up with- and Lisa ( mine) and Jason ( my Godson) were quite comfortable sleeping in the same room at times when they were 11 --- by 13 -- none of us would have suggested it- it just didn't feel ''right'' ---

That's my call - I'll be interested to see what others contribute-

Blessings,
Old Mom-- aka- J.

as long as they both like it. i'd imagine several more years. i'm shocked at how much paranoia there is about this!

As far as laws go - there are no laws stating what age children have to have a separate room when they are your own children. The law does state that after age 6, children of the opposite sex can't share a room when they are foster children.

I know people whose children share rooms all the way through high school, you just work with what you have and make it work. If you have the ability to offer separate rooms when they get older that is great but I wouldn't sweat it too much if you don't.

My oldest brother and I shared a bedroom until we were 12 and 11, I'm the oldest and were 13 months apart in age. We were best buds and we had bouts of sibling rivalry. We shared a room out of necessity, had bunk beds. When we moved to a new house with a bedroom for each of us I think we appreciated the space and privacy more than if we'd had it before. We had a younger brother when we moved, so prior to the move he had his crib in a bedroom next to our parents. When we moved, he got his own room and a year later we had another brother. Unfortunately my oldest brother died 3 yrs after we moved, and no one had to share a room after that. I think they can stay together until they need their privacy. Each should be allowed their own private time to dress in the shared bedroom. But when they reach 10-11 yrs old, it's time to get them each their own space. It's a great thing that they are so close.

My 7YO girl & 10YO son decided at the beginning of the summer that they wanted to 'sleepover' together all summer. My son has twin beds in his room so they have been sleeping in there. They have built a great friendship doing this. It's really sweet. I may decide to limit to weekends once school starts but haven't decided for sure. Who could discourage siblings that get along?

My 7 yo son and 3 yo daughter share a room with a bunk bed because they want to not because of space. I don't plan to make an issue out of it. I assume that eventually they'll want their own space.

I raised girls so it was never an issue. But my brother and I shared a room until I was 10 and he was almost 7. It was never a problem except for his toys on the floor.

I have my kids in the same room too...son is almost 4 and daughter is only 6 months...I imagine that they will be in the same room for a while, but think that I would separate them when my son is around 7 or 8...they only sleep, don't think that it is that big of a deal (especially if you are not comfortable having one downstairs - which is the same situation we are in.)

Most likely a couple more years maybe longer.
My bestfriends daughter and son shared a room until the boy was 12 and the daughter 10. and they had the option of moving rooms around 8 and 10 but chose not to.

Use your best intuition, chances are they will be happy sharing a room for a couple more years. I don't have much to offer but a story about my nephew who is 4.5 that I heard last night. Granite this is a special case, but gives you an idea of what to look for. First off this boy happens to LOVE to run around in his underwear, naked preferably, (EVERYWHERE) which was inappropriate to begin with considering hes old enough to know when this is and isn't appropriate to do. His parents thought it was kind of cute, and just ignored it since hes still young thinking its just one of those "stages". Well, the call last night came from two very disturbed parents. Appearently my nephew has gotten into flashing. Him, his sister who just turned 7 (they happen to share a room with bunk beds) and her best friend (7 or 8) all bathed together. (Playing) and somehow the 4.5 year old boy "touched" his sisters friend (not sure where) and now has taken a liking to this friend in the most inappropriate way, he flashes her, etc. Not to mention he is "well endowed" as they say which seems to only make the matter more difficult. The parents are completely beside themselves with what to do. (The friend is over all the time) and doesn't seems bothered about the "Shower incident" like the parents are! Though they should have seen this coming and corrected him with his inappropriate undressing (he stripped down naked and ran around upstairs at my sons 2 year birthday in March with 35 people there), I imagine this is not something that will be easy to correct.

So anyways, with appropriate discussions and such I see no problem with it. But in this particular case, I think its time for these parents to get a bigger appartment and get him his own room. His sister and her friends are all begining to wear bra's, not that they need them! It's just the COOL thing at this age?! Which I can't believe, I didn't have a bra until the 6th grade! And I didn't need it then either! Point is, kids are maturing way too fast these days, so what may have applied when we were growing up, doesn't necessarily apply today. You'll know when its time! Good luck!

Until they're grown, if they like. Heck, I have friends from the UW who rent an apartment with their siblings in order to save on expensive dorms, but still be 'out on their own'. Studio apts...they don't share a bed, but they're definitely sharing space.

I also have friends (mostly male, and mostly I met them in the USMC) who shared rooms with their sisters or their sisters and brothers until leaving home. (Actually I knew a few who their entire FAMILIES shared one room...because that was all they had. Puts a bit of a spin on things, doesn't it? ) Grand people in general, whether they shared rooms with just siblings or the whole family, more caring and conscientious of other's feelings/ or need for privacy/or need for (non-sexual) consoling/etc. than most people I know. I also know many many others who split rooms at puberty...they tend to be as shallow and self centered as the rest of us...so maybe it's the going through a self centered phase with nowhere private to storm off to that does it? Or____? Or____? Who knows.

My grandparents & great grandparents also all shared a room with the opposite sexed siblings (they just didn't share beds...there was the girls' bed and the boys' bed...up in the loft). Frontier folk, and early settlers. Their parents? Some had their own wing (day nursery, night nursery & servants), others were crammed into the irish slum crackerboxes...but I don't know either of their sleeping arrangements. Although, just thinking of peter pan...wendy shares the night nursery with michael & john, doesn't she? That's right. That's why they run away with peter, because she didn't want to have to grow up and have a room of her own away from her brothers.

While it makes a heckuva lotta sense for foster children to have their own rooms (for their own, as well as the other children's protection...as well as many many other reasons)...I don't personally see a problem with children growing up close with their siblings. They're SLEEPING, for heavens sakes. Or playing just like they'd play in the daytime. If you don't keep them separated in the daytime, why keep them separate at night? If someone is having sexual thoughts about a brother and sister that's THEIR freakishness...ewww....not the children's.

PS...Just talked with 2 lawyer friends. They know of no jurisdiction in the US where it is illegal for true siblings of the opposite sex to share a room, at any age...nor is it likely that any law or precedence would ever pass, as it is not illegal to be poor, and that there are millions of poor people who cannot afford more than a 1 bedroom, much less a 2+ bedroom residence. Not to mention millions more of middle and upper class people who believe that the govt has no business butting in on healthy family dynamics. It's only in fostercare that there are laws about opposite sex nonsiblings sharing a room.

Your children are far too young to even have a thought in their head about whether it is "ok" for boys and girls to be together in every way. They are preschoolers!

I think it's incredibly sweet that they are so close to one another, and there is nothing more important that you could do than to help them foster and support that wonderful friendship they have. Sure is better than sibling rivalry--and might help to prevent it later, when the gender changes start to matter.

It is "appropriate" for them to share their room until they decide otherwise--and they may decide that a long time from now. When I was 10-12, my family lived in a two-bedroom house in Saudi Arabia (my father was an engineering professor there, and the university gave us our housing--everyone had a 2-bedroom). My brother and I shared a room--he is 2 and 1/2 years younger than I. We had already grown up with separate bedrooms, and were STRONGLY enmeshed in sibling rivalry. We made it work by drawing a line down the middle of the room, and decorating each side according to what we preferred. It probably helped us later in life.

I tell my daughters, who are each several years apart, that, while it is always important to have a good, trusting relationship with Mom and Dad, their sisters will be there for them when nobody else is, in a way that they may or may not feel at the time with their parents. So I hope they will always work to keep their relationships strong.

I pass that on to you, dear mama of two beautiful little ones who apparently love each other. You've done a good job so far if they are that close. No reason to split them up now.

You may want to check the laws in your state on this, because a friend of mine in Idaho was told that if there is a certain amount of years between their ages, siblings of different sexes could not share a room. They must each have their own bedroom. I believe they have three years age difference and she was only able to look at rentals that had three bedrooms or more due to this issue. I dont recall what agency told her this information or if it is even a 'law' in actuality, but really is something you should look into. Although with only a year and a half between your two, they are likely fine for a few more years.
PS: I think the bunk bed thing is fine. We used one of the bed rail guard things that tucks under the mattress to keep someone from accidentaly rolling off the top mattress.

personally i think its fine for them to share a room as long as theyre bother comfortable with it. however, washington state law says otherwise. my neighbor has a son and daughter sharing a room, and when the girl turns 5, legally she has to be in a different room ( her son is 8or 9). im not sure if it has to do with how many years are between them or what, but it is a law here.

K.,

I think this really depends on how you're raising your kids. Personally, I don't see any problem with a brother and sister sharing a room for as long as they want to, which I would assume would be around 10-13, depending on when they start to be self-conscious about their changing bodies. But we don't have any of the "don't be self-conscious about your sexuality" notions in our household. My girls already know that they keep themselves covered because their private areas are not for display. My 5 year old knows nothing about sex, and my 7 year old knows that a married mom and dad can see each other naked, but no one else should. And their levels of knowledge have come at different times because of different questioning personalities.

Know your kids and pay attention to how aware they are of each other. If it is starting to become uncomfortable in your opinion, then perhaps make a positive experience of "gifting" them separate rooms. No one else can tell you when that time will be.

I saw your original post and thought of this question myself but not knowing your sitaution and details, I decided to keep my mouth shut! But since you brought it up... I would say close in age or not, I think the limit is about reached. I don't think age matters as much as where they are developmentally. I would imagine by this age, one, if not both, are able to dress, undress, go to the bathroom alone, etc. I personally feel that when they are at this point, it's time to think about seperate rooms. The next level of maturing is noticing their own bodies, and then others... I think it's important for them to have their own space when all of this begins to happen.
That doesn't mean you have do it immediately... transition it when you feel it's time.
If you can, when they split up, redo both rooms as their own and get them walkie talkies so they can still talk at night.